okay posting chapter one now because prologue is so short

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I woke up to the sound of my alarm, looking around. I was sleeping in the guest room for some reason. The beige walls were all too ordinary compared to my normal dark basement bedroom.

The whole car must've been a dream. I was safe in my house, nothing happened to me.

"Gerard! Breakfast!" My mom called.

The first thing I noticed was that I was sleeping naked for some reason. I never do that. I always love my pajamas. The second thing was that I was sober. I got up and went to my closet but instead of finding my normal baggy clothes, there were skinny jeans and knitted sweaters. Pastel, knitted sweaters.

I got dressed into the uncomfortable clothes and went downstairs. My mom was there with an apron on and a big breakfast spread out on the table. Her hair was in curlers and makeup was done nice.

"You don't cook," I said.

"Of course I do, hon," she said. "Michael!"

I snorted at the use of his full name. But when he came down I was even more shocked. His hair was dyed blond and in a quiff.

"When did you do that?" I asked as we sat down at the table. "Where's dad?"

"Gerard!" My mom snapped.

"What?" I asked. "It's just a question, where is he?"

"You know, I just don't see why you have to ruin everything," she said before storming out of the kitchen.

"What?" I asked.

"Dude, Seriously?" Mikey asked.

"Mikey, I'm seriously so confused right now," I said.

"My name is Michael," he corrected. "And do you have a concussion or something. You know dad had an affair and left us last year."

"No?" I questioned in confusion. "They're married. They're like soulmates, it's gross."

"You really do ruin everything," he said.

"Where's your glasses?" I asked.

"I don't wear glasses, dumbass," he said. "Come on, we're gonna be late for school."

We drove to the school and I frowned, looking around. I finally found Frank. He looked a little different, too. His hair had a buzz cut. It's not the first time he's done it but he doesn't usually do it often.

"Frankie!" I gasped.

I ran over and gave him a hug, clutching tight.

"Oh my god, I am so weirded out right now," I said. "The strangest things are happening right now. I think everyone's trying to prank me or something."

"What the fuck are you doing on me, loser?" Frank asked, shoving me to the ground.

I looked up at him, my eyes watering.

"Frankie—"

"Don't call me that, you weirdo," he said.

I noticed the varsity jacket he was wearing. He was a lacrosse player it said. I just stared, wondering where his piercings and tattoos went. Frank grabbed me by the collar of the sweater I was wearing.

"Listen, freak, if you touch me again I can make your life miserable," he spat before shoving me back.

Frank walked off, wrapping his arm around some girl's waist. That part was odd. Now, I know I'm gay. Frank always said he was gay.

"Gerard?" Someone asked.

I looked up at the girl standing there before getting up to my feet. It took me a full minute to recognize her. She had blonde hair in a braid. Her heavy makeup was switched out for just some pink lip gloss and mascara. She wore a pink sweater and a little white skirt with some white flats.

"Lindsey?" I asked.

"You okay, babe?" She asked.

I blinked. Now hold on, I'm so gay. I'm not dating—

She cut off my thoughts when she gave me a kiss. Lindsey was a good friend. A good, usually punk dressing friend with black hair. She was definitely not my girlfriend, though.

"I need to pee," I blurted out suddenly.

I ran to the bathroom, looking in the mirror. I gasped, touching my hair. It had been black before. It was long and messy, just how I liked it. But here it was now, short, natural brown and clean.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck fuck," I muttered. "This must be a dream."

I shook my head, leaving the bathroom and going to the second floor. In a dream when you're falling you always wake up before you hit the ground. I grabbed the fire extinguisher and broke the window before jumping out of it.

I fell through the air, my stomach leaping out of my chest. I closed my eyes, ready to wake up from the nightmare I was having. But then my body collided with the ground and I swore.

I opened my eyes, students on the first floor of the classroom next to me looking out the window. I saw Frank as one of them, laughing and pulling out his phone to take photos. A teacher came out and helped me but all I could do was cry.

"This isn't my life," I cried.

