Episode 17: The Prodigal Son

Watari walked through the halls of his high school eagerly, with an uncharacteristic bounce in his step. But who could blame him? He was about to see his girlfriend after all, and better yet, he had a gift she was sure to love!

He passed by the shoe lockers, the cafeteria, the gym, then finally the last hallway he knew to be on the way to Homeroom. Just a few more steps, a left turn, then boom! He slid open the classroom door, grinning from ear to ear as his eyes caught sight of Tsubaki's short but beautiful brown hair. At the moment, she was stuck in a daze out the window with her earbuds in, so Watari announced his presence with his usual flair.

"Good morning my dear!"

Tsubaki turned to face him, and that's when Watari stopped in his tracks. She took her earbuds out yes, but the look on her face indicated something more than the usual annoyance towards his dramatics. In her eyes, Watari saw hostility. But he wasn't about to let up just yet; she'd be sure to change her tune once she saw his gift!

"Alright, you may be mad at me now, but you won't be once I give you this!"

Reaching around from behind his back, Watari revealed the fancy scarf and movie set Tsubaki had admired on their trip to the mall a few days ago. Surely she was about to give him an excited smile and hug him right?

But no.

She just sat there, glaring at him with irate scorn that refused to commend him for acquiring what should've been a valuable treasure.

"Um...Tsubaki?" Watari gulped. "Are you good?"

That was when Tsubaki reached into her pocket, and Watari's hands went numb as they dropped the precious items. For a second, he was frozen by shame, and then he frantically patted his pockets.

How on earth had Tsubaki gotten ahold of his phone?!

But it was there alright, in her hand, clear as day, with his abominable search history displayed on the screen for the whole world to see.

Once again, Watari found himself defenseless, powerless, and speechless at the hands of the girl whose heart he had just betrayed. He opened his mouth to utter some feeble attempt of an apology, but that was when he felt strong hands seizing him from behind. His eyes darted to the left and right, going wider than they already were if that were possible. Somehow, Tsubaki's softball team had filed into the room unnoticed and now he was hemmed in on all sides!

"Keiko?! Nao?! Mei?!" he gasped at the three girls who now had both his arms restrained. "What are all of you doing here?!"

"Isn't it obvious?" Keiko said coyly, gripping his right arm with an ironclad hold. "Protecting our dear teammate from the same heartbreak you gave me."

"What?! Keiko, no, I never meant to—!"

"And me," Mei mocked, batting her eyelashes. "Was I just not good enough for you once you laid eyes on that other girl?"

"Mei, please! All of you! Please, listen to me! I swear I—!"

"What do you want us to do with him, Tsubaki?" Nao Kashiwagi's voice interjected. "It's your call to make."

At first, Tsubaki gazed at her once-dashing boyfriend with a hint of pity in her eyes, and Watari hoped for her to intercede on his behalf. But the flicker of mercy dissipated as quickly as it came, for the next words that came from Tsubaki's lips pierced deeper than any blade ever could.

"Throw him outside with the other hypocrites and scoffers, where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth," she ordered, turning her eyes away from the disgusting sight before her. Watari panicked and twisted his arms with all his might, breaking free for just a moment and lunging for Tsubaki's desk. But his efforts came to naught as he felt one, then two, then five, then ten metal chains wrap themselves around his body with a resounding clang! As his body was twisted around by Tsubaki's vengeful teammates, Watari's face grew white as a sheet when he saw what awaited him outside the classroom door.

Where there had once been a mundane, regular hallway, only pitch-black screaming darkness remained. Watari looked around at the softball players—a good number of whom were victims of his unfettered lust—for any shred of sympathy. But his captors only snickered with that playful, coy tone as they threw him out of the classroom and into the terrifying abyss. The door to the classroom slammed shut behind him...not that he would've been able to see it anyway.

In the midst of the terrifying dark, Watari felt his entire body grow dreadfully cold with fear. The vile images and videos he had so proudly searched for flashed before his eyes, but this time he could not bear to look and clasped his eyes shut with his hands. His ears, however, remained completely open as the guilt and shame of his lust-fueled actions overwhelmed his mind.

"How I wish I had trusted my father's instruction!"

"What a wretched fool I was!"

"Such shallow and superficial desires!"

"Always drooling over every girl he sees!" Mei's voice rang out with a cruel spitefulness.

"I wonder if he told Tsubaki all the sweet things he used to whisper in my ear!" Keiko's voice taunted in agreement.

"Stop it! STOP IT! ALL OF YOU!" Watari screamed back as he writhed in the pitch dark. Then suddenly, he sensed another presence behind him, and turned to see the very last person he wanted to see right now.

His father.

"You are a great disappointment to me," his father's voice resounded as his eyes gazed upon his son with stern judgment.

"No, father, please! Not like this!" Watari pleaded.

"You call yourself my "son", and act like a man."

