Louis woke up the next morning with a throbbing head and dry mouth, he couldnt remember a thing from last night until little bits and pieces flew back into his memory, all that came to mind though were lots of beers, a little drugs, and a not so happy Liam. All louis could hear was the soft hum of whispers on the other side of the room… Liam and Niall. He groaned, lifting his head from the pillow and looking at the clock on his nightstand … 1:23 p.m

Fuck! Louis thought to himself, he quickly hopped out of the bed and instantly sat down again, he was sore all over. He didn’t know why, but it was enough to make him want to fall back asleep all over again. He groaned in pain and put a pillow over his face, and then he heard a quiet tapping on the door.

“what do you want liam?” louis said just loud enough for liam to hear but still too loud for the headache he had. At that moment, liam walked in the door smiling brightly at Louis. Louis couldnt stand how happy liam was when louis felt like absolute shit.

“How are ya feelin?” Liams smile dropped and his face was serious,

“How do you think Li?” louis turned over in his bed, so he was facing away from liam. he just wanted to be left alone until he felt better. Soon niall was walking into the room, holding a glass of water and two painkillers. Louis smiled at his friend then, happy someone was here to nurse him.

“Shit night lou?” Niall asked

“i dont even know, niall.” Louis tried to ignore liams disappointing looks, lou knew what he was doing wasnt right but it felt so good at the same time.

Louis sat up in his bed then, happily accepting the pills and drinking the whole glass of water in seconds.

“louis please let us help you, you need help!” Liam begged this time, every other time louis’ ‘problem’ was brought up, liam tried not to push, he would gently suggest that lou should see a therapist. Many arguments always popped up at the conversation, but this morning louis wasnt feeling like defending himself, he honestly felt broken. Not just physically, but more mentally.

“Mate i really think ya should,” Niall piped up this time, which he usually didnt do. The young lad would just sit in the corner, maybe nodding at liams words. This meant that last night must have been pretty bad.

Louis groaned at his friends, “dont act like ya never got high before niall!”

Niall blushed, opening his mouth as if to say something until liam cut him off,

“No louis, its different with you and you know it”

All louis could do was sigh, he’d used all of his defense, he had no other words left to say. “Guys just let me take a shower”

without another word being said, lou climbed out of his bed and walked directly to the bathroom, locking the door when he got in.

Louis slowly peeled off his clothes one by one, he wasnt even in pajamas, he was still wearing the clothes he wore to the party last night. Louis could easily agree he reeked, he smelled of alcohol and pot, which he didnt even do much of last night, it didnt do much to him anymore, he needed more than pot if he wanted a distraction.

When louis was naked, he looked at himself in the mirror for a few moments, not admiring himself, he almost felt ashamed. His hair looked disheveled, the bags under his eyes were very dark from lack of sleep, he looked tired and that was never good. His eyes slowly scanned down to his arms though, looking at the incisions where the needles hit his skin the night before. Louis smirked a little, tracing over the scars. He liked doing heroin. It made him distracted from everything, he liked how he felt, he felt happy for a few moments. He never winced when the needle entered his skin anymore, maybe all the nerves on his arms were dead, he didnt know. But he didnt plan on stopping.

He personally would never have done the drug if he didnt get caught up in what others would call ‘the wrong crowd’ but now that he was doing it, he didnt see much of a reason to stop. Who would care if he took it too far, he thought. Who would care if i overdose… who will care when i look wrinkled and gross.

Louis shook his head, he didnt know why he thought like that. He always had Niall and Liam, they’d been best mates for the longest time, they all got an apartment together in london shortly after they met. They just hit it off so well.

Liam and Niall were already friends though, they let louis into their lives and saved him, pretty much. Louis was kicked out of his house when he was 17, when he came out of the closet to his father. His dad didnt agree well, Louis hopped the train from doncaster to london that night and slept under an overpass. It wasnt till two days later that he ran into liam on the street, Liam was nice, he even offered louis coffee and a meal. They sat and drank and chatted for a while, about nothing really. Liam didnt ask why louis was sleeping under a bridge nor did he ask about anything personal. Louis knew it wasnt safe to just go into the home of a stranger, but within a week, louis was staying in liams guest room. Louis was greatful for Liam, because a bed was better than concrete. Soon after, he was introduced to niall and they all became great friends fast, and now they’d been friends for three years which felt like a lifetime.

A knock on the door interrupted louis’ thoughts. he heard liam on the other side of the door, “Lou are you okay? i dont hear any water running.”

“Wh-what yea umm yea im fine” Louis replied shakily, reaching a hand for the faucet of the shower and slowly stepping into the cold line of water. Louis winced a little at the coldness until the shower started to heat up a little. He just stood there for a few moments in the stream before he picked up the soap bottle and actually started cleaning.

He took a quick shower and wrapped a towel around him, he walked right into the kitchen because his hunger really started to hit him. Louis honestly wasnt sure last time he ate.  He searched the fridge before reaching for the cold pizza, he moved to the table and started eating, not bothering to heat it up.

“Louis please talk to me,” Liam said behind louis.

Louis looked up, swallowing the remainder of his pizza. He looked liam up and down, the boy looked like a small helpless puppy. All liam wanted was answered and lou felt like a dick for not giving them to him. Louis nodded towards the chair on the other side of the table, and liam smiled a little, pulling out the chair and setting down. Liam looked behind him towards the living room, through the small door he could see niall watching television. Liam smiled at the blonde haired boy, before turning back to louis.

“Lou please get help, we want you to. Me and niall care about you mate.”

“I know you do but.. liam” Louis hesitated, at a loss of words like usual

“Please. Look heres some booklets, theres this amazing rehab center in california. its specializing in drug addiction and me and niall have talked about it and we can pay, really louis we can.” Liam looked into lous blue eyes, the eyes that were once very bright but were now almost gray, and louis looked back at liam, at liams pleading eyes.

“sure” was all that louis could muster to say, he broke eye contact and got up from the table, bringing the dirty dishes to the sink.

