Whenever a conversation comes up around women about taking time for themselves, whether going out for a girls night, or taking a class on a weekend, or just doing anything out of the ordinary, someone almost always says the big "G" word : GUILTY.

Why women feel guilty for leaving their husbands alone for an evening or a day or even a weekend, or their kids for nine hours is a bit of a female mystery. It seems it's part of our DNA.

I also suffer from the guilt thing sometimes. I absolutely love what I do. I love coaching, I love doing webinars and interacting with people from all over the world, and I love and feel so blessed to be able to make a difference in the lives of others.

Right at the moment where my husband is about to walk out the door with the kids, heading off to some park on a Sunday or to a restaurant while I head off to work for the day (and usually it's just Sundays!) I start to feel a longing for them to stay near.

Then I look at him, I look at them, and I start to feel guilty. Why am I not spending our free time together?

Then it gets worse. Sometimes I worry about them heading out the door and think, "What if this is the last time I'll see them?"

Ugh. Heavy stuff, right?

So my husband, knowing where my heart was at, paused at the front door, looked at me and said, "Just make sure the time you spend away is for a good reason. Make it count for the sake of Allah."

And there. Right there my heart found calm and ease. My stomach came out of it's knots.

Our intentions are everything. When I make my intention solid for why I'm doing anything away from those I love, those moments become precious. They recharge my iman, and I arrive back to my family fulfilled from interacting with great purpose. A purpose that is complimentary to my roles as wife and mother.

Guilt doesn't belong in the life of a purposeful Muslimah.

It also doesn't mean that going out for milkshakes with friends can't be purposeful. It absolutely can because a change of scenery and audience is healthy for everyone from time to time.

The next time you want to do something you love or need and start to feel that nagging guilt about leaving your husband and/or kids behind - remember the advice.

Make your time away intentional, and then there is nothing to be guilty about. You are doing something meaningful for you and earning reward with Allah in the process.

Thinking good of others is far more beneficial for your own heart than it is for the other person.

The angry person is a hurting person.
The stingy person was once given nothing.
The stubborn person was once oppressed.
The flirt has never been shown how valuable they are without using their body to get attention.

The pessimist is terrified of life's great end.

The bossy one is afraid to let go of control or they'll fall apart.
The perfectionist struggles to be still with feelings.
The over-zealous person was once a rock-bottom sinner.
The know-it-all was always told they were stupid.

The story you imagine about them may or may not be true, but the compassion you'll extend to them will be. It will refine your character at times you'd rather react to what is presented.

It doesn't mean you won't create boundaries where necessary, only that you can do it without becoming exactly what you dislike.

One sign of the mercy of Allah is that He places people in your life who forgive with ease when you've made a mistake that has upset them.

This mercy is two-fold:

1) He offers you people who humble you in remembering you aren't always "on the ball" and they help you graciously grow.

2) Their ease of letting go can never be as great as the ease that Allah will let your mistakes go and erase them.

Most Muslims would never touch pork unless they were starving to death, and had to eat it to survive. Even then, I think some would be stubborn and choose to die rather than eat haram meat.

Interesting though.

Pork, while haram to eat creates no other real major effects in one's life except the sin itself. You could eat pepperoni pizza, even by accident, and be ok. Our accidently eat bacon bits in your potato soup, and despite the disgust or desire to make istighfar for not knowing, you'll be otherwise ok.

But...the moment a Muslim chooses to step beyond the boundary we are asked to keep with the opposite gender, they are acting in a way that isn't just haram, but detrimental to their well-being and that of the other person on so many different levels.

The moment a Muslim starts watching pornography and maintains this habit, they are entering into a new ecosystem that harms themselves and many other people by their participation in the environment.

Harms that can't be as easily forgotten or erased as a slice of pepperoni pizza. Harms that can destroy one's iman, harm others and lead to more and more sin.

But why don't we eat the pork? It's as haram as kissing someone you aren't married to, and yet, that happens.

When you reflect on why you do what you do, and what you don't, you'll find it all comes down to a decision. Your decision about what is ugly, detestable, harmful, hurtful, and sinful and how you weigh the pros and cons in your mind.

Your decisions are what lead to your actions. So if your actions are harming you in some way, consider what the decisions are you've made about life, about Allah, and about the next life.

It may be time to decide again what you stand for.

In every moment of your life you are making a choice. And in each choice you gain something and lose something.

The key to finding fulfillment is to be conscious about what you are deciding and be intentional.

With higher intentions in your heart, and your mind clear about what you are choosing and why, you will feel at ease in your skin and in the activities that make up your day.

It's not easy to live a life of consciousness. It's not easy to have to be so aware of your thoughts and intentions all the time. This is what makes early childhood and innocence so easy.

Kids just are what they are in that moment without a need for intention. They don't wrestle with their ego, second guess their intentions, or have bad ones.

As adults, we have to do this stuff all the time, but without that struggle, we all have the human potential to do terrible things.

The struggle is necessary so that we keep holding ourselves to account and to higher standards, and it is this which gives us the honorable and nearly unbelievable station above angels who obey Allah all the time without question.

They can do no harm, and so are beautiful in their purity and strength of obedience.

But we can be even stronger because we have to choose obedience, and at times, struggle for it.

The struggle is not your down fall. It's your elevation.

Men have it tough.

We talk about people following their dreams, finding their passions, and creating some kind of business that leads to a legacy everyone will remember them by. It's awesome.

But our dialogue of privileged millennials also creates temporary losers out of otherwise great men.

Men who are working hard, toiling away to provide for their families doing the best with the circumstances they are handed, but doing it without a single complaint. Putting their kids through school, honoring their wife, and even sending money to their siblings or parents who have it worse than they do.

What they are building isn't sold on the internet, and they aren't losers because they clean buildings, cook food, or even do the more luxurious 9-5 in an air conditioned office.

They are men fulfilling one of the obligations Allah created them for - which is to be providers and maintainers.

Single men are often forced by parents to choose a career path which isn't their dream but is the one believed to give them the greatest economic advantage their parents never had. They sacrifice their dream for their parents dreams in an attempt to please them and give a return on investment for what their parents sacrificed for them.

And we speak of them as losers too.

I teach and encourage people to find out what they believe they are created to do in serving Allah's creation. But it has to be clear that whatever that it is doesn't always equal the job that pays the bills. Sometimes, it's the job that creates the stability needed to launch other meaningful projects that serve Him and the world.

It is often the nature of men, specifically, to long to be their own boss. To run their own company. To work under no one. It's part of their nature to desire the freedom to choose.

Which means it's equally important to appreciate them when they can't choose or won't choose that path because the consequences would harm those around them.

For many of you, this may be your father's story.

If it is, take a moment to make du'a for him for all he gave you, and all he sacrificed for you. All the times he said no to himself so he could say yes for you.

And if he is still alive, thank him.

You are one of his dreams. You are one of his passions.

You are his legacy.