Episode 18: The Penitent Man

"So Tsubaki, Emi, and I will mostly just be hanging out at the mall together today," Kaori's voice informed Kousei over the phone. "Sorry it interfered with our practice, but I just figured the three of us hadn't hung out in a while. That okay?"

"Of course!" Kousei said as he finished folding his laundry. "You know you don't need to, well, 'ask permission' for that, right?"

"Aw, you're so sweet!" Kaori teased. "I gotta run now, but I'll call you later okay?"

"Love you, Kaori," Kousei replied. "I hope all of you have fun!"

Upon hanging up the phone, Kousei resumed putting his laundry away in their designated drawers, as any proper person would. His ears detected the light steps of his father's slippers in the hall, and he turned to see his father appear in the doorway.

"Good morning, son!" Takahiko greeted, his right hand holding his steaming mug of coffee. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Kousei shrugged. "Just another regular Saturday."

"Well, you've stayed on top of your homework during the week, so how about we have a bit more of a relaxed day today?" Takahiko suggested. "Maybe go through some of the movies in my collection?"

"Sure!" Kousei smiled.

"Oh, also, I managed to get work off for both your Spring Recital plus yours and Kaori's summer performance! I can't wait to see it!"

Kousei fought back a surprised expression that threatened to reveal his slowly dissolving—but still present—grudge. Takahiko was no fool, though, for he detected the tiny hesitation. Anyone else would've missed it. But Takahiko wasn't just any other person. He was Kousei's father, and he knew he had to coax out what was troubling his son.

"Kousei? Is that alright?"

"Yeah, it's fine dad. Thank you! Really!"

Takahiko stepped into the room, his countenance empathetic and his hand gentle but firm as he placed it on his son's shoulder.

"Son, please. What's the matter?"

Kousei looked down at the drawer in shame, not wanting to meet his father's gaze. After all, who was he to keep bringing up something he and his dad had already talked over twice? But upon seeing that his father would not leave until he knew what was gnawing at his conscience, Kousei attempted to redirect the conversation.

"It's fine, dad," Kousei began. "We already talked about it last Sunday. You said you need to work enough time to pay the bills, and I already said I'll give you my performance schedule ahead of time. It's okay, seriously."

"Yes, Kousei," Takahiko agreed. "But right now it seems like there's something else I should know. Please, son. You can tell me."

Kousei sighed. No use backing out now. He might as well just say it.

"Every time you bring up missing or being able to attend one of my performances, all the old memories resurface," Kousei admitted. "I don't know why! We've already talked it over. I know how difficult a position you were in as mom was dying. So I don't want to bring it up every time! It's not fair to you!"

Takahiko rubbed his son's back, simply smiling in understanding.

"Kousei...the things you suffered due to my choices don't just go away overnight. I understand that." Takahiko assured him. "And I'm sorry if my well-intentioned words bring back some old wounds. My son, please. I do not hold it against you if it takes you a while to get over these things. Just know I'm always here and willing to talk about them when you want to. Alright?"

Kousei raised his head, and smiled back at his father. Those words had not completely erased the scar by any means. However, it was definitely beginning to fade away just a little bit more.

"Thank you, Dad," Kousei said, hugging him from the side. "For all of it. Paying for my appointments with Mr. Hayashi. Being willing to move up here, closer to the music school. All of it."

"I love you, Son," Takahiko answered. "And I am proud of you. Don't you ever forget that."

Reminding his son to come downstairs once brunch was ready, Takahiko ambled into the kitchen, still feeling somewhat drowsy despite having slept a good number of hours. As he began rummaging through the fridge for the necessary ingredients, he felt his phone vibrate and answered the call upon seeing it was from Hiroko.

"Good morning, Ms. Seto!" Takahiko greeted. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Morning Takahiko. I was wondering if I could come visit Kousei later this evening? The little twerp Nagi Aiza suddenly texted me she can't make it for her lesson today."

"Oh! Why of course, you are welcome to visit anytime!" Takahiko answered. "I must say, it's quite dull here at the house when you and your daughter aren't present!"

"Yeah, I know," Hiroko shrugged. "But I didn't exactly have the funds to relocate my entire studio up from Nerima Ward. So I still visit when I can. You know how it is."

"Of course, Ms. Seto. See you later this evening!"

...............................................

As Emi debarked from the subway, she tightened her purple scarf and pushed some stray hairs back behind her head. The forecast had called for a more pleasant temperature today. As such, Emi had only found it necessary to wear a light gray hoodie with her scarf. Her black jeans provided a good contrast to her brown-and-blue tennis shoes. A simple yet well-selected garb, as usual.

