Hiya, so this is my problem...

I've been kinda sad recently and I didn't really know why until it hit me - I'm always worrying about everyone else. Personally, I have a great life, close family members of mine are quite sick but I know they will get better :) I mean I'm not rich or anything but I could be A LOT worse off. But anyway, my friend's father is in jail. A girl in my class is bullied, my teamate is being picked on by her teacher. And somehow these issues become mine, I'm always happy to help but I guess I'm too involved in other people's lives that I forget about mine. I feel so guilty if I can't help somebody but if I can I get really upset and forget about my own problems and I have a good life (but everybody has their struggles). I feel really pressured to help others and I find myself worrying about them more than me. 

Help?

- Worried Sick

::

Hey girl, wow. 

If you will allow, I'll start on a positive: it's lovely that you care about people so much. Really, it is. I gained a new respect for you, reading that. Never lose that little fire in you; that desire to help.

But I guess it's getting out of control, and it's affecting you too. Well I thought of a few things that may be able to help, and they're in bullet points because I think my thoughts are more organised that way.

1. You can't carry the weight of the world on your shoulders

There's a sad reality we have to face in this world today: there'll always be bad things happening. Always. It's such a sad thought to have, but it's inevitable. We as humans must live through life knowing this (we really have no choice). It's sad, but it's the truth. I hate it too.

Thing is, we're not supermen or women or anything like that. We can't carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We can't magically cure everyone of disease or magically get world peace. We can't change it, we can't control it.

But what we must do? Accept it.

If you've heard of the serenity prayer, it says, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change." This is a prayer we all pray (regardless of our beliefs) because we're all living on the same earth. 

I looked up the definition of serenity, and google told me:

the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.

You've got to get your mind at peace. Stop feeling responsible for other people's problems; stop feeling obliged to help everyone. I know it's hard, but it's what you need to do before you end up in a worse state; where your worry may manifest even physically - and we don't want that. You can't help everyone, love. And it's understandable. You don't need to feel guilty.

As individuals, we can't save the world as one person; we can't solve everybody's problems. Even though knowing that is not a pleasant thought, we must come to terms with it.

2. Look for the good, the positive, the happy

So yes, there are lots of things you worry about in your life, but there are also lots of things that you can celebrate! How about that A that your friend got in her test? Or maybe your brother made the football team! Believe it or not, every cloud has a silver lining. Or, there's always a rainbow after a storm (well, not scientifically but you get my point?). There's always good that you can find in everyone and everything. Try and find things to be happy about in everyone that you see - including (and especially!) in yourself. 

How you choose to see the world will eventually be how people see you. See the world for the good and happiness it also has, and people will see good and happiness in you!

3. Find someone to talk to 

Do you have a close friend or family member that you can speak with? A school counselor? 

I know lots of teenagers are rather hesitant when it comes to opening up about something, but it helps. SO MUCH. Talk to someone you can trust. I'd recommend talking to someone who is older than you, because you will take refuge in their wisdom, and they'll be able to really help you. School counselors really help - at least the one in my old school was amazing - and so you can talk to the one in your school (if you have one) if you're uncomfortable talking to people you know personally. 

Just don't bottle it up inside. That's the worst thing you could ever do to yourself.

So, let it all out.

4. Involve yourself in some sort of charity

The next part of the serenity prayer then goes, "...courage to change the things I can [change]..." You said you're always happy to help when you can, and that''s brilliant. Keep going in that direction babe!

What I'd say you should do is get involved in some sort of charity project, like helping out at a hospital or a elderly home or providing mentorship to people in your school who are younger than you (like three or four grades below) (I'm assuming you're old enough to do something like that). Well, these are just suggestions. But what you can do is find out where you can help out around your area; be it at home or in school or just somewhere.

What this willl do will make a difference in someone else's life, as well as YOUR OWN. You will benefit other people's lives, and the satisfaction you will gain from the mere act of helping someone else is immense. Like I said, you can't save the world alone; but you can make a difference even in the tiniest way - and that will contribute to someone's happiness, and then it will have a rippling effect...and you will have done your part in saving the world. Because that one scared kid who was new to high school that you helped? He's part of the world. That old lady who you spoke into taking her medicine? She's part of the world. 

And guess what? SO ARE YOU.

Little steps, babe. 

I'd even thought that maybe you could start your own charity to whatever cause you're absolutely passionate about. Maybe it's bullying (like you said happens to your friend); maybe it's about a disease. Whatever the cause, you can round up all your friends and plan something out...maybe a fundraiser to a local hospital or something. It will be fun and you'll be doing it for a great cause!

5. Take care of yourself; get some "me" time

You say you end up worrying for others so much that you forget yourself, and that's not healthy at all. Take care of yourself (you know the usual): 

- Eating healthy

-Eating foods that release happy hormones! (like chocolate) (not too much though)

-Exercising regularly (it keeps your mind off worrying too much!)

How about yoga? It really does help clear the mind and it does help you get in touch with your spiritual self. So join a meditation class or do some yoga in front of the TV (with an instructor on). It may just be the thing you need to breathe...

Also, why not treat yourself to a day out? Go with your family (perhaps a sibling) or one or two friends, or just someone who makes you feel good in general. Or, go to a spa...get your nails/hair done. Just doing these little things that focus on you isn't a bad thing. Making sure that you're healthy means that you'll be strong enough to help other people!

5. Live, Laugh, Love: be happy

Sometimes, the best way to help someone out is to just be you. Be your happy, cheerful, smiley self...because that could ultimately make someone's day much better. And sometimes you won't even know it. 

You can't fix everyone, honey, but you can choose whether you want to be the beacon of hope, optimism and happiness in someone's life - or the person who's always down because of worry. I understand, it's depressing when a close family member is sick. But you can make them laugh, make them smile, and that will make them feel better! Your friend is being bullied? (That's something I'd wish to address on its own - has she spoken to anyone about it? Someone with authority?) Keep being there for her when she's down, and she'll be so thankful for it. 

::

What I'm trying to communicate here is that you can't fix everyone's problem, but you can put a smile on their face. You can make them feel better, and you can be there for them, and they'll appreciate that you care about them - is that not a good thing? Because amidst all our problems and troubles, we can still continue to find good in it all.

- The Serenity Prayer -

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

Hope I helped! 

Stop worrying babe. Ce n'est pas bonne pour la santé, ce n'est pas bonne pour l'âme.

-genie_us