Archers Don't have Baby Sisters!

-Not me threatening to end my life because I left my retainer case downstairs!-


Friday evening


Roy Harper was in his room, on his computer, with both earbuds in to watch Eddy Burbak. A typical Friday night.

He reached to drink a little redbull, and noticed the door opening. "What?" He groaned. Nothing. He pulled out an earbud and turned to face the door. "What-"

It took him a moment to see the child, at first he thought he'd had one too many redbulls, this was his third in 24 hours. Then, he was certain that the ghost of some small Edwardian child had wandered in to haunt him.

"Roy?" She asked, clutching the doorframe. 

Then he recognized the unreasonably long, blonde ponytail, and her half-Vietnamese skin tone.

"Artemis?" He asked. It seemed like a dumb question, Artemis was fifteen, this kid looked two or three. That being said, The baby looked freakishly like her.

"Uh huh." The toddler replied. 

Roy just stared at it. Either something insane was happening, or something insane was happening AND there was a random kid was in the house. "What are you doing here?" He asked, finally processing the situation.

"Ollie." She told him.

"Goddamn it Oliver." Roy grumbled, whether this was Artemis or not, OF COURSE it was Ollie's fault. "Just stay out of my room."

The little girl didn't seem to like his request. 

"No." She said, entering his room further.

"Look, just stay out." He told her. 

"Why?"

"Cause it's my room, and I don't want you in it." Roy told the child impatiently. "Go play in Oliver's room. He's was the one who brought some stupid baby into the house."

"I'm not a baby!" She shouted. "Or stupid! You're stupid!"

"Hey." The older Archer told her. "I am not taking attitude from someone in a sesame street diaper."

The blonde got huffy and upset, but her child's brain didn't have a good response prepared, so she just shouted: "Stop it!" And stomped from the room again.

She stormed past Oliver and Dinah in the kitchen and clambered up onto a kitchen chair. Her mentor followed her, refilling his coffee cup for the long night ahead. "What's up kiddo?"

"Roy's being mean!" She whined. 

Oliver deadass forgot his other kid existed for a moment. But, of course, Roy was at home since it was summer, and wouldn't be starting Uni for another month or so. Great, two children to manage.

"OLLIE!" The redhead strut into the room and caught sight of the toddler again. "Why is that in here?"

"You mean Artemis?" Dinah asked, setting down her coffee.

"So it is Artemis..." Arrow's (ex)sidekick remarked. "What the hell happened? And why is she here?"

"We don't know. We found the whole team like this, we aren't sure how it happened." Ollie sighed. "And secondly, it wasn't my first plan to bring her home. The team stayed at the mountain for almost twenty-four hours."

"Oh, is that where you've been?" Roy asked, turning to Dinah.

"Yes But the kids almost got themselves killed on the equipment, so while the others babyproof the place..."

"But why bring her here?" Roy scoffed. "Doesn't she have, like, a mom?"

"A disabled mom who I doubt can handle having a toddler around the house again." Oliver explained quickly, sliding Artemis the pack of Ritz crackers she was trying to reach across the table, and fluffed the child's hair affectionately. 

He still wasn't totally sure why Artemis didn't want to go back to her mom, since the three year old wasn't very well spoken, but if her mother scared her, Maybe the pact of keeping the toddlers away from their parents wasn't a terrible idea.

"Fine, just keep her out of my room." The redhead snapped.

"I can't imagine why anyone would want to be in your room." 

"Ha. Ha. And seriously, don't let her have any of my shit in the fridge." The eighteen year old warned. 

"It's okay, I don't think Artemis can open the fridge." Oliver reasoned

"I can!" She protested.

"Right, sorry."  He pat her head a little.

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Friday night

Roy and Artemis seemed to be running to break the the record for the longest meaningless argument ever. Everything either of them said was fodder for the other to pick through. They were incapable of agreeing.

"Would no where else take her?" Roy demanded. "Did she have to come here?"

The girl made a face. "You're here too!"

"Will shut up for three minutes?"

Artemis ground her teeth a little and Lay her best hit into the teen's thigh. The archer hissed in pain. Holy crap that kid was stronger than she looked.

"Hey!" Oliver barked, storming over to pull the kids off each other. "First, We don't hit." He told off the child firmly. "That's where I draw the line, Artemis, we do NOT hit."

Artemis scowled. She backed up a few paces. Wait that was looking less like a scowl. OH SHIT SHE WAS CRYING.