"Hey Emi, over here!" she heard Kaori's voice call out. Walking through the platform and past the gate, Emi made her way over to the waiting silver van of Kaori's mother. Kaori smiled at her from the shotgun seat, while Tsubaki's upbeat countenance revealed itself as the van's right sliding door slid open.

"Hope you're ready for an adventure!" Tsubaki said as Emi took her seat behind Kaori.

"You bet!" Emi replied. "Thank you for covering my train ticket, Kaori! And to you Ms. Miyazono, for the ride!"

"Not at all, dear!" Ryouko answered. "You young ladies have been studying hard! It was good thinking on my daughter's part to put this together for all of you!"

Following a short twenty-minute drive—Ryouko took the opportunity to introduce them to some ABBA songs on the way—the three friends reached the mall near Towa Hall, and thanked Kaori's mother for the ride.

"No problem! Stay safe and don't go too crazy with those coupons! I'll text you when I'm coming to pick you up!"

"So, what should we do first?" Kaori asked as her mother drove away.

"How about some food?" Tsubaki suggested. "Pre-season practice has been killing me all week long!"

"I heard that a Sukiya location recently opened up in the food court!" Emi added. "Let's eat there!"

"No argument there!" Kaori beamed, brandishing her stack of food court coupons. "It's been a while since I've eaten there!"

Despite the holidays having been over for quite some time, the mall's food court was filled with people bustling about on the quest to acquire sustenance for their growling stomachs. Much to their favor, however, the line at the Sukiya restaurant was not at an abominable length, and the three friends were seated at a table with their hearty bowls of gyudon.

"So, what's up with all of you?" Kaori asked once she finished her first bite. "I don't mean to pry, but you guys sounded like you weren't doing so great when I called last Sunday."

Emi hadn't been expecting Kaori to show such sympathy, and for a moment considered telling what had been on her mind. But she decided to hold her tongue once she thought better of it. After all, Kaori and Tsubaki had only known her for a few months. Who would she be to spoil the mood of this outing by bringing up her insignificant burdens of self-image?

"Well...I could be better I guess," Tsubaki had spoken up. "My mom was supportive of my decision to break things off with Watari, yes. But I can't help but feel like it was all a waste of time. Did he even value me at all?"

Again, Emi reaffirmed her decision to stay silent in her head. How did her vain desires to measure up to the other girls at school compare with the enormous betrayal Tsubaki had suffered?

Kaori listened to Tsubaki with authentic empathy, nodding her head in understanding as Tsubaki recounted the details of her parent's divorce.

"My father had zero guilt about the whole thing, even after my mother found out! And even after all these years he still has not apologized at all! He doesn't even call or text us!"

"Wow...I'm so sorry to hear that, Tsubaki," Kaori said. "I guess Watari's revelation must've reminded you of all that, huh?"

"Yes!" Tsubaki replied. "And the fact that he hasn't apologized doesn't help either!"

The table fell silent for a few moments as Tsubaki calmed herself down and ate more of her gyudon. Emi didn't exactly know what to say, but she figured saying something would at least display her empathy.

"I hope he apologizes to you soon, Tsubaki," Emi smiled. "Because you deserve that."

"Thanks guys," Tsubaki said, wiping a tear from her eye. "Maybe I'm just freaking out. He'll probably talk to me soon."

"You're not freaking out, Tsubaki!" Kaori encouraged. "What Watari did to you hurt you! A lot! It's understandable that you feel the way you do!"

Tsubaki thanked Kaori for her kind words, then turned to Emi.

"How about you, Emi? Everything alright?"

Emi bit her lip, hesitating. She took a couple more bites of her gyudon to avoid answering.

"Oh, I'm fine. Just school and piano practice. The usual."

Kaori and Tsubaki exchanged a glance that said it all.

"Emi...I don't mean to be rude, but I've seen you be a lot more active on social media the past few weeks," Kaori said. "And when I see your posts, I can't help but feel like you're wanting to get validation from all the likes."

"What? Why would you think that?" Emi said in a defensive manner.

"Emi, we're your friends!" Tsubaki implored. "We're here to help you. What's wrong?"

Emi sighed. No use trying to dodge it now. "If I tell you, will both of you please promise to not make too much of a fuss about it?"

Kaori and Tsubaki nodded.

"I wish I could look like the other girls at school."

Long pause.

"Yeah, I know, it's stupid," Emi said. "I didn't mean to spoil the mood. I—,"

"Emi, it's okay!" Kaori assured her. "Don't push us away! You're feeling down; that's what we're here for!"

"What exactly do you mean when you say that?" Tsubaki asked. "Do you mean looks in general? Sports? Makeup?"

"If I were to pick one of those, it would be looks," Emi said, her head drooping just a little bit. "When I see some of the other girls at school, something inside me can't help but feel jealous. All of them are so well put together, especially the ones with boyfriends."

Emi paused.

