Hi so, I thought I'd just check in and say hello

ok thats a lie the truth is a found a video i made like 2 or 3 months ago that i had forgotten and i had a laugh re-watching it because im a goddamn comedic genius. (lol no)

but yeah i thought i'd just pop in and see how y'all are since ive been quite quiet here on this platform, and most places else also actually (wow that was a weird sentence- english majors come @ me). But yeah, wanted to give a lil update since its holidazeh and i have nothing to do basically.

It's weird to not have anything to do (another lie, i'm just ignoring all my work bcus CHRIST-mess). I'm not motivated to write either. The thought depresses me. Feeling icky about art, too. Wanna paint something but i'm afraid i won't be content with it. It's a weird purgatory-like state of mind where i have lots of ideas and inspirations, i'm just scared i'll be dissapointed or find it mediocre. And throw in some laziness there too.

Wow this was not meant to be sad lets move on.

I've been watching the entire Harry Potter series with my mom and little sister these last few days. On the 25th my littlesister got sick and puked all night/day, and then a few days later my mom got the same virus or whatever. and TODAY our dog threw up, and i'm like ,, i'm next. TBH i can feel something brewing down there too L M A O. ok lets not talk abo0ut this its gross.

I did my own nails. Glued on some fake ones and painted them green # sexy. i'm so happy with them. I'm gonna make some black ones when i have to take em off to get dat witch realness.

PS i'm writing this while the video is uploading to youtube so i'm just gon ramble while it's uploading.

it's so hard typing with these nails ffs. hang on imma add a picture

yes my nailpolish appliance skills are ASTOUNDING.

Y'know what. i'm just gonna read some fanfics while i wait for the video to finish up. SPEAKING Of fanfics, did you know i've been on wattpad for 4,5 years now???? "Joined May 27, 2012"

I mean, to be fair, at that time I made it to read one direction fanfics (i had turned 13 that march!!), used it for a few months, then deleted and forgot about it, until like,, october or something (i had discovered mcr in the middle of september 2012) and i downloaded the app and i was like ??wait ?? i already have an account? EW one direction!1!!11 (smh 13 year old me stfu) and then i read shitty gerardXemoOFC fanfics until i discovered *glitter emoji* frerard. which, if you ignore my 1D fanfics phase (no offence to anyone, u do u, its just not my cup of tea anymore, been there done that), i've been here for exactly 4 years. OH LORD LETS NOT TALK ABOUT WHEN I STARTED A KILLJOY!AU GERARD X OFC (self-insert *COUGH*) IT WAS SO BAD AND THAT SAYS A LOT CONSIDERING MY BAD WRITING NOW.  ugh. no. just no. Thankfully, its deleted and you wont find it anywhere.

13 minutes left. ok NOW i'm gonna read fanfics. just had to but that stuff there. 

no wait i wanna say something

i'm really sad because i feel like i've lost the connection to many of the good friends i have made on here. i dont know if its because i have offended anyone, if i haven't taken enough initiative (kristine thats not how u use that word), if people simply have forgotten about me, or just dont care anymore. I know it's because i have been very quiet lately, but that's because i have been very busy and i've been staying up late at night more times than i'd like to admit to study for a test or finish and assignment. I've lost count on how many times i've stayed up until 3 am and crying for the 5th time that night because i cant draw a fucking foot and i just want to die  because i'm so exhausted. I've also tried to make some friends in real life and in my class. The first year of college was kind of rough socially for me. I love my class and i always have. I love my class SO MUCH, but i didn't have any... friends ya feel? I had in the beginning, but one after one they just, pushed me away. I won't go into detail 'bout it, but i became very depressed around winter because i felt like i was so fucking alone and gross and weird and dumb, and i didnt have fucking anybody. This year tho, i have decided to stop trying to be with those who made me feel like that (!!they didnt mean to tho !! theyre very nice people and they have no idea they excluded me), and instead be with someone else in my class, and i feel like i finally belong, and i feel included and i'm finally happy with the circle of people i am starting to be taken into the warmth of. I'm still not there, but i feel very accepted. Though, something happened the last day at school. It's just a silly little thing but it bothered me. Always on last days of school (before christmas or summer break), i am surrounded by people hugging their friends and classmates and i just stand in a corner consumed by social anxiety and people ignoring me and not wanting to touch me. i hate last day of school because those are the days i feel the least loved. December 22th was a terrible day for me, thinking back. The circle of people i mentioned earlier have been that close since beginning of year 1, and one of the girls drew the "squad" on the whiteboard in our homeroom, but she didnt draw me. That's the "silly little thing" i also mentioned btw. I thought i was 100% in there,  but i was wrong. I KNOW it shouldnt affect me that much, but it does, and i overthink it like, "oh my god she hates me". But i'm getting there, and i think that soon i'll be part of "the squad". I thought i was, but that incident proved me wrong. But that IRL. Online, i've lost contact with so many, but i just don't have time, and nobody has tried to talk to me, so, naturally, they have forgotten about me. and i dont fucking want that. Please, if you wanna talk, dont be afraid to message me, i'll try to be as interesting as possible.