"DAD, PLEASE! I'll do anything! I promise! Just don't leave me here! PLEEAASSE!"

But Watari's pleas fell on deaf ears as his father's visage faded from view and he was once again left alone in the dark with his crippling shame to beat him down again and again.

"Why didn't I come clean sooner?!"

Why didn't I fight back against what I knew was wrong?!"

"Why didn't I fight harder to protect Tsubaki's heart?!"

"Why, WHY, WHYYYYYYYYYY!!!"

Watari screamed as he threw off his blankets and fumbled for the switch on his nightstand's lamp. Even after he turned it on, it took quite some time for his breathing to slow and for his heart to stop pounding out of his chest. Watari looked around the room, reassuring himself he was no longer in the world of his nightmare, then checked his alarm clock.

10:30am

Even sleeping in on a Sunday, Watari couldn't get nearly enough sleep to alleviate his constant exhaustion. It had been two weeks since Tsubaki's rightful rejection of him, and the hallways of his high school had become a battleground. For now when he sat with his fellow soccer players at lunch, a certain part of his soul tore at him, clawed at him, haunted him with the image of Tsubaki's face as she learned the truth about his foul self-indulgences. He'd erased his search history by now, and had not paid any of those horrid websites a visit. Even then, was that something to be proud of? The fact that it had taken shattering the heart of the first girl he'd genuinely, truly loved to set him straight?

Watari heard a light knock on the door, and instinctively hid his phone when he heard the sound of his father's voice.

"Son? Can I come in?"

"Yeah—sure thing dad."

Haruto slowly creaked the door open. His brown eyes still had slight bags under them, and the crown of short brown hair atop his head was still frizzled from having rolled out of bed. A look of drowsy concern filled the older man's face as he gazed upon his son's hunched, defeated posture.

"Ryota, are you alright?" Haruto asked. "You nearly woke your little sister up just now!"

"Yes dad, I'm fine," Watari said, trying to deflect his father's prying. "Just a bad dream is all."

Haruto stepped further into the room. "Son, this has happened three times now. There must be something else bothering you, like an upcoming exam or game. Please Ryota, what's wrong?"

Something about the way his father spoke those words caused a shift inside of Watari's heart. He couldn't bear it anymore. He fell to his knees and began to weep.

"Wha—Ryota?" his father stammered. "You're not in trouble! I was just asking what's bothering you!"

"I'm sorry, father!" Watari vocalized, his voice cracking into a whimpering tone. "I'll do anything you want me to, I swear it!"

"Son...what are you saying?" Haruto asked yet again, completely caught off guard by this sudden display of penitence.

"I've done a horrible thing!" Watari sobbed, sending a silent plea for mercy as he looked his father in the face. "I am no longer worthy to be called your son!"

.......................................

Kousei maintained his focus on the simple yet intricate hymnal score before him, as the harmony of his accompaniment provided an eloquent backing to the melody being played by Kaori's violin. The hymnal he'd agreed to play with her at her church service—My Hope Is Built On Nothing Less—wasn't the toughest, but it was no slouch either. Four-part choral accompaniment was a completely different beast! There were times he'd had to play the tenor voice in the right hand because it was a major twelfth away from the bass!

The congregation had their heads bowed in contemplative silence, some praying, some kneeling, and others standing with their arms raised over their head as Kousei and Kaori's performance of the hymn created an aura of quiet reverence in the modest chapel. Nerima Lutheran Church was a meek facility, with standard wooden pews lining the sanctuary and the usual pipe organ taking up the rear of the stage behind the pulpit. And yet, despite being such a humble dwelling, Kousei couldn't help but sense a certain kind of greatness as he'd stepped in earlier this morning. He'd gone to church a few times as a kid, but that had been years ago when his mother was still alive.

The last verse of the hymn came to a close, and the congregants gave the duet a round of applause filled with happiness and gratitude. Kousei and Kaori bowed in return, returning to the pew where Kaori's parents were seated.

Pastor Okada, an average height-man in his sixties with a balding head and wrinkles around his dark eyes, nodded to Kousei and Kaori as he stepped up to the pulpit for closing remarks.

"Many thanks to the young Kousei Arima and Kaori Miyazono for their exquisite performance of the worship selections! God be with you until we meet again!"

As the attendees began milling about and conversing with one another, Pastor Okada ambled over to Arima and gave him a firm handshake.

"Your girlfriend spoke highly of your playing, and I can see why!" the minister said with a chuckle.

"Thank you, sir," Kousei bowed his head, appreciating the compliment. However, Kaori could sense that he was feeling a little uncomfortable, and gave her boyfriend's hand a small squeeze.

"Kousei? You okay?" she asked.

"Oh yes, I'm alright," Kousei said, plucking up courage. "I just haven't been to church since I was very little. I guess I couldn't help but feel a bit like an intruder."

