Chapter Thirty Seven - Not Everything

The drunk me had said a lot of things to Matt except the one thing I was supposed to say—sorry.

I'd been a real bitch to him earlier and the fact that he'd still helped me, brought on even more guilt.

I owe him an apology, I reminded myself as I stared up at the tent wide awake, after having tossed and turned next to Meera countless times in hopes to fall asleep but all in vain.

I also had to pee so I was leaving the tent anyway. So, I decided I wasn't going to wait until morning for the apology. Standing up on shaky feet, I stepped out in the cool air, instantly wrapping my arms around myself as I made my way towards the bathroom.

It was empty. So, I quickly finished my business. On my way back, I was a little more aware of my surroundings than I'd been while going to the bathroom—I'd just beelined towards it with my head low.

Now, I could see that the campsite was completely silent and almost everyone was in their tents, except a few guys still hanging around the bonfire.

I squinted my eyes to get a clear view, feeling my heart pick up when I found Matt among them. The bonfire gave an orange glow to his face. He was holding a red cup and drinking from it occasionally while talking to the guys. Chris was sitting next to him and right in front of him was creepy Steve. Parker and Chad were there too. I didn't know the names of the rest of them.

I noticed Matt was in a different pair of clothes and his hair looked wet which meant he'd probably taken a shower after babysitting me. But something told me the babysitting wasn't over for him yet. Every few seconds, I found him throwing back a look in the direction of the tents, then joining in on the conversation again.

I realized I'd gone to leaning against a tree while observing him. Every time he chuckled at something and his eyes lit up, reflecting the bonfire glow, I felt my heart flutter. Since I was at a distance, I only heard faint undertones of his deep laugh and it still made me smile.

About a minute later, he tipped his head back, finished his drink and looked down at his watch before getting up. He said something and the guys nodded and a few of them got up as well and started moving towards their tents.

Matt started making his way towards his tent which was at the nearing end of the campsite. As if on autopilot, my feet started moving and I was only two steps behind him when he stepped inside.

"I thought you didn't drink," I announced myself.

He turned around, brows furrowed. "You should be asleep."

"So should you." I walked into the dark tent illuminated by his flashlight. "I took a little detour to your tent on my way back. Hope you don't mind."

"Back from where?" He raised a brow, eyes running over my body as if checking if I'd indulged myself in another hanging session.

"Bathroom. And yes, I found my way without straying to the lake. Surprise!"

Again, no humour. "I thought I told you to give me a call."

That's when a realization dawned on me—just because he'd helped me, it didn't mean all was good. He was mad about what I'd said during seven minutes in heaven.

"I lost my phone somewhere near the cliff. I'll have to get it back in the morning."

The mention of the cliff made a scowl appear on his lips. Damn! What did the poor cliff do?

"Fine. I'm taking you back to your tent now."

Just as his hand started to reach for my arm, I retreated a step, getting out of his reach.

"Wait. I have to say something."

"What?" he bit out, catching me off guard. His irritation was probably beyond my drunken comprehension.

Biting down on my lip, I took a step towards him. "I owe you an apology. I'm sorry about—"

"No." He shook his head, eyes gleaming with a warning. "Whatever you have to say, it doesn't mean a thing to me."

That felt like an arrow through the heart. Even though I was still in a daze and couldn't make sense of half the shit around me, the hurt that came from his words was palpable.

"Not right now," he continued. I looked up into his eyes and found them betraying his conduct. They were soft, unlike his words. "Whatever you have to say to me, I'll hear it when you're in your senses. So, you're gonna come back tomorrow and give me that apology."

He stepped closer, holding my gaze. "And that's when I'll know you mean it."

I nodded slowly. It wasn't the first time I'd been a bitch to him while sober, then given him a drunken apology and called it a day.

"Fair enough."

I took a step back to leave but my foot got caught on the uneven ground surface, making me lose balance. I fell back with a yelp but my body never met the ground because a pair of arms locked around my waist and heaved me up into the warmth of his body.

Our bodies were pressed together—hard muscles against soft flesh and being so close, I could inhale his alluring scent, which wasn't making things any easier for me.

"Watch where you're going, Andrews," he chaffed, the smirk visible in his eyes rather than on his lips.

I swallowed.

He began to steady me, pulling me up on my feet, but some deeply unhinged part of me resisted. I grabbed a hold of the collar of his t-shirt and slowly started to slither to the ground, pulling him down with me. And he let me. Maybe because I hadn't given him any time to steady himself, let alone both of us.

