Aries: One two three I declare a war on... *flips coin* ENGLAND

Taurus: And uh, to celebrate um, the third day this week without rain, WE SHALL FEAST

Gemini: Tell the King of Spain to f*ck with me because  I don't care about his trading policy

Cancer: Have a town meeting. I want to hold every newborn baby. TIP! Don't let anyone hold your baby, even if they're queen or king... 

Leo: Let's dedicate an entire month to my birthday and get turnt every night. Feast for everyone even presents!!!

Virgo: Shhhhh leave me alone, I am planning my next world war

Libra: I'd like to meet all of the other monarchs and I need a new dress and let's have a ball tonight!!!!!

Scorpio: Everyone in the kingdom wants to 2 kill me or f*ck me. #Tru

Sagittarius: National get shit faced day, Am i right?

Capricorn: PUBLIC EXECUTIONS MOTHERF*CKER

Aquarius: Name all of the planets in the solar system after me right now

Pisces: I don't want to got to war everyone please be happy look at how many kitties there are in my palace!!!