TW suicide

~~

It was quiet when I woke up. My mom was usually singing in the kitchen making breakfast by now. I got dressed and ready for school before heading down the stairs.

"There's no school today, hon, it was cancelled," she said.

I frowned in confusion, setting my backpack down. I opened the fridge, grabbing the gallon of milk. My mom was sitting at the table and motioned for me to sit with her. It looked like she hadn't gone to sleep last night.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

My mom sighed, taking both my hands in hers.

"I have some bad news to tell you," she whispered. "Lindsey...she killed herself last night."

I pulled my hands away. "That's not funny."

"Gerard—"

"No!" I cried. "That didn't happen!"

I ran down the street to Ray's house, pounding on the door. Ray opened it, pushing a finger to his lips.

"My parents left already but Valentina's still sleeping," he said quietly.

I sobbed, falling into his arms. Ray pulled me in and sat me down on the couch.

"Okay, buddy, it's okay," he said softly. "What happened? Did frank hurt you again?"

"It's my fault," I cried. "I broke up with her then completely ghosted her. I-I made Lindsey kill herself."

"Lindsey committed suicide?" Ray asked and I nodded. "No, Gerard, it's not your fault."

"Sh-she was my best friend in my world," I sobbed. "And now she's gone and it's all my fault. Oh my god, I-I...Ray, what am I supposed to do now?"

"Take deep breaths first," he said.

I took deep breaths and heard crying start upstairs. Ray went to go check on his daughter and I hurried to the kitchen. I found the liquor cabinet and began drinking. I needed to take the pain away, help get rid of the edge. My tolerance really was low in this world because soon enough I was pretty tipsy, almost near a proper drunk.

"Gerard," Ray sighed when he found me.

"I don't like this world," I whimpered. "I wanna go back. I need to get back home. I need to find Frank and start fixing things with him now."

I left his house and stumbled on the bus to head to Frank's. Thankfully it was mostly empty, no one to stare at me or judge me. They can't judge me, they don't know what I've been through.

I knocked on Frank's door and he answered, staring at me in confusion.

"I didn't invite you over," he said.

I grabbed him and kissed him roughly before he pulled away.

"God, you taste like shit," he muttered. "Why have you been drinking so early? It is seven in the morning."

"I need you, Frank, and I need you to understand," I said. "We're meant to be together, I just have to make things right between us again and then I can go home and everything can go back to normal again and I can have Lindsey back."

"Okay, crazy," he muttered.

My phone ring and I picked it up.

"I just wanted to make sure you were somewhere safe and not doing anything stupid," my mom said.

"I'm at a friend's house," I said. "No, I'm not doing anything stupid."

I hung up and looked at Frank.

"Let's do something stupid."

"Like what?" He asked. "I told you we're not friends. We don't just hang out together."

"No, no," I said. "Trust me, this will benefit you too, it's a lot of fun."

Frank sighed. "Fine, but only if you give me head later."

I nodded, walking outside.

"Wait, where are you going?" Frank called. "I have a car."

We got into his car and I gave him directions as we drove. We got to the slums of New Jersey and I could tell Frank was starting to get a little bit nervous. I instructed him to pull into a parking lot and he did.

"What are we doing here?" He asked.

I unbuckled and leaned over, kissing his neck as I rubbed his thigh.

"We came all the way out here so you could fuck in my car?" He asked. "We could have done that at home, you know."

"No, we are here for something so much better," I stated.

I got out of the car, stumbling a bit before falling down. Frank helped me up and I pulled him towards the bar. Instead of going through the main entrance, I went to the bottom stairs where a bouncer was standing, clearly not about to let a couple of teenagers in.

"I'm here to see Urie," I said.

He let us in and we walked into the little club. Frank stood by close, looking at all the people around us doing drugs. I found Sarah in the back, her husband beside her.

"I need something," I said. "I was teleported into this world and made my best friend kill herself and the love of my life keeps beating me up and I need to escape the multiverse."

"Nice trip, dude," Sarah said. "Sounds cool."

"No, I'm not tripping," I said. "But I need something to help take the pain away."

"What are you looking for, sweetheart?" She asked.

"Hey, are you sure it's safe for me to leave my car out there?" Frank asked quietly. "It's a pretty expensive car and this is a pretty shitty area."

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine," I brushed off before turning back to Sarah. "Coke, I-I need coke."

She gestured to the line on the coffee table in front of her and I got down onto my knees.

"Woah, woah, wait," Frank said, tugging on my arm. "I-I don't think this is a good idea, I think we should get out of here."

I shook my head, pushing him off me. I snorted the line before falling back onto my butt.

