Chapter Nine

Son

"Wait lang, hijo. I will call Yessabella and let her in here, okay?"

I nodded at my Mom and she went out for a while to call Yessa.

And while I was waiting for them I kept on thinking about all of the things that happened. I feel guilty and I regret my decisions...

"Leo..."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Yessa.

And the moment our eyes met, hindi ko na napigilan ang pag-iinit din ng mga mata ko nang makita ko rin ang nagbabadya nang luha sa mga mata niya. Umiling ako at agad na humingi ng tawad.

"I'm sorry..." I said.

But Yessa just also shook her head and immediately went to me to hug me in her comforting arms...

"I'm sorry, Yessa... I'm so sorry." I kept on apologizing to her.

"It's okay... It's all right now." She assured me while still hugging me.

At nang kumalma na kami pareho ay hinanap ko na rin ang anak namin. "Where's Leon?"

Tiningnan ako ni Yessa. "Pinauwi ko na muna siya sa bahay. He saw you collapse..." Umiling siya. "I'm sorry, he was here for his checkup with the pediatrician."

My eyes widened a fraction. "Is our son all right?" I worriedly asked Yessa.

Umiling naman siya sa akin. "Leon is fine, Leo... It's just his regular visit with the doctor."

"But I can bring him here..." Yessa said.

Umiling naman ako sa kaniya. "It's fine. Ako na lang ang pupunta sa kaniya... I'm sure makakalabas na rin naman agad ako rito."

Tumango naman siya sa akin.

Pagkatapos ay natahimik kami nang ilang sandali. Kami na lang dalawa ngayon ang nandito sa loob ng private hospital room ko. Unti-unti kong inabot ang kamay niya at marahan na hinawakan. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa.

"I'm very sorry, Yessa..." I apologized to her again.

Tumango naman siya sa akin. "It's fine now, Leo. Ang importante naman sa akin na magaling ka na..."

Ngumiti ako kay Yessa. At ngumiti na rin siya sa akin. And then the doctor went in and started checking on my health again. Tumabi naman muna si Yessa at nandoon na rin muli si Mommy sa tabi niya.

After that I went straight to our house to see my son again. Pagkatapos kong makalabas ng ospital ay umuwi na rin ako sa amin.

"Daddy!" My son went running to me.

Maagap ko rin naman siya na sinalo sa mga braso ko. "Leon..." Hinagkan ko siya. And I also whispered my apologies to my son.

And when I turned to look at Yessa she was just smiling at me and our son.

Yessa also cooked us dinner while I play and catch up with our son. Leon is only two years old but he's also a bit more talkative now. Napangiti na lang ako habang kausap ko siya at pinapakita niya sa akin ang toys niya.

And apparently he only knew that I was at the hospital because I was sick. Iyon ang sinabing paliwanag sa kaniya ni Yessa habang hindi pa ako nakakauwi sa bahay namin...

So when Leon was in the hospital for his checkup he also tried to look for me there kaya kami nagkitang dalawa.

He's already a smart kid for his age.

"I miss you, Daddy!" And then Leon went to hug me again.

Napangiti na lang ako at niyakap ko rin siya. "I miss you, son." Pagkatapos ay muli ko lang din siyang hinagkan.

Until Yessa was already calling us for dinner. "Dinner's ready." She called us and I saw her smile when she saw me and our son.

Ngumiti rin ako sa kaniya. Pagkatapos binuhat ko na si Leon at sumunod kami kay Yessa sa dining room. And then we had a delicious dinner that evening. Before we retired to bed early, too...

Pinatulog pa muna namin ni Yessa si Leon sa room niya. Before we went in our room together.

"This is our bedroom, Leo... Do you remember?" Bumaling siya sa akin.

Tumango naman ako kay Yessa. "Yes..."

Bahagya siyang ngumiti sa akin at niyaya niya akong mahiga na kami sa kama. Tumango naman ako at sumunod na rin doon.

Pagkatapos ay naramdaman kong niyakap niya ako habang nakahiga na kami roon at mukhang komportable rin siyang umunan sa dibdib ko. "I miss you, Leo..." She said.

Pumulupot na rin ang mga braso ko sa kaniya. I hugged her while we quietly lie down on our bed...

I think I can do this slowly. Guilty pa rin ako sa nangyari sa pamilya namin ni Yessa. At nahihiya pa rin ako sa mag-ina ko. I almost couldn't face them. I thought that I couldn't be with them, at pakiramdam ko rin na hindi ko deserve ang makasama ko sila ngayon pagkatapos ng nangyari. But I thank Yessa for easily accepting me again...

Babawi ako sa mag-ina ko. And my guilt is still here but I'll make things right for them.

And I decided to talk to the parents of my new heart donor...

"I'm sorry, Ma'am..."

"I agreed to give my son's heart to you at that time. Because I didn't thought that you'd have a connection with Bea just soon after..."

Since I was a child I already had a weak heart. I had also undergone surgeries in the past. And when I met an accident my heart was even more damaged that I needed a new heart and that was when Jake's heart was transplanted to me...

And Bea? I almost forgotten who she was... Dahil nang magbalik ang mga alaala ko ay parang siya naman ang nawala sa memorya ko...