~x~ Two weeks later

Louis climbed out of the airplane, ‘welcome to america’ he thought. He was heading to the rehabilitation center liam signed him up for, he would stay for a few months and return back to england, unless they thought he should stay longer.

The rehab center told him all he should bring were clothes and nothing else, because they wanted him to be separated from the rest of the world. Louis agreed to that, but he did bring his cellphone. He couldnt help that, he needed the thing.

Louis made his way though the airport towards the car rental place.

Louis got the car with ease, he was sitting in it now, turning the radio on and pulling out of the lot. Louis glanced at the map in the seat next to him. He was slightly happy he would be passing over the golden gate bridge on his way to the rehab center. He’d never seen it before.

It took one hour to get to the bridge but alas, he could see it. Louis smirked as he neared the bridge, he chose the lane on the far right so he could see the water under the bridge. It was a very beautiful sight, but the bridge was very busy, causing louis to get stuck in traffic. He turned down the radio, hearing beeps and honks from the cars all around. The traffic was moving very slow and he wondered why, there didnt seem to be a wreck ahead.. he was peering around the cars when he saw a boy, the boy was climbing over the safety railing.

was he about to? no he cant, no. Louis thought, and before he could rationalize his thoughts he pulled the car over and jumped out.

louis didnt know what to say, the boy was standing on the ledge, a small gust of wind could knock him over. The boy looked so small and fragile, his brown curly locks of hair gently swaying in the breeze. it was a very calm day, ignoring the boy about to take his life.

Louis cleared his throat, “Hello” he slowly croaked out.

“dont talk to me,” the boy replied in monotone

“ok i wont. will you talk to me though? Im louis”

“dont,” the boy repeated, but with more urgency in his words.

”.. dont what?”

“please dont try to talk me out of this, it wont fucking work okay!” the boy yelled at louis, he never looked at him, his back turned to louis, inches away from thin air.

“it’d be easier to talk to you if you were down here, but whatever. you know darling,” louis paused for a very short moment, wondering if his next words would make the boy jump or not, “i think if you really wanted to die, you wouldnt be talking back to me, you would be over the edge already.” Louis paused, bracing to see the boys reaction. But the curly haired boy didnt reply. He stood there, silently.

“why are you talking to me,” louis could hear the boy crying as he said it, choking over his own words.

“i dont think i can drive by, acting like nothings wrong, i’d think about you for the rest of my life. The nameless boy, the boy who i wouldnt be sure if he took his life or not. its quite a selfish reason, isnt it?” louis laughed a little when he said it, he slowly started walking closer to the boy.

“Why does it matter, why do i matter, why?” the boy was sobbing now, clenching his teeth in anger. At what, louis didnt know.

“You always do,” louis reached up his hand, hoping maybe, just maybe that the boy would turn around and grab louis’ hand as he climbed off the ledge; and that is exactly what the boy did.

“I’m harry, im not nameless anymore”

Louis finally got a look at the boys face, he was beautiful, his tear-filled green eyes were perfect, and they’d probably be even better when they werent filled with tears. The boy then collapsed on the ground in a fit of sobbing and shaking, the boy looked torn, all louis wanted to do was pick him up and keep him sheltered, even though he barely knew him at all.

Louis tugged at harry, picking him up and wrapping a hand around Harrys waist, all Louis knew was that he had to get him out of here. Louis placed him gently on the passenger seat of the car, Harry didnt react at all, he almost acted like Louis wasn’t there at all. Harry curled up on the seat and continued crying, Louis didn’t really know what to do… so he drove.

Louis’ head was spinning, he didn’t know what to do with the helpless boy, the boy adorably curling up on the passenger seat of the rental car.  Louis glanced at the boy, smiling down at him now that he stopped crying, his eyes were closed and Louis didn’t know if he was asleep.

Should I go to therapy? No, I cant. Not with him, I cant go now.

Louis shook his head and pulled over at a gas station, picking up his map. He stared at the map for a few moments, finding the closest hotel. Louis had his credit card on him, and sure it could be traced if the boys found out he didn’t go to rehab, but Louis didn’t care.

Louis sighed and got out of the car, taking one look at Harry to see if he would run. Louis took the latter and walked into the gas station grabbing a beer. Louis knew he was driving but he didnt care, he needed something to take the edge off. Its not like he was going to be drunk. He was about to leave, but he quickly grabbed a water bottle for the young boy.

When Louis climbed back into the car Harry was sitting up in his seat, his beautiful green eyes alarmed and scared, he looked like a deer in the headlights.

“Please don’t take me home, please, just drop me off just let me be on my own,”

“I’m not taking you home Harry,” Louis paused to brace his reaction, Harrys body relaxed a little and Louis continued, “I’m taking you to a hotel okay? We’ll figure it out.”

Harry seemed to get scared all over, Louis didn’t understand, but then it all clicked in his head.

“Harry I’m not going to hurt you! I promise, please.” Louis looked at Harry, but the boy just looked out of the window and didn’t say a word. Louis took it as an okay, he put the water bottle on harrys lap as he started driving.

~x~ At the hotel.

Louis took the keycard and entered their hotel room, at first glance it was a nice place, clean and fancy, and then he looked at the bed… they gave him a room with one bed.

“I should go get this fixed, we should get a different room,” Louis glanced at his watch, it was late now and he could tell harry was very tired. All harry did was groan and lay on the bed.

Louis looked at the boy, he sighed and had to admit he was feeling tired too. He walked over to Harry slowly, sliding off the boys white converse. Louis grabbed a pillow and blanket off the bed and placed them on the ground. Louis layed on the ground and murmured, “Guess we’ll figure this out in the morning.”

When Louis awoke in the morning, he glanced at the bed to see the beautiful boy, but Harry wasn’t on the bed anymore. Louis quickly jumped up, “Fuck!” he yelled, and then he heard a door click. Louis turned around to see harry, dripping wet walking out of the bathroom with nothing more than a towel draped around his hips. Louis had to stop himself from letting his mind wander, he couldn’t check this boy out, he wasn’t trying to find a relationship with him; he just wanted to fix him. Harry flipped his hair and went over to the bed and laid down again.

