written june 24th, 2019
word count: 1846

————————————————————
—sunday

w - dick where are you

d - give me a second i'm in a drug deal

w - you mean stopping one?
w - dick?

d - dinner's on me bitch

—monday

d - oh no
d - oh no
d - oh god

w - what's happening

d - tim just asked me if i was gay
d - i just laughed and said 'no you'
d - i'm gonna have a mental breakdown

w - come over
w - the closet has cookies

—tuesday

d - my whole family's on my fucking case

w - is it a ninja thing

d - oF COURSE ITS A NINJA THING
d - JASON AND DAMIAN OVERHEARD ME AND TIMS CONVERSATION LAST NIGHT

w - they're probably all gay too

d - STOP IT WALLY IM GONNA CRY

—wednesday

w - please let me edit your tweets before you post them

d - i don't have 20k followers for nothing bitch

w - DICK YOU BARELY SPEAK ENGLISH THE GRAMMER IS SO BAD PLEASE LET ME HELP YOU

d - LEARN ROMANIAN AND SEE HOW IT FEELS
d - BUZZ BUZZ BITCH IM BILINGUAL

—thursday

w - yeehaw im in japan do you want anything

d - is it white of me to say california rolls

—friday

d - if i say i love dick no one will know if i'm narcissistic or just horny

w - PLEASE I BEG OF YOU GO TO S L E E P

—saturday

d - guess what
d - it's the best of both worlds

w - hannah is that u

d - buzz buzz bitch i'm bilingual aNd bisexual

w - cheers

d - give me some FUCKING ENTHUSIASM

w - CHEERS

—sunday

d - my brain on crack: wally wally wally wally orange ginger cookie hungry

w - are you on crack again

d - mAyBE

—monday

w - fuck this shit i'm out

d - i grabbed my shades where we going

w - anarctica to match your coldass heart

d - luv getting bullied

w - luv u

—tuesday

d - wally
d - wally
d - wallace i stg

w - it's four in the fucking morning what do you want

d - IM IN A SITUATION

w - WHERE ARE YOU

d - iT MAY OR MAY NOT BE AN ABANDONED WAREHOUSE ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF NORTHERN RUSSIA
d - COME QUICK ITS HARD TO FIGHT AND TEXT AT THE SAME TIME

w - i'm not even gonna ask
w - be there in a flash

d - nevermind i'm fine dying alone

—wednesday

w - how dare you curl your hair like a cute ass fucking bitch hoe and not even tell me

d - do you really wanna see
d - sent image

w - YOURE SO FUCKING CUTE

—thursday

d - i going to miss you when i get abducted

w - DICK WTF
w - DICK
w - WHERE ARE YOU
w - ABDUCTED BY WHAT

—friday

w - DICKIE

—saturday

d - damn sorry that rave i went to took a wild turn

w - YOU WERE MISSING FOR TWO WHOLE DAYS

d - there were supposed to be alien sightings

w - i could actually kiss you right now

d - i'm down

w - **kILL YOU
w - OH

d - THIS TOOK A TURN

—sunday

w - ice cream shop. 4 sharp. codenames only

d - roger that, ginger snap

w - see you soon, emotional rollercoaster

—monday

d - tim brought home a fucking 25ft tall plant
d - he said that poison ivy abandoned it so he took it in
d - oh look it's trying to strangle him i better go stop it
d - i really should
d - but there's unopened pop tarts in the cupboard
d - he can survive

w - DICK NO

d - DICK YES

—tuesday

d - i hope the readers aren't bored
d - i mean, the authors only writing this to showcase quick humour and the subplot that i sell drugs

w - are you breaking the fucking fourth wall again

—wednesday

d - i will dance on your grave

w - not if you die first

d - too late look outside bitch

w - WHY IS THERE A GRAVESTONE WITH MY NAME ON IT OUTSIDE
w - and WHERE did you learn to dance like that

d - my hips don't lie

w - richakira richakira

—thursday

w - where's my romanian arm candy

d - it's days like these i regret dating you

w - DID YOU JUST CONFIRM IT OVER TEXT WITH AN INSULT

—friday

w - i luv u

d - a horrible decision, really

w - i've realized that, on wednesday you DANCED ON MY GRAVE

d - i strive to live up to the standards past dick has

—saturday

w - come to mt j
w - artemis is being an asshole thot fucking bitch hoe

d - i'm runnin but this meth keeps falling out of my pockets and people are looking

w - QUICK SHE STOLE MY GUAC
w - WAIT WHAT

—sunday

d - guess who's bisexual?
d - ME

w - i... knew that

d - but now eVERYONE KNOWS
d - THANKS TO JASON

w - OH NO

d - IM ABOUT TO CRASH REAL LOW JUST GIVE IT A MINUTE

w - IM COMING AND WERE GOING TO PARIS

—monday

d - you know when you're depressed and your like 'yee yee juice' but in romanian

w - nope

d - ok cool just checking my sanity

—tuesday

d - i luv u

w - aw thanks
w - i'm still not helping you dye everything bruce owns hot pink

d - PLEASE
d - YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE A SUPPORTIVE BOYFRIEND

w - NOT WHEN YOURE PRANKING THE B A T M A N

—wednesday

w - what would your last words be

d - romanian shit that translates to "wait until my cameo"