He fell on top of me with a grunt, surprise lingering in his brown eyes when they flicked to mine.

"I think I'm gonna stay here for a while," I muttered.

My back was flat against the ground, and his chest was lightly brushing over mine.

He remained on top of me, but he was only hovering. With the way his jaw had hardened and his fists were clenched on either side of me as he held himself up on his forearms, I could tell he was being very careful to not touch me.

He shut his eyes like he was begging the heaven for composure. Then he exhaled and rolled off me to lay on his back next to me.

After a moment, he started to get up until I placed my hand on his chest and pinned him to the ground.

"Rebekah," his voice came out as a warning, an exciting warning.

"Matthew," I countered, tilting my head with an innocent smile.

I slid my hand from his chest towards his jaw, brushing it with the back of my fingers before slowly trailing them over his tempting lips. I've been wanting to do that for a while.

I put my index finger on his lower lip and started to lean down, but his sudden movement stifled me when he caught my hand on his lips which had slowly started to stray to the nape of his neck in hopes to keep his face steady.

I stared up into his eyes with a complaining pout, getting to behold his inner struggle.

His tongue darted out to lick his lips once before he warned, "Don't."

"Don't what?" I smiled.

He raked his free hand through his hair and inhaled sharply. "You're going back to your tent now. I mean it."

I was a little disappointed about how determined he was in getting me to leave. Would he have done the same to Rebecca if she'd sneaked into his tent in the middle of the night?

Probably not. The thought saddened me.

"You can't stand me here?"

"Exactly," he spoke through gritted teeth. "But not in the way you're thinking right now. God, Rebekah, I don't know what I'm gonna do if you don't get off—"

"So, you can barge in my room whenever you want and sprawl across my bed like you own it, and I can't even take the ground in your temporary tent?"

Another sharp inhale.

"No, you can't."

"No?" I pouted. "Are you scared the teachers are gonna catch you with a girl? Are you scared of getting in trouble, Williams?"

His eyes narrowed. "I'm not."

"Of course, you're not. Matt Williams. Never afraid. Always does what he wants." I chuckled. "Always gets what he wants. Anything and everything."

I folded my arm over his chest and propped my chin on it, staring into his deep brown eyes. There were mere inches between our faces.

The storm in his eyes had settled and when he spoke again, his voice was soft.

"Not everything."

I frowned. "Really? Why am I not able to believe that?"

He remained silent, just breathing, and the longer I heard it, the more I tried to sync mine with his.

"You know what Meera tells me whenever I have self-doubt? She says that if you put your mind to something, if you really want something, nothing can stop you from having it. It's only about how bad you want it."

My eyelids were slowly drooping, and with my ear right above his chest, I was slowly falling into a peaceful slumber to the rhythm of his heartbeat. It was like a lullaby. It was weird how easily sleep was coming to me when I'd been restlessly tossing and turning not more than fifteen minutes ago.

"So, you think I should go after it?" he asked after a moment.

"Mhm," I mumbled.

"And I can have it?"

"Undoubtedly." I shut my eyes, mumbling half mindedly, "you won't take my drunken apology, but will you at least answer my drunken question? It's the least you can do after that awesome pep talk."

"What do you wanna know?"

"Something that's been bothering me for five days."

I'd started seeing sleepy symmetrical patterns already, but my mouth seemed to have a mind of its own right then.

"Did you deliberately post that 'Food n more' collab video on the day of the challenge, knowing Rebecca would push it back and we'd have to have more training?"

He did not reply, and if I wasn't almost passed out, I would've opened my eyes and demanded an answer. But right then, even staring seemed like an impossible task.

So, I let it go with a sigh.

"You'd left me no choice."

Oh, my bad.

After a moment, I heard him take in a deep breath, but it wasn't the kind you took before relaxing in bed. It was the kind you took before preparing yourself to get out of it.

He shook my shoulder gently. "Get up. I'm taking you back to your tent."

"Why?" I protested. "I can't sleep in my tent. Yours is better."

"Maybe next time, if you don't drink so much, I'll let you sleep in my tent. I'd hate to be woken up in the morning by a smack in the face when you're back in your senses." He'd sat up by now and was pulling me up with him.

I let out a little cry as I rubbed my eyes open. "I wouldn't do that."

"Sure."

"No!" I protested weakly as he pulled me up to my feet and grabbed my waist firmly, leading me out of the tent until someone blocked our way at the entrance.

I squinted my eyes to see their face, then greeted with a smile, "Hey, Chris."

