Hi genie_us,

I need help.

i've recently met this new guy at school and he's a nice person and we have quite an unbelievable amount of things in common, there's nothing to stop me dating him because I think at some point he may ask me out, but I don't want to date him because he really isn't nice looking.

He's not 100% ugly, but he's not fit. I would feel embarrassed if I dated him becayse of what people might think and also I'm a girl geek and he's a geek but I don't want to date a geek.

I want to know what I should say to him if he does ask me out and what I should tell him if he asks me why I don't want to. I couldn't say to him that I was embarrassed by him or that he wasn't very nice looking.

Hope you can help.

::

Hello there!

Before I start, I'll just say that any one who comments on this saying shit like:

"IF YOU LIKE HIM, IT SHOULDN'T MATTER HOW HE LOOKS! IT'S PERSONALITY THAT COUNTS!"

Just go and brush your teeth, please.

Because quite frankly, there's a bit of shit coming out of your mouth.

Okay now, I'm talking to our problem child.

I scanned through your message a couple of times, and there was something I kept looking for. But you didn't say it.

You didn't mention that you liked him.

You said he's nice, that you've "quite an unbelievable amount of things in common", and there's nothing to stop you from dating him.

But you didn't say that you like him!

So here's my question to you.

Do you like him? 

I've laid down a couple of things that I hope might help you make your decision.

1. It's your choice

You need to understand that you're not obliged to say yes. It's not "compulsory". You said that there's nothing to stop you from saying yes, but there's nothing to stop you from saying no either.

It happens all the time, to everybody (being rejected), and if you're just not that into him, IT'S OKAY. IT'S PERFECTLY FINE! No one's judging you just because you rejected a guy. 

You needn't feel forced to date him.

2. You don't need to have an explanation

In life, I've found that in a lot of situations, people feel the need to give an explanation for everything. But here's the sitch: you don't owe anyone an explanation. You don't need to tell him why you said no, because that's none of his business.

I know that you don't want to tell him because your reason may be hurtful to him, but it's something you can't really change.

In the event that he does ask why,what you can just say is:

"I just don't like you that way."

It will hurt, but that's the truth. 

3. Your reasons are your reasons

I know that you may feel a little guilty, because society will make you feel bad for saying you don't like someone partly because of their appearance and/or social standing.

(They are hypocrites though, because they're the same people who will judge you by your appearance and social standing!)

Anyway, what I mean to say is that I know that, as much as people hate to admit it, looks do count up for a lot of the reason why you're attracted to someone. And that's fine.

I, for one, will not lie and say that it doesn't matter. I can't date someone who I'm not physically attracted to. And you shouldn't feel like you have to either. In all honesty, it's no fun because it's great having someone you find good-looking like you.

We all deserve someone who can make our whole body tingle from just one touch. 

(That's beautiful omg that should go in a quote book somewhere lol)

Therefore, it's fine that you don't find him attractive. Don't feel guilty or regretful for that.

4. Find positive aspects in his looks

Okay from hereon, I'll be addressing it as if you do like him.

I've found myself crushing on one or two guys who I don't find attractive, and I don't know how or why it happened, I just liked them. That's cool too.

What you can try to do is find certain things in their appearance that you do like. This helps you because over time, you'll kind of learn to also like his looks? Perhaps, his lips or something lol

It doesn't make it too bad I don't think loool

But seriously, you said he's not 100% ugly, so maybe he hsa nice eyes that you can focus on or something omg

4. Lol, this may sound a little cliché, but it's true:

One thing I've realised is that we worry too much about what people, when it's actually never that big of a deal.

If you actually like the guy but the main reason you may say no is because you'd feel embarrassed, maybe you should think again.

I tried to think of the couples in my school and their relative social placement, and I just realised that I don't give two shits whether they're geeks or populars or whatever.

I still find two geeks dating so adorable (let's say I'm "popular" lol). I don't know if things are different in your school and people will judge you though? In the event that you do say yes to him, I just think you've got to ignore the haters. You may feel embarrassed at first, but how long do you possibly expect to worry for? Do you want to keep worrying about what others think about you at the expense of your relationship with someone who genuinely cares about you?

And, in the nicest way possible, the fact that you're both geeks means that people won't be too surprised that you're into each other. Becuase you said it yourself, you're a girl geek. He's a boy geek. Do the math.

(That was clever, lol. I didn't mean it in a mean way though).

5. Don't deny yourself

You said you don't want to date a geek - why is that? You guys have an "unbelievable amount of things in common", and it may be hard to find that with other people.

Honestly, maybe you're just denying yourself the possibilty of something great, babe If you do like him, give it a shot. You may surprised with how it turns out.

You can always date in private.

6. Don't loses the friendship

I always try to help you see both sides, and now we're back to the side where I assume that you don't really like him.

In the midst of all this, make sure you still remain friends. Something like that is not worth losing a good friendship over, so if he asks you out, explain that you like the friendship that you have already. He's going to have to understand that the time isn't right just yet.

Still, don't make it awkward for him. Act normal and everything to avoid your friendship getting so weird so quickly. 

::

If you like him, and he does ask you out, why not give it a shot? It doesn't have to be anything official, you see. "No labels", I call it. You know you like each other a little more than friends, but there won't be any expectations or comittments to adhere to. If you're embarrassed to be seen together in school, make it an out-of-school thing. That's okay, too. 

If you don't like him, just say it like it is, yea? A response like, "Look...thank you so much, but I kinda like where we are now. We're great friends, and I don't think we should change that..." Is good enough for him to get the message. You don't have to give your reasons for not liking him back at all, so don't feel that you need to.

Just don't throw away such an opportunity if you actually do like him.

Becuase I've done it before, and it's come back to bite me in the arse (HE BECAME SO HOT THREE YEARS LATER AND I HAD A MAJOR CRUSH ON HIM (but of course his crush on me was gone like the wind). I WAS LIKE WHYYYY). 

I wish you the best of luck! I hope you make the right choice.

- genie_us