Guy Fieri-Chan winkd at da ahdee-ens. 

   "Welcome to Flayvortown, my dudes!" He owoed. Den he winkd at da ahdee-ens again. "Let's meet ower contestints!!!!1!!11!1!

Arees fyurdood

"Hey, im arthritis fyrudood, and im heer 2 proov mi luv to Guy Fieri-Chan and also 2 beet da stoopid italy. He scared mi beluvod!!!1!1!1one!!1!1 eetalee must dye!!!!!! My assistant shef iz dady bob und Alix da FSOTUS

Feliciano Vargas (Eetalee!!!!!1!1!1!1 o no!!!!!!11!1!)

"I'm here today with my assistant chef David Dobrik because I personally feel violated by the unsanitary actions of the man who calls himself Guy Fieri. Señor Fieri has, on multiple occasions, come into my country and insulted my cuisine, stuffed his pig-like face into my dishes, and wiped his "butt juice" on several of my waiters. Not only am I disgusted, but I am ready for a change, and I'm hoping that this competition will give me an opportunity. I'm also carrying with me the hope that I will become more respected and trusted, and hope to move up and become the #1 country. 

David Dobrik: *orange justice in background*

Vincent Parker 

"I'm only here because my wife and child forced me to and said if I don't win they're gonna disown me. I don't have any assistant chef because I'm a strONG INDEPENDENT MAN-" *voice crack*

*camera switches to wife and child. The kid, now recognizable as Ms. Genevieve, draws a line across her neck.*

"Oh dear God"

jojo Siwa

"Hallo, ich heiße Jojo und ich bin allein. Ich habe hässliche Haare. ICH HABE HÄSSLICHE HAARE. ICH HABE HÄSSLICHE HAARE. ICH HABE HÄSSLICHE HAARE. also my assistant chef is greg. Tschüss"

*jojo bursts into tears and does meth* 

Cancur Cri

*cancur starts crying* 

Her assistant chef, Troy Bolton, dabs. 

"Gotta get ur hed in da gaym" he sed smartly wyle riding a bahscetbal.

Gene The Emoji

"Hi guys, I'm Gene The Emoji, from the emoji movie. eyem hear becoz i wanted two imprece jaylbrake the emojey. eyem heir wid baRRY the be. El Señor Barry es mi asistente. eye will taik the prise hoem two mi lov, jaylbrake!!1!one!!1!!

Adnan, Spawn of Evil, Possible Communist, Wanted in 3 Countries

*raccoon noises*

"He's EVIL DON'T LET HIM ON THE SET-"

*more raccoon noises*

"Vat do you have against raccoons, Colt? Zis is Adnan, Spawn of Evil, Possible Communist, Vanted in three countries, and I am assistant. Also, I was told I could go home, but this does not look like-" 

*raccoon noises*

"SHUT UP IM TRYING TO TALK"

"Anyway, if you knew where I am, it would be very much appreciated-"

*Fieri-Chan walks onto set* 

"You're in flayvortown my dood!"

*Alexei stares straight at the camera*

"You know vat, nevermind, just send me back to space."

*Aiden appears with sunglasses*

"I was told we were going to Europe, but instead am transported to Texas where a weird guy is in my face yelling 'flAYVORTOWN.' ....... I think I'm in heaven, to be real with 'ya." 

*Alexei stares in the camera like he's on the office*

*raccoon noises* 

*Aiden grabs camera* 

"Also, if our parents are watching this, um, thanks for letting us be kidnapped. And one more thing-"

*the producers cut off the footage*

A literal orange

*Camera lingers uncomfortably long on an orange*

*the oranges assistant chef is kwerky akwarius, who thot it wud b kool 2 brek bondaries*

"I think oranjs shud hav eekwal oportoonitees!" She shreeked. "Also my hare is bloo"

"oh em geee! you sthmell leik orangeshsthtsthtsthss!"

Rick Astley 

*Camera zooms in on a young handsome British man dancing and singing into a microphone.*

"Helloooo. I'm Rick Astley, and here's a message to my fans and the prize: I'm never gonna give you up! I'm never gonna run around because I have no stamina! And believe it, because I'll never tell a lie and hurt you!" 

*Astley turns to assistant chefs*

"And here are my assistant chefs-"

"Yeah hellowowoow!!1!one!1!" pauchina squeeled! "I am pauchinaaaa!!uwuwu!!1!one!!!"

"And I'm your Uncle, Uncle Rick!" sayd oncle rikc! "I'm an actual god, I am an iCON. I love you all, and I just managed to get Disney to adapt PJO and Netflix to adapt Kane Chronicles and I am the best person in the entire world." oncle ric loled and uwued and owoed at the camera.

beware the double q's

Jacob Sartorius

*the camera focuses on a white boy doing the weird fuckboy smirk with his tongue out and his hand on his chin*

"hahahalalahahhh im jakub sagittarius hhahahhaahhhhh" Jake (🤢🤢🤢) did hiz fukboi laff

"dis iz my ascistent swetshurt 😏😏😏😏 bab u cna were my setshirt hahhahhhhhh😏😏😏😩😏"

*Aiden throws Adnan the raccoon at Jacob Sartorius*

Jawn Louoruorens

*camera focuses on Laurens, Mulligan, Hamilton, Lafayette, and a regretful Burr*

"OYYOYOWOOWWOW WHAT TIME IS IT? SHOWTIME SHOWTIME SHOWTIME YO I'm John Laurens in the place to be. A-two pints o' Sam Adams, but I'm workin' on three, uh. Those redcoats don't want it with me 'Cause I will pop-chick-a pop these cops 'til I'm free. I'm going to be cooking some redcoats. I mean- red lobster.(RIP Vincent A. Parker) *cough* these are my assistant chefs."

