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#NY03 Chapter 03

"Sorry," Eli said when he stopped walking.

"Why?" I asked, just trying to fill in the silence.

"Hindi ko rin alam bakit kita hinatak. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung saan tayo papunta."

I looked at him. He was smiling uneasily. I smiled at him.

"It's okay," I replied. "I was about to leave, too," I lied.

At that moment, I was frozen. I knew I should leave... but I didn't know how to take the first step. Was that how people view me? As... segunda mano? Second hand? Damaged goods?

I knew I shouldn't be affected.

But that stung.

And I hated that it stung.

"Why were you there, anyway?" I asked instead. He was obviously not that comfortable around me, so I was thankful that despite that, he still managed to get me out of that situation.

"Shit!" he suddenly said. "Birthday dinner ng nanay ko!"

I smiled at him. "I'm okay here," I said.

He looked at me. "Sure ka?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I'm an adult, in case it's not obvious."

His lips parted for a few seconds. "Joke ba 'yan, Kelsey?"

I rolled my eyes. "No," I said, frowning for a bit.

He laughed. "Pero sure ka ba na okay ka lang?" he asked again.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

But he continued to look at me. I started to feel uncomfortable because of the way he was staring at me. Like he was trying to know my inner most thoughts...

It's unnerving.

"Hindi ka segunda-mano, okay?"

"I know," I quickly replied.

"May mga gago lang talaga na tao."

I kept quiet.

"Minsan, iyong mga sinasabi nila, reflection 'yun kung ano talaga iyong nararamdaman nila sa sarili nila," he continued as he stared right at my face while I averted my gaze and stared at the people passing by us. "Wala namang taong brand new. Lahat naman tayo may pinagdaanan na."

"Eli, I'm fine. Really," I said because I really didn't feel comfortable with talking about this—not with my family, not with him.

When I got married with Sean, that was my own decision.

When I got pregnant with Sammie, that was also my own decision.

When I decided to walk away from my marriage, that was also my own decision.

I seriously needed for people to finally realize that I was an adult with my own mind and they didn't need to think for me, to feel for me.

"Okay..." he said, sounding like he thought I was offended.

"But thank you," I quickly replied. "I really appreciate what you did there."

He nodded. "Seryoso ba? Kasi hindi ko sure kung tama ginawa ko. Bigla lang parang nag-auto-pilot ako at hinatak kita bigla."

I smiled. "You did the right thing."

"Aalis ka talaga?"

"Yes," I said.

"Good," he said, sounding relieved.

"Why?"

He shrugged. "You're too good for that guy, anyway."

I arched my brow. "How come?"

He shrugged again. "Tingin ko lang."

I laughed a little. "You're giving me too much credit, Teacher Eli. I'm not all that," I said.

He smiled. "I know, Ms. Fuentes," he said and then we both looked at his phone. It seemed like his mom was calling him. "Alis na ako."

I nodded. "Tell your mom happy birthday."

"I will," he said. "Uuwi ka na ba?"

"Maybe I'll swing by the bookstore," I said. "Do you know what Sammie likes now?" I asked. Last month, she was interested with dogs—last week, with fairies. I couldn't keep up with that kid.

"Di ko sigurado, pero ilang beses ko siyang nakita na nagbibilang ng bato."

"Bato?"

He nodded. "Rocks."

I frowned. "I know that."

He laughed. "Masyado ka kasing English speaking, e."

"I understand Tagalog perfectly. I just prefer to speak in English," I said, sounding rather too defensive for my liking. His phone started to vibrate again. "You should go."

"Grabe, ayaw mo na akong kausap?"

I frowned. "Your mother is calling you. Again."

He laughed. "Nakiki-basa ng cellphone. Masama 'yan, Miss Fuentes," he said. I frowned. Again. He laughed. "Joke lang. Sige, alis na ako. Enjoy sa bookstore, Miss Kelsey," he continued before waving and walking away. I just shook my head as I stared at his retreating back.

* * *

I spent at least an hour in the bookstore and then coffee shop before I headed home. I was a bit excited to show the books to Sammie, but I was greeted by my mom's frowning face.

"What?" I asked.

"You ditched your date."

I remained silent.

"Nakaka-hiya, Kelsey."

"Tell your friend I'm sorry," I just said. I didn't want to make a bigger deal out of it. I knew that if I tell my mom what I heard the guy said, she'd make a whole thing out of it and I just didn't want that. I wanted silence. I spent a long-time dodging questions after questions about Sean–I didn't want a rerun of that.