“Um…” Louis paused, looking at harry, the towel moved up slightly when harry laid down, but louis had to shake his head again, stop thinking these things you pervert. “Are you hungry harry?”

“No,”

“That’s a lie, you must be.”

“nope,”

“don’t give me one worded answers harry,”

“sorry,” harry moved his head over to look at louis now. They both sat like that for a moment just looking at eachother, in silence.

“Harry we need to talk sometime,” Louis sighed.

“Why?”

“Because I want to help you, please.”

“Why?”

“Because I care.”

“Why?”

“Harry damnit please! Stop asking why, I don’t know I just do!” Louis ran his hands through his hair, exhausted with the boy. All harry did was stare at Louis.

“Okay, I’m hungry.” Harry stated, and louis smiled at the boy. Happy with a little bit of progress he was getting.

Louis picked up the phone, and ordered eggs and waffles.

When the food arrived, louis quietly slid into the bed next to harry passing him a plate. They sat silently eating for a while, the gently whisper of the television in the background.

“Why harry, why did you want to do that?” Louis stopped eating, turning to the boy. Harry looked confused for a moment,

“Life is shit, lou.” It was the first time harry had said his name, even  though it was just a part of his name, it made him happy.

“Why though?” Louis was afraid he was starting to push harry, but he was curious.

“I have nobody, have you lived life alone, have you lived life abused, have you lived on the streets?”

“Actually yea, I was kicked out of my house when I was 17,  took a train to London and slept under a bridge until my best mate Liam found me, i was never abused though harry, maybe neglected but not abused.” Harry looked at Louis, shocked.

“But you seem so… so.” Harry paused, and let his mouth drop open, he didn’t know what to say.

“So what? Pulled together?” Louis laughed, “Do you know why I’m in California?”

“No… why?” Harry replied questioningly,

“I was on my way to a drug rehabilitation center, before you came along, and now im here. I should be getting treatment right now, but instead I’d rather be with you.” Louis looked at harry out of the corner of his eye, and he could see harrys lips pulling up into a small smile.

“Why did you choose me?” Harry asked.

“Because, you deserve it. I can just tell” Louis laughed a little

“You should have let me kill myself louis,”

“I didn’t stop you, you know you could have jumped.”

Tears were filling in harrys eyes, harry wasn’t about to say what he was feeling – that he thought louis’ voice was an angel, that as soon as he heard it, every part of him was telling him to turn around. He was happy louis was in his life now, happy to be able to look into the gorgeous blue eyes, happy to hear him, and he knew he wanted louis to stay in his life. But that would never work, they just met, louis wasn’t supposed to be here, when he goes back to London harry would slip into depression again.

Harry started sobbing again, and louis wrapped his arms around the younger boy, letting harrys head fall onto his chest, no words were said as louis gently stroked his hands through the boys curls.

At some point through Harrys tears, the boys must have fallen asleep. When louis woke up, his arms were wrapped around harry, he didn’t want to shuffle around too much in case harry would wake up, so he laid there, waiting for harry to wake. All he had to do was stare at Harry, the boy looked so peaceful in his sleep, his gorgeous green eyes were hiddin behind his lids, his hair laid messily over the pillow, and his breathing was even, there was no worry to him, he just looked like a tired young boy. Louis smiled at harry, he thought he was quite adorable laying there, he didn’t want to admit he had a crush on the boy, but it was hard to deny either. What am I thinking, I just met him yesterday, we haven’t even known each other for 24 hours. Louis started to get scared when harry started to stir awake. What if harry freaked out that louis was holding him?

All harry did was sit up a little, as louis let go of him.

“Louis?” harry said, staring at the wall and not at lou

“Yes Harry?” quietness filled the room for a few moments, waiting to be filled by harrys words.

“thank you.” Harry said, just above a whisper, Louis almost didn’t hear.

“no harry,  I should be thanking you for not letting me go to that drug rehab center,” louis said, and he added a little after, very quietly , “you’re better than any drug I’ve had.” Louis wasn’t sure if that was going too far, so he waited.

“Louis im just as dangerous, people with no friends are sad people indeed,”

“Haz, I’m your friend. Okay?” louis didn’t know where harrys new nickname came from, it just came out.

Harry paused for a few moments, before replying, “Haz?”

Louis blushed, “Yea is it cool if I have a nickname for you?”

Harry nodded hesitantly, “Why would you want to be my friend lou?”

“Why not?” Louis replied,

“Because I’m hopeless,” Harry replied with no emotions to his voice

“Never say that haz? Okay?” Lou’s words were then cut off by a ringtone hes never heard before, harry jumped off the bed quickly reaching for the phone, he ran into the bathroom and locked the door. All Louis could hear on the other side were murmurs and a few words that didn’t sound too friendly. Soon after, Harry emerged from the bathroom, looking pissed off as ever.

“Who was that?” Louis raised his eyebrow at Harry

“none of your fucking business okay?”  Louis flinched back at harrys harsh words, whover it was didn’t make harry too happy. At that moment, harry took off out of the hotel room.

“shit,” Louis murmured under his breath as he hastily put jeans on over his pajamas. He ran out of the hotel and heard the beep of the elevator door as it shut. Louis quickly ran to the stairs and took the steps two at a time going down. When Louis entered the lobby of the hotel, he burst through the door quickly, there were confused looks from people purchasing a room, but Louis didn’t care. He just wanted to get to harry before he did something stupid. Louis glanced at the elevators as they opened, harry ran out of them and onto the busy California street. Louis ran to catch up with harrys fast-paced walk. When Louis caught up he grasped onto harrys hand firmly and turned him around so he was facing Louis. Harry gasped a little.

“Fucking stop it harry,” Louis said tiredly,

“can I just walk Louis, can I fucking walk?” harry said, still with an angry tone.

“Sure haz, lets walk together” Louis didn’t let go of harrys hand, but he did lessen the hold so it was comfortable, as he intertwined their fingers. Harry flinched back at the touch, but didn’t pull his hand away.

“Where are we going?” Harry asked innocently, dropping the angry tone.

“Im not sure, wherever our feet take us. How do you feel about icecream?”