I have to see her and talk to her. I'll also apologize to her...

Tiningnan ko ang parents ni Jake. I also learned that he was Bea's boyfriend. At magkasama rin sila sa nangyaring aksidente sa mga sasakyan namin noon...

"I'm really sorry..." was all I could say to them...

"Wala pong maalala ang asawa ko noon, Ma'am... It was Beatriz..."

I looked at Yessa when she spoke. Tumingin din siya sa akin.

"That woman... I never really liked her for my son."

Muli akong napabaling sa ginang sa harap namin. At nakita kong tumango sa kaniya si Yessa. "Yes, po. She also took advantage of my husband's condition."

Tumango naman ito sa kaniya at mukhang nagkakaintindihan pa silang dalawa...

"Yessa," I tried to stop her.

Bumaling naman siya sa akin at bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya. Bumaling ako sa matandang mag-asawa at nagpaalam na rin na aalis na kami ng asawa ko pagkatapos namin silang makausap at mapasalamatan din.

But Yessa started confronting me as soon as we arrived in our house. She made sure first that we were already inside our bedroom and we're alone. Para hindi rin kami marinig ng anak namin na magtalo...

Pumasok ako sa kwarto para makapagbihis muna galing sa labas bago ko puntahan ang anak ko. At sumunod din naman siya sa akin sa kwarto namin.

"What was that earlier, Leo?"

I turned to look at her. "You don't have to say that..."

"Say what? About Bea? That was only right! Tama lang naman na siya ang sisihin nating lahat sa nangyari. And even Jake's parents agreed. Her boyfriend who died in the accident that she also caused! Dahil inaaway niya ito nang gabing 'yon sa loob ng sasakyan kaya rin sila bumangga sa kotse mo at muntik na kayong mamatay lahat! It was her fault!"

"Yessa, please stop... Baka marinig ka ni Leon." saway ko sa kaniya.

"Why... She took advantage of you! Or..." She shook her head while she looked at me. "You also liked her taking advantage of you..." Umiling siya na parang hindi rin siya makapaniwala sa nasabi niya.

I shook my head. "It's not like that, Yessa."

"Then what?! Tell me, Leo. Did you fall for her while you two were t-together?" Nanginig ang boses niya at nangislap na agad ang luha sa mga mata niya.

Tinigil ko ang pagpapalit ng damit at lumapit ako sa kaniya. "Yessa..." I tried to reach her pero umatras siya ng isang beses kaya natigilan din ako sa paglapit ko pa sa kaniya.

Umiling siya habang nakatingin sa akin. "This is what I was scared of, Leo..."

Umiling din ako sa kaniya at nagbuntong-hininga. "I told you, it's not like that."

But she started crying. Maagap ko naman siyang niyakap. And I tried to comfort her.

"Ang akin lang naman, she's already blamed enough... Ang dami nang taong sinsisi siya sa nangyari. And we don't really know her story..."

Tinulak naman ako ni Yessa at umalis siya sa yakap ko para tingnan ako. "So what, Leo? She deserves it, anyway! Dahil kasalanan naman talaga niya 'yong aksidente. If only she was not fighting with her boyfriend inside the car."

"And why are you so concerned about her, huh? You think of her... But how about me? You think, hindi rin ako nahirapan sa nangyari sa atin? Sa lahat ng nangyari, Leo. Ako ang pinakanahirapan! You think it didn't hurt me! Sobrang sakit! Pero tiniis ko lang lahat..." She cried.

Umiling ako at sinubukan ko siya muling abutin pero tinabig niya ang kamay ko. "Yessa—"

"Iniisip mo rin ba ako, Leo? Kagaya ng pag-iisip mo sa babaeng 'yon!" She shouted at me.

My lips parted. And I felt more guilty now. "Yessa, I'm sorry. It's not what I mean—"

"And is that the reason why you couldn't anymore embrace me as comfortably as you did before last night... Because you were still thinking of her even when your memories have now returned?!"

"Yessa, stop! I told you that it's not like that."

"I can feel it, Leo! Pakiramdam ko na... hindi mo na ako mahal." She cried more and louder this time.

Umiling ako sa kaniya. Naawa rin ako kay Yessa at sobra pang na guilty. She doesn't deserve to feel like this. And I didn't want to make her feel this way.

Niyakap ko siyang muli at gusto niya man akong itulak pa ay nawawalan na rin siya ng lakas dahil sa pag-iyak. I hugged her and tried to comfort her. Hinagkan ko rin siya. "I'm sorry... Hindi 'yon gano'n, Yessa... Please stop crying now."

She cried on my chest while I hug her. And then after a while she looked up at me with tears in her eyes and cheeks. Basang-basa na ang mukha niya sa luha. And I tried to wipe her tears. Pagkatapos ay inabot naman niya ang labi ko at hinalikan niya ako. And I was just a bit taken aback at first, but then I closed my eyes and started kissing her lips as well...

And then she led me to our bed. Hinayaan ko naman siya at nagpaubaya ako. Her hands unbuttoned my shirt. And she wanted me to help her remove her clothes, too. And I obeyed...

And I joined her on our bed...