Aries: Danger men at work

Taurus: Hey buddy, you in London?

Gemini: PROTIP

Cancer: Sister Daniel

Leo: Phil stealing cereal

Virgo: Weed shirt

Libra: His Diss Track

Scorpio: Wowza!

Sagittarius: The Pete Wentz incident

Capricorn: sOFT aND nEAT

Aquarius: Hi. My name is [Dan] [    ]

Pisces: Doot.