"Your turn, sweetie," Sarah said, gesturing to Frank.

He looked a little panicked as he shook his head.

"Come on, Gerard, we should get out of here," he said.

"There's no rush," she said as she stood up, wrapping an arm around Frank's shoulders. "Don't you wanna give it a little try? I promise you the high is worth it."

The high started kicking in and I jumped up, holding Frank's hand.

"Come on, it's really not bad," I said.

Sarah smiled, playing with Frank's hair before leaning in close to his ear. "Give it a little try and maybe you and your boyfriend can join me in a back room for a little bit of fun."

"He's not my boyfriend," Frank denied, shoving her away.

Some bouncers immediately came over, kicking him out while I followed after paying Sarah. I smiled, looking up at the sky, it was so pretty.

"Gerard," Frank said in a completely even tone. "Do you notice something?"

"The clouds are so pretty," I muttered.

I earned a slap and blinked as I looked at Frank.

"My fucking car is missing," he spat, shoving me to the ground. "And I can't even call the police right now because you're off your fucking rockers."

"Look on the bright side," I said as I stared up at him.

Frank waited for me to say something.

"What?" He asked when I stayed quiet. "What fucking bright side could you possibly have to my car being stolen?"

"You still have me," I said.

That only earned me a kick to the face. Thankfully the coke had really numbed up my nose so it didn't really hurt. I stood up, tugging on his hand.

"Let's go chase down the car thief," I said. "I have so much energy, I bet I can chase them down. I'm fast, wanna see how fast I am?"

Frank sat down on the curb in defeat while I ran in circles in the parking lot. I moved side to side in front of Frank as he stared at me.

"Huh, huh, what 'cha gonna do?" I asked. "Juke, jukes, juked ya. Can't get me. Jukes."

Frank tackled me to the ground, climbing on top of me. He punched me over and over again until the bouncer finally pulled him off.

"Look, kid, I saw who took your car," he said. "And I know they hang out at the bar down the street."

"You could have said something," Frank muttered.

"Not my job," he said.

Frank grabbed me and pulled me to my feet, walking with me down the street. I cried quietly, holding his arm.

"You know, I know I wasn't always the best to you in the past but you're so mean to me in this world," I said. "Is this my punishment? Is this God? Am I God? Holy shit, this is why I can travel through the multiverse. I must be God."

"God, you're so fucked up right now," Frank muttered.

We got to the bar and Frank spotted his silver Audi in the parking lot. We got in and he drove away quickly.

"Baby, where are we going?" I asked.

"Don't call me that," he said. "We are going through a drive through because I need a burger. And no, I'm not buying you anything unless you pay for it yourself."

"I used all my money and hair dye and cocaine," I whimpered.

"Sucks for you, I guess," he said.

Frank got a burger from a drive through before eating it in the parking lot.

"Do you know why school was cancelled today?" I asked.

"No clue, don't really care," he said.

"It's because I made a girl kill herself," I said. "My best friend, Lindsey. She did it last night."

Frank looked over at me, setting his burger down.

"Shit, is this why you're all fucked up in the head today?" He asked.

"I was but I feel good right now," I said. "Really good, actually."

"You won't feel good in an hour," he said.

"Why?" I asked.

Frank pulled down my sun visor and opened up the mirror. My face was bleeding and already starting to bruise up.

"Oh, yeah, that's gonna hurt as soon as the high goes away," I said.

"I don't get it, you were normal," he said. "Forever you were just this boy with straight As who would wear little sweaters and now you're...this."

"Because I was teleported into this world through the multiverse from an alternate reality to receive my punishment," I said. "Still questioning the God theory, though. I feel like if I were God then it would be a little more obvious. I mean, I think I would know, right?"

"God, you are so high right now," he said as he continued eating.

"You should stop eating meat," I said.

Frank just ignored me. I sighed, resting my head back. I pushed my seat down, staring up at the ceiling of my car.

"Wanna ride me?" I asked.

"I top," Frank stated. "I'm not some fag who takes it up the ass."

"Can I ride you, then?" I asked. "We'll switch seats and you can be laid down so it's easier."

"Can I just eat my burger in peace while you just shut up?" He asked.

I nodded, making a zipping motion on my lips. But the words seemed to be bubbling up inside me as I tried sitting still. It was like a total brain buster, my head was just filling with words and words oh god there's so many different words. Words are weird they're letters making sounds making words making sentences making paragraphs making stories making books. So many words. Words. Words.

I screamed, scaring Frank and making him drop his burger.

"You know what, fuck this and fuck you, I'm done," he said.

He drove to the park, kicking me out before driving away. I laid in the grass before passing out, feeling the soft material below me.