Hii!

Okay so it's about a crush thingi.

So I'm NOT a shy person, let's clear that up. Whenever I'm with friends, I just be myself: hyper, loud...and the same goes for when I'm with guys. But whenever my crush is around, I suddenly shit up and start hiding...I really don't know what's got into me. My friends try so hard to get me close to him or at least just say 'hi' but I seem to chicken out. My friends dare me to do little things just so it can give me confidence that he's a normal human being (and not Harry Styles). I even once put a cute (anonymous) note in his locker and he really liked it.

When he's not around, I go on and on about him. But when he is, I just back out.

Any advice?

- Desperate for Confidence

::

Hiya honey.

You'd be glad to know that you're not the only one who gets all dumbstruck when in front of their crush - it's the problem that millions of girls around the globe go through. Including me.

I can't say that I have the exact remedy for it, though, but I will certainly do my best to help. I've a few things that I'd suggest, and I'll number them like always so it's easier for you to gather.

1. Group Conversations

One thing I'm always ever grateful for my friends is that when they know I like someone, as much as they'll push me to talk to him alone, they'll also try to help me out by joining in the conversation for a while.

So, he'll be hanging out with some two or three friends, and me and my two or three friends will go and join in. I feel more comfortable that way, and I can almost act like my normal self. Obviously, I know that he's there, but when other people are around too it can help take your mind off the daunting task that is to even look at him.

So ask your friends to help you talk to him by coming with you.

Pros: He'll at least get to see your hyper, loud self around your friends!

Cons: I don't know if this goes for you, but what would happen to me is that I would get all quiet and hide behind my friends in the sense that I'd let them do all the talking.

If that happens to you, at least smile and laugh when appropriate haha:)

2. Social Media

I've been talking a lot about this recently, huh!

So I don't particularly encourage this when approaching a guy you like but it may just help you to build your confidence and gain some courage to speak to him.

Talk to him online. Personally I'd go for Facebook or Whatsapp, because they are a more personal way of messaging rather than on something like Twitter or whatever, because it keeps a conversation going.

The reason I'm usually hesitant to do this is because you may end up hiding behind your words. I mean, I've done it before. There was a guy that I liked so much but could never approach him in person, and so I resorted to facebook to talk to him. We got so close and we used to talk like everyday...but never in person. And that's the worst thing you can do, because it felt like shit passing him in the hallways and not even saying 'hi'...

But, little steps. It's a great way to get a conversation going without having to look him in the eye and whatnot.

Hit him up with a simple:

hello! how are you doing? xx

Be fun and cheerful. Be sure to use plenty of smileys (but not too many) so you seem interested in the conversation and also fun to talk to! Of course, be yourself: there's no one better than that. Talk about stuff you like, and also stuff he likes.

Show an interest in his life, if you know what I mean. You don't want to get to a point where it's stalker-ish, but you don't want to seem all "IDGAF" either.

Also, be a little flirty in your texts. He'll obviously be a bit suspicious with all the ";)" and "xx" if you use them, but then dismiss them assuming you use them on everyone else, so just throw in a good line or two once in a while. For instance:

You: did you watch Maze Runner last week?! x

Him: yea, I did, but I went with my friends and dammit they were so distracting!

You: maybe if you chose me to go with, you'd have enjoyed it much more;) x

You catching my drift here?

What hints like that do is that they make the guy think about it for a second. Because as much as it's supposed to be a joke, it's one that he can actually take into consideration!

Just don't go too overboard with the hints because it'll come across as needy. That's the last thing you want.

Pros: In the case of the example, he'll now begin to think - "hey, wait a second. Going to a movie with her wouldn't be too bad...maybe I should give it a try..." Which is always a good sign. You want him to be having these thoughts!

Cons: It could backfire in the sense that he'll either see it as nothing more than a joke or will take the hint but really not take the flirtation too well; some guys freak out when girls flirt with them.

I think if he gets familiar with you through texting, he'll not be afraid to say hello to you on the corridors at school.

And maybe, you won't be so afraid either!

3. Relax, Suck It Up, AND GO UP TO HIM.

Take a deep breath. He's beautiful, I know. His smile, oh lawd. But just breath.

He's human.

I think sometimes you just kind of have to suck it up and tell yourself, "YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M JUST GOING TO GO FOR IT." Because no one else can decide for you how you will react.

You know you like him. You know you like him a lot. And quite frankly, the only thing that is stopping you from even talking with him is YOU. You're stopping yourself.

You know how they say, you never know if you never try?

Sometimes, you just kind of have to take the plunge. It's scary, but you may be surprised to find that once your in the water, it wasn't so bad jumping after all.