He seemed taken aback and amused at the same time as he looked between me and Matt. "Hey, Becks. Didn't expect to see you here."

"Let me guess. You're about to go and sleep in there." I pointed my thumb back at the tent.

"I don't mind finding another place to crash if I'm interrupting something," he replied with a little smirk.

"Are you drunk?" I blinked furiously.

His brows pulled together. "Not really."

"Then go ahead. That's the only way he'll let you sleep in his tent."

He opened his mouth to speak, but Matt beat him to it, "not right now, Chris."

And then he pulled me away from him. I waved him goodbye, and he returned it with a wide grin as Matt walked me back to my tent. Cheryl was back and was sleeping soundly. There was a bit of space between her and Meera.

"Okay, fine. Maybe I'll just sleep here." I crawled between the two of them and pulled the blanket on top of me. With my eyes closed, I waved Matt bye.

But he was still there, arranging my blanket on me properly so my feet were engulfed in the warmth, too. I forced a peek and could see him hovering over me. I resisted the urge to lift my fingers and trace his sharp jawline again.

Mmh, that's a nice sight.

That was my last thought before I dozed off.

*****

The first thing that I heard the next morning was an annoying monotonous sound that made me want to smash its source.

It stopped. But then it started again after a few minutes.

I forced my eyes open and looked above my head to find a phone. It was Meera's phone. Her 6:30 a.m. alarm was going off.

"No!" I groaned while dismissing it, casting a glance at my friends.

One could easily mistake them for dead. While Cheryl had her mouth open in her sleep, Meera's head was bent at a very weird angle. Her neck was going to hurt like a bitch after waking up.

I shut Cheryl's mouth and angled Meera's head in a comfortable position. Right then, a sharp throbbing pain in my head made me nearly groan.

"What the fuck," I said under my breath, slowly trying to recall what the hell was going on.

And as the events of last night slowly started coming back to me, my eyes widened and I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Or make a run for the bus before anyone woke up, especially Matt. I'd prefer to not see him for the next two weeks, at least.

Everything was coming back in bits and pieces but I remembered that I was about to drop down a cliff. Then I was saved by Matt. Then he had to take me to shower.

The shower! Oh God! The almost stripping! I brought my hands to my mouth to muffle a scream. Not that my friends would have minded anyway.

I'd also went to his tent and did or said God knows what. Why, Becks, why?

"No," a pained groan came out of my mouth as I buried my face in my hands.

I looked down at myself. I wasn't wearing a bra. And I suddenly got more flashbacks of all the embarrassing things I'd done and said to him.

"God! Why always me?" I groaned again.

"Shut up," Meera mumbled in her sleep, waving her hand aimlessly in the air to hit me.

"Oh, so my whispering did what your freaking alarm couldn't?"

She waved her hand dismissively and tossed over to the other side, ignoring me.

With a sigh, I grabbed my toiletries bag and fresh clothes and headed towards the building. Since everyone was passed out from drinking or staying up late, I had the whole area to myself.

Just like last night!

"Stop, brain. Please." I could actually cry right then.

I quickly brushed my teeth, used the bathroom and took a shower and changed into new clothes. By 7:15 a.m., I was heading back and people had started to crowd the bathrooms.

Eyeing the campsite warily for any sight of Matt, I sneaked back into my tent to put my stuff back and then made my way to the dining hall for breakfast.

"You're early, kiddo. That's a rare sight," the football coach said while sipping on his coffee.

"Morning, coach. Morning, Mr. Jensen," I greeted and fetched myself a coffee for my terrible hangover. Then I grabbed a slice of butter toast and quickly sprinted back to my tent before I could be spotted by a particular someone.

I sat down in a corner and started eating. Meera sniffed in her sleep right before her eyes flew open and landed on my half-eaten toast.

"I'm hungry," she said with a yawn.

"Good morning to you, too." I took a sip of my coffee. I had forgotten to add sugar in a rush but I didn't want to go back for it. I could live with the kind of coffee my enemy preferred for once if it meant I could avoid him, that is, if he was even awake yet.

"What time is it?" She probed for her phone above her head and checked the time. "When did you wake up, Becks?"

"6:30. Thanks to your alarm." I smiled sarcastically, then frowned when I noticed something next to my bag.

It was my phone.

I was pretty sure I'd left it somewhere near the cliff last night. Wait! Had Matt gone back to fetch it for me? That was nice of him.

It wasn't the only nice thing he did last night, said my annoying inner voice and I internally groaned again.