 Artemis turned on her heel and ran from the room as fast as she could.

"Way to go!" Dinah snapped, sprinting out after the crying toddler.

Oliver groaned, pissed off at himself for making everything worse. "I haven't forgotten you! Can't you quick picking on her for one weekend? One night? Your acting just as childish as she is!"

"She doesn't even live here."

"And neither will you if you keep this shit up!"

His ward rolled his eyes. "FINE! Keep her! See if I care!"

"You clearly do."Oliver downed the rest of his coffee. "When we find Artemis, I want you to apologize to her!"

"What? No way!" The teen protested, but he was already gone. 

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They managed to find Artemis with relative ease, the issue now was trying to get her out. She'd crawled under the bed, and was refusing to move or come out. She just lay curled-up, facing the wall, emitting no sound apart from the occasional sniffle.

"Artemis please come out." Dinah reached in vein, but the child was just too far for her fingers to touch."I'm sorry about the yelling, we didn't mean to scare you." 
Artemis didn't respond, say for the odd muffled sob here or there.
"It's okay if you want to hide, just come out for a moment so I can see you're okay?" The woman asked. Artemis didn't move at all. They tried to wait each other out for another few minutes, but no one could wait out a three-year-old that stubborn.

"I'm going to be back in a few minutes."

Oliver met his better half outside the bedroom door, nervously. "Did she say anything?"

"No." Dinah said. "You could at least try asking her to come out."

He quickly shook his head. "She trusts you way more!"

"Well maybe she'd trust you if you tried to help her."

"I do try to help her! She just doesn't like me."

"She's your side- she's your partner." She retorted. "Look, we're going on like the kids! At least get in there and do your best."

Frankly, Oliver wasn't sure what 'his best' qualified as. He just settled on the floor at the edge of the bed and waited. "Artemis, come out?" She didn't respond.

God this kid was stubborn, for someone who couldn't stand still all afternoon, she was really committing to this bit. But he could wait too, and since Artemis didn't come out, he did just that.

Time passed at a snails pace, Ollie was glad he brought his phone because he was really having to wait this kid out. After about an hour he got really concerned.  He stooped to the floor again and peaked under the bed to check on her. Soft snores echoed from the corner, against the wall. 

He couldn't help but smile. She didn't hate him that much, she was just asleep. He slid an arm under the bed to try and pull her out. 

Damn it! She was Just too far. She'd either have to sleep there all night, or they needed someone real lanky to crawl under and retrieve her.

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"Shh! Shut up! I don't want her waking up." Roy hissed. This was far from his idea of a typical Friday night. 

"Just do it quickly and it'll be over."

"I know! that's what I'm tryin to do!" He grunted, sliding under the bed frame. He barely fit.

"Can you see her?"

Roy didn't bother replying. He obviously could. Stretching his arms out, Roy roped a hand around the girl's ribcage and gently dragged her towards him. Child now secured by two arms, the redhead hooked his leg around that of the bed and pulled himself out. Honestly, it may not be his proudest moment, but it was one of his most impressive.

Artemis stirred as he slid her out from under the bed, noticing that the child was waking up, Roy let go as if the were a hot iron. "YOURS!" He exclaimed, scrambling to his feet and backing away.

Artemis rolled over as her pseudo big brother sprung away, eyes lolling open a little.

"Artemis?" The girl pushed herself off the floor fast enough to almost knock her forehead on her mentor's chin.

"Ollie? She asked, rubbing her eye with the heel of her palm. She seemed to have slept off and bitterness. Or maybe she was just too sleepy to be upset.

"Let's get you something to eat before bed, kay?" Oliver asked, picking her up (She only felt about thirty lbs).

"Mkay." She agreed, still half asleep. She was so peaceful like this, it felt like a different kid. Ollie set the girl down to get an appropriately sized plate of food for her. 

Roy, who had gone to the kitchen to avoid being around Artemis, just awkwardly leaned on the table to finish his redbull.

"What do you want to drink?" Dinah asked the girl. Artemis  just shrugged, still slumped over sleepily in her drastically oversized chair. "Roy, grab her a cup of milk, will you?"

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, but fetched the drink regardless, setting the cup  in front of the little girl.

"Th'nk you." She muttered tiredly, taking a little swig. 

The archer would firmly refute the accusation, but this got him a little. She was never that polite. Especially to him. 
"You're welcome." He said, ruffling his not-sister's hair a little. He caught the adults looking his way and scowled. "Just drink it."

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