Ask yourself, "So what? What's the worst thing that could happen to me?" I think there really isn't anything bad that can come out of talking to him, unless you decide to lose faith in yourself.

I think you've got to decide if he's worth a try. Babe, you like him so much, and I'm telling you to go for it. You may regret it if you don't. And it will suck watching someone else going for him, doing what you think you can't do, but simply because you missed the chance.

He's not waiting for you. He probably can't even tell that you want anything to do with him. So suck it up, walk up to him and say HI.

::
When talking to him:
Things you should DO:

- Smile. That helps you relax while talking to him. Also, guys say that they find girls prettiest when they smile. So smile!

- Laugh at his jokes. There's nothing that makes a guy feel more manly than when he can make a woman laugh.

- Take a prop. In drama, these are tangible things that actors use on stage to help them act something out (eg, a teacup to pretend they're drinking tea). What you can do to help relax is have something you can play with but not completely concentrate on. By this I mean something like a water bottle - you can sip in between pauses - or some sweets - you can offer him some. Having a prop makes you feel less tense because it's a good way to fill in awkward silences!

- Eye contact. This is so important, girl. It's something that is really hard to do when you're talking to your crush, but eye contact has such a powerful effect on both parties involved:
💙 he'll feel good knowing that you're legit paying attention to him, and will want to keep talking to you.
💙 he'll get the chance to look into your eyes too. And that's beautiful.
💙 it's how some guys flirt, actually.
💙 you know how, before people kiss, what sparks the kiss is when they look into each other's eyes for a while? I don't know the scientific explanation behind it, but that's what eye contact does to you. The longer you stare into someone's eyes, the more you begin to think stuff about them...maybe it's because the eyes are the window to the soul. I don't know.
💙 it's just really sexy when you're not looking away from each other. Yep.

So now, if the conversation is really getting on, and you're both clearly not going anywhere else for a while, take it up a notch...

- Touch him once in a while. But, let me get this straight. I don't mean in the stupid "oh you're so funny *hits shoulder*" kind of way. I mean in a much smarter way. Just find an opportunity to touch him. Like, this is the card I always play:

"You have such piano fingers, haha!" (Because I'll make sure he knows I play the piano, so he'll look at his fingers and ask "really?" And I'll be like "uh-Huh, but they're much longer than mine..." So of course we'll do that Palm-to-Palm measuring thing and it's cute and everything.

Or, if he's wearing a bracelet (I FIND IT SO HOT WHEN GUYS WEAR BRACELETS), I touch his hand and ask if I can wear it. Mainly because I usually have like five on my hand already, so it's not weird because I'm clearly into bracelets. This is a bonus, by the way, because if he actually gives it to me, I'll have a reason to go up to him again in the future to return it! Smart, eh?

- Bite your lips once in a while. A different movement in your face will lead him to look there...and if it just happens to be your lips...damn ;)

- Move closer. Don't move too close too fast, but every so often move in just a little bit. He won't notice the first time, but if you keep getting closer and he's NOT moving away, and if he's also moving closer to you, that's a good sign!

Things you SHOULDN't do:

- Don't fidget. It's annoying, and the guy can tell that you're nervous: not in a cute way.

- Don't have a phone out. A lot of girls tend to whip out their phones when it gets awkward, but please don't...it's not nice...it makes the guy feel unwanted.

- Don't toss your hair. Once; it's cute. Twice; it's fine. Three times? YOUR HAIR LOOKS FINE JUST STAHHHPPP! It is also quite distracting for the guy because he can't go two sentences without you touching yourself?

It's also a bit of a turnoff. Don't think so much about how you look.

- Don't act over-the-top. Some girls end up acting a little...weird...laughing a bit too much or whatever. Just try to not focus too much on how you like him. It's hard, but it helps just seeing him as a friend when you talk.

- Don't act stupid. Girls need to kill this card ASAP! "Acting Cute" does not mean "acting stupid". It's dumb and annoying.

4. BE YOURSELF!

You know who you are. Don't be afraid to show it because if he is to eventually like you, it should be the real, authentic YOU that he likes and not anyone else.

::

I wrote the second part of this page in the hope that you will give yourself a pep talk and just go for it. Because there's nothing more that you can do. Don't watch him pass by. The missed opportunities will continue building up until he'll be gone before you know it, and take my word for it: it will suck knowing that you missed the chance when you had it.

Hope I helped!

- genie_us

::

PS:

About your anonymous note - if he really liked it, why not keep that up? Maybe you should keep dropping cute, short, anon notes in his locker...let the mystery linger on a bit longer!

PPS:

Take that advice at your own risk.

;)