Pastor Okada's face lit up with a kindhearted understanding, and his smile gave Kousei a sense of peace.

"Not to worry at all, Arima," the pastor said. "You are welcome here anytime, but we don't want you to feel like you have to be here. If I don't see you next week, please know I don't begrudge you."

"Much appreciated, Pastor," Yoshiyuki Miyazono said, shaking the minister's hand. "Have a blessed day."

On the car ride home, Kousei answered a phone call from his father, who explained how the spontaneous meeting at the warehouse had prevented him from seeing his performance. Kousei scowled as he uttered his reply.

"It's fine. Whatever," Kousei snapped. "You already missed my performance when Hiroko visited her friend's grave. Just schedule your next meeting to be during my Spring recital already."

"Kousei!" Kaori exclaimed, but Kousei had already hung up the phone.

At first, no one said a word.

"I'm sorry everyone," Kousei sighed. "I guess my dad missing my last couple of performances just brings those memories back."

"Kousei, he was there when you played the Joplin piece and when you and I performed the Christmas duet!" Kaori replied.

"I know, Kaori," Kousei replied. "It just seems like he's making the same excuses again, just with a different job and being home more often. It's not something you just forget overnight!"

"I seem to remember a certain boy who hurt my daughter with his words not too long ago," Ryouko teased, turning to look at Kousei. "But he was given a second chance, was he not?"

"Oh come on!" Kousei facepalmed.

"She's not wrong though," Kaori said, nudging Kousei with her elbow.

"Arima," Yoshiyuki's deep voice interjected. "We understand that your father hurt you, and we sympathize with that. Let me ask you this: why must his past mistakes be what defines your relationship?"

Kousei just looked down at his knees, having no response.

"If you want him to request more time off work to see your performances, I'm sure he'd be willing to do that," Kaori's dad followed up as he turned right at the intersection. "But talk about that with him on a respectful level. Just something to think about, alright?"

"Of course, Mr. Yoshiyuki," Kousei said as he raised his head. "Thank you."

"On a different note, well done on the hymn today!" Kaori praised, giving Kousei a kiss on the cheek. "I remember you were struggling with four-part choral reading at first!"

"Well, I didn't play to bring peace to another galaxy for nothing!"

"Hey, I helped with that performance too ya know!"

"Yeah, but I did most of the legwork," Kousei grinned.

Kaori rubbed her hands together as she snickered. "Oh, just wait till you see what I have in store for you."

Kousei chuckled as he pulled out his phone, and began typing out an apology to his dad. But before he could hit send, his father's own message came in.

"I'm sorry, my son. I'd like to talk with you once I get home from the meeting. Please."

Meanwhile, Kaori saw a notification on her own screen. Upon clicking it, she was greeted by another slew of mirror selfies posted by Emi. A nagging hunch resurfaced in Kaori's mind: Emi must be missing a lot of piano practice to post these pictures. And Tsubaki must still be feeling dreadful after her breakup with Watari. Her initiative taking over, Kaori pulled up the group chat she had with her friends and asked them if they'd be available for a group video call.

.......................................................

As Haruto listened to his son's tearful recounting of his descent into porn addiction, the man's heart ached deeply for him. By now, Watari's mother, Emiko, had heard the commotion and, upon her son's insistence, had been filled in as well. Both parents just sat and listened with empathetic ears and tender hearts. No scolding. No chastising. Just listening.

"When I saw Tsubaki perform that amazing song with Kousei and Kaori...I've never felt more unworthy in my life!" Watari divulged. "It was a miracle she even said yes when I asked her out! And now...now...!"

Watari didn't finish the sentence, as even now it was hard to bear the true consequences of his actions. He had played the part of a playboy without apology, and now he was reaping what he'd sowed.

"Ryota, my son," Haruto said softly. "Why didn't you tell us about this sooner?"

"Because I've been embarrassed by you dad! There, I said it!"

"What?!" Emiko exclaimed. "What has your father ever done to humiliate you?"

"It was back in sixth grade," Watari recounted. "Back during the first round of parent-teacher conferences. Some of the other kids in my class made fun of me because of how polite you and mom were to the teachers. Called me a goody-two-shoes and all that."

"And it was those taunts that made you feel embarrassed?" Emiko clarified.

"Yes," Watari confirmed. "From then on, I always felt like I had to prove I wasn't like that. And it turns out I'm not—look where that's gotten me."

"You're right, Ryota. You are not me. And you should not be me."

Watari glanced at his father. "Huh?"

"Son," Haruto comforted. "When I was your age, I was much worse than you. And I did not begin to change my ways until a year before I met your mother. I was the same way you are now...playboy, trying to date every girl, and yes, even falling into the trap of pornography addiction. It was not until my college roommate caught me and helped me out that I truly saw what I'd been doing was wrong."

