i dont hate you anymore,
but i don't forgive you.
we ended badly.
you begged for my forgiveness.
you didn't get it.
you asked for another chance.
you said you'd change.
you didn't get it.

i gave you four chances.
you threw every one of them away.
gaslighted me into thinking i was the issue.
i was not the issue.
you'd been losing friends left and right,
so i stayed because i felt sorry.
you used that against me.

you made me feel bad about my friends.
you made me feel bad about my voice.
you made me feel bad about my skin.
you made me feel bad about my family.
you made me feel bad about my passions.
you made me feel bad about my goals.
you made me feel bad about who i love.
you made me feel bad about how i love.
you made me feel bad about me.

but i don't hate you anymore.
i don't know how i'm back here.
are we just like my sister and all her friends?
they have fallouts twice a week,
but always end up friends again.
is that us?
just more grown up?
god, i hope it's not.

you were my first crush
back when were were like nine.
i made a whole personality to compliment yours.
i always felt uncomfortable,
but i would do anything i could
to make you not yell at me.
to make you impressed.
to make you happy.
to make you entertained.
to make you feel something.
to make you love me back.

but i don't hate you anymore.
i really don't.
but i wish i did.