luke's heart ached each time he listened to one of noelle's voicemails or read one of her texts.

the pain in his chest made him wish he had stepped off of the roof, rather than back onto it. dying would hurt a lot less than hearing her broken pleas on the other end of the phone. and it would certainly hurt less than not responding to them.

maybe he was a jerk for doing this to her. maybe he was a good person for trying to give her the leeway to get over him. either way, no matter how he looked at it, all it did was make him sad.

four months brought a lot of change for luke, in spite of it all. he moved away from queensdale, and ultimately, from all the memories they'd made.

the irwins gladly took him into their home, and he felt slightly better at the prospect of being surrounded by what he considered his family. nonetheless, the space in his heart that noelle had stolen was never filled again.

he liked to consider it reserved, just for her.

despite the 12,865 miles (he calculated) that separated him from noelle, he was still completely surrounded by her. at night, he could smell her beside him. when he took walks outside, he could hear her soft laughter and feel her hand in his.

it was like he'd lost a limb. it was gone, but he could still feel it there - almost as if it'd never been removed.

luke jolted as his phone began to vibrate beside him, the screen reading 'noelle xx'. his fingers itched to slide the green button and answer her call. they were practically burning to do so. but for her sake and his, he refrained from doing so, instead watching as the screen returned to normal.

it took a minute, but a notification popped up on the screen, telling him about a voicemail she left for him. this happened every time she called, and each time, his heart clenched harder than the last as he tried to get himself to delete it before he could hurt himself more.

as usual, luke gave in and listened to the voicemail anyways. this message was different than the others, though. she sounded like she was completely helpless and like she was crying as she spoke.

"..i'm kind of hoping that you can't either." one last sob sounded, then silence.

"fuck," luke muttered to himself, standing and slamming his fist into the wall.

pain shot up his hand and through his arm, but he could barely feel it. his breathing was heavy and his jaw was clenched to the point of breaking teeth.

ashton burst into his room, luke's fist still connected with the wall and his shoulders slumping in defeat. his friend shut the door and approached him cautiously, aware of his fragile state.

"you can't keep doing this to yourself, man," ashton placed a hand on his shoulder, prompting him to drop his arm, which he did. "this is doing you more bad than good."

"what do i do?" luke questioned pleadingly.

"talk to her," he suggested.

"no, ash. you know why i can't-"

"do you love her?"

luke paused, eyes wide. "what?"

"do you love her?"

"of course i do," his eyebrow crinkled. 

"then talk to her! luke, i get that you're trying to do the right thing in letting her go, but let's be real here," ashton crossed his arms knowingly. "noelle couldn't forget about you even if she tried, and vice versa. so why are you forcing this?"

"i don't know," luke whispered, rubbing the back of his neck. "i thought it'd be easier for us this way."

the curly haired lad chuckled, shaking his head. "it's been four months and she hasn't stopped trying to contact you. i don't think this is easy at all."

"she'll hate me for ignoring her."

"please, the day she hates you is the day the world ends. just call her already."

"soon," luke evaded quickly. "not now. i don't think she's having the best day."

ashton slapped the back of his head. "and what better way to brighten her shitty day than by calling her?"

"i don't know, ash..."

his friend merely rolled his eyes and nodded, accepting that luke was still reluctant about this entire situation. he truly believed that distancing himself further was the right way to go about things, and it was too difficult to convince him otherwise.

"whatever you say," he shrugged. "i'll give you some time to think."

luke wanted to tell him that the last thing he wanted to do was think, but he allowed ashton to leave since he wasn't exactly in the mood to talk, either.

staring down at his bruising hand, he groaned as the throbbing became more prominent. maybe he did need time to think.

-

sitting on the bench nearest to his family's graves, he let his mind wander. luke had always felt more at ease when he was near them.

the sadness that he'd once felt about their deaths had dulled, instead transitioning into more of a calming peace of mind. he was glad that they were free of the horrendous world they lived in. the three of them deserved to be completely happy, and he hoped that they were.

taking ashton's words into consideration, luke took his phone from his pocket and went to noelle's contact number. his shaking thumb hovered over the 'call' button and was just about to make contact when he heard a voice behind him.

"luke?" he whirled around to see marie with a bouquet of flowers in her hand. "hey! what are you doing here?"

locking his phone once again and shoving it into his pocket, he gave her a small smile to be polite. "just needed somewhere to think. i'm assuming you're here to visit family?"

"yeah," she shook the flowers in her hand gently. "my grandparents. mind if i sit before i go see them?"

"not at all," he scooted over and made room for her to sit. she did so with a nod of thanks.

"so do you always take time to think in a cemetery?" marie teased, laughing lightly.

"no, usually roofs," he joked, but she simply looked at him, confused. "i mean - uh - not really. my family's actually buried just over there."

he gestured towards the general area and she hummed in understanding. "i see. oh yeah! how's that girl? y'know, the one you told me about when we first met?"

"you still remember that?" he raised an eyebrow as she nodded, seeming proud of herself. "she's...she moved away. really far away. we haven't talked in four months."

marie whistled low. "damn. doesn't answer your calls?"

"actually, i don't answer hers," luke admitted sheepishly.

"ouch, that stings," she commented. "why not?"

"because i'm an idiot," he bit his lip. "and i thought i was doing the right thing, but it turns out that i'm not."

"shocking!" she giggled and nudged him with her shoulder. "you don't always have to do 'the right thing', luke. the poor girl is probably going insane. i would be, too."

luke could only look down at his lap. marie was right. noelle was clearly not doing okay, based on the message she'd left earlier that day. ignoring her wasn't helping at all. things were getting worse and it was practically his own fault.

"i should go," she said softly, standing from the bench. "but tell me how things go when you call her, alright? i'll see you around."

"see you around," he repeated, a genuine smile flitting across his face. she returned it with a cute grin of her own before walking towards the other side of the burial grounds.

forgetting his pride for an impulsive moment, he unlocked his phone and pressed call near noelle's name without a second thought. the ringing in his ear sounded much too loud as he waited for her to answer.

as the ringing stopped, so did his heart.

"hello? luke?" her voice was uneven, but slightly hopeful.

"hi, love."

+

DOUBLE UPDATE YEAAAH

AND LUKE'S ALIVE DO YOU LOVE ME AGAIN

SOME OF YOU GUESSED IT AND I WAS LIKE AW MAN I'M NOT AS SLICK AS I THOUGHT BUT HEY I HOPE YA'LL ARE HAPPY HE AINT A GHOST OR SOMETHING

LUCAS LIVES 5LYFE

AND MARIE IS BACK IF YOU REMEMBER HER AT ALL IDK

(second) QUESTION OF THE DAY: who do you picture as noelle?

i don't really need a face claim, i just wanna know who you guys see her as. i'm curious!!!