"You're gonna come back and see me, right?" Haneul asks, hands fisting in Jeongguk's jacket, breath crystallizing in the cold air. Her nose is red, her cheeks flushed, and Jeongguk wants to kiss her matching ruby red lips, but he knows Taehyung and Hoseok are watching and he's not the most comfortable with public displays of affection, so he settles with pulling her to his chest.

"Yes. I'll come back soon." He says. "I'm not sure when, because I'll need to find a job, and probably some way to get here—" He sighs, realizing the magnitude of their situation. Spending these past few weeks with Haneul while waiting for Hoseok to recover have been pure bliss. She's his soulmate, he can feel it in the depths of his stomach and the marrow of his bones. He just knows. But he's terrified of even bringing the concept up, knowing that she is really content with their current situation.

Waking up next to each other on the days Haneul doesn't have the night shift. Making breakfast together, dancing around the kitchen. Walking down the beach despite the frigid cold, hand in hand. Exploring the city he once knew and seeing how it has changed, telling her about it. Stolen kisses and lingering touches, toeing the line between innocent and lustful, but never crossing it.

Jeongguk wouldn't trade what they've got going for the world, but the nagging, annoying voice in the back of his mind still makes him wonder—is she the one? It hasn't been long enough yet for any physical changes, and if there was, Jeongguk would notice. He checks daily, always has. But even if there were, even if he knew for certain that the universe intertwined their strings of fate, Jeongguk still doesn't know what he would say or do.

"Soulmates are stupid." Haneul announced one night the previous week. Her eyes were twinkling with mischief the way they always did when she was into her third glass of wine. Jeongguk raised an eyebrow at her, sipping his cherry Coke, something he found revolutionary when Haneul introduced him to it.

"How so?" He asked.

"Because! Who's the universe to tell me who I can and can't be with? Why should I listen to them?" Haneul exlaimed, and Jeongguk managed a small smile.

"Is the universe considered a 'them?'" He joked lamely, but inside, he was mildly concerned. If they were soulmates, would Haneul still want to be with him, or would she not want to based solely on the principle of soulmates she had created for herself? Deep down, Jeongguk knows that his fear is irrational, but he can't help it, after everything he has been through.

"I'm gonna miss you." Haneul mumbles into his chest now, and Jeongguk doesn't want go let go, but he does, with one last squeeze.

"I will miss you, too. Perhaps more than you know." He attempts lamely to joke to get the sinking, aching feeling out of his chest, but to no avail. Knowing full and well Hoseok and Taehyung will bother him the whole way home, he cups Haneul's face in his hands and kisses her lips, gently but firm in intention. He only stops when Hoseok and Taehyung's wolf whistles become unbearably obnoxious. Haneul smiles, breathless but incredibly endeared.

"Promise me you'll sleep. And that you'll call me if you can't." She says, and Jeongguk smiles.

"I promise."

three months later.

He broke his promise. He broke it pretty quickly, considering the first night he was home he had a more difficult time getting to sleep without Haneul's warmth cozied up next to him, and there was no way he was about to burden her with his screwed up sleep schedule. His apartment seems even more empty now, partly because he's got to get used to living alone again, and partly because all his house plants died while he was gone. He goes back to cooking dinner for one and reading while he eats, except on the days Taehyung comes over for dinner, because, despite being over a century old, he "still can't cook for shit." Jeongguk mostly doesn't go anywhere but work, except his almost daily visits to Hoseok and Yoongi's shared apartment to see his recovering best friend.

And he doesn't work at EatJin anymore, either. That in itself is depressing, because the cafe has such a home-y and welcoming vibe, something Jeongguk had grown to love, and because he loved being friendly with his regulars, but also because he doesn't get to see Jin everyday. He doesn't hear his windshield wiper laugh, or get made fun of for his outdated speech. He doesn't have someone to go to for advice, or someone to make him laugh when he's so exhausted and sleep deprived he feels like he never will again. He doesn't work with his best friend anymore, and although Seokjin never officially fired him, he doubts he has a place there anymore.

His new job is at Starbucks. Yes, Starbucks. An industrial, modernized, commercial chain that makes Jeongguk's head feel like it'll explode. The terminology used for basic things makes him feel like he's new at making coffee even though he isn't. And the orders? He has never met more picky customers in his life. Venti skinny hazelnut macchiato, sugar-free syrup, with oat milk and no whip at 120 degrees? What even is that? Jeongguk doesn't know. How would someone be able to sip their skinny hazelnut macchiato drink from hell and know that it's heated to 120 degrees? How can a drink be skinny? Since when did oats make milk? Jeongguk doesn't know that, either. What he does know is that his new boss is a big, burly, mustachioed Chinese man named Kyung Poa and he's terrifying. And, unlike Seokjin, he'll have a conniption if he isn't called "sir."

In other words, Jeongguk hates his job. He misses Jin, although he knows he shouldn't. At least one of the guys comes by every day to provide him a little moral support, but Kyung Poa yells at him if he talks to them for too long. Hoseok has offered him a job as a receptionist at his dance studio, and Namjoon has offered him a job at his bookstore. Even Yoongi has told him he'll find something for him to do at his music studio, but Jeongguk has declined politely each time. His friends have already done so much for him, have been so accepting and kind, and the last thing he wants to do is burden them more.

