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Steven's POV

I sighed, wiping the tears off my face. My forehead laying on my knees while sobbing. I felt so confused, conflicted and scared, scared that If anyone knew how I was feeling that they would think differently of me. How would Connie react If she found out I'm debating on whether or not I love my own mother.

I clenched my fist more tears streaming down my face, I'm a horrible person. What kind of person has to even debate this?

"It's so hard to love someone I've never met, " I sobbed out.

I know that she lied about being Pink Diamond to save the Earth, I know she loved the gems and wanted to protect them. And I know she loved my dad, so why do I feel this way? She loved me, so why does It feel so difficult to do the same? I wiped my runny nose with a tissue box that appeared beside me. Maybe If I just say I love her, I'll feel It. If I can convince the gems I'm fine, I'll be able to convince myself.

I dried my eyes and blew my nose, standing up from leaning against the door.

"I want a mirror, " I said to the room going to check If my eyes were puffy from crying. A mirror appeared In front of me, I looked at my red puffy face and sighed.

Before I could wipe my face again trying to cover the fact I was crying a sink appeared In front of me.

"Thanks, " I said towards the endless pink sky. I splashed my face with cold water and dried myself with a hand towel. I looked back up the mirror glad to see the evidence of my sobbing was washing away, I tried my best to keep a neutral face It was hard not to frown. Taking a deep breath, controlling my breathing to make sure I was calm.

Fake It till you make it, you're supposed to love everyone around you. Grow the hell up. I sighed I needed to be more mature, I'm better than this. Prove to everyone you're fine, and It'll be true, I thought to myself. I need to be strong, everyone is depending on me.

I turned around and stepped closer to the door, as It opened I stepped out with my hands to my sides, fidgeting with the corner of my pink jacket. I tried to stay composed. When I looked up at the living room I was surprised to not see the gems. I walked passed the warp pad onto the hardwood floor.

I heard muffled voices from on the patio, It sounded like arguing. I came closer to the Patio door then Pearl pushed open the patio door and came Inside.

"Steven!" She exclaimed while running up to me.

I felt weird not telling them how I was feeling, that's what I always did. Even though I was older now I was still open about my emotions, so this felt very strange.

Pearl hugged me, the gems walked shortly after they heard Pearl. I returned the hug wrapping my arms around her, melting into the embrace. She never failed to make me feel comfortable, she was the closest thing I had to a mother. Again the emotions Inside me of just thinking about Rose caused me to have mixed feelings. It was a mixture of sadness, anger, and love.

After being lost In thought for a moment Pearl released me from the hug. All the gems we're staring, probably wondering If I was okay. I mean, I did just kind of have a mental breakdown In the living room, so I see their reasoning. I cleared my throat, waiting for them to ask me.

Garnet walked over to the sofa and gestured me to sit down. I stepped around the coffee table and took a seat. Pearl and Amethyst shortly following while Garnet sat with her legs crossed on the table.

Garnet was silent for a moment, then spoke slowly, "Did something happen with Connie?" She questioned with slight concern In her voice.

I was relieved they didn't know what was really going on, surely I look like a horrible person for debating whether or not I live my own mother. On the other hand, I didn't want them to think Connie and I were fighting.

"Everything with Connie Is fine, it's not that," I said quickly assuring them that wasn't the issue.

"Then what is the issue, Steven? Is It Amethyst? I told her to be more sensitive with your relationship with Connie!" Pearl exclaimed.

"Wha? Nuh-uh, this wasn't all from me!" she argued while getting more animated with her body language.

"Stop arguing, " I sighed, not wanting to listen to them fight again. "It's not that either, " I said while rubbing the back of my neck.

"Then what is?" Garnet questioned.

My face began to heat up, I couldn't tell them the real reason, I can't do that to them. "U-uh, " I panicked trying to think quickly of an excuse for being emotional.

"Human issues, " I said, immediately regretting my choice.

Now Pearl is going to be telling me about puberty like she did when I went through It. She would burst into my room before I had a door, thankfully I do now. She would talk about human anatomy without hesitation because It wasn't awkward to her. Then she would lecture me about using protection yet I'm still a virgin.

I probably didn't convince them totally that It was really just hormones but I tried. Sighing I looked up at the gems, Amethyst was smirking, she thought human puberty was hilarious especially when It happened to me and she would crack jokes every two minutes. Garnet has a blank yet calm expression, as always. Pearl just looked a bit confused.

"Should I call Greg?" Pearl asked while pulling a briefcase out of her gemstone, opening It and grabbing her phone that was Inside.

"No, it's fine. It's uh, normal. Yeah, perfectly normal, " I said trying my best to sound like I wasn't lying.

I cringed at how awkward I sounded, at least the gems weren't human, they would believe this stuff. Then an Idea accrued, I could use this as a way to tell them I need space. They were suffocating lately, I needed them to understand boundaries.

