hello it's me, kristine

(i have been watching a lot of simplynailogical videos the last 30 days, so if you know what i'm talking about, i'm sorry. not. WE BASICALLY HAVE THE SAME NAME OK)

anyway,

i say anyway WAY too much

anyway

i started school at tuesday, and it was nice seeing classmates and friends again, and it's nice having some structure back in your day. though i know that won't last bcus # seasonal depression and general procastination/laziness/tiredness. IM A TEENAGER LET ME LIVE.

since like 7th grade, there's just been ONE year where i didn't have any seasonal depression and i was like wtf is this IM CURED. lol no

okay i wasn't gonna talk about this originally but whatever, it's not really that taboo to me lol. 

a thing i wanted to mention tho, which i know i have before other places but not here i think, is that from september 11th to 16th, i'm going to nice with my french class. and i heavily regret ever signing up and paying (which makes it too late to back out now). just thinking about it nearly gives me crippling anxiety, and i know it's gonna be a horrible memory, forever burn-marked to my brain.

when i first tell people this (which is very few tbh) i know most of them automatically assumes i'm paranoid because of the recent terrorist attacks. nah man, i know this sound insensitive af to all victims and relatives, but i really don't care if i die by this point HONESTLY. i'm scared because i am one of the worst in my class, and i'm sharing a host family with someone at the same skill level as me (maybe even worse idfk sorry). and like, when i act shy and get severe social anxiety around complete strangers in an environment i'm not comfortable with IN MY OWN NATIVE LANGUAGE, how am i supposed to deal with that stuff in FRANCE in a language i can't even SPEAK, with not a single person i'm comfortable around.

like, listen, if we have mutual friends/acquaintances and you ever met me while i'm with said group of friend, i'll seem like the most outgoing person, i'll seem loud and comfortable, maybe a little weird and awkward. because i am. because i'm in a setting that's familiar to me and i'm comfortable with.

and also, some of y'all may be like ",, but kristine, just speak english !" like bitch i don't even KNOW if my host family SPEAKS english. sorry if i'm being too generalizing here but i dunno if you know anything about french culture, but most of them despise foreigners who don't know french, and they avoid speaking english at all, and their english education sucks and the french are generally horrible at english. i'm not saying all are, but most. especially older people. if you walk into a bakery and you try to order in english, they'll ignore you. i mean, i can order in french, but if they ask me something back i'll be like...... what. and also, a few years back my theatre group had a visit from a french theatre group and they performed a play in english and afterwards we were forced to socialize with them. let's just say that their english was broken as fuck and you could barely communicate with them unless you spoke french. and these were kids our age.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE. 

i've always been very dependent on my mother whenever we travel, and now i'm gonna live with a host family that most likely don't speak english together with a girl that's just as bad as me, that probably doesn't even like me.

i mean, we're not gonna spend much time there, mainly just to sleep but still.

okay i think that was all that was on my chest about that topic

what else did i want to talk about. i was thinking about these topics in the shower, and all the stuff i was gonna talk about but now i forgot.

you remember that time i was like IM GONNA MAKE VIDOES

ye no. i actually have filmed a lot of stuff, but i always procrastinate editing/posting them so i grow insecure and self-conscious and blah blah blah u know the deal, and delete them from my computer. like, nobody even cares so why bother.  

also can we have a little throwback thursday,

let's look at my evolution of drag-makeup

ok so, not really dragmakeup, most of these pictures are just me playing around with makeup, not really having drag queens in mind, but i mean, you've get the obnoxious eyebrows and eyeliner, so it's the start of something

some more eyebrows. to be fair, i still can't glue down my eyebrows it's sad

and here is the FIRST proper attempt at dragmakeup. i'm literally crying it's so bad. ofc i knew back then too that it was horrible but i didnt have a lot to work with either #rip. also lmao i'm wearing the same shirt rn and that pic was taken in 2014.

can we also cry about how nice my skin looks i'm actually getting upset, and it's not even that nice and it's still 100 times better than what my skin looks like rn. depressing, i know. 

another makeup experiment spurted from boredom. i have many of these nights tbh but i can't find many pictures. 

aaaand it's finally starting to get better. i've posted this before in this book but shh

not necessarily drag makeup, but it's certainly not ordinary. this is me painting myself as my art style lmao

so before school ended, my theatre group had a play where i played a dude, which gave me the opportunity to play around with masculine makeup. this was the first makeup test, and i found it too drag king-y, so i later toned it down to make it look more realistic

which you can see here

i mean, i probably wouldn't pass as male but whatever, that's not what i was going for anyway

which brings us to summer vacation, and my pearl liaison inspired look.