They walked me to the office and called an ambulance. I was sent to the hospital and everything past that point started to blur. I just kept crying and crying, wanting to go back to my life.

My mom brought me home and kept questioning why I jumped out a window. I went to the basement before remembering that my room was apparently upstairs. I slammed the door, looking through all the drawers. There was nothing weird, nothing to help me.

My wrist was now in a brace after I sprained it from jumping out the window. But that was the least of my problems at the moment. I needed to get back to my life, I needed everything to go back to normal again.

I laid down to go to sleep, hoping that when I woke up everything would be normal again.

"Hey, Gerard," someone said.

I yawned, opening my eyes. Mikey was standing there.

"Dude, Frank sent me photos of you," he said. "Why'd you jump out the fucking window?"

"You talk with Frank?" I asked.

"Yeah, he's one of my teammates," he said. "Why did you—"

"Can you talk to him for me?" I asked. "Tell him I need to talk to him."

"No, you're weird," he said. "First you jump out the window and now you're all obsessed with Frank."

"He's my boyfriend," I said.

Mikey laughed. "Frank isn't gay! Oh my god, are you gay? That explains so much."

"Who is Frank dating?" I asked.

"I don't know, dude, he's friends with benefits with a couple girls at school," he said. "Guess he's closest with Jamia."

"No, no, Jamia is his friend but he's gay," I said. "He...he loves me."

"Have you been drinking?" He asked.

"No! I'm actually sober for the first time!" I exclaimed. "Promise! Swear to god!"

"Whatever, just chill out," he said. "Anyways dinner's ready and I need to tell you two things. Stop bringing up dad, you know he left us and you're just upsetting mom. And two, try to act normal because Frank is downstairs."

I gasped, nearly tripping over my own feet as I ran down the stairs. I saw Frank there but my stomach dropped when I saw Lindsey.

"Baby, I heard you got hurt," she said. "What happened?"

Lindsey looked over my brace before kissing my cheek. I stared at Frank as he sat on the couch on his phone, smiling as he texted someone.

"Alright, everyone sit down," my mom said.

We all sat at the table and I stared in shock as Frank cut up and ate a piece of steak that was nearly raw. He looked up, staring back at me before kicking me under the table. I jumped, looking around.

"You eat meat?" I asked.

"Of course," he said.

I just stared, Frank would never eat meat. He hated it, hasn't eaten it since he was a boy. I didn't eat much, I didn't have an appetite. After dinner Lindsey pulled me up to my room. She smiled, straddling my hips.

"Sorry you got hurt, maybe I can make you feel better," she said.

Her hips slowly ground down and my eyes widened. I was completely frozen in place as she kissed my neck.

"What's wrong?" She asked. "You're not hard, do you not like me anymore?"

"I'm gay," I said.

Lindsey smiled. "No you're not. Baby, we've had sex more times than I can count and you have always enjoyed it."

"I like boys," I said. "This isn't my life, I'm sorry."

"Wh—are you breaking up with me?" She asked.

"I'm sorry," I said.

Lindsey got up, frowning in confusion. "The pain meds you're on are probably making you a little loopy. Just get some rest and I'll call you in the morning."

She kissed me on the forehead before leaving me alone. I curled up under the blankets, crying heavily.

That's when I thought about the pain meds. I couldn't find them but found a bottle of alcohol and started drinking that instead. If I couldn't be comfortable then I might as well be drunk. The buzz started working through me and I got drunk fast. What happened to all my tolerance?

I stumbled into the basement where Mikey and Frank were hanging out.

"Please talk to me, Frank," I cried.

They stared at me as I stumbled, falling onto my knees.

"Are you drunk?" Mikey asked. "You never drink."

I crawled to Frank's feet, resting my head on his shoes.

"Please, Frank, I'm sorry for fighting with you," I sobbed. "I just want things to go back to normal. I want to be your boyfriend again and I want to be able to hold you and love you and everything."

I looked up at him and for a moment I thought I saw some compassion on his face before his boot collided with my face.