"I needed to talk to you guys about something, " I said and cleared my throat. To my surprise everyone was listening, no jokes or comments. "I need space, Pearl that means no more watching me sleep. Amethyst that means fewer jokes about Connie and me, especially in front of Connie It makes her uncomfortable. Garnet please stop using future vision to spy on me, it's getting invasive, " I took a deep breath In, saying that long like all at once.

Pearl blushed light blue, "Well I'm sorry I don't want you to die from that feline sleeping on your face." She said.

"If I stop breathing I'll wake up, " I assured her and laughed a bit thinking how cute Lion was.

"I thought the jokes were funny, " Amethyst said punching my shoulder.

"Yeah alright, 'They gonna bone' Is truly comedy gold Amethyst." I smiled and laughed a bit more. It felt nice to joke around with her again, we haven't done that In a while.

Garnet stayed silent, with a nod of agreement. I grinned at how she was always so calm.

I sighed, relieved that I got that off my chest. "Alright, I'm gonna pack for the trip, " I said while standing up from the sofa. "Sorry for worrying everyone, " I rubbed the back of my neck.

"I was about to break down the door dude, " Amethyst said while standing up too. She had to look up at me since I'd gotten taller, she shapeshifted her arm to stretch longer and ruffled my hair. I laughed at her action and pushed her hand away.

I chuckled more at Pearl's face, she disapproved of shapeshifting for fun. "Alright, " I said while trying to stop laughing. I walked around the coffee table to my bedroom steps. I walked up while Garnet did a salute thing with two fingers, followed by a smile. I was confused where she learned that but returned the odd gesture, with a smile on my face as well. I continued up the steps and shut my door behind me.

I felt bad for lying to them but I couldn't tell them the truth either. I sighed once more, worried they would find out I was lying. I walked over to my dresser and opened the drawers. I grabbed a backpack that was in my closet and packed spare clothes, deodorant, a hairbrush. The brush was partly for Connie In case she forgets to bring one since my hair didn't really need to be brushed. I looked at the clothes I packed, neatly folded In the bottom of the bag, I wonder what Connie was going to bring.

Connie, even the thought of her made my face flush slightly. What kind of swimsuit would she wear? I thought to myself as I packed my swim trunks. I shook my head, blushing more at the thought of her in a bikini. Would we sleep In the same bed, would she like that? My face was probably red at this point, thinking about If we cuddled, or more... AH, what am I thinking! I snapped myself out of that state of mind quickly. Suddenly I felt a constriction In my jeans, I looked down and saw a bulge.

"Shit, " I said quietly. I didn't feel like doing that at the moment so I tried to get rid of It.

Though couldn't seem to get rid of it with all the usual stuff, like doing math In my head, memes, random shit. Nothing was working, It only seemed to get worse. I reluctantly got up and locked my door, and closed the curtains to the sliding glass door.

Good thing I had tissues above my bed, cause they were totally for allergies. I felt weird thinking about Connie while doing that so I put in one earbud and clicked on pornhub.

(I'm not a guy so Idk how to write that, I'm going to use the amazing gift of a time skip enjoy my laziness 🤣)
   
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Connie's POV

I walked around the racks of clothing trying to find my size. My mother looked as well, though she was looking at the one-pieces for swimsuits, I kinda wanted to see how I looked In a two-piece. If I told her that she would think I was doing It for Steven. I blushed, I mean I partly was, but I also thought they were cute.

Alright fine, It was for mostly for Steven, his reaction when I showed any skin was really cute. He basically attacked me when I wore a simple crop top, I smiled to myself thinking about It.

"What about this?" My mother turned around holding a red one-piece that was backless. It completely covered the front which I was kinda bummed about, It was my best feature after all.

"Yeah, that one Is cute.." I lied just a little.

"If you don't like It just tell me, I can see through a lie a mile away, " she smiled.

"Heh, that's not terrifying at all, " we both laughed. I looked through a few more, not finding anything In my size. All the cup sizes for the tops were either extremely big or super flat and I was kinda in the middle around a C-35.

I switched over to looking In the one-pieces not finding much In the other section. Then one caught my eye, It was a white strapless suit. It had a sideways diamond-shaped hole In the middle on the front and was mostly backless except for a few straps.

"What about this one?" I asked holding It up.

My mother grabbed the suit, checking the size. "This Is adorable, " she exclaimed while looking at the price. "It's only twenty bucks, your going to look so cute In this!" She said and took off the hanger and handed it to me.

"I'm gonna try it on, " I smiled and walked towards the dressing rooms. I shut the stall type door behind me.  After I got undressed I slipped on the swimsuit, looking In the mirror at how It fit.

