Blinking past the haziness surrounding her eyes, Jannah stretched her arms on the couch uncomfortably. She frowned without the feel of Adnan beside her then look out the window to see the sky is still dark which means she's slept for only a few hours or perhaps, minutes. Sitting up, she waited for a few seconds then stood up with a small sway and lilt.

She slipped her legs into her favorite furry flip flops inside the room and her glasses on her nose. Her eyes surveyed the entire room for a glimpse of Adnan or that broody aura of his but he was nowhere in sight. Her daughter is cocooned in a blanket, definitely sheathed by Adnan. Then he should be around right? He won't leave the resort so late.

Just when she was about to drop her shoulders and sit down on the bed to read Holy Quran, she is not sleepy at all, her eyes fell on the outline of his head on one of the three chaise lounges outside the balcony. She contemplated for surfeit minutes whether to disrupt his alone time or not. Well, he's got many alone times so she'll have to harangue this.

She slid open the glass door, her footsteps swallowed by the wooden floor. She sat down on one of the chaise lounges, removed her flip flops and played with her toes. The lounge chair she is sitting on is right beside his so she knew he felt her presence though he refuse to look up at her. She frowned. Are they back to square one?

Clearing her throat three times, she set her lips into a moue when he still refuse to turn around to look at her. After all that's happened between them earlier, he is avoiding her now? That's brutally cold and ruthlessly heart wrenching.

"Be quiet, I'm trying to think." He murmured, his voice quiet but the night air swooshed it to her ears.

"I also came out to think. Why so harsh, Dracs? I didn't satisfy you?" The last sentence was meant only for her ears but he heard it with the way his lips twitched. With amusement or dread? She's got no idea.

"You did more than that which is why I'm thinking of ways to get rid of it." He answered icily, his fists clenched beside him on the lounge chair.

"Get rid of what?" She sat up and drew her legs up to her bosom and wrap her arms around her shin.

"My sudden fetish for sex." He offered in a matter of fact way that stopped her heart for a second.

Is Adnan Ibrahim Attahir admitting he is attracted to her or is the Maldives air doing something? Is there magic in Maldives?! He's been acting so not like him first by calling her Mama and now this?

"And who told you you will be able to control it?" She challenged, tilting her head to the side so her entire face is facing him.

His eyes flicked to her for just a second then back into the water. With the help of the beaming fluorescent behind them, she read the emotions there. He is angry, confused and most of all, tired.

"I control everything about me. Feelings, emotions, actions, aura, wealth, employees you name them. This is nothing because I've survived many years without it." He stated in a deadpan, he is only deceiving himself here and not her.

"That is not the same with this. To me, I've been deprived of my rights for a long time. The books I've read, the little Hausa ones of course, made it sound like you were in heaven. I always fantasize about that thinking why I didn't get something similar the first time we...consummated." She trailed off biting her tongue.

She is just glad Adnan is an honest man. Whatever it is about, he is outright honest and brutally earnest that sometimes she wants to shoot him or throttle him to death.

"Those books are going to lead you to doom. They tend to lower people's IQ."

"They didn't and they are right. I felt like I was in heaven few hours ago and I know you felt it too. Don't try sheathing it to hurt me." Her throaty voice lowered, they both knew he did.

"You know? I think we should stay away from each other, it'll help us both." He turned around to look at her icily, he is now detached. Not the Adnan that massaged her legs and relaxed her insecurity.

She drew the only article of clothing closing her, his suit closer to her body to warm herself up. "Who told you staying away from one another will help? You are trapped, Dracs. It won't work."

"It will have to." He insisted.

"You think?" She catechized in a singsong, her smile large and beautiful.

"I know."

"Then you're utterly wrong. Your feelings won't be controlled like you did your employees. Maybe before but not now. Start believing that you have a heart after all and it's beating." She grinned cheekily waiting for him to look away but he didn't.

"I've never denied not having a heart but emotions, feelings? That's abominable and a no-go territory." He looked away, getting a more comfortable position on the lounge chair.

"You cannot do anything about it." She persisted, holding onto the thin thread of hope.

"You think?" He repeated her words.

"I know!" She did his. "I'll make sure to prove you wrong. Besides, what is so bad about having feelings for your wife? You think I also want to have feelings for a husband that lacks emotions? I don't want to go through another heartbreak, at least not in this lifetime."

"Everything is wrong about having feelings for anyone. It is a weakness I cannot deal with."

"It is part of life. You love your daughter and mother. Why not your wife?" She asked the last sentence in a much lower voice, her eyes shone with curiosity.

"Some other people's lives and not mine." He intentionally refused to answer her question so as to not break her heart.

Wow! He is now conscious of how she feels? This is getting serious. He needs is doctor!

"You are so against emotions like a cold fish. Were you in love before? Someone broke your heart or something?" Her palms went to her legs to cool down the goosebumps. It's so cold.

"No."

She closed her eyes, the sound of water washing the shore reaching her ears and calming her down. "Then why this strong hatred for it? You don't have any right to be toxic, you know. Love is extremely beautiful if you're lucky."

"I don't like the mere mention of it."

"You have a bad past then." And the conversation ended.

If he'd wanted to tell her, he would have but he didn't so she won't press it. She is glad he is opening up to her like this. Would he do that to the other Jannah? Probably not.

After a long silence, she contemplated aloud. "Why did you agree to marry after knowing what I did? After every single man in the world loathed me for being so stupid? Why take rotten goods? And don't tell me it is because of your mother, she didn't believe them but I know you knew the truth since then. You've asked from legit sources."

