insert track one: no longer by nct 127

The man who doesn't love you
I've always been envious to him

The words that come out from me, who is crying beside you, are only

"It's okay, everything is alright"...

Time flies, people change, I hate how ironically accurate that sentence is. Even if I did tell you I loved you, I would still feel the emptiness inside my heart on the very next day. That is how I cautiously view the 'L' word, as I myself am not sure if that meant anything to me when I said it out loud.

There are situations that haunt me at night. The silly, ridiculous situations that are my shower thoughts, the tool to bawl my eyes out, to make me remember I still have feelings. They are unhealthy and I am aware of it, yet I just love the hell out of that agony.

You've broken the gap in the middle of this season without making a sound
Don't take a break
Stay here with me, always...

Can you imagine living under the same roof with you romantic partner? Can you imagine kissing them by the kitchen counter, taking a cab home together without having to say goodbye? I would love that for me too, but then my thoughts automatically started to dig deeper. Can you imagine waking up next to your lover and being able to see their truest and most innocent form?

People let their guard down most easily when they are fast asleep. They look messy, tired in the morning, and letting your lover witness that is one crucial stage of being in a relationship. I hope the upcoming story doesn't wreck the perfect image of love in your eyes, as I had done it too myself and it made me more vulnerable than ever.

"She no longer needs me"
The more I want you
My reality gets heavier
I guess everything will be difficult after this hasty confession
Nevertheless, I can't take it anymore
I wanna run to you now
Because I want you every moment of my life...

Imagine your lover waking up first in the morning. His eyes were wide open, just to see your figure right beside him. Your hair was messy, you even had drools on the pillows. Yet you looked so peaceful and happy. And he thought you were the most beautiful being in the whole world, and had this eventful urge to kiss you awake. And he did that anyways, making you wake up as the happiest girl anyone can be. He was in love, and any sights of you could light up his fulfilled heart. Then one day, he woke up first as usual. He saw how much of a wreck you were after a night of sleeping, as usual. But this time, he thought your drools were disgusting, your hair made him nauseous, and you looked ugly as you really are. You didn't do anything wrong, he just fell out of love, as easily as he did the first time he fell for your beautiful smile. You didn't do anything at all, he just wasn't in love with you anymore.

How painful it must be, when the love you had disappears so fast that you came unprepared. There's no right or wrong in love, and no one is at fault. Love is that cruel, as you only can blame God for making you become such a heartless person. You tried so hard to regain the feelings you used to hold towards him, but they didn't show up in your now empty heart. Months after the merciless breakup, feelings started to unwind, but he isn't yours anymore. Like an aftermath of a war, it ended, but the remnants last for centuries. He is long gone, but why is your heart still aching like someone just stabbed it with a thousand knives?

All the feelings inside us
If I could bring all of them out
There would have been no fear and misunderstanding...

"I was cruel to him," You reminded yourself. You were together for quite a long time, but it feels like you were dating a ghost, who you can't remember anything about. You want him back, and you have to fight for him this time. You wanted to make him his favorite dish, yet you didn't know what that is. You asked his friends, and the answer you received was more than painful: "Aren't you supposed to know that best? He was your boyfriend anyways."

You didn't know anything about him. You were so used to being the spoiled girlfriend whose boyfriend could do anything to make you happy. Every decision was yours, not because he couldn't decide. He put you on top, and that makes him such a keeper. You lost him. And there's nothing you could do about it.

So the world keeps me one step away from you
But, why are tears flowing now?...

There are nights that you wanted to text him, to call him. To say how much you missed him. And most importantly, you wanted him to know that you loved him. That faithful day when you said you loved him, you meant every single word of that sentence. It was the wrong way of love anyways, but you did love him. And you had no regret loving such an amazing human being he was, still is and will always be.

Believe me every moment of my life (is)
Headed to you...

yours, faithfully / september 2019