*Mulligan starts sewing dramatically*

"Brrah, brrah, I am Hercules Mulligan. Up in it, lovin' it, yes I heard ya mother said come again. Aye, lock up ya daughters and horses, of course It's hard to have intercourse over four sets of corsets (wow) No more sex, pour me another brew, son Let's raise a couple more to the revolution!"

*Lafayette chews on baguette*

"Aye, oui oui, mon ami, je m'appelle Lafayette. The Lancelot of the revolutionary set. I came from afar just to say bonsoir. Tell the king casse-toi. Who's the best? C'est moi"

*Burr facepalms*

"I'm Burr. You spit Imma sit."

*Hamilton steals microphone*

"TAYKE DA BUOUOULLETS OUTCHYOGOUUUN TAIIKE YO BULLETS OUTCHYOGUUN! I punched the bursar lama ahahahah !!!!1!!one!!1!"

A Rubber Duck

"Quack"

*the rubber duck suddenly transforms into a way too tall person* 

"QUACK GET OFF THE SET"

"I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HERE AND ENTER THIS SHOW"

*Quack gets ready to fight the other admins as camera cuts out*

——————

Da prodooser walkd up 2 wer da ahdeence waz sitting. 

"Lets get dis partee started!!!11!!1!!one!!1!1!quack!!!!"

Da juhdges will b charles da cat und guy fieri!!1!1 he owoed. 

Arees screemd 'I h8 cats!!!!!!1!1!!11!1!' da gaym is rigd!!1!1!

Kwak yeld "nuuuu!1!!!1 not da charlz!1!!1"

alxay sed "i do not worship ze cat, only ze trash cat adnan" aden say "all hail trash cat" we all lold

jCOB winkd at cancur n sed "hey u cold heer swehtshurt" an forsd it ovr cansurs hed. cansur criid and gaycob sed "lolol fuckboiy smirck fuckobi smrk" 

Rick Astley sez "bewahr of da dubl q's" gud advise frum our lord n savior rick astley

da audeence clahpd and da contestants walk 2 ze stayshuns.  "now we gonna give you ngreedeentz open ur boxs peeple"

Jawn puld owt sawsege nd a aliv chiken and maybee a duk idk, he holt it up 2 burrrr an sed "luk its yoo" we al lol

kwak start criiing 'dont eet me'" wack sed 

broosey n greg walcked up n sed "eat da duk uwuwuwuowowow" qwack pushgd dem off da stage thay go fliing into da bleechers

  "This is a highly unprofessional environment. I wish for my participation to be revoked, and to get as far away from this so called 'flayvortown' as soon as possible. Grazie," said Eetalee. "pastaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa."

"Lmao its 2 l8," dady bob lold. 

Fieri-chan walkd up 2 adnan spon of eevel possibl komunist wunted in tree kontrees. 

   "And how are y'all doing over here?" He asked seductively, pushing his glasses up and leaning on the counter. Adnan spown of eevil, possable komuenest, wuntad en thrie kountris looked into his deep eyes, getting lost. 

"Wtf iz a cup," sed ayden. "Wtf dos 'oz' meen. Y must 'Muricans dew dis? Give mi back mi millileetrs!1!!1!" He flippd da taybl. Adnan ngreedeents go fliing.

"Bruh u rooind evereeting" adnan uwued. 

Fieri-Chan laughed at their misery and walked over, once again leaning over the clean marble counter. 

   "And how is Adnan's assistants doing?" He winked, puckering his luchious lips and parting them just a littal bit erotically. 

"Uhhhhh no hablo inglés," sed alecksee

"Oh my bad" He sayd sexilee, brieeflie trayling his fingers down alecksee's arms sensuoly

"I'm filing restraining order as soon as I get home. You cannot be in same continent as me at any time. You know what? No, I'll get government to completely ban you from my country. On that note, I've written essay on why I should be sent back home-" 

"Lmao u can tri" fieri-chan laffed, a deep throaty sound that made adnan's breathe cetch as hee thot abowt fieri-chan, hes bed, and hemself. 

Denn fieri-chan walkd 2 cancur und troy boltun

"Get ur hed in da gaym"

"Thank you, Mr. Bolton."

Denn cancur creyed. Wut a loooooooooooooosur!!1!1!1!!!! Lol nurd!!!1!1!!one!!1!1!!

fieri-chan sed "okae jaycub whos coking" 

GAYcob sed "ur mom"

"NO dats not hwo it wurks jayk-"

" u r m o m "

"ok"

rick hakd da cumputers 2 seeng "never gonna give you up" an he sung alohng wif it az fieri-chan hit on adnan mor

sooon da food waz al redee! it wuz tim for da jujeeng!11!1!

Akwarius and da orange didnt mayk anee food becuz oranges cant cook, stoopid. 

Cancur and Troy Bolton mayd Baskitball cupcayks. 

Adnan, alexee and ayden mayd someting but we dunt no wut it is cuz they used europeean mehsurements and burned it

Gene da emoji cooked barry da bee in a pie. 

Vincent's wife and child told him 2 mayk mac n cheez so he did

John laurens couked redcoats- I MEEN, red lobster 

Eetalee made a beautifully made semifreddo with pastea as a syde desh pastaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Kwak cookd Greg

Jojo mayd hare soop

Arees mayd stake!!!1!1!!1 wow

Rick Astley mayd sum bred rolz!1!! he sed deyr kald rickrolls

Now it waz time für da jugging!!!!!1!1!1!1!one!1!!1!

Who will win???...??......!IHateBrits?????...?

———

A bonus drawing in honor of Confusion, who brought these awkward dorks and Adnan to life

RIP Confusion we miss you <3

:((

also chair otp move over 'cause fieriadnan otp's in town.

Also also if you're British I'm so sorry I swear I love all you guys