w - you're scary

d - thank you

—thursday

w - he kissed me the other day with his curled hair and black nail polish and i almost passed out i couldn't handle the overload. he's so fucking cute and handsome and funny and his SMILE his fucking smile gets me every time and that damn accent makes me MELT.
w - SHIT

d - oooh what do we have here

w - NO STOP WRONG PERSON

d - wowwww talking about me to your friends, huh, west

w - IM GOING TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY
w - AU REVOIR

d - stop it
d - you're so fucking sweet
d - i luv u sm
d - you better run over

—friday

d - bianca del rio is my icon

w - you two act like the same person
w - i'm more of an adore delano myself

d - disaster gay

—saturday

w - new mission where are you

d - i put a sock puppet in my place
d - has bruce noticed

w - i don't think so
w - what are you planning

d - hide if you like that cute little flannel you're wearing

w - oh god
w - DID YOU JUST JUST NINJA FLIP DOWN FROM THE ROOF SPRAYING HOT PINK PAINT AT EVERYONE
w - HOW DID YOU RIG THE ENTIRE MOUNTAIN SO THAT IF SOMEONE TRIED TO GO THROUGH A DOORWAY THEYD GET SOAKED IN PAINT

d - THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SAY YOU WONT HELP ME

—sunday

w - in collage are we gonna be dudebros

d - haha collage

w - UR IQ IS L I T E R A L L Y INSANE AND UR NOT GOING TO COLLAGE

d - IM A SUPERSTAR
d - THAT IS WHAT I ARE

w - nice english, bud

d - YOURE THE ONE WHO DIDNT GET THE GHETTO SUPERSTAR REFERENCE

—monday

w - i made u a song

d - i'm intrigued

w - ready?

d - nevermind im scared

w - BABY, BI, BI, BI, BI, BI
w - HE IS BISEXUAL
w - RUNNIN ROUND DATING TWO GENDERS

d - that made me tear up

—tuesday

d - luv being #accepted by tim but then #thrownout by bruce and jason
d - favourite thing
d - wally please answer i'm alone and scared
d - it's starting to rain and my phones about to die wally please

w - IM COMING OH MY IM COMING
w - I WAS MAKING COOKIES
w - YOU CAN HAVE SOME

—wednesday

d - did u really leave me in ur bed and go to school
d - i'm late

w - i sent the puppet

—thursday

d - oop u know when bruce tells u to just 'get out' and #leave but he #calls u and tells u he overreacted and just wants u to come home and be safe

w - THATS SO GOOD
w - GOOD BRUCIE

d - i dunno where jason is :,)

w - he'll be fine. i told you, he's probably gay too
w - it's an obvious pattern

—friday

w - dick
w - dick i-

d - luv u?
d - want u?
d - -s what u want?

w - STOP
w - BARRY AND I SAW SOME DRUG DEALERS AND FOLLOWED THEM BACK TO THEIR HOMEBASE

d - oh

w - AND IT WAS IN THE WOODS BEHIND THE MANOR. A GIANT DRUG MAKING COMPANY

d - OK WANT THE TRUTH
d - i've been infiltrating it for a few months to find who their supplier is. i didn't tell you because 1) you'd try to help and 'keep me safe' and 2) it sounded pretty badass when i was tryna impress u

w - OH SHIT REALLY
w - oH shiT really ;)

—saturday

d - observation: i have broken no bones
d - hypothesis: i have no bones
d - experiment: i have broken two bones
d - conclusion: i have at least two bones. strong evidence suggests of a third.

w - DICK ITS FIVE AM I BEG OF YOU GO TO S L E E P
w - AND YOU HAVE 206 BONES YOU UTTER DOORBELL

d - no evidence
d - out of sight, out of mind

—sunday

d - wALLY
d - YOUR NAME BACKWARDS IS YELLOW

w - yllaw
w - HOLY SHIT

—monday

w - so does everyone in gotham watch how to get away with murder or is it just you

d - that's not a show, walls
d - its a documentary

—tuesday

w - THERES AN APOLOGY NOTE ON YOUR BEDROOM DOOR

d - WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE

w - ITS FROM JASON
w - NO REASON

—wednesday

d - I LUV U
d - THANK YOU FOR THE BIRTHDAY PARTY

w - don't thank just me
w - jason helped a lot, same with stef and babs

d - *･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･yes･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*
d - he gave me that apology note for the way he acted and he's been so sweet to meeee
d - i swear, he's a little ooc lately

w - what?

d - nothing

—thursday

d - sent photo
d - get it
d - its my forehead

w - its almost five am

d - some would call it the dick's tip

w - fuck u that joke was horrible
w - MY MOM JUST TOLD ME TO SHUT UP AND STOP LAUGHING EKSJSJSJAK

—thursday

d - come cuddle me

w - cuddle urself
w - this is what you get when you refuse to cuddle me >:(

d - i just fell in gotham's river and i'm so cold i can't move
d - come CUDDLE ME

w - if you're PRANKING ME-

—friday

w - i can't believe you fell in the river and almost got hypothermia
w - crazy times

d - STOP MOCKING ME
d - YOU WOULDNT COME OVER ANY OTHER WAY

w - if i didn't love you-

d - but you dooooo

—saturday

d - say goodbye, wally

w - what? to who?

d - maybe there'll be a part two

w - are you on something
w - you're scaring me

d - i'm fine
d - we're still going to get coffee in an hour
d - just say it

w - bye?

d - hope you enjoyed!!

w - dick i'm actually so confused

————————————————————