Aries: One, two, three I declare a war on *flips coin* ENGLAND

Taurus: And uh, to celebrate um, the third day without rain this week, we SHALL FEAST

Gemini: Tell the king of Spain to fuck with me because I don't care about his trading policy

Cancer: have a town meeting. I want to hold every newborn baby

Leo: Let's dedicate an entire month to my birthday and get turned every night. Feast for everyone, even peasants!

Virgo: Shhhhhhh leave me alone, I am planing my next world war

Libra: I'd like to meet all the other monarchs and I need a new dress and let's have a ball tonight!

Scorpio: Everyone in the kingdome wants to kill me or fuck me #tru

Sagittarius: National Get Shit Faced day, am I right?

Capricorn: PUBLIC EXECUTION MOTHERFUCKER

Aquarius: Name all the planets in the solar sister after me right now

Pisces: I don't want to go to war can everyone please be happy look at how many kitties there are in the palace