On top of all of this, he and Haneul don't talk as much as he wishes they would. Quick texts here and there checking in, but never time for a substantial conversation due to their terribly out of sync schedules. Haneul's internship is coming to term soon, and she'll be taking her surgical boards soon, to test for residency, so Jeongguk knows she's probably ridiculously busy studying on top of working. He knows that neither of them can do anything about it for the moment, but that doesn't stop him from missing her.

So Jeongguk just continues living, just like he always has, albeit somewhat miserably.

That is, until one morning.

He wakes up after a few hours of fitful sleep, his alarm for work sounding obnoxiously. Sighing, he hits the clock until it stops and rolls out of bed, stumbling towards the bathroom. Flicking on the lights, he rubs at his eyes, stripping of his clothes before glancing in the mirror out of habit. Jet black hair in need of a trim, clear skin, obsidian eyes and strong cheekbones, flushed chubby cheeks, sharp jawline, mildly chapped lips. Normal. Young. Disappointing as always. He lets another sigh escape his lips and steps into the shower, letting the warm water wash of the residue of sweat left behind by last night's nightmare. He runs his hands through his dripping wet hair, but does a doubletake when they pass his eyes. His eyes widen, a gasp leaves his lips.

His "J" tattoo is faded. The dark black ink doesn't look so dark anymore, almost a faded gray now. His heartbeat accelerates and he stumbles out of the shower, grabbing a towel and drying off as fast as he can, looking closer at the tattoo. Surely enough, it's faded, as all tattoos do with age. With age. Jeongguk's thoughts are racing by faster than he can process them. He aged. He aged, which can only mean one thing. He's met his soulmate. He remembers holding Haneul in his arms before he left, feeling so drawn to her that it felt almost magnetic. It's her, she's his soulmate, he can feel it. And with the physical proof he's even more certain.

He needs to see her. He has to tell her.

And so Jeongguk does the only thing he can think to do. He packs a bag, slides his wire rimmed glasses onto his nose, and calls a cab to the train station.

He's going home.

The train ride is long and Jeongguk thinks he dislikes trains as much as he dislikes cars, if not more. They're faster and more disorienting, and Jeongguk doesn't like how everything outside the window blurs with such speed. Energy thrums through his veins, each fiber of his being excited and impatient and so unbelievably ready to be with Haneul. He's waited his entire life for this: to be like everyone else. And he's so happy it's with Haneul.

It's that feeling that fuels his tired body all the way to Haneul's doorstep, and the same thing fuels his hope that she's home and not at the hospital. Jeongguk eagerly knocks at the door, heart skipping a beat when her cream and honey voice calls back a muffled "one second!" He bounces back on the balls of his feet, realizing he forgot to think of what to say in all his excitement about getting here, but all his nerves evaporate into thin air as soon as the door swings open.

"Surprise!" Jeongguk smiles, taking in the sight of her messy long hair and her flushed cheeks covered in freckles and her wide eyes and—wait, why isn't she smiling, too? Rather, her lips are agape and her eyes are filled with something far different from happiness. There's surprise, but there's also...panic?

"Jeongguk? How did you get here?" She asks, and Jeongguk smiles nevertheless, unable to contain himself.

"I took the train. It was mildly terrifying, but I wanted to see you." He explains, and she only looks less happy to see him. "I missed you, darling." He says. Haneul winces, and Jeongguk feels a sickening feeling churn his stomach.

"Jeongguk, I—"

"Who is it, babe?" A deep, masculine voice calls from inside the apartment and a shirtless man in sweatpants walks into the living room from Haneul's room.

This is the exact moment when Jeongguk feels his heart shatter into a million tiny pieces.

His doe eyes flicker between Haneul and the stranger, who gives Jeongguk a once over and approaches slowly. He wraps his arm around Haneul's waist, and Jeongguk feels tears burning the backs of his eyes. "Who are you?" He asks, sensing the tense atmosphere. Jeongguk struggles for a coherent answer. Who is he, after all? A friend? A lover? An ex? He doesn't know anymore, especially considering everything he thought they had isn't true—except for one thing. Soulmates. But he can't bring himself to say it, not when another man's hand is on her hip, not with Haneul looking at him with so much guilt in her pretty eyes. So Jeongguk swallows the lump in his throat and says the one thing he can manage to choke out.

"No one. I'm no one. I was actually, uh, just leaving. Have a nice evening." He says, voice shaking and eyes teary. Picking up his bag, he heads for the elevator.

"Jeongguk, wait!" She calls, but Jeongguk just walks faster. He can't look at her knowing she doesn't feel what he feels. How can he feel so strongly connected to her and she not feel anything at all? He steps into the elevator and rapidly presses the button to shut the door, and they shut right in Haneul's face, leaving him alone with all the pieces of his heart and her with her own on the other side.

WE FIND LOVE
DANIEL CAESAR

You don't love me anymore
Lets see how you like this song
You need someone you adore
Find a place where you might belong
Ever since the day that I met you
My world's been spinning out of control
I just need you to hold
We knew we'd come around
This thing called love comes crashing down now
Pieces all on the ground
What once was lost cannot be found out

omg hi it's been so long ahhhh

hi everyone! i hope you're all doing well! it's been two months and i'm so sorry but it's been a really hard couple months for me. my dad passed away two months ago and i've just been healing as much as i can, but i'm back now! thank you for being so patient with me and so supportive during this difficult time. here's a long and sad one to make up for lost time.

xoxoxoxoxo r

edited 05/07/20