“Ic-Icecream?”

“Yes harry, icecream. You’ve had icecream before im sure.”

“Yea i.. I love cookie dough.”

Louis smiled at harry, “Okay, I’ll buy you cookie dough icecream,”

“is this a date Louis?” Louis opened his mouth in shock a little, wondering if harry wanted it to be, when he looked at harry, there was a smirk on the younger boys face, it was quite a good look on him.

Louis just laughed loudly pulling harry along, “Its whatever ya want it to be,”

When the boys got their icecream cones, they trekked up a hill to a park, and sat under a tree.

They were sitting relatively close to eachother, actually very close to eachother because harry was resting his head on louis’ shoulder. Louis didn’t mind the touch from harry, they sat quietly for a few moments. It was a nice silence, calm, with birds chirping. Not awkward like they had to say something,

“Louis do you really want to know why I want to die?” Harry paused before adding, “wanted”

“Yes harry, but only if you want to tell me,”

Harry paused and continued, and laughed a little, “I’m gay”

“Me too,” Louis silently added.

“That much is obvious mate, if im going to be honest” Louis just shoved harry away jokingly.

“Why would that make you want to die?” Louis questioned,

“Because I was in love with my best mate, Zayn, he was my world Louis, he was all I had, he took me in when my parents died. One drunken night I just confessed to him, and he was so alarmed, it was like he didn’t even know who I was anymore and I was a monster” Tears started brimming in harrys eyes, the last thing Louis wanted was those tears to fall.

“was?” Louis added.

“Yea, was… how am I supposed to love someone who won’t accept me.”

“Harry that boy is crazy for not loving you,”

“No hes not Louis, don’t lie to make me feel better. I should have known, I mean the dudes straighter than a board. But he’s the one who called me earlier, he was pretty mad I left without telling him why, I couldn’t stand being in that house with him anymore.”

Louis nearly choked, “you, you live with him?”

 It clicked in his head, of course harry lived with Zayn, he just said it. Louis suddenly felt stupid for saying it.

Harry nodded, not sure why Louis cared, “Actually Louis, now all I am is torn, Zayn is still in my heart, you cant just stop loving someone, hes on my mind 24/7 I cant stand the thought of him not being In my life anymore and now that you’re here, I just don’t know any more really. It’d be so much easier if I was sinking in the water under the bridge.” Louis was choked up, he wasn’t going to cry in front of harry but Louis didn’t know what to tell him. Louis was jealous of this Zayn guy, Louis knew that he could love harry more than him, he knew he could treat him better and not make him want to die.

“Harry, harry there you are!”

Louis looked at harry, not sure who was talking in the distance, harry looked scared almost.

“Harry talk to me! Who is this?” an attractive man strolled up, with beautiful dark hair and skin. Louis was struck in awe.

“Zayn how did you find me!” Harry said alarmed, as he backed even closer into the tree even though there wasn’t an inch between the two.

Louis looked at Zayn again, this was Zayn, the Zayn that broke harrys heart. He wasn’t surprised that harry liked Zayn though, because Zayn was quite fit.

“Harry, I know you, I had a feeling you’d be at the park okay?”

“I didn’t even want to come here though, lou dragged me along”

Louis sat there for a moment, awkwardly, “uh yea hi im… well yea im Louis.”

Harry was on his feet now, standing in front of Zayn. Louis slowly stood up and stayed a comfortable distance away.

“Harry why did you leave like that, you didn’t even give me time to fucking think!”

“Zayn I understand, you don’t want anything to do with me,”

“Harry, if I didn’t want you in my life I wouldn’t be here now!” Zayn almost looked dangerous, he had a few tattoos that were visible, he was also toned and muscled.

Zayn then grabbed harry and brought his face up to Zayns lips in a kiss, Louis tried to look away as the two kissed passionately in the park, but he was shocked. Louis’ mouth hung open and he felt hurt and broken all over, his arms suddenly got an itch, he just wanted to get out of here, maybe get some drugs. Anything but watch these two. Louis just turned around and started walking , he got a few feet away until he heard the two break apart and harry yell for Louis,

“No Louis please wait!” Harry grabbed louis’ arm and turned him around, like Louis did to harry earlier when he ran away.

“No its fine harry, im happy for you now. You got what you wanted isn’t that great, aren’t you glad you didn’t jump?” Louis didn’t mean to sound hurt, but he did a little. He wasn’t sure if harry could sense it or not, “Harry just go home with Zayn. Okay?”

“Louis no, I don’t want you out of my life. Im not sure what I want anymore,” Harry looked so little and naïve at that moment, Louis wanted to take the boy into his arms and hold him until he felt okay.

Zayn came up behind him, “Harry, make up your fuckin mind, you cant tell me you love me and go off with someone else,”

“Guys please just let me be alone, just for now.” Harry started walking in the other direction, and this time no one followed him.

Louis just sighed and started walking back to the hotel, he heard Zayns footsteps crunching behind him. Louis turned around, “May I help you sir?”

“What did you do? You ruined everything.”

“Ha, I ruined everything Zayn? You did, you made harry want to jump off a fucking bridge, you made him feel alone, I wouldn’t know the guy if he wasn’t suicidal and that was all your fucking fault, don’t blame this shit on me alright?”

Zayn looked shocked, he didn’t know any of that. “Ju-jump off a bridge? Like, the Brooklyn bridge?”

“Yes, I was there, im the reason hes here now. Not that I’d like to brag about it.” Louis wasn’t really sure if he liked Zayn at this point, the guy seemed selfish.

“Thank you,” was all Zayn said, and Louis could tell he really meant it.

“Where do you think harrys going to go tonight?

“I really don’t know Louis,” Zayn ran a hand through his hair, “but it looks like hes more likely to come back to you,”

“what makes you say that?” Louis was confused, he just met the boy, why would he pick Louis?

Zayn just gave Louis a knowing look, and shrugged. “Maybe we should hang out until harry calls us or comes back?” Louis nodded and started walking back to the hotel.

