PASS YOU BY
ALAINA CASTILLO

Don't let this moment pass you by
One day your heart might lose it's mind
You're scared you don't deserve to smile
Don't let this moment pass you by

When Jeongguk wakes up the next morning, light is filtering in through the curtains. He can hear the sea in the distance, and for a splitsecond, he feels like he's young again, waking up early in the morning to go work in the fields. He sits up, rubbing his eyes and looking around the room. He forgot where he really was for a moment, but the second he sets eyes on the record player in the corner of the room, he remembers. Not only where he is, but what happened last night.

Jeongguk remembers his dream, which lasted longer and went further than it ever has before. He remembers the pure panic he felt as Haneul's hands clamped down on his shoulders and shook him awake. He remembers the concern on her face; her beautiful features accentuated by the shadows of night. He remembers the smooth, sweet music from the record player and Haneul tucking the blankets up under his chin—and, vaguely, he remembers the featherlight touch of soft lips against the skin of his forehead.

A small smile blooms on his own lips, holding the tender memory of last night dear. Haneul never ceases to amaze him in how kind she is, how selfless, how understanding. Jeongguk smiles and rolls himself out of bed. He feels light—as opposed to how he normally feels when he wakes up in the morning: like his limbs are made of lead and like his feet are attached to cinder blocks. How long has he slept? He stretches, taking a quick glance in the mirror to check and make sure his hair doesn't look like he stuck a fork in the toaster (a mistake he made once and never made again. The fire department is not very fond of him. He just wanted to retrieve his toast.)

After smoothing the messy black locks, he ventures out into the the main part of Haneul's apartment, a living room connected to a kitchen. The pleasant aroma of bacon and pancakes fills his nose, and he hums in delight as he approaches the kitchen. There at the stove stands Haneul, spatula in hand, wearing an apron over an oversized t-shirt that comes down to the middle of her thighs. Jeongguk can't help but lean against the doorframe for a moment, admiring the sight of her in such a comfortable environment. Modern music plays, and she sings along, flipping pancakes and dancing like an idiot. A perfect idiot, in Jeongguk's eyes.

But then her somewhat spastic arm movements go a little too far, and the bowl of pancake batter slides precariously off the edge of the counter—and Jeongguk lunges forward, catching the glass bowl before it can hit the ground. Haneul's gasp dies in her throat as she looks up at Jeongguk, a relieved smile on her lips. "Thanks for saving our breakfast." She chuckles, blushing a little.

"My pleasure. Nice dance moves." He says, teasing her a little. Haneul's cheeks warm even more, and she rolls her eyes, flipping the remaining pancakes.

"Like you can do any better, old man." She snarks back, and Jeongguk chuckles to himself.

"You underestimate me. I can dance. Not—modern forms of dance, but, still." He informs her, and she raises her eyebrows at him, putting the pancakes onto their plates.

"Oh, really? Like what?" She asks. Jeongguk holds out his hand, which she looks at skeptically.

"Basic ballroom—waltzes, mostly. I tangoed one time, though. And some swing dancing from the '50s." He grins, and she lets out a breath in awe, still not quite used to the man who looks twenty having hundreds of years of life experience behind him. "May I have this dance, m'lady?" He teases her some more, extending his hand. Rolling her eyes, Haneul sighs, taking Jeongguk's hand.

"You may, but we've already established that I am an awful dancer." She warns him, and he smiles, bringing her closer to him and resting his hand on her waist. She places her free hand on his shoulder, glancing up at his chocolatey eyes, full of fondness and mischief. "And good luck waltzing to rap music."

"There's a first time for everything. And, for the record, we're gonna swing dance." He teases, beginning to lead her in the steps. So, for the next twenty minutes, he teaches her to swing dance, guiding her with patient words and gentle touches. The night before and all of its pitfalls are forgotten for the morning, and are replaced by laughter and mumbled apologies as she steps on his toes and he nearly drops her during the final dip. By the time they're finished, the pancakes and bacon are cold, but neither of them mind. They end up seated across from eachother on the kitchen counter, though a perfectly good dining room table is feet away, with plates of reheated breakfast food and a bottle of maple syrup between them.

"I'm exhausted. Dancing is physically taxing." Haneul explains, digging into her food.