"Did you shower?" Meera asked.

"Yes, I'm all set to leave. In fact, I can't wait."

Her eyes narrowed. "You can't wait for a trip to be over? What happened?"

"A lot. I'll explain when you can open your eyes properly."

Cheryl shook in her sleep and her eyes slowly opened. "Is that toast?"

I ate the last of it and said while chewing, "was."

She sat up and yawned, scratching her head. "We got really hammered last night, didn't we?"

"You don't say."

She buried her face in her hands and just stayed like that for a few minutes while Meera stretched her arms up and started gathering her things. Cheryl started to gather as well, and they both left the tent.

I quickly zipped it close after them to make it look like nobody was inside.

They came back after about one and a half hour, exhausted even more than before. "You're lucky you ditched the long shower line."

"I know. Did the coach say we could start hiking back to the buses?"

Meera narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "What did you do? And who are you trying to run from? Start speaking."

"Sean?" Cheryl asked while brushing the tangles in her hair.

When I remained silent, their eyes widened at the same time as they exchanged a look before snapping their eyes to me.

"Matt?" They gasped in unison.

I nodded slowly.

"Oh my God! What happened? Did you kiss him?" Cheryl gasped.

"No, of course—" I started but cut myself off abruptly as the image of him being very close to me came back. I remembered pushing him to the ground and lying next to him, then on top of him. Our faces were very close. "I don't remember."

What if I did kiss him?

"Becks," Meera clicked her tongue with a shake of her head. "What else? If you don't even remember if you guys kissed, what else are you embarrassed about?"

I scratched my forehead. "He... uh... saw my underwear when he had to grab my clothes because I had to shower since I was all muddy from almost falling off that cliff."

Once again, their eyes grew wide. While Cheryl was completely shocked, Meera seemed to be recalling it.

"That's it?" she asked.

I did not want to tell them the rest. I knew they weren't going to judge me for trying to cozy up with my enemy, but I was judging the hell out of myself. What the hell was I doing last night? What was wrong with me?

Why did I keep seeking my enemy when I should've been seeking Sean? He was the reason I'd been excited about the camping trip for a whole year, and now, I hadn't even spoken to him for more than five minutes on the trip.

And I didn't even feel like I had missed out on anything.

"Yes," I answered. "That's it."

"It's not that big of a deal. He's probably seen tons of women underwear before. Are you not aware of his reputation?" Cheryl asked.

I swallowed. "Yes. Just forget about it. Maybe it's the hangover. My head's bursting. I wanna go home."

"I second that." Meera grimaced.

They both packed their things and went to get some breakfast. Once they came back and told me the coach said we could start hiking, we quickly dismantled our tent and started on our hike down to the buses without Chad and Mack. They were still asleep. We'd tried to wake them up, but they'd insisted on not getting up until the coach's blasted whistle rang in their ears.

We were probably the first ones to start. Since it was a downward hike, we didn't have to stop a lot, and the weight of our bags didn't slow us down anymore.

After precisely two hours, we made it down to the buses.

"Finally. Safety!" I hugged the front of the junior class bus, relieved.

"Did I miss the bear that was chasing us?" Meera muttered to Cheryl right before she scoffed to mock me, "safety."

I rolled my eyes. She wouldn't understand.

It took everyone else another hour to reach the buses, and just as it started to get crowded, I threw on my cap and sunk low in my seat. I also kept my head low whenever we stopped for bathroom breaks—beelining straight for the bathroom and back to the bus.

When we made it back to school, it was dark already. Tugging on the sleeves of my hoodie, I lowered my cap further and hurried towards the bus luggage compartment to get my bag and throw it with myself in Mack's car.

"Excuse me, coming through," I muttered as I weaved past people, grabbed my bag, and just maneuvered my way out of the crowd as quickly.

"Just a suggestion. Next time, pull your hair up if you're planning a disguise."

My eyes widened at the familiar voice, and I slowly turned my head. Then, as embarrassing as it was, I let out a little shriek at the person standing in front of me.

Brown eyes stared down into mine accusingly. "You look like you're in a rush. Running from someone?"

I froze.

Because I wasn't prepared to see him for at least the next two days. I'd planned everything—I'd be going to school with my friends, sneaking around in corridors during lunch, and if he would've decided to show up at my house in the evening, I would've told Mrs. Brooke to let him know I wasn't well and did not want to be disturbed.

It probably wouldn't have worked seeing how persistent he was, but I would've at least tried. But I definitely wasn't expecting to see him right then.