~~x~~

Harry Styles walked as far away as he could from the boys that were ripping his head apart. He was quite literally torn, as soon as he thought he was a safe distance he slumped down on a bench and started crying, again. Harry hated how soft he was getting, he used to be strong, he used to be happy.

Who was he supposed to choose, Zayn; who was there for him, made memories with him, who took him in and became his best friend, or Louis; things felt different with Louis, harrys heart pounded when he saw Louis. When their fingers brushed, harry could feel sparks. He liked his kiss with Zayn though, it felt nice, but did it feel right? Harry was about to pull all of his hair out because of all the stress.

Maybe I shouldn’t choose either, harry thought. But all he was thinking of was how he wanted to kiss Louis.

Harrys hand slid into his pocket, he felt the pocket knife he forgot was there, something suddenly clicked in his head though. He opened the knife and gently placed it on his fore-arm. After a second, harry applied more pressure, he felt his skin slice open. At first he winced in pain, but after seconds he felt good, amazing even. His mind was clear, he felt on edge. Harry started cutting more, and more, and more. Soon blood was coating his arm and dripping onto his legs. Harry stared at his arm for a good minute, shocked at what he had just done. But harry smiled at the wounds, he closed the knife again and slid it back in his pocket.

Harry sighed and wiped away the blood with his sleeve,

What am I supposed to do now, He thought. Im alone now, I can jump, I can do it now.

Harry decided against it though, because he actually had two friends now. Friends? Can he say they were friends. Harry shoved his hands in his pockets and took a stroll through the town, ignoring the blood that was slowly drying on his arms.

~~x~~

Zayn and Louis sat in the hotel for almost an hour, waiting for harry. They had time to chat, Zayn rambled on about how much harry meant to him, Louis tried to sit back and act like it was nothing to him, while on the inside he was dying a little every second. Louis just talked about why he was in cali, and how he saved harry. But not much more than that.

“Mate, maybe I should go back home and see if harry is there?”

Louis agreed, he was really tired himself, “Wait heres my phone number, just in case harry comes back.”

Zayn nodded, grabbed the number and slipped out the door.

                20 minutes later… harry showed up at the hotel.

Louis was laying half asleep on the bed, when he heard the door squeak open. He almost didn’t react because he was so tired and his mind just wasn’t working right, then he snapped back into reality, sitting up on the bed like a flash of lightening

“Harry! What happened, whats on your shirt is that… blood?”  Louis jumped out of bed and running to harry.

“Is it that noticeable?”

“Yes haz, the sleeve of your blue shirt is now fucking red!”

Louis slowly reached for harrys sleeve and pulled it up. It looked a mess, all torn up like a wolf came up and clawed his arm.

“Harry,” Louis looked at the boy, frowning. Harry didn’t seem to notice at all, or he didn’t seem to care that his arm was a mess.  “did you do this?”

Harry just nodded silently. Louis dragged harry into the bathroom, his motherly instincts kicking in, he slowly unbuttoned harrys flannel and slid it off of him. Harry didn’t react, he was almost like dead weight just standing. Louis frantically looked around for some antiseptic or any bandages; he hit the jackpot when he looked under the sink. Louis unscrewed a bottle of rubbing alcohol and was about to pour it on harry when suddenly harry reached up and grabbed onto louis’ wrist firmly so Louis couldn’t take it away.

“Don’t Louis.”

“harry you’re hurt! Let me help you.”

“I don’t need help Louis, I don’t want to cover it up, I don’t want to make it feel better, okay?!” Harrys voice slowly raised as he said it. Louis was shocked, why was harry being so, so… difficult! “just let me shower lou, okay?”

Louis almost didn’t want to leave him, he was worried. But then again, if harry didn’t wanna be here he wouldn’t be. Louis reluctantly left the bathroom,

He layed on the bed not realizing just how tired he was, and when Louis woke up he realized there was a presence holding on to him, fast asleep. Louis smiled, harry was snuggling up to Louis… asleep. It took a few moments for Louis to realize harry was only wearing boxers, and he blushed at the feel of harrys skin against his. Even though Louis was fully clothed, it was still very very close. Suddenly harry started to stir awake, Louis almost had to curse himself thinking it was his fault.

“Lou?” harry murmured in a sleepy voice, Louis couldn’t have thought harry was any hotter than at that moment, because damn it was just sexy.

“mmm yes?” Louis turned so he was facing the boy, Harrys eyes were open now.

“You fucked me up man, why didn’t some ugly person save my life? Or a girl, or family.” Harry smirked a little, was he calling Louis hot?

They sat in silence, Louis wasn’t sure if it was a rhetorical question or not. But he decide he should say something, “I dunno, maybe it was meant to be.” Louis let out a small laugh.

Harry laughed back, “you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into, im pretty sure im falling for you Louis.”

Lou couldn’t really say he was surprised, he had a feeling harry was crushing a little… but what did this mean? Zayn was still in the picture, where did it leave the two?

But Louis didn’t want to think about it, he just wanted to live in the moment.

“Me too haz,” Louis whispered as he reached up to hold harrys face. Louis then leaned into kiss harry. The kiss started slow, harry seemed shocked, until he got the hang of having louis’ mouth on his, Louis slid his hands into harrys beautiful silky curls as the kiss intensified, harry pulled himself even closer to Louis so there was barely room for air between.

Louis could easily die right then and be happy, kissing harry gave him butterflies even though it was definitely not his first kiss. He felt sparks and he was truly happy, it made him feel better than any drugs injected in him. Louis thought just for a moment, that he never wanted to let go, that harry could be his therapy.

And in harrys mind, he felt the same way. It felt different when he kissed Zayn, Zayns kiss was good, but it seemed rushed, almost desperate. This was just right.

The only thing that stopped them was a phone going off quite loudly. They both pulled apart, and harry started laughing as Louis jumped out of bed to get his phone. It was strange he was getting a call, he told everyone he wasn’t going to be using his phone because it cost too much to use in different countrys, but when he picked it up he read the caller ID… Liam

“shit shit shit,” Louis didn’t know if he should answer, but he did anyways.. “Helloo liam,” he tried to sound happy.

