EASILY
BRUNO MAJOR

Don't you tell me that it wasn't meant to be
Call it quits
Call it destiny
Just because it won't come easily
Doesn't mean we shouldn't try

Jeongguk is just getting out of the shower when he hears a knock at the door. It's four in the morning, and he knows the only person it could possibly be is Taehyung. His heart drops into his stomach at the thought of Taehyung, weighed down with guilt. There was something more behind Taehyung's panic as he left. Something more than a mistake, some reason why the blood drained from his face. There was hurt mixed in with realization, and although Jeongguk is oblivious to most things, he has a sickening feeling that the kiss meant more to Taehyung than it did to him.

The kiss. Yet another guilty weight added to Jeongguk's burdened heart. He feels so unbelievably dirty for kissing Taehyung, and feels even more grimy because he liked it. Though he knows Haneul had another man in her apartment, and was probably doing something similar with him, he can't get over how wrong it all feels. The cherry on top of the entire situation is how he recognizes how much easier his life would be if he just continued kissing Taehyung. How they would be good together, how it would be so much less heartache to be with him rather than with Haneul.

This is what Jeongguk is thinking about as he walks to the door in nothing but his sweatpants, toweling his damp raven hair dry. He unbolts the door and opens it, still not mentally prepared to see Taehyung. But he's even more unprepared to see Haneul standing before him. He doesn't even try to hide his utter disbelief, pouty lips parted in surprise, doe eyes wide. Haneul puts on half a smile, clearly nervous. A million questions race through Jeongguk's mind. The silence between him and Haneul has never been awkward before, but now, it's dense and uncomfortable and suffocating, and Jeongguk can't bear it anymore, so he blurts, "Where are your pants?"

Haneul looks taken off guard, looking down at her attire. The oversized gray tee she's wearing almost reaches mid thigh, and there is no fabric hiding the tan skin of her legs before her feet disappear into fuzzy slippers. Jeongguk internally kicks himself, because that might just be the most idiotic thing he's ever said, not to mention the most irrelevant to the situation. Out of all the logical questions he had been thinking, of course his brain decides to malfunction. It doesn't help the tension, either, to his dismay.

"Right here." Haneul answers finally, lifting up the hem of her shirt to reveal pajama shorts. There are little dogs with Santa hats on them, though Christmas is not for months. Jeongguk wants to take the towel he was drying his hair with and hide underneath it at this point, not knowing what to do. Somehow Haneul's Christmas dog shorts make her even more endearing to him. He's not happy with her, but she still makes his heart melt. "Do you take showers at 4 AM often?" She blurts this time, because apparently the silence is equally as unbearable for her as it is for him. Jeongguk raises his eyebrows incredulously, before realizing he's standing before her shirtless for the first time. His body is something he is confident in, but Haneul's eyes on him make him nervous. Heat rises to his cheeks, somehow managing to feel shyness mixed in with all the other emotions he's experiencing. Relief, because she's here. Anger, because she's here. Hope, because he's hopelessly in love with her. Hurt, because he's so hopelessly in love with her and she might not feel the same way.

"When I have a lot to think about, yes." He answers quietly. Haneul winces as this, knowing that she contributed to Jeongguk's long list of things to think about. "Why are you here?" He asks, brain finally cooperating enough to say something intelligent.

"To explain. To...apologize." Haneul says softly. "Can I come in?" Sighing, Jeongguk knows his decision has been made by his soft heart before his brain even has a chance to consider it. He swings the door open wider, and she steps inside. His apartment is nothing like her own. It lacks the sense of what makes a house a home—no personal touches, no art on the walls, nothing that reflects Jeongguk's personality. Simple furniture, no TV. Hundreds of books are stacked neatly against the far wall, the only sign that the apartment is lived in at all. Jeongguk busies himself making some tea on the stove as Haneul looks around. She runs her fingertips delicately over the spines of the books, reading the titles.

Now, when Jeongguk looks at those books, all he'll see is Haneul. She has a habit of associating herself with things in Jeongguk's memory. He doesn't know if that's a good thing or not, but it doesn't surprise him, considering the way she practically etched her initials onto Jeongguk's heart the same way Jimin's are inked on his wrist. Finally, the tea is ready, and Haneul sits at the island counter while Jeongguk stands leaning against the refrigerator. He put on a big burgundy sweater to avoid feeling self-conscious, but he somehow still feels like his soul is under a microscope as Haneul looks at him. Jeongguk gently slides a mug of tea across the counter. "Green tea." He says. "Your favorite." Haneul smiles softly, but doesn't take a sip yet, almost as if she's afraid the scalding hot liquid will erase her apology from her tongue.