"And then there's me, the stone-faced musician who just plays the piano and passes tests."

"Emi," Kaori smiled. "You can't compare yourself to others. Me, for example. It may seem like I get all the gigs I want because of how I play, but I've only won three first-place rewards in all my competitions!"

"Not to mention, I guarantee you all of those supposedly popular girls you see have their own struggles," Tsubaki said. "You just don't see them behind the mask of school, sports, and likes!"

Emi didn't sense it herself, but Tsubaki and Kaori saw her posture become visibly uplifted as their edifying words renewed her spirits.

"Yeah...I never thought about that before," Emi agreed.

"You're an amazing friend and an awesome musician, Emi!" Kaori complimented, reaching across the table to put her hand on Emi's shoulder. "We're always here for you! And I know you didn't ask us to say it, but...you're very pretty."

Emi felt herself getting choked up. "You mean that?"

"Sure we do!" Tsubaki laughed, coming around to give Emi a hug.

"Hold on, I want in too!" Kaori said, and before Emi knew it she was rendered powerless by two big bear hugs on both sides.

"Thank you...both of you," Emi said as she felt the first genuine smile in weeks cross her face. "I needed this."

"I think we all did!" Kaori said as her and Tsubaki freed Emi from the evil clutches of their friendly embrace. "Now, where shall we go next?"

"I need some softball equipment," Tsubaki said. "But I'll be quick!"

"How about looking around for some dresses for the Spring Formal after that?" Emi proposed.

"Say no more!" Kaori said. "Onward, my friends!"

The next few hours were filled with lots of smiles, shopping, and laughter, especially when Kaori began to tell her friends about some of Kousei's embarrassing blunders.

"He actually thought my dad knew Thor!" she said, and the trio guffawed from laughter.

From trying on different kinds of dresses in the fitting rooms, to competing for the highest Pac-Man score at the arcade, the three friends enjoyed their weekend out as they pondered, debated, and considered how to use up every last one of Kaori's coupons. In the end, their shopping haul only came out to Tsubaki's new gear, a Spring Formal dress for each of them, new facial skin care supplies for Emi (Kaori had recommended certain brands upon Emi's request) and yet another giant stuffed animal for Kaori. When Kaori's mother came to pick them up, the trio clambered into the van with a bounce in their step.

"My oh my!" Ryouko exclaimed. "It seems you all had a wonderful time!"

"You bet we did!" Tsubaki's cheerful voice said, showing off her new helmet.

"I got you covered for your subway trip back home," Kaori assured Emi. "Thanks for joining us today!"

"No problem!" Emi said. "Thanks for the invite!"

.......................................................

Tsubaki hummed a hip-hop melody to herself as she walked to her homeroom. Monday had never been her favorite day—it probably wasn't anyone's favorite—but she was still optimistic about how this new week would play out.

"Tsubaki."

She froze.

Even after two weeks, there was no mistaking that voice.

Maybe today wasn't going to go so great after all.

"Tsubaki...please," Watari said again. "I want to talk to you. Just for a couple minutes."

Tsubaki turned on her heel, her lip stiff and her arms crossed. "You have five minutes."

"Okay," Watari said. "That's all I'll need."

"Whatever. What do you want?"

"I'm sorry, Tsubaki."

Neither of them said a word.

For some reason, Tsubaki couldn't help but feel that this time, Watari's apology sounded different.

"I know what I did hurt you...I know it was wrong to go behind your back," Watari continued. "But I want to tell you—that I'm sorry."

"You don't get to just say you're sorry and have that make everything okay!" Tsubaki snapped.

"You're right. I don't deserve your forgiveness."

Tsubaki almost bit her tongue...Watari had never talked like this before! Before she could answer, he suddenly held up his phone to show her the screen.

"NoSearch24/7," Watari stated. "I installed it on my phone and haven't looked at anything since. I'm one month clean and counting."

Once again, Tsubaki had no reply.

"I know this doesn't change what I already did," Watari continued. "But I just wanted you to see that I am indeed turning things around. What I did was wrong. Whether we're dating or not. And I'm sorry I lied to you."

As the other students continued walking past them on their daily routes, the two stood in the hallway, keeping silent lest they say something either stupid or hurtful. At last, Tsubaki spoke.

"Thank you for saying that, Watari. It means a lot."

"It's the least I can do," Watari replied.

"We don't have to be enemies over this, Watari," Tsubaki said with a weak smile. "But that doesn't mean we'll go back to how we were before."

"I understand," Watari said. "I'm not asking you to date me again, especially if that's not what you want. I'm not asking that you unblock my social media, my number, none of that. I just wanted to give you the apology you deserve."

"I appreciate that, Watari," Tsubaki nodded. "I have to get to class, but I'll see you around, okay?"