"True. Hoseok tried to convince me to come to one of the classes he teaches, but I declined. Nothing about that—hip, um, hip jump?" Jeongguk pauses as he cuts his pancake, trying to remember what the modern dance is called.

"Hip hop." Haneul fills in, and he hums in appreciation.

"Ah, yes. Hip hop. Nothing about that sounds fun to me. Especially if it's anything like the dancing people do in clubs." He explains, and Haneul raises her eyebrows.

"I mean, yeah, it sort of is. But club dancing can be more...sexual." Haneul explains, and Jeongguk practically shivers.

"Trust me, I'm aware. I went to a club once and someone was all over me. It was preposterous." He recalls the night he first hung out with all of Seokjin's friends. The time when he and Seokjin were still friends. That thought hurts a little, and he tries not to think about it, but the night that started all of his present problems lingers in his mind. That was the night he encountered the bouncer who discovered his identity, the same one who shot Hoseok. Seokjin found out what he is because of that, and their friendship disintegrated before Jeongguk's eyes.

"Jeongguk? You okay?" Haneul asks. Jeongguk snaps out of his thoughts and manages a small nod, but Haneul doesn't buy it. "You know that you can talk to me about your problems, right? I'm here for you. I won't force you to tell me anything, but I'm worried about you." She says, and the first implied reference to the night before ensues. Jeongguk feels ashamed of his state last night—whimpering, restless, and terribly afraid of something that isn't even real.

"Haneul—last night, I—I'm sorry you saw that." He says, looking down at the still uneaten pancakes on his plate.

"Gguk, don't be. Please. You mean too much to me for seeing you like that to make any difference in the way I think of you. I just want to help." She says, starry eyes connecting with his own and making his heart melt. He feels the overwhelming urge to cry, but he doesn't.

"My dream—my nightmare. I've had it for decades. Ever since I lost Jimin." Jeongguk gently caresses the "J" tattoo on his wrist subconsciously. "Nothing I do seems to stop it, so—so every night I wake up like a wreck. But last night, it—the dream typically ends at the same place, but last night it kept going. And it was—very overwhelming, I suppose." He explains. Haneul doesn't pressure him to tell her details, which he appreciates greatly.

"That's awful. Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist? To analyze the dream and figure out why it keeps recurring?" She asks softly, clearly deeply concerned for him. He feels bad for burdening her with his baggage.

"I have—but, I have a feeling it wouldn't help much." Jeongguk says vaguely.

"Why? It works for other people, so why wouldn't it work for you?" She asks. Jeongguk smiles sadly at her neverending optimism, her hope, her naivety.

"Because doing that would require telling them about the dream." Jeongguk says grimly, and flattens his lips into a thin line. He has to tell her. He tries to emotionally prepare himself for a moment, but he knows nothing he ever does will prepare himself to voice the plot of his nightmares. "It always begins in a meadow on what used to me my farmland. And people are sitting, awaiting something, and I'm dressed in a fine suit. And then I see Jimin, and he's walking towards me, and then—then he tells me that we're getting married. And when he does, by God, I feel like the happiest man in the world."

"Jeongguk, you don't have to talk about it if it's too much." Haneul interrupts him, and Jeongguk shakes his head, reaching across the counter to grab her hand and gently squeeze it, reassuring her before continuing.

"I want to tell you. You deserve to know. But, anyways, the ceremony proceeds, and seconds before the officiant declares us married, someone shouts their objection—she stomps down the aisle and starts to speak to Jimin. He's hostile towards her at first, but then—then she says how he could never be with me, because they're soulmates. And she kisses him, and he doesn't resist." Jeongguk says, voice shaky, and he grips Haneul's hand tightly, as if it's anchoring him to coherency, to sanity. "And then the crowd starts shouting at me, just terrible, horrible things, and they kiss again and again—and that's normally where I wake up."

"But last night, I didn't. And Jimin came over to me, and spoke to me. He told me how he was never in love with me, how I'm nothing to him because I'm a Wanderer. And then—then you woke me up." He finishes, clearing his throat to disperse the lump in it. Haneul bites her lip, rubbing her thumb over Jeongguk's knuckles gently. "Seeing someone to help would inform them of what I am, and—you saw how people react to me being this way. Not just in my dream, but—the police. Seokjin. The person who shot Hobi." He says quietly, and Haneul's jaw drops, absolutely shocked in the worst way possible. With a sharp sigh, she lets go of Jeongguk's hand and hops down off the counter in exasperation.