"He said that he saw you with another guy."

I halted. "What?"

"Are you seeing someone, Kelsey?"

I blinked a couple of times. "No," I firmly said.

"Then who's the guy, Kelsey?" she asked, but I stood on my ground. "Kung wala, why not try it with Sean—"

I quickly stopped her. "Mom, I love you, but if you force me with Sean one more time, I'll seriously lose it."

Her lips parted in surprise. "Kelsey!"

"Sean's in love with someone else, Mom. Do you want me to look pathetic? Do you want me to beg him to be with me? Is that what you want? For me? Your daughter? To beg a guy to be with her? Is that what you want?"

I stood there and waited for her to say something, but I got nothing. I just really needed for her to get off my back. It's tiring—and nakaka-hiya kay Sean.

"If you'll excuse me," I said before I headed to my room.

I planned to stay there the whole day, but I received a text from Sean saying that he's on the way to drop Sammie. I got up and went outside. I saw my mom looking at me, but I ignored her. Tough love. She needed to seriously stop.

"Mommy!" Sammie said as she got out of the car.

"Hey," I replied, smiling at her. "It's already late. Clean up and prepare for sleep na, okay?"

She nodded before she hugged Sean and said good night.

"I'm sorry," Sean said. "Got stuck in traffic."

"It's okay," I replied.

"Is Tita inside?"

"Yeah," I said. "But can you not?"

His forehead creased. "Did... I do something wrong?" he asked, sounding confused.

I shook my head. "No, you did nothing wrong," I replied. "It's just that my mom won't stop pushing for us to get back together as long as she sees you."

He blinked. "I'm not going anywhere, Kels."

"I know," I said. "I'm not asking you to leave."

"What can I do?"

"I don't know," I replied. It's not like I can force him to date—I figured that's the only way my mother would permanent put this issue to rest—once she sees Sean with someone else. Because as long as Sean's single, I'd never hear the end of it.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"Kels," he said.

I sighed. "Just... some stupid guy my mom asked me to see," I simply said.

"And what did the stupid guy do?" he asked.

"Called me segunda mano."

"What?" he asked, sounding mad.

"It's nothing. I ditched him."

"What's the name?" he asked, sounding really pissed this time.

"I didn't tell you for you to make a big deal out of it, okay? I just told you so that you'd know why I'm asking you to... take a little step back from my mom. I just want her to leave me alone and not set me up on dates."

"Fine," he said. "But I need a name, Kelsey."

"No."

"Kelsey—"

"No, Sean. You're not getting a name, and you're not going to ask my mom for the name. Your responsibility is Sammie and not to me. We're co-parents, that's it."

He stared at me. "Okay," he said. "But seriously, whoever that guy is, he's full of shit. He doesn't know you."

I stayed silent.

I knew that.

I didn't need anyone to tell me that.

* * *

I was headed to the cafeteria to get coffee. I'd been awake for too long now and I needed caffeine in my system. I was so excited to get my coffee when I halted because I thought I saw a familiar face.

"Eli?" I asked because I wasn't sure it was him.

He looked at me, his eyes bloodshot like he hadn't got a good sleep in days. "Uy..." he said with a tired smile on his face.

"What are you doing here?"

"Ah... 'Yung Mama ko kasi nasa operating room. Apat na oras na. Normal pa ba 'yung ganon o dapat na ba akong kabahan?"

I blinked. "Are you with someone else?"

He shook his head. "Patay na tatay ko tapos nasa ibang bansa mga kapatid ko," he said. He sounded so tired. "Saan ba pwedeng magtanong dito? Kanina pa ako paikut-ikot, e."

I knew I was out of line, but he looked like he'd fall any minute now. I held his hand and we walked towards the nurse's station and I asked him what his mom's name was. And then I asked them about some of the details of the operation. I saw from my peripheral vision that he was confused by the terms, so when the nurse was done, I explained to him what I heard.

"Salamat..."

"It's fine," I said. "But your mom's doctor is the best here in the Philippines."

"Talaga?"

I nodded and smiled at him. "Really. Your mom's in good hands, Eli," I replied. "Do you... have anyone you can call?" I asked because it's hard to wait by yourself. I imagined it to be maddening—constantly thinking about the possibilities and the worst-case scenarios... He needed someone to stay with him.

"Okay lang ako."

I didn't push him.

Maybe he didn't have anyone to call.

I perfectly understood.

"Baka may gagawin ka pa," he said, but I merely shook my head as I sat beside him outside the operating room.

*** 

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