"Sure thing," Watari nodded, and the two parted ways.

A few hours later, at lunch, Watari sat on a phone call with his dad, verifying that he had spoken with Tsubaki.

"Good job, son," Haruto said on the other end. "I'm very proud of you."

"Thanks, dad," Watari replied. "I just wish there was something more I could do. I know the goal of me having that content blocker isn't to just get Tsubaki back...but part of me still wants that."

"Ryota, though we have hope that our penitence will help restore what we've lost, we must also accept that our actions order us a meal of appropriate consequences," Haruto said with gentle correction. "In your case, you may not like what you were served. But son...you chose it."

"Yeah...that I did," Watari said. "And I guess there are no refunds on that order huh?"

On the other end, Haruto smiled. "Well son, that's up to Tsubaki to decide."

As luck would have it, Tsubaki was discussing that very subject with Nao Kashiwagi as the two of them ate lunch on the roof.

"I believe he's sincere," Nao told her friend between bites. "But I will support you whether you decide to reconcile with him or not."

.......................................

Meanwhile, up at Emi's high school, Kousei and Kaori were having their lunch in the music room while Emi sat alone in the cafeteria yet again. Though she was just a bit downcast at having a solitary lunch, she didn't let it sour her mood. As she was about to dig into her sandwich, she heard a familiar voice speak.

"Um, hi, are you Emi?"

Looking up, Emi saw the person she least expected to ever talk to her at all.

"Oh, hello Naomi Onzai. Yes, I'm Emi."

The dance team captain's brown braids reached just past her shoulders, and her green eyes had an almost childish joy in them. She was around Emi's height, and her wrists boasted two sparkly blue bracelets.

"Probably a gift from that boyfriend of hers," Emi deduced.

"Oh, you know my name?" Naomi asked.

"Pardon me, I just see your name posted all around the school on those dance team posters," Emi explained, standing up and shaking Naomi's hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Oh yeah, those things," Naomi scoffed. "Nice to meet you too! I saw you play at that recital last semester; you were awesome!"

Emi was taken aback. She'd always assumed this girl to be a stuck-up, aloof dimwit like the other popular senior girls. Yet, in this moment, Naomi addressed Emi as her equal and even complimented her! What was this madness?

Then, Emi recalled how her and Takeshi had foolishly labeled themselves as Kousei's rivals despite having never interacted with him. She stifled a laugh at the memory and continued her conversation with Naomi.

"Thank you very much! I didn't even know you were there!"

"Are you kidding? Most of our dance routines are to hip-hop and rap, so it's nice to catch a break every once in a while!"

"Yeah, for sure," Emi chuckled. "Why'd you come over? Is there something I can help you with?"

"Actually yes!" Naomi's eyes lit up. "The girls and I finally convinced our coach to let us do a classical ballet routine, and we were wondering if you could play the music for us!"

Emi would've spit out her water if she'd been drinking any. "Wait, what?"

"Yeah!" Naomi said. "Your playing is great, so we thought we'd ask for your help. If you don't mind of course! No pressure!"

Emi was speechless. She'd always wanted her music to resonate with her audience. But she'd never imagined it would happen like this!

"Um...um...maybe I need to think about that for a while, okay?"

"No problem!" Naomi said. "In the meantime, wanna come sit with us?"

"Huh? Where?" Emi asked, to which Naomi pointed at a table towards the right where another group of about six girls sat together. They waved at Emi and beckoned her to join them.

"Come on, it'll be fun!" Naomi said.

"Sure!" Emi smiled, hurrying to pick up her lunch, to which Naomi offered to carry it for her.

"I'll introduce you to them all, don't worry!" Naomi assured her. "Some of them are actually interested in learning piano and want to talk to you about it!"

Emi had no response to that. Her mind was already overloaded with unexpected—but not unwelcome—joy.

............................................

"FINE!" Nagi screamed. "Then go practice your stupid karate because you don't want to listen to me play!"

"Nagi, slow down!" Takeshi said as his sister began to stomp upstairs. "I don't understand! Why have you been so insistent on having me hear you're playing?"

"Don't you get it?!" Nagi sobbed as she turned to look at her brother. "I want you to hear me because you're the one that inspired me to learn piano in the first place!"

Takeshi stopped short. That was it? That was her reason?

"I canceled my lesson with Ms. Hiroko Seto last Saturday because you'd said you might finally be free to listen to my playing!" Nagi stamped her foot. "But you made an excuse then and you're making even more now!"

"Nagi, I—!"

"Stop it! Just leave me alone!" Nagi cut him off, stomping to her room and slamming the door shut.

Takeshi sat on the bottom step, hands on his head as he realized how oblivious he'd been to his sister's pleas.

Perhaps there was more to protecting his younger sister than just physical strength.