LOVE AGAIN
DANIEL CAESAR feat. BRANDY

If you can, take my hand
I promise we'll find love again, love again

And he does tell her everything. He tells her about his life when he was her age, when he was twice her age. He describes what Busan was like two centuries ago, how it was when it was still developing. He tells her about Jimin, and the story brings tears to her eyes. He can't bring himself to talk about it for very long, or even speak his name, but she doesn't pressure him. He tells her about Seokjin and his job, about meeting his friends, the bouncer, and finally ends the story with he and Seokjin's car ride.

"Jeongguk, I'm sorry." Haneul says, for the millionth time. She would interject it throughout the story of his life, eyes that never failed to enchant Jeongguk filled with sadness for him. However, he knew her apologies were multipurpose. With each detail coming to life before her, the worse she felt about her initial reaction to finding out Jeongguk was a Wanderer. "I'm sorry for everything you've been through, and I'm sorry for the way people treat you, and—and I'm especially sorry for earlier. For reacting the way I did. I just—everything I'd ever thought I'd known had been proved wrong, and I didn't know how to cope with that. You mean a lot to me, even though I did a terrible job at showing it, and I hate that we met this way, but I'm glad you're here." She says softly, ashamed of herself.

"I forgive you for all of it. It is impossible to be angry with you, even if I wanted to be." He says just as quietly. Haneul smiles to herself, not understanding how he can be so lenient and patient after living for so long and enduring so much prejudice and pain.

"You're something else." She says simply, but Jeongguk's brows furrow and his head cocks to the side.

"What am I? What thing?" He asks, confusion written in his expression. Haneul's heart skips a beat as she realizes that this is probably one of the phrases he would have texted her about with questions. She can imagine him making the exact same face as he stares at his phone screen, struggling to decipher her millenial language, and she struggles to contain her smile. He's positively adorable. It baffles her how experienced he is, and yet he somehow manages to be the image of innocence.

He emulates age, but he radiates the essence of youth.

"It's an expression, Guk." She explains, and he hums in understanding. She yearns to reach up and smooth the still crinkled skin between his eyebrows.

"Ah. Similar to the 'I'm dead' expression?" He asks curiously, and Haneul can't manage to hide her giggles this time.

"Not quite. More like...it's like saying you're special. You're extraordinary." She tries to describe the saying to him, freckled cheeks a rosy color as she picks up her disinfectant and bandages again to avoid making eye contact. Jeongguk's smile widens, a similar blush dusting his own skin. He doesn't stray way from looking at her, though, and feeling his intense gaze on her only makes her flush more. "Anyways." She says, clearing her throat to change the subject. She needs to, she can't think straight with Jeongguk looking at her like that. "The point is that I'm here for you. I promise. Pinkie promise." She says, putting down her supplies as she finishes fixing up his bloody wrists. She raises her pinkie finger.

Jeongguk's eyes widened at this, skeptically eyeing her pinkie. "My dear, is that not slightly extreme? I trust that you will support me, you need not promise me your pinkie." He says, and Haneul's the confused one this time. "I do not want you to cut off your finger in the unlikely event that your promise falls through."

"Jesus Christ, Gguk, neither do I! Where on earth did you get that?" Haneul exclaims, laughing incredulously at the concerned boy.

"I knew many a man back in the day who lost fingers through pinkie promises." Jeongguk says gravely, and Haneul giggles at the seriousness on his handsome features.

"Back in what day, exactly?"

"Oh, perhaps...around 1847, approximately." He says, and Haneul smiles. Everything about him makes her heart flutter. His overly formal speech and naivety is just as endearing in person as it was over text.

"Oh, that makes sense. Luckily people don't do that anymore. That's kinda gross." She chuckles softly.

"Indeed, it was quite morbid." Jeongguk agrees. "But what do you mean by pinkie promise?" He says, and Hanuel's smile brightens. She keeps her one pinkie raised and uses the other to take Jeongguk's hand and navigate it so his longer pinkie finger is intertwined with her own.

