so i think i had an anxiety attack yesterday bUt i Dont knoW bcus ive never felt like that before and i thought i was dying and it felt like a head rush, but not like "i stood up too quickly" head rush, like my whole body was pulsating but especially my head and i was like ?????what is happening this is new??
and then i felt something in my chest and i was like WHAT IS HAPPENING
but i DO T KNOW bcus this has never happened before it was weird and i was scared and im scared it'll happen again

what am i even talking about

i'm writing this to my message board i regreg that decision i'll cut and paste this to my rant book instead nobody wants to see this sjit

ok here we go

this was supposed to be really short but now i've started and cant stop

anxiety stuff is really confusing to me cause ?? i dont know how its supposed to feel i mean i went to a therapist for like a year bcus of anxiety but i still dont know if what was happening even WAS anxiety stuff (ok who am i kidding of course it was) but like, i dont think ive had an actual anxiety ATTACK, it was more panicky ??? i guess?? like a panic attack?? is there even a difference between the two? i dont know probably. i feel like there is

im listening to the DS album for the first time i think thats why im so angsty rn lol

but like, when i've had these """attacks""" before, it has always been bcus i start thinking about stuff and getting really worked up about it and overthinking and YA KNOW THE DEAL, but this time it was like,, ok imma tell u what happened
tho its gonna be shittily explained bcus the memory is hazy and i just dont know wtf happened

so like, we were sitting in a cab (fyi im in berlin rn on holiday) on our way to this punk record store i wanted to go to, and i was really excited bcus fuck e band t shirts and cds, but i was also kinda anxious about it bcus i dont look very punky and i was scared to get judged (bcus i dont look very punky and im a 17 year old girl with short blond hair and glasses and ""average"" clothes) and ive dealt with social anxiety my whole life and it never goes away ya know, and sometimes it just makes a comeback, but i didnt really pay it any mind cause i was talking to my sister and stepmom and i was just pumped. and then the cab stops, and i open the door and get out, and i suddenly feel like i'm dying??? like, i cant describe exactly how it felt, but like, my whole upper body was throbbing? like, the main point was my head and then it sort of diluted as it reached my chest area and i felt really nauseous. or maybe it was mainly concentrated to my chest i dont remember lol its been more than 24hrs. my heart was also racing i think??

ah, details, details, whatever.

AGAIN: i have experienced A MANY headrushes in my life, you know, when you have been lying in your bed all day and you MIGHT be a little dehydrated and you stand up too quick and u turn blind for a few seconds and your head feels weird, right?

this was different, so different and im just so CONFUSED. my vision wasn't blurred, i could see perfectly fine, but everything just hurt and i actually thought i was dying (ik ive said that like ten times already, but thats because i really did). and while this happened i also had this kind of anxiety-y feeling like low-key, but i hadn't been overthinking or anything so i was like wtaf is happening.

DOES ANYONE KNOW BCUS I DONT

maybe im just overreacting and i actually have a brain tumor but who knows

so i just googled anxiety attack symptoms and i just,, o shit

so ye lol

i just aaaarghhhh
but ye, the end of the story is that it only lasted a handful of seconds as the others got out of the cab and stood there talking, and when we started walking over the street it completely disappeared, and just toned down to a mixture of low-key excitement and anxiety.

i dont know why tf i told anyone about it (its too late now lol), i think that in the start i was like ughh fucking headrush but then i was like,, this is Not a headrush........

idk man

i really hope it doesnt happen again it was really scary I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA PASS OUT

ok anyway
idk
this was a depressing post
i just wanna know if this has happened to anyone else bcus i'm kinda like :'-( rn about it and ive been angsty all day
probs bcus its my period idk lol

AM I IN THIS ALL ALONE

k bye lots of love

ive drank 2 coffees and 2 energy drinks and now my legs hurt and ive been weird all day

GOOD NIGHT ITS 12 am