“what the fuck are you doing?” Liams voice rang over the phone and Louis glanced over at harry laying on the bed with a smirk on his face. “Louis the fucking rehab center called and you never showed, do you understand how scared me and niall are, where the hell are you?”

“How are ya mate?” Louis said, ignoring liams rant.

“I’d be better if I knew what the fuck was up,” Liam sounded really angry

“Whoa man never heard you cuss this much ever, im glad we’re talking over the phone! I’m in California.”

“you aren’t where you’re supposed to be in California, lou.” Liams voice was backing off a little, and the anger was slipping away.

“I know liam, you don’t understand what I’ve gotten myself wrapped up in.”

“Im putting you on speaker phone, talk.”

“Hello niall! And um guys im not really alone right now.”

“what are you doing? Partying? Doing drugs?”

“Erm, no… can I remind you that its morning here and I haven’t done a single drug since you assholes shipped me off. I’m with harry, and be fucking polite because you’re on speaker too,” Louis took his place next to harry on the bed again. Harry just smirked, “Ello there, im harry.”

“Hello harry,” both liam and niall said in unison, “Who’s harry?” niall said, and both Louis and harry laughed. It didn’t take long before liam and niall were caught up on how Louis met harry, and harry didn’t seem too ashamed anymore that random people knew of his suicide. They didn’t tell about the kiss, or Zayn.

“Louis I still think you should go to therapy, please”

“Im not going liam, I don’t need it okay?”

“How do you know that louis?”

“I just do, I’ll be home whenever.” Then Louis hung up on Liam, he almost felt bad but it was hard to think about Liam when harry was leaning in for another kiss. Their lips met, but it was just a short kiss this time. Harrys stomach started to grumble, and that’s when Louis started to realize how hungry he was. Harry smiled and shook his head,

“Wanna order room service babe?” Harry asked,

Louis thought for a moment, babe? He wasn’t complaining, it was just different, but he seemed to have a better idea than room service, “why don’t we go out and eat somewhere?”

“Um because I don’t have clothes Louis,” Harry laughed.

“Right, you can borrow some of mine, im not sure if they’ll fit though.”

“Maybe we should stop at my house, Zayns probably worried too,”

Louis frowned, If harry went home would he be leaving him?

“Sure, I guess” Louis was curious anyways to see what harrys house was like anyways.

~x~

Harry and Zayns house looked messy and lived in, but in a welcome way, like any teenage boys house would be. Louis was actually shocked at how pretty the house was though; it was so modern and fancy. When they first walked in, they stepped right into the living room attached to a kitchen, Zayn was in the kitchen cooking over the stove, Louis didn’t notice at first but when he got closer Zayn was butt ass naked.

“Harry!” Zayn yelled and dropped the spoon he was stirring with. He made no movement to cover himself though; Louis uncomfortable rubbed the back of his neck trying not to stare. Now he really knew why Harry liked Zayn. Zayn looked like a model, “Oh shit im sorry man,” Zayn turned around, Louis really tried not to stare at his ass but it was so toned, but louis’ thoughts were cut short as Zayn disappeared into the next room, he emerged seconds later wearing a thin loose pairs of boxers. He quickly walked over to harry and gathered him into a long hug. “I was so fucking worried harry where have you been,”

Harry just shrugged; he wasn’t a man of many words.

Louis decided he should probably explain, “Harry came back about 20 minutes after you left. Im sorry I didn’t call man,”

Zayn just shook his head, “its fine man, are you okay harry, whats on your shirt?”

Harry didn’t have any other clothes, so he was forced to put on his bloody shirt again while they drove to get new ones. “I’m fine Zayn,”

“Harry, that’s not what I asked,” Zayn looked into harrys gorgeous green eyes, Zayn looked scared and hurt. He really did care about harry, but Louis thought that he could love him better. “What did you do,”

“Nothing I just came to get clothes okay?”

“Why cant you stay here harry, with me?”

“Because maybe I don’t wanna be around you right now, ever think of that?” Harrys words were harsh, Louis winced a little at the tension in the air.

Zayn didn’t reply, his mouth just dropped open and he gasped, it looked like he was about to say something but no words formed. It almost looked like tears were going to form in his eyes, but his sad look quickly turned to anger, “Fuck you harry, fuck you.” Zayn reached up and shoved harry backwards.

Harry stumbled a little but stayed standing as he grabbed Louis’ arm and dragged him into his bedroom. Harry quickly slammed the door and sighed.

Harrys room was very clean, but there wasn’t much to it; Just a closet, dresser, guitar and bed.

“Do you play?” Louis nods towards the guitar

“I used to,” Harry shrugs.

“Why would you stop?”

“I dunno, I just lost interest for a while,”

“Do you play anything else?”

“No.”

“Can you play for me?” Louis looked at harry, but harry just shook his head and started stripping off his clothes until he was just in his boxers, as he started rummaging through his closet for clothes for the day. Louis decided to take a seat on harrys bed.

Harry picked up a thin ramones tshirt and pair of skinny black jeans and slid them on, “No Louis,”

Harry hesitated and looked down at the scars on his arms, deciding to wear a sweater over his shirt too.

“Why not hazza, im sure you’re great,”

“Yea I was pretty good but I haven’t played in a while, im kinda rusty.”

“Do you do anything else?” Louis asked curiously,

“No… well, I sing a little but who doesn’t?”

“Will you sing for me?” Louis tried to sound hopeful, but he was pretty sure harry would say no, and he was right because harry started shaking his head. Harry grabbed louis’ hand and pulled him off the bed towards the door, “comeon lets get outta here,”

“Where are we going harry?”

“I dunno, but im starving,”

~

They chose to eat at a starbucks, it was louis’ favorite place. For the first time harry seemed to really pig out, he even ordered two plates. Louis smiled at harry as he ate, he wasn’t being very neat and it made Louis laugh. He could care less if harry was a messy eater or not though, just as long as he was eating.

“Wot are ya lookin at?” harry said with a mouth full of a BLT sandwich.

“you, harry.” Louis laughed at the young boy,

Harry swallowed his food and gave Louis a cheeky smile, and Louis smiled back. Harry seemed happy at that moment, and it was a great look on him.