"There." She says, and Jeongguk nods, trying to decipher what the herd of elephants in his stomach is trying to tell him by stomping around. He's felt what people call butterflies, but never to this intensity.

"Perfect." He says, and he knows that she thinks he means their promise. In reality, he means all of it. All of her. Her freckles and miles of eyelashes and the pimple on her chin. Her messy hair and dry hands and her slightly crooked front tooth. Her intelligence and empathy and patience. Everything.

•••

Hoseok's sitting up when they return. He's clearly in pain, leaning back against the raised hospital bed, but he's attempting to eat the apple sauce someone brought him, which is better than nothing. Jeongguk immediately swoops in and plucks the spoon out of his shaking hands and begins to feed him. His best friend's smile is blinding, and the way he extends his infectious happiness to Haneul makes Jeongguk's heart melt. How he has such a supply of neverending optimism never fails to amaze him.

Sooner than later, though, Haneul has to leave to attend to her surgeries and evaluations, and Jeongguk misses her presence as soon as she's gone. He has Hoseok, but he isn't really up for conversation, for good reason. He spends most his time sleeping, and when he is awake, his energy depletes quickly. The quiet leaves him way too much time to think, and his thoughts often go places he doesn't consent to.

He stays with Hoseok for the next three days, with occasional visits from Haneul, who brings him food because she knows Jeongguk won't leave Hoseok's side unless he needs to. And Jeongguk doesn't mind staying with him, though the chair he has been basically living in isn't that comfortable.

The one thing he can't make the most of is his sleep.

The nightmares are just as strong as back in Seoul, if not stronger due to the ever present awareness that he's in Busan, not even a fifteen minute walk from where he met Jimin. Jimin. He's so vivid now, even more than before. Jeongguk can feel his touch and hear his voice and see his beautiful face with such clarity. He wakes up sweating bullets and pale as Hoseok's white bedsheets, body sore from the awkward positioning of the chair, dream burned into the backs of his eyelids, always there when he closes his eyes even for a second.

Surprisingly, though, he manages to make it through those three days without anyone witnessing his violent awakenings or restless slumbers. The dark circles beneath his tired eyes are prominent, and Haneul makes comments about how he should sleep more, but other than that, he's functioning mostly like how he would back in Seoul. He's beginning to get used to this routine.

Until he gets back from the bathroom one day and Hoseok and Haneul are looking at him knowingly. He pauses hesitantly in the doorway, raising his eyebrows at their shady behavior.

"Hi?" He says, confused. "Is this an intervention?" He makes a lame attempt at a joke, and his friends smile.

"Sort of. We've decided that it's not healthy for you to continue to breathe the institutionalized air, so you're officially not allowed in the hospital for the next 24 hours." Hoseok teases him, and Jeongguk grows visibly concerned. Leaving Hoseok is not something he wants or needs to do. In his mind, supporting his recovering friend is his first priority.

"Absolutely not."

"C'mon, Gguk. It's my day off, and you'be been in that hospital chair for so long that there's practically a dent in the shape of your ass." Haneul laughs, a devious smile on her lips. The joke completely goes over Jeongguk's head, though, and he walks over to the chair, kneeling down to expect the seat.

"I do not see any imprint, let alone one that resembles my—oh!" Jeongguk suddenly exclaims when Haneul grabs his hand and yanks him to his feet, dragging him towards the door.

"Don't have too much fun, hyung!" Hoseok calls weakly from the bed, beaming.

Pulling against Haneul, Jeongguk frowns at Hobi. But then, Haneul looks up at him and smiles, a smile that reminds Jeongguk just how whipped for her he truly is. And he stops fighting her, and starts walking with her.

"I suppose my ass kind of was beginning to hurt..." Jeongguk murmurs shyly, and Haneul giggles.

"I'm sure it was, Jeonggukkie. I'm sure it was."

lame ending bc i suck at ending chapters but yay an update woohoo

edited 05/08/20