idfk okay i'm sorry lol

i kinda really like it tho what

AND THE LAST SEGMENT OF THIS INSTALLATION, is when i dragged up my sister.

lol sorry sigrid hvis du blir sur på meg for at jeg legger ut bilde av deg love u

(she follows me on wattpad idk if she'll ever see this. i didn't ask for permission to post this)

look at that sweet, sweet cut-crease. all it's missing is false lashes but we were staying at a hotel

werk

i'm really hungry, but there's people downstairs and i look like a pizza faced hot mess.

my skin hates me rn and the feeling is mutual. fuck u hormones.

i haven't done anything productive today besides shower and shave my legs.  managed to cut myself cri :'-((( i was like nuuu i'm gonna bleed sm, but for some reason i didn't, it just burned and i just k. it's 3pm/15:00 rn jfyi

super interesting ik

MY DAD AND STEPMOM ARE LEAVING TO BUY GROCERIES FOR DINNER FOR ME AND MY SISTER BECAUSE THEYRE GOING TO A PARTY LATER THIS IS THE BEST NEWS TODAY. we're having nachos. i think everyone is leaving btw i can finally consumeeeeee. 

i just remembered something. there's two videos here i have wanted to share, but i have been put off because it's kind of controversial. 

but since i have nothing better tho share atm, yolo. all i can say is, please watch all of both videos, if not you'll get the wrong impression.

the first one is about the black lives matter movement. you can see why i was so hesitant to sharing this, as i am neither black nor american, and witha title like this video has, be labeled as "racist". i was a huge supporter of the BLM movement in the beginning but then it started getting a little out of hand, and i was starting to grow a bit .. doubtful.  i decided to not speak up about it, as it was not in my place, and i felt like i was the only one feeling this way, until i watched this video. (keep in mind that this is a person on color talking)

https://youtu.be/wAZMAULHwBs

now i have a lot on my heart about this topic, but i choose not to say much more considering i'm pretty biased (european white girl with police parents) and i really don't feel like i am in the right to talk about this because i'm not affected by it at all. i know that it's very controversial, but i'm utterly sorry if i have offended someone, i just feel like this had to be said

anyway, onto the next "controversial"  topic, is asexuality. now, i know that this will hit home to more people, considering there are a lot of LGBT+ kids in this "community". this one i'm not so afraid to offend anyone with. again, WATCH THE WHOLE THING.

disclaimer: yes, i sincerely believe asexuality is an actual thing

https://youtu.be/7GinbgvlSx8

(if it doesn't skip to it immediately, the rant starts at 8:27)

if i havent turned into a human waste of space in your eyes, i'd like to hear your thoughts on these two topics, these days it almost seems like we can't have different opinions anymore, so i'd love to hear yours, we don't always have to agree on stuff and that's totally fine, and we can still like each other and be friends ya know? but ye, we all have different opinions, and it'd be nice to have a little discussion or debate.

i'm gonna go downstairs now and see if i can get some food.

this update is staring to get a bit drawn-out, but shh.

ah yes i'm back with a glass of milk and two crispbreads with butter and brown cheese. that probably sounds disgusting to non-norwegians and it probably is but i love it. i'm so god damn tired of bread you don't even know. the only time i eat it is when it's toasted.

did i just roast bread. #toasted

the file is called DryToast.jpg i'm laughing

onto something completely different, does it make me a shitty person for not caring about triggerwarnings? i mean, don't get me wrong, if i have written a oneshot or whatever that deals with rape, abuse, suicide, self-harming and stuff like that, i'll put a warning at the start, but i won't do it if it's anywhere else. not that i talk about those things at all really, but i mean stuff like blood, food, discrimination, violence, etc, etc. like. i just can't be bothered. I KNOW IM SORRY IM TERRIBLE. whatever idc. i'm horrible oml. so ye let's put that disclaimer here, don't follow me anywhere or read anything i post if you're easily triggered or hyper sensitive to.. everything. #BeUnapologetic. no nvm i'm sorry, i just think some trigger warning stuff has gone to far, like trigger warning washing machine mentions and such (no, i did not make that up, i've seen it). but like, if i need a trigger warning for the most average, every-day things like A WASHING MACHINE, i start to wonder how tf you are able to function in your life, like, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and grow some balls.

yes i'm being a piece of shit but on that topic i'm pretty insensitive.

#TheRuthlessBitchOfWattpad

i'm laughing so hard i act like i'm such a controversial person, when really i'm not controversial or ruthless or unapologetic at all, why am i trying to make myself into something i'm not.

but seriously.

washing machine.

anyway, i think it's time to wrap up this random train of thoughts update. if i have anything else on my heart, i'll just upload another one.

kristine thats not funny stfu

ok whatever 

thanks for reading this shit and i'll see you all next time byyyye