"What's there to not agree with when it's an arranged marriage?" He frowned, using his elbow to close his eyes, his muscles flexing yummy-ly.

"Many things! I was not a virgin. I wasn't raped either. I gave it up in my right state of mind because I was foolish." She bursted out, her voice broke a little and she is sure he's caught it but she always gets emotional whenever she thinks about her life like that.

"Why does virginity matter? I had no plans on having sex regularly neither I'm I concerned with your chasteness or lack of it. I knew I had to marry to get my mother off my back so I did." The dispassionate tone again, so impersonal and distant.

He is going to stay away from her, she could feel it in her bones. But that is not what she wants!

"You could've married any woman. And I mean, anyone if you had talked to your mother about it. But you agreed to marry me? I refuse to believe it's only because of your mother." She is seconds away from freezing, goddamnit.

If she leaves this place even if it's just to go get a blanket, she knew Adnan won't talk again. She'll take the cold, more of it if need be and continue having this conversation with him even if it is going to kill her. She'd rather have him talking now and he can stay away from her later.

She thought he was not going to answer after more than few minutes of silence but he did. "It was the first time I felt something in my entire life. Well, in an extremely long time."

"What was it you felt?" The hefty spoonful of curiosity in her voice was palpable, myriad of it.

"I don't want to recall the details." He dismissed, his eyes still closed with his elbow.

"But I want to know. If you tell me, I'll forgive one of your many sins."

"Are you God?"

"No but I'm your wife. The best amongst men are the ones that are good to their wives. Allah will reward you." He meandered his head to look at her before letting out a small smile.

Fuck!!! It was a terawatt smile that electrified her. Why does he have to be too handsome?

"When my mother told me about the marriage and a girl from her hometown, I told her to go ahead with it without me there but she wasn't having it..."

Hajiya Maimuna excitedly grinned at her son. "You should be there too. If you like her, we can get you married instantly."

"I have so much work to do. I'm sure you'll know the type of woman I would want to marry. If she is your choice, she's fine." He was adjusting his Breguet watch in her living room ready to leave for work after just coming back from Russia.

"No, that will not do. You've already married the wrong person once, I don't want another divorce issuing in the future. Get dressed and let's go. It's going to be just one day." She's stood up because she was ready to leave for her hometown right then.

He frowned at her, his face expressionless. "Twenty four hours is too long."

"Well, you are the boss. Chop, chop, chop, get dressed."

"...I told you I first saw you was in your hometown but you denied it because you didn't see me. I was not in the mood to talk about what had happened, neither am I now but... so I allowed you to think whatever. When we reached your hometown, you were not in the house because they didn't want us to see their ruined daughter. My mother didn't tell them we were there to seek for your hand in marriage so they sent you away from what I've gathered..." He kept quiet knowing his words hurt her more than she wanted to let on.

But how is he supposed to do anything otherwise? He is used to not using aspartame when he talks so him hurting her because he is bestially sincere isn't his fault.

She took over with a watery smile. "They did. I was so happy to leave the house after forever then went to my Uncle's who gave me his wife's clothes along with his children's to wash. I enjoyed it though. Anything to leave my house."

"Before you left, I saw you walking out of the house but my mother didn't. You were also crying."

Her heart squeezed at the memory, tears came rushing down like a rotten sluice broke down. She brought all those things upon herself for being so stupid and ignorant. The time when she was numb without emotions, not caring what is going on around her. She had mentally shut down and only got reawakened when she gave birth to Imara.

"My mother used to beat me then. She does that whenever she sees me in the house. Morning, afternoon, evening and night..."

"You've brought utter disgrace to our family! I hate the mere sight of you, you useless girl. You opened your legs for a bastard out there in the name of love, huh? Now he's revealed all your secrets and no one will marry someone that's been used before: Shashasha kawai wanda batasan me ke mata ciwo ba! Kinje kin bude ma wani shege kafa wai ke soyayya ko? Gashinan ya tona maki asiri a banza a hofi. Babu wanda zai kwasa wacca aka lalata." Her mother, Nuriyyah bellowed while hitting her with both hands and legs.

Jannah's head was hanged low throughout the beatings and insults. She's gotten used to it and it was all her fault. At first she knew deep down her mother was doing it in case if she was pregnant, she'll miscarry the bastard but luckily, she wasn't.

Mallam Yahya grunted by the door in his raucous voice. "Leave her alone. She already knows that she will live in this house with us forever and keep getting more of this -beating- or she goes to the city and work as a housemaid. Thank God she is not even pregnant: Ki kyaleta. Ta san a nan zatai ta rayuwa har karshen rayuwanta tana cin duka ko kuma ta tafi birni tayi aiki can. Allah ya sa ciki bai shiga ba."

One last hit at her ribs with her dog-tired slippers, her mother shouted. "Stand up and go to your uncle's house, Saleh and I shouldn't see you anywhere but there. Close your face so people won't see you on your way: Tashi ki tafi gidan kawun ki Saleh kuma kar naganki a wani wuri idan ba can ba. Ki rufe fuskan ki kar a ganki a hanya."

"I saw you then and instantly knew you were the one which was confirmed when we entered. The news spread around in less than an hour that someone from the city is here to get married to the ruined and only daughter of Mallam Yahya. People kept trying to get close to tell me what you did. The more they talked, the more I wanted to get you off that place, I didn't know why. I still don't know the reason." His face is still closed, voice impersonal.

"Mom, get us married as soon as possible. We are leaving together with her tomorrow." And it happened, they got married on a bright Thursday with five witnesses from her side and two from his.

But wait, where did the memories all rushed out from? Jannah thought with designation, she is doomed.