a/n: strayed from the original point abbot and i am crying. sorry for this ahahahah it's sad. slightly different from what you requested but i hope you find it heart wrenching. nonetheless, much love though for @hokshigi though!

The bitter wind pierced Seunggil's thing sweater, and he began to really regret not wearing another shirt beneath it. However, forgetting his dilemma with the weather, he was really regretting saying anything that had to do with the confusion relationship between Yuuri and Viktor, and even often Yurio to boot. Phichit essentially exploded into a one sided conversation, fanboying for a relatively long time now over how much he wished they'd just like come out and say it instead of slinking around between each other's hotel rooms late at night.

Seunggil sighed when Phichit got a little detailed, but he really decided not to ask how exactly he came across such information. "I just get all excited when they touch and, and like, look at each other! They're just so in love!" He babbled, his eyes sparkling with excitement. "Sometimes, Viktor will like grab his chin and drag him close and I get all tingly inside and, nyaaa~" He clasped his hands together beneath his chin, with his knees slightly bent as he swirled his hips around like a girl.

Seung resisted vomiting by scowling and turning his head away. "Honestly, I couldn't give less of a shit." He walked forward, leaving Phichit in his little halo of light, until it shattered.

"Eh-Ehh?!" Phichit gasped in horror, and he pulled his mask from over his mouth and nose. "The hell do you mean?"

"I mean their PDA is awkward and over the top and actually very unnecessary." He shrugged, crinkling his nose as a particularly icy blast of air blasted through him. He wrapped his scarf a bit tighter around his neck, wondering how much force it would take for him to strangle himself or knock out Phichit. "It's kinda gross if you're really asking my opinion."

"Well then. Do you have something against gays?"

Seung snorted. "Pfft, no. Imbecile, I'm gay. Pay more attention to things other than your precious Viktuuri." He flicked Phichit's nose playfully.

"Since fucking when?" He yelped, shielding his nose from the assaulting fingers of his friend.

"Okay, answer me this, what guy isn't at the very least bisexual in Males Singles?"

"I feel if I answered that, I'd assist in stereotyping everyone we know."

"Well, I'm right. Name one strictly straight guy."

"Georgi?"

Seung shot him an amused look, his head tilted down with one brow raised dubiously.

"You're fucking cold. Why are you always such a downer? Where's the love in that maybe-beating-heart of yours?" He asked, cupping his ear and skipping before Seung. He pressed his ear against his chest, pretending to try and find his heartbeat. Seunggil rolled his eyes, and almost actually laughed, but held back.

"Dearest Phichit, the love was snuffed out way before I met you." He shook his head.

"Spill it, Spicey Lee."

"Only if you swear on your life you'll never call me that again."

"Aye, aye, captain! Scouts honor," Phichit winked.

Seung-gil eyed him incredulously, before explaining. "I had someone in high school. I'm demi, so we were friends throughout all the years and he grew on me, his roots breaking through the concrete in my bones around my heart. I didn't know it was love, until he told me what love really was. He told me, it was when someone you care for resonates in soul when they laugh, and when the little things you notice are something they don't even catch themselves. He told me, that love is when you brand yourself for their sake, so that you could be theirs and only theirs."

"They are the lipstick stains on your pristine, new bedsheets that you don't mind, and they're the thing you stay awake and relive, imagining them like your private movie collection. He never told me about the hard parts, about the way that you can love someone until they haunt your dreams and all the things you do suddenly have some place in those little memories of the past you have with them." Seung faltered, his exterior crumbled for a nanosecond before he continued. "Before he died, he talked to me about his stars, and how they shined fearlessly and how he believed unapologetically in his horoscope. He talked to me about his lover, and I endured it because it made him smile so bright.

"I never really told him I loved him. I did in subtle, wordless ways, and out loud but jokingly as a friend. At least that's what he thought. Phichit, did you know when you shoot up heroin it releases a neurotransmitter in your body called dopamine? Dopamine is what is correlated with pleasure, and it causes an intense high. Love does the same thing. In fact, it releases even more of this addicting substance until you begin to rely on it. When your heart is shattered into a million, unrecoverable pieces you go through withdraws, and dopamine production is deficient causing emotional distress and chronic depression. Love can kill you, after all. Love: the feeling of it, holding someone, being able to call them all yours. This is all researched. Scientifically proven actually."

"Just as many die from an overdose on a couch in an abandoned home, love and heartbreak kill you all the same. Don't get me wrong, though, no one died physically from love in this case. He died in a car crash after being accepted into a university. I never told him, and I don't regret that. All I have is good memories, and he returned his love in his own way, and that's enough for me."

A small, melancholy smile crossed his lips at the remembrance, and he blinked away any redness in his eyes, ducking his head down. Although, Phichit quite literally was hysterically bawling. Seung-gil's eyes widened a bit, completely taken aback by the crying and sudden bear hug that Phichit gave him. He buried his face in his chest, sobbing messily.

"Too far?" Seung asked.

Phichit leaned back scrubbing at his snotty nose and rubbing his eyes with the base of his palm. "Y-You little shit, there's going too far and then there's careening over the line in a crashing airplane going three hundred miles per hour."

Seunggil sighed deeply, wiping a tear off of Phichit's cheek. "This is why I don't speak." He turned walking up the street.

"W-Wait up, you asshole! You can't just make me cry like that and leave!"

"But I just did?"