Watari nodded his head, sniffling like the small boy who'd been teased all those years ago.

"There's a reason I would guide you away from dating every girl at your school," Haruto continued. "There's a reason why your mother and I had those limits on phone time in place. It's because I want you to be a better man than me, Ryota."

Watari hung his head at the last part. "Well, I guess that ship has sailed already."

"No, my son!" Haruto insisted. "You have made me proud today!"

"What? How? I failed, dad! Hard!"

Haruto smiled, lifting his son's chin up to look him in the face. "Yes, you did. But you've gotten back up."

Watari embraced both of his parents harder than he ever had before, allowing his tears to fall onto their shoulders.

"I won't forsake your instruction again! I promise!"

"I know you won't, son," Haruto responded, pulling himself out of his son's squeeze. "However, your mother might still have some extra chores for you. You have still broken our rules after all."

"I understand, dad," Watari nodded, wiping his eyes dry. "What do you want me to do? Just say it."

"Well," Emiko smiled. "The garden could use some fertilizer, it's about time you started packing your own lunches, and I'd be more than happy for a two-week break from the dinner dishes. No video games during that time either, and you will make amends to Tsubaki."

"You got it, mom," Watari said, giving her a thumbs-up. "I'll get it done."

Haruto and Emiko Watari descended the stairs, reminding their son to come down when they said brunch was ready. As the couple made their way into the kitchen, they saw a familiar mop of shoulder-length black hair and the sulking face of a sixth-grade girl plopped behind the porcelain counter. Emiko's mother's intuition kicked in; this phenomenon was no accident.

"Niko," Emiko crossed her arms. "What have I told you about eavesdropping?"

"Hmph," Niko pouted, glaring down at the placemat.

"Sweetheart," Haruto addressed his daughter. "What are you so upset about?"

"It isn't fair!" Niko whined. "I've always followed the rules and never went behind your backs! But when Ryota gets caught all he gets is some dishes and no video games!"

Haruto chuckled as he hugged his daughter from behind. "My dear daughter, you know your mother and I are proud of you, and of course we appreciate that you honor our guidance. But seeing your brother's repentance should make all of us happy! Your brother wandered away, but has admitted he was wrong! Your brother was lost, and now he is found!"

Niko said nothing for a moment. Then she sighed, releasing the envy that had built up inside her body.

"I get it, dad," she said in a now more agreeable tone. "I'm sorry."

"No harm done, dear," Emiko smiled. "But, you're scrubbing the bathtub after that eavesdropping."

"Heeeey!" Niko exclaimed, and the two parents shared a hearty laugh.

.........................................

"So, how are you both doing?" Kaori asked as she munched on some extra cookies from the bakery.

"Fine, I guess," Emi replied with halfhearted sincerity. It was evening by now, and all three girls were in their bedrooms as they conversed over Facetime. Another school week started tomorrow, so Kaori had promised to keep the check-in short.

"How about you, Tsubaki?" Kaori inquired. "I haven't seen you in a while, but that breakup with Watari must've hit hard."

"It's fine, whatever," Tsubaki shrugged. "I guess I just wasn't pretty enough for him. Same as the other girls he flirted with before."

"Not pretty enough, huh?" Emi replied. Then she added under her breath. "You and me both."

"What?"

"Oh nothing," Emi dodged, showing a fake smile to her camera.

Kaori was saddened by the defeated countenance on her friend's faces. She wanted to talk to them just a while longer, find out how they truly felt deep down in their hearts. But it was almost time for lights out, so instead, Kaori brought a more intriguing proposition.

"You know what we all need? We need a girl's day out!"

"Huh? But we have school tomorrow." Tsubaki answered.

"And our schools are far apart," Emi added.

"Not anytime soon; how about this coming weekend? My mom recently got a bunch of coupons in the mail! We can use them up at the mall!" Kaori offered. "And I'll take care of our subway fares, Emi! I got some money saved up!"

Tsubaki and Emi mulled it over, then gave Kaori a thumbs-up in the camera.

"Alrighty then!" Kaori celebrated. "I'll follow up with both of you later this week!"

A/N: Some of you may be wondering "Why is Watari's guilt so intense? What he did wasn't THAT bad was it?"

Well, because I was Watari once.

Yes, you read that right. 

I am a former addict set free by the Cross of Christ. And that time in my life brought me no happiness, no joy, nothing edifying or worthy of praise. 

Subtracting the vivid nightmare, much of what Watari feels in this chapter is how I felt when I was still hiding my addiction from my father. It was not until I admitted I had a problem and took ownership that I was able to break free. 

If you are struggling with this crippling addiction, I highly encourage you to not conceal it and find help from those around you. It's not something you just "grow out of". It WILL rob and destroy you of joy, discipline, and strength. 

More information here:

https://canopy.us/2023/03/23/how-porn-affects-relationships/

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy the rest of the book!