“How did ya meet Zayn?” Louis asked, he just wanted to get to know harry.

“At a club, we got high together and started hangin, soon we were best friends.”

“You… high?” Louis laughed, he always pictured harry as this innocent distraught little boy, but he wasn’t.

“Yes, does it look like I’ve never smoked pot before?”

“Kinda,” Louis replied simply.

“Well me and Zayn were friends for a year before I moved in with him, then I suddenly started to realize I had feelings for him but now… I just don’t know, I love him Louis, I really do, I just don’t know in what way,”

Louis nodded, “Is this because of me?”

Harry nodded, “Basically louis,”

“if it makes you feel better, I like you harry, quite a bit.” Louis didn’t want to say love, it would have made harrys problem even harder, he just wanted harry to be happy.

“That doesn’t make me feel better though,”

Louis just let out a small chuckle and stood up, putting his hand out for harry to grab, as they intertwined fingers he pulled harry up, “Lets go back to the hotel, eh?”

“Sure thing lou,”

~~x~~

Louis reached up to slide the key card into the hotel door, but was interrupted as harry grabbed Louis and brought his lips up into a kiss. Harry pushed Louis up against the door, it was fast and hasty, Louis was caught off guard as he felt harry smile against his lips, but as he kissed back, Louis slowly reached for the doorknob behind him. The door cracked open and they backed into the room. They didn’t even get a foot into the room before they broke apart and heard someone talking.

They were both breathing heavily, it was quite obvious that they were just kissing, Louis turned around to see who was in his room.

“Liam? Niall? What the fuck are you doing here!” Louis yelled, not knowing why his friends would come all the way here without saying anything.

“What are you doing,” Niall said as he grinned and raised an eyebrow.

“Shit, well um I,” Louis looked at harry, who was standing awkwardly beside Louis now.

“Ello im harry,” harry waved and smirked,

“Nice to finally meet you,” Liam said

“Yea man,” Niall added, “Look im going to just say it, you know why we’re here. We want you to go to therapy okay we didn’t send you to California to start some summer romance.”

“But im doing great niall, look at me I haven’t done a single drug,” Louis raised his arms laughing.

“Ugh Louis,” Liam fell backwards on the bed, “I’m tired of dealing with you why are you making this difficult?”

“Im not li, you are. I’m doing fine okay?”

“Don’t get yourself caught up in a romance Louis”

“Don’t talk about harry like hes not here liam,” Liam then looked at harry, and back to Louis.

“Louis this is fucking you up man this isn’t what was supposed to happen,” Niall chimes in

“Is anything ever supposed to happen niall? Is it? Maybe this was supposed to happen because im fucking happy now, this has been the first week in a long fucking time that I haven’t touched a goddamn drug,”

“No, Louis your friends are right, go home with them and I’ll go home too,” Harry said, he reached to louis’ hand and gave it a squeeze before walking out of the door

“No wait harry!” Louis went to go follow but niall firmly held his arm

“Let it go man,” Was all that niall said

Louis slumped down on the bed, he felt like shit.

~~x~~

The next day, Louis was looking out of the airplanes window as is departed from the California airport, heading towards London. Louis had his headphones in listening to the fray as niall slept beside him, and liam watched a movie on the screen in front of him.

One week away from harry styles

                The week after leaving harry was shit, Louis didn’t do anything and sat in the house all day moping around. Niall tried to get him out of the house several times, liam didn’t want Louis to drink anymore, which was complete bullshit, but every once in a while niall would slip a beer into lous bedroom. Louis was thankful to have niall just for that, if he was just dealing with liam he might not have been able to handle it.

Two weeks without harry styles

This week was more than boring, Louis felt the familiar itch on his arms for a needle to be pressed in and something to be injected, that Friday night Louis decided to leave the house with niall and get drunk off his ass. Liam wasn’t happy at all, he was being so anal lately and Louis was tired of him. Louis hangover didn’t make him feel any better though.

Three weeks without harry styles

Louis slept for two days straight, he finally got up when he realized he didn’t wanna piss his pants. Louis also realized that he looked really thin, and he honestly couldn’t remember the last time he ate. Liam and Niall both stopped bothering Louis, for the most part. They could tell Louis was slipping into depression and didn’t quite know what to do themselves.

One month without harry styles

Louis was just about fed up with staying in the house, he slipped on a pair of jeans and a hoodie and left the house before niall and liam were awake. He reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone, texting his drug dealer, he had to get his hands on something today. Louis wandered towards the other end of the city, the parts he didn’t really enter unless he was going to get high. The closer he got, the happier he felt already. He had to stop himself though, he thought of harry, he thought of how he made Louis feel, how no other drug would compare. Well, weed wouldn’t hurt would it? At least I would calm him down; and that’s just what he got.

One month and two weeks without harry styles

                Louis felt especially shitty, he hadn’t heard harrys voice in so long, yet the boy showed up in his dreams last night. The dream was Louis trying to explain how much he loved harry, but harry wouldn’t listen. It was almost like Louis was talking to a brick wall. But a beautiful beautiful brick wall. Why couldn’t he get this boy out of his fucking head?

Louis then heard a knock at his door, he didn’t want to say anything, he could lay back down and act asleep, but he let a groan escape his lips. Soon the door was opening and niall was standing there. Liam didn’t speak to Louis much anymore, which made Louis feel worse. He knew it was his fault, but liam was supposed to be his best mate. Louis really just wished things were back to the way they were before.

“Aye mate, mind coming out for breakfast?”

“What did you make?” Louis’ voice cracked, he hadn’t spoken in a while and his mouth was feeling rather dry.

Niall smiled at Louis, “Pancakes!” he said quite happy and chipper.

Louis made a small smile at his friends effort, but he climbed out of bed anyways and walked into the kitchen. Niall handed Louis a rather large amount of pancakes, it was a heaping plate. It made Louis think of harry all over again and how much he ate. Louis sighed and plopped down onto  one of the seats at the table; niall took the seat across from him.

“Liam talked to me, he wants to move out,” Niall said slowly.