"I..." I started, trailing off eventually.

He folded his arms over his chest.

I still owed him an apology, and he was clearly waiting for that. But how could I say anything about last night without reminding us both of the embarrassing stuff I'd done? And what if he brought any of it up?

I knew that if he did, I'd simply melt into a puddle of embarrassment and never recover.

"Yes?" he demanded.

If I'd kissed him, he definitely wouldn't be acting so... not strange. Wait! Did all that even happen? Did I really sneak into his tent at night, or was it all a dream? Did I even almost fall off a cliff?

"Becks!" A voice from my left interrupted us, to my relief. Mack was standing with his hands on his hips, exhausted. "Are you coming?"

"Of cou—"

"I've got her," Matt replied.

My eyes widened. "What—"

"Really? Thanks, man. You're a life saver."

Before I had a chance to speak, Mack was waving us bye over his shoulder and making his way towards his car. I couldn't find it within myself to stop him. Meera's house was on the way to Cheryl's, which was on the way to Mack's. He usually didn't mind going out of his way for me, but he looked really tired after the trip.

I bit down on my lip, bringing my eyes back to the person staring at me patiently and expectantly.

"I'm sorry," I muttered.

It came out like ripping off a band-aid. And he did not like that. He clearly did not look satisfied.

"About?"

"About what I said during seven minutes in heaven."

"You said a lot of things."

I sucked in a breath when he took a step forward. As I looked down at his lips, I realized how unfair it would be to kiss them and not even remember it. Wait, what, Becks?

I blinked, deducing that I would've definitely remembered kissing him. He wouldn't let it go so easily. So, it didn't happen.

"Fine!" I swallowed, sucking it up. "I said that you mean nothing to me. I'm sorry about that."

For a hot second, his eyes flashed with incredulity like he hadn't actually expected me to apologize. But then, he recovered quickly and took another step in my direction, eyes sharp.

"You admit you were wrong?"

I gave a small nod.

"So, I do mean something to you?"

There goes all that confidence!

I placed my hand on his chest to put some distance between us because when he was this close to me, I could not think straight. But all it did was brush against him, and he still stopped moving forward.

"Uh, I..."

"Rebekah?"

My head turned, thankful for another interruption.

"Sean." I smiled, realizing I was a little breathless.

"Hey!" He walked up to us while adjusting his backpack strap on his shoulder and throwing a greeting nod at Matt. I didn't even sneak a peek at his face to know if he'd returned it. "I didn't see you at the campsite after you made it. Where were you?"

I gave him a tight smile. "Just got drunk with friends and wandered the woods."

He chuckled. "Right. I can't believe I missed hide and seek."

"Where were you?"

"Coach needed to see me. Being quarterback and captain is not easy." He shrugged rather proudly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Matt cross his arms over his chest, simmering with irritation.

"But hey! I hate the fact that we didn't get a chance to talk on the trip. I was actually looking forward to it." He was? "Do you think..." he trailed off, scratching the nape of his neck. I used to find that adorable, I thought.

"What?" I asked.

"Do you think I can give you a ride home? Or is that too weird for you?"

"Oh!" I smiled awkwardly, almost declining, but some rotten, idiotic, stupid part of me nodded, making his smile widen. "Sure. I would love that."

I could feel a heated glare on me, and something about the whole situation made me want to pat myself on the back and pull my hair out in frustration at the same time.

"Great. Let's go."

"I'll be with you in a minute."

"Sure." He turned to Matt and gave him another nod. "See you at practice, bud."

No response.

With a confused smile, Sean walked away.

And when I turned my head to Matt, I found that he was already glaring at me.

"You taught me music, Matt," I started.

His brows furrowed in confusion, pushing his anger down just a bit.

"Honestly, I never expected you to actually help me. Never mind the fact that I had to literally get on your back to get you to agree, but you did it nonetheless. We didn't exactly have a friendly equation, and the last thing I expected when we started was for that equation to change. But it did. We both know it did. So yes, you do mean something to me now."

Despite his anger, I had every bit of his attention as his eyes furiously searched mine. For what, I didn't know.

"Because maybe, just maybe, we're more than what we started with. We're definitely not enemies anymore."

Suddenly, the silence between us wasn't an awkward one. And even though my next words stamped the conversation close, they also left so much more to say.

"And that's it."

Because, if we weren't enemies anymore, what the hell were we?

The look in his eyes shifted. Even though I couldn't read it exactly, it told me that he somehow knew the answer to that better than me.