The signs as bad decisions...

Aries: listening to loud music at night

Taurus: helping too many people at once

Gemini: Too many fake friends

Cancer: sleeping through the apocalypse

Leo: becoming famous as a joke

Virgo: wearing black in July

Libra: writing an essay late

Scorpio: summoning satan

Sagittarius: acting like they're on drugs

Capricorn: ignoring intense pain

Aquarius: not wearing socks

Pisces: midnight "snacking"