I smiled when It fit right, It was a tiny bit revealing but all swimsuits are. It showed just enough cleavage to be cute but give me support as well. I sighed looking at my non-existent thigh gap, I was self-conscious about my legs. No thigh gap and cellulite Is so annoying. I was a little worried Steven would notice.

I took off the suit putting back on my crop top and jeans. I stepped out of the dressing rooms. The swimsuit reminded me of the outfit Steven and I wore as Stevonnie, the same thing Pink Diamond had. The diamond-shaped cut was Ironic. I walked over to my mom telling her It fit. We both smiled and walked to the register to pay. I already had my stuff packed for the trip, all I needed was the swimsuit.

After paying we got back In the car and got on the road to drive home. It was refreshing how accepting my mom was of Steven and I, fifteen Is technically young for dating, and he is a year older than me. My dad, on the other hand just tolerates Steven which is upsetting. Steven and I have been friends for years, you'd think he would trust him by now but whatever. Our relationship Is serious but we aren't having sex or anything. I tensed when I thought of that word, I'm nervous about sexual stuff with Steven, I have no idea what to do.

I blushed thinking about It, I know the physical side of things obviously but I'm still freaked. What If I'm bad at It, It could possibly not work or even be super painful. Ugh, why Is this so complicated, I don't even think we are going to do that anytime soon so why am I thinking about this? He did act like he wanted to tho, and he always asked before we made-out, he was so sweet. My face Is probably red at this point, I blushed every time I thought about Steven but thinking about actually doing stuff with him was a different story. I tried to shake the thought, not wanting to have a dirty mind.

"About the whole fusion thing, Is that like 'gem sex'?" My mother questioned while turning on her turn signal to take a right onto our street.

Her question startled me, it's like she could read my mind. The question was also embarrassing and untrue. "No, fusion Is completely different. It's hard to explain and kinda weird. To fuse you need a body that can turn Into light, then you need a partner you can trust with that light." I attempted to explain, quoting Garnet from the story Greg told Steven and me.

"Metaphorically?" She asked, looking confused.

"Literally, " I said back, laughing because It was exactly what Garnet said. "Since Steven Is half-human were able to fuse, " I had no idea how to explain but I'll try.

"Fusion Is more an emotional thing, rather than physical. It's like you fit perfectly with someone, " I said, then Immediately blushed profusely realizing how I worded it. "Not like that, I mean it Is but not In the way I said It, " I scrambled for words, flustered.

"I think I get it, it's just strange. At the way you reacted or uh, Stevonnie reacted It was like I caught you doing something embarrassing so I wasn't sure." She laughed while pulling Into the parking lot of our apartment complex.

"It was just embarrassing, we didn't mean to fuse, " I said slowly while avoiding eye contact at all costs.

"Sorry for asking, I'm still getting used to all this gem stuff, " she smiled softly assuring me not to be embarrassed. Which was refreshing, I love my dad but he can be so close-minded sometimes.

To be honest It's a little embarrassing how much I loved being fused with Steven. The feeling is indescribable, it's like your connection to the other person Is unbreakable. You can feel each others emotions and thoughts. Like Garnet said, you are not two people, and you are not one, you an experience.

As I remembered the last part she said I was concerned. She said to sure It was a good experience, yet last time we fused It wasn't. It was short and unintentionally, with both hit the ground from separating so quickly. We didn't have time to enjoy it, next time we fuse It will be different, I'll make sure it's better.

I got out of the car after my mother parked. We walked inside, I thanked my mom for getting me the swimsuit and went upstairs to pack It. I made sure to pack some pads just In case I started, I was a couple weeks away from where I would normally start but I'd rather be safe than sorry.

I learned the lesson of not carrying a pad with you always, that was a bad day. I laughed remembering how embarrassed I was, thankfully It was only girls around. I couldn't imagine If Steven was there, I'd probably die of embarrassment. He never made me feel uncomfortable though, In fact, I had really bad cramps one month and he brought me chicken noodle soup, I smiled remembering how concerned he was that I was hurting. That was before we started dating as well.

He wrapped me in his blanket and watched movies with me when I had cramps. He is literally the nicest person I know. Thinking about Steven made me miss him, even though we hung out today I already missed his voice. I sighed, wanting to kiss him again.

I smiled knowing I'd see him. In the morning for the drive to the vacation house. Now I wanted it to be morning, I sighed once more because I had to wait. I was only impatient when It came to Steven, I always wanted to be around him.

I love him so much.

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Holly molly that was a long chapter, It took forever to write sorry about the wait! I can't tell If the ending feels rushed or not.. Anyway again sorry about the wait on the smut, I've been crazy busy with visiting family In the hospital and doing tons of school work and trying to study for my driver's test and writing this! AHHH, super stressed lol!

Enough about me, how did YOU like today's chapter? Criticism and critiques are always welcome!

As always, have an amazing day and stay optimistic! Life gets better~  ❤