Hey,
It's me, of course...
Who else would it be if not the person, who created this Account ??

So, I am here to talk about my weird Problem... it is NOT something like a disorder or something really serious!!!
Just saying...😐
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So my Problem is that I don't talk much. Not with my Friends, my Teachers or my Family.
The Reason ?- I don't know, actually...

The most time I spend after school is in my room with my door closed. When I talk, it's often because I got a habit of talking with myself after I finished my first 4 years of school.
I have a Reason for that, so after 4th grade 2 of my best Friends moved away, so I felt like something was already missing...
I than started to watch MLP {MY little Pony} to fill up the part that is missing but it never seemed to fill it. Before MLP, I used to sometimes cry when I should sleep because I just missed not only those two but my whole class too.

But that has actually nothing really to do to why I don't speak as much as a normal girl should around 14.

So from 1st until 4th grade I never really spoke with the teachers, exept I had questions which I was too shy to ask, because I thought tjat my voice was too deep for a girl for my age....
(MY THOUGHTS FROM AROUND 4 - 8 YEARS AGO)

When I got into my new school for 5th grade, I was just scared. I was scared because in my new class there were like two girls from my old one I wasn't really all that friendly with..., than there was one of my friends scince Kidergarten in it but she found friends on the first day of school.

So I was kinda alone.
And scared.

After I survived around the first half of my 5th grade, I somehow befriended with two - four girls out of my class. The first half, I followed my friend out of a different class like everytime I could, because she was the only one I trusted at that moment...

But even she found Friends after the first day in school, I felt like I shouldn't even have been there...

I never talked with my teachers until I was in grade 7. And even there it was really rare...
In my 8th grade, I talked a bit more because I knew what to say and that it was the right thing to say.

I don't really meet up with the people I call Friends... I have one who always wants to meet up because of Math. Because she doesn't understand Math and I have to somehow teach it to her '-.-
And I am terrible at that....

And you know what people,.... I actually promised my teachers last school year, that I would talk with them more and that I would try to bring my grades at least a bit up. Until now I only talked with them, when they say that I should say what I wrote or that I should read something outloud. Bout nothing more...

So that's actually only like one ore two of my Problems...
I have another two...

So my third one is, that I don't know what Friends are anymore... the people I call friends are arguing and are having like their own small war between them. And then there is me... The person who doesn't know why they hate each other now or whatever!

I already told one of those who I trust the most of them, that if my Baby, my lovely cat, would die that I would stay at home for a few weeks and after those, that I problay wouldn't want to be near anyone or want to talk to anyone...if that were to happen while I still go to school.
Because the two of us have a really strong bond nearly lasting for 8 years and it would definatly break me if he was gone...
But you know, my poor little Souls, I think she forgot that already...

So my last problem stands actually in my Account discription...
Here it is:

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So yeah, those are like the problems I have for a while already but I just don't know what to do against them.

I mean a few weeks ago, I cried for like 15 minutes because there was a spider on my wall next to my bed and I was scared. Scared of not knowing if that thing would do anything to or something like that. Plus it took me a while until I went over to my parents...

And when I was in Bayern with my class, on a Thursday morning around 4am, I was crying, again. But that time it was different. So it was dark around that time in the room I shared with two others and our Handys were all by our teacher and the only time I got was when I turned the TV on. I turned on a channel that only played Music, put the volume pretty low and turned the TV away from my sleeping "Friends".
It didn't take long until she somehow woke up and just said that I should turn it off and everything and something else I can't remember. After her speech, she went back to sleep, Iturned the TV off, went back to my bed abd cried.

Why ??

Because I felt like I didn't had friends at that moment, that I was completely alone. I just wanted to go home but at that time I couldn't. That morning, I cried myself apparently to sleep. After my "friend" woke up, she acted like what happened only two hours never did.
I was hurt, like really!!

But that's it with me and my crap.
Bye...