“What? Is it because of me? Fuck” Louis replied,

“No no, hes totally head over heels in love with Danielle and they want to move in together.”

“Wh-what? Are you serious?”

“Yep pretty serious mate, it’ll be just me and you,” niall reached across the table and gently punched louis in the chest.

Louis had met Danielle many times, her and liam had been dating for over a year. They were proper adorable with eachother, so it shouldn’t have come as such a shock to Louis; but it did. Louis liked Danielle, she was sweet and pretty.

“why didn’t liam tell me himself? I’ve really fucked shit up having I nialler,”

“You haven’t fucked anything up mate, we’ll always be your best friends,”

Louis sighed, hoping it was the truth. Louis pushed himself away from the table, walking towards liam in the living room.

When Louis entered, liam looked up and gave Louis a half-hearted smile. Liam still patted the spot beside him on the couch, and Louis sat next to him.

“congratulations, mate.”

“oh, niall told ya then?”

“Yeah, he did, really im happy for you,” Louis plastered on a huge smile and patted liam on the back.

“Louis, are you alright?”

Louis just stared at liam, liam already knew the answer but he wanted to hear it anyways.

“What do you think?”

“you really like harry don’t you?”

“Yes liam, I really do,”

“I never really thought you could fall in love in a week,”

“Ah, it doesn’t matter anyways now, hes probably with zayn, kissing zayn, laying next to zayn and waking up next to zayn,” Louis almost choked on the lump in his throat that was forming.

“Don’t say that Louis, you don’t know that,” Liam tried to reassure Louis, but when Louis didn’t reply liam grabbed his friend and gathered him into a strong hug.

Liams hugs were great, they made ya feel like you were hugging a giant teddy bear, but it still didn’t stop the lone tear from silently dripping down louis’ cheek.

One month and three weeks without harry styles

Louis slept in until one, it was becoming a habit for him. He was slowly trying to gather himself together, he knew he had to get a job and get somewhere with himself. Yet all he did was sit around, moping about himself. He knew he had to get over it and stop being such a fuckup, but it was easier said than done.

Louis dragged himself out of bed and climbed into the shower, he examined his old scars in the mirror; they were slowly fading away, anyone who was familiar with the drug would spot them in an instant, but any average person wouldn’t take a second glance. Louis had to be proud of himself for not doing it anymore, for having the willpower to say no even on the days that he really craved the feeling. There were two new scars on his arms though, Louis couldn’t help that he relapsed. It was a never ending struggle that didn’t end in one day. It didn’t feel right when he did it again though.

                When Louis got out of the shower he walked into the kitchen to get some breakfast, he spotted a note on the table:

                ‘hey went out early to go to the gym with liam –nialler x’

Louis crumpled up the note and threw it in the trash can, he was almost happy the house was all his this morning, it was quiet. Louis cracked two eggs into the pan and put some bread in the toaster, his diet was slowly becoming healthy again.

Time heals all wounds, right? Louis thought.

After Louis ate someone knocked at his door.

Whos that? It cant be niall or liam they would have brought a key. Louis wondered and looked down at his outfit, he was still in pajamas.

Louis slowly walked towards the door and whoever was there started pounding louder.

“IM COMING,” Louis yelled as he opened the door, annoyed. His words stopped though, when his eyes met with a gorgeous green pair, Harry styles was standing at his doorstep. “Ha-harry!”

“Well are you gunna let me in?”

“of course!” Louis grabbed onto harrys shirt, forcefully dragging him into the house and letting him take a seat on louis’ couch. “I cant believe you’re here haz… how did you know where I lived?”

“oh my god you’re going to think im so creepy, its not like that. You said you lived in London, and well I just looked you up in the phone book, crazy right? Those things are actually useful” Harry laughed before adding “did you know theres 6 other Louis tomlinsons? This is the third house I’ve been to, the others thought I was selling bloody girl scout cookies.”

Both harry and Louis burst out laughing, they stared at eachother for a minute before they said anything else.

“Why are you here hazza?”

Harry frowned, “you don’t want me here do you?”

“no harry! I wanted you here more than anything, life is shit without seeing your smile, your eyes, your curls, the thought of waking up thousands of  miles away from you fucking killed me, harry I fucking love you, okay? Im in love with you, I haven’t stopped thinking about you a second since I was dragged away from you, I thought about how happy with zayn you probably were, where is zayn anyways?”

“Well, me and zayn tried to make it work, we did, but I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t kiss him because every time I just thought of you, I thought of your lips on mine, when I woke up next to him, I sat there wishing it was you Louis, im in love with you too, I thought I’d come all the way here and look like an idiot crying on the plane ride home, I don’t know why I came, I just had to say it, I had to see, the days without you just made me eat myself up and rip my hair out I couldn’t do it, I just couldn’t-“

Harrys words were cut off by louis’ lips, this kiss felt even better than the ones before, Louis felt like he was on fire, every part of him felt awake and truly euphoric, because he was with harry, the one he loved, the one who was always on his mind, he was finally here, sitting on his couch. Louis didn’t want the kiss to ever end, but they had to breathe sometime, harry reluctantly pulled apart from Louis,

“Harry Edward styles, I will always love you with my whole heart,” Louis put a hand on harrys chin, bringing his face up into another soft kiss, Louis felt one of harrys tears hit his cheek, but he didn’t stop kissing him, because they were finally happy tears.

When they did finally break apart, harry murmured, “ditto”

Louis laughed and ran a hand through the curls he had been missing so much. Louis’ mind flashed into the beautiful future he wanted to have with harry.

“Does this mean you’re moving in haz?” Louis grinned,

“If you’ll allow it,” Harry nodded.

“I don’t think I could allow you to leave,”

“What about niall and liam?” Harry grinned.

“Liam doesn’t live here anymore, darling, and im sure niall would want you here too, a happy Louis makes a happy niall, and you make me happy harry,”

“That’s good, because im pretty sure you make me the happiest person on the planet Louis,”

“Are you ready to start a happy life?” Louis asked, grabbing harrys hand.

All harry did was nod, and plant a quick gentle kiss on louis’ lips.