Other updates is that i had my first kiss, and well, my third kiss, with two different people on the same night a few weeks ago. Conclusion is, i'm a terrible kisser. It's kind of funny actually, i was at this party (with like, 6 people, so it's more like a gathering, but with alcohol), and us four girls that were there were in the bathroom talking about deep shit. and idfk what we were talking about in that moment, but i was like ":-(((i havent had my first kiss:'-((" and out of nowhere one of them grabbed my faced and kissed me. i was liek wtaf. and then i was like oh ok well then thats out of the window. she's very hot tho so there's that LOL. and then a few moments (and drinks) later we were in the garden and the girl who kissed me and my classmate (whom is a girl jfyi) were full-on making out and rolling around in the grass (FYI, the girl who kissed me has a boyfriend who was literally right next to us but he dgaf) and i was like "nO One waNts to KisS mE" and- ya know what lets call her Tanja (aka the girl who kissed me earlier) goes over to me and started to make out with ME, and apparently i was doing it wrong but hey, ive never done this before OKAY, and then she went back to the other girl (whom i will now call Iris). AND THEN,, LATER when we were like "hey we're drunk lets take a walk", me, iris, tanja, and the boy-i-kinda-like-but-not-anymore-i-think??? started walking and of course iris and tanja continued to make out and my-crush-but-not-really (now nicknamed Tom) is like ??are they ever gonna stop what is going on with them and i was like "NOBODY WANTS TO KISS MEDDD-:" fucking AGAIN (.. does this mean im a horny drunk hhhahaha wtfa) and he prances over to me, grabs me and shoves his tongue down my throat (he has a rumour on him for being very tongue-y) and i was like OKAY SO THIS IS HAPPENING. btw he has very chapped lips, like boi, put some chapstick on, moisturize urself.

And that's the story of the first time i ever kissed someone and kissed someone on 3 occasions and now i'm back to living in celibate. a long ass title if u ask me. Going to a party on new years eve tho (unless i get sick) sooo *wiggles eyebrows*.

ok thats enough of my 5 minutes of being a ho.

omg the video has 8 minutes to go.

hope i havent bored u.

https://youtu.be/-emkFAPLU5w

ah yes there we go. (4ever cringing @ my accent)

Before you watch this, i just want you (aka the 2 people who are gonna watch this shit) to know that this makeup routine displayed in this video is kind of out-dated, and i use different products and etcetc. My foundation routine and my eyebrow routine changes almost weekly and i'm always improving and exploring. I've also gotten better skin, as i'm taking antibiotics and using a Mary Kay acne solution gibberish shit. but since its holiday and ive eaten a ton of garbage and i've been sloppy with my face routine, pimples are making a slight return.

i know i was gonna say some more, but i guess i'll just edit it on later when i remember it.

sorry if you hate me, i understand u bcus # same. nah jk. :^)

ok i gtg its 1:05 am (I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS THIS MUCH LAST TIME I CHECKED IT AS 11pm IVE BEEN WRITING THIS FOR HOURS) 

i hope it wont be long until next time

love you all

kristine

merry christmas and happy new year

fuck you 2016