Aries: One Two Three I DECLARE A WAR ON *flips coin* ENGLAND

Taurus: And, uh, to celebrate the third day this week without rain WE FEAST!!

Gemini: The king of Spain to fuck with me because I don't care about his trading policy!

Cancer: Let's hold a town meeting, just because I wanna pet everyone's dogs/cats.

Leo: Let's dedicate a month long holiday for my birthday and get turnt up every night!

Virgo: Shhhh, leave me alone, I'm planning the next world war.

Libra: I'd like a new dress, let's have a ball tonight!

Scorpio: Everyone wants to Jill me or fuck me. #Tru

Sagittarius: National Get Shit Faced Day!! Am I right?

Capricorn: Public execution motherfuckas!!!

Aquarius: Names all the planets in our solar system after self.

Pisces: NO MORE WARS!! CAN'T WE GET ALONG?! look how many kitties I got in my palace!