"It isn't fair!" Haneul exclaims, and when Jeongguk looks closer, he sees her eyes are watering.

"Don't cry, my dear—"

"No, Jeongguk! It's not fair! It's fucking awful the way you are treated! People are so fucking ignorant, so entitled and scared of what they don't understand and they make your life a living hell! You, who deserve the fucking world! You, who is still so god damn kind and selfless despite being treated worse than dirt by the general population!" She cries. Jeongguk slides off the counter, approaching her and taking her hands between his own.

"Haneul, it's okay. I've accepted it." He tries to assure her, but she shakes her head vigorously, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"That's the most fucked up part! They've degraded you to the point that you think it's okay! It's not okay, Jeongguk! It's fucking unacceptable!" She exclaims. "You're a person. You're a fucking human being, and a really damn good one at that. You deserve to be treated like one. You deserve to be able to go to a fucking psychologist without being treated like shit." She rambles, anger depleting and fading to pure sadness that breaks Jeongguk's heart. "You deserve better."

Jeongguk sighs and pulls the crying girl to his chest, letting her soak the sleeve of his shirt with her tears. He holds her tightly while her body shakes with sobs, soothingly running his hand through her messy locks of black hair. The empathy she has never fails to amaze him, the overflowing compassion. He murmurs comforting words into her ear, lips gently pressing against her temple every once in a while.

"How do you do it?" She asks quietly some time later. They're sitting on the couch now, only after they sat on the kitchen floor for a moment when Haneul ran out of energy and tears and Jeongguk carried her to where it is more comfortable. She's curled up on his lap, head resting against his shoulder as his fingers play with the ends of her hair and delicately hold beneath her knee to keep her from sliding off his lap.

"Hm?" He hums softly, not knowing what she means. It's peaceful like this. Jeongguk could sit here holding her all day, admiring her beautiful face and even more stunning personality and basking in her warmth.

"How are you so...tolerant? Accepting? When everyone else is so intolerant of you?" She elaborates, and Jeongguk hums again in understanding.

"I was bitter for a long time, before I met Jimin and after. But then some special people come along every few decades or so, and give me a little hope that the world isn't so awful after all. That all people aren't bad. People like Jimin, like Hoseok. Like you." He answers simply. When he looks back down at her eyes, his fingers cease playing with her black locks. His heart skips a beat with a sudden realization, an epiphany that makes him stop dead in his tracks.

People like Jimin. Like you.

Jeongguk bites his lip, contemplating the overwhelming urge to lean down and diminish the space between their lips; to press his mouth to hers and communicate all the feelings words can't describe. He remembers the ghost of Jimin's lips on his own, though Haneul's lips were the last to touch his when they did last night. Now that he thinks about it in a clearer mindset, giving up himself to someone other than Jimin isn't betraying Jimin, rather, finding someone worthy enough to fill the hole in Jeongguk's heart Jimin left behind, someone even Jimin would approve of.

He would want him to be happy, Jeongguk knows this. Jeongguk knows that the version of Jimin that he sees in his dreams isn't real; but just a wicked figment of his imagination that serves no other purpose than to scare him away from moving on. From being happy. The real Jimin, his Jimin, would want this. Would look down on Jeongguk from whatever God forsaken place he is and smile.

"Why are you staring at me?" Haneul asks, pink dusting her freckled cheeks. Jeongguk can think of a number of responses to that question. Because you're beautiful and I can't take my eyes off you. Because I want to kiss you more than anything. Because the longer I look into your eyes, the safer I feel.

But instead of any of those, he goes with something even better.

"Because I'm letting go." He breathes out, and before any second thought can tell him otherwise, he leans down and presses his chapped lips to her soft ones.

And in that moment, the unfair world seems a little bit more in his favor.

IT HAPPENED YAYYYYY

the amount of willpower i've needed to have to make you wait this long for them to kiss uGhGh slow burns

i went into this not wanting them to kiss but here we are i hope you like it

also i put out a hoseok story called delivery if you want to go check it out, i really like writing it eeeee i'm excited for it

well that's all for now i love you all!! make sure to get enough sleep and drink enough water and treat yourselves this week!!! you deserve it!

edited 05/07/20