"Jeongguk, I...I just want to start by saying the guy you saw didn't mean anything to me." Jeongguk squints at her, sipping his own tea. Sensing his skepticism, Haneul rushes to continue. "I'm serious. I'll admit that I brought him home to have sex, but I couldn't do it. All I could think about was how he isn't you. I couldn't go through with it, and I was right about to tell him that when you knocked." She explains. Part of Jeongguk wants to believe her, but the part that wants to protect his bruised heart won't let him.

"Why should I believe you?" He asks. "Even if he did not mean anything, you still intended on having...intercourse." He says, mildly uncomfortable discussing sex, his old-fashioned mannerisms screaming at him. "That implies that I mean nothing to you as well. Well, something insignificant enough to want to do things with another man." He says, and Haneul shakes her head vigorously.

"That's not true at all, Gukkie. What I did was wrong, but I know better now. Feeling how...how utterly empty and dull it was to kiss someone that wasn't you showed me that how I feel for you can't be replaced by some random hookup, or anyone else. Now I know that how I feel for you overpowers the stupid fear I have of...of soulmates." Haneul admits the last part quietly, and Jeongguk swallows nervously.

"You think...you think we're soulmates?" He asks, still trying to sense how she feels about it.

"I think so." She says sincerely, before softly adding, "I hope so. Do you?" Jeongguk sets the mug down on the counter shakily, heart pumping with adrenaline and blood filled with liquid hope. He approaches her, eyes serious.

"I've felt it ever since I left Busan." He explains, fingers gently brushing the hair out of her face. "All my life, I've waited for this. This feeling. Butterflies, fireworks, all that cliche nonsense...can't even begin to amount to what I feel when I look at you. When I think of you, or speak to you, or touch you." He says, obsidian eyes sparkling. "I know what love is. I loved Jimin with all my heart, but...it's so much different with you. This connection is something deeper than love. Jimin...before he died he told me not to give up. Because I'm too precious not to belong to someone. And for a while I didn't believe him. I didn't feel like anything could be better than loving him. But now I know there is. You." Haneul's freckled cheeks flush, and she looks down shyly, but Jeongguk slips his pointer finger underneath her chin and tilts her head up. "And I have wondered for quite some time if you feel it, too."

"I do. I've never been in love, or felt anything along the lines of it, but after today, I know that we have it. It took me fucking up and hurting you to realize, but I do. And I'm so, so sorry, Guk. I was scared, and stupid, and when I'm both of those things at the same time I make some pretty terrible decisions." She says, and Jeongguk laughs softly, admiring the small smile on her pink lips. "It's not an excuse, but it's the truth. And I understand if you're mad at me—"

"I cannot be mad at you. I've seen too much and done too much to hold this grudge. I am upset to know what you've done...but you can make it up to me now. You can earn my forgiveness. I'm not going to let you go over something so trivial in comparison to what I feel for you." He says softly, and he can practically see the relief lift weight off Haneul's shoulders. "I love you too much." He murmurs, thumb caressing her bottom lip. Haneul's eyes brighten with the light of a thousand galaxies.

"I love you, too." She says softly. Jeongguk smiles, an easy, content smile. He laughs a little, shaking his head.

"You have no idea how long I have waited to hear you say that." He admits, and Haneul chuckles, standing up from her stool at the island. She slides her hands up his chest, over his shoulders to clasp behind his neck, touch eliciting goosebumps on his skin beneath his sweater.

"Well, I will make it up to you, because I love you. I love you, Jeon Jeongguk. I love you so much that it scares me. I'm head over heels for you. I love you to the moon and back." She informs him, the last one making him crack up.

"That's a lot of love." He mumbles dumbly, high on this euphoria and eyes full of adoration.

"Yep. I love you 3000." She says, and Jeongguk furrows his eyebrows.

"What?" He asks, confused. Haneul laughs, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"It's a meme. And a movie reference."

"Ah, yes. I see. A meme." He nods, but Haneul sees right through him.

"You forgot what a meme is, didn't you?" She says, and Jeongguk sighs, embarrassed smile on his face.

"Mayhaps." He admits, and Haneul snickers.

"Mayhaps you should kiss me now." She states.

"Mayhaps I will." He says.

And then he does.

Again. And again. And again.

edited 05/07/20