~

The Strawhats decided to cancel the live altogether since Luffy refused to sing. The decision was met with some booing but nobody let it bother them too much, Luffy’s wellbeing was more important to the group anyway. As such, the Strawhats were gathered at the Thousand Sunny again, this time for lunch, forcing Luffy to get out of his house because the boy had been staying cooped up in his room since he didn’t trust himself with his feet that he knew would take him to Law if he stepped outside.

The chatter was just to provide background noise, none of the friends were talking about anything important, just praises for the food and the chef, Zoro and Sanji bickering like an old married couple, Franky being all heart-eyes for Robin who was busy being a mom to Chopper. It was all what happened every day, except, Luffy was deflated and slouching, not neither listening nor participating in the conversations.

“Luffy, I made a lot, should I leave it here?” Sanji got his captain’s attention sitting by the kitchen counter, eyeing his empty plate but not moving to refill it. The blond cook felt stupid for even asking but he wanted to know if Luffy wanted to eat at the moment or to take it as a bentou.

"No..." Luffy said chewing on a bone lazily. It was like all sounds ceased to exist in that moment. Everything went silent as everyone present got whiplash from the sudden jerking of their heads and wide eyes towards Luffy.

"So I’ll make a lunchbox then." Sanji put it out as a statement because that was the only possible explanation for Luffy saying no to eating food in present time.

"I'm full." Luffy said and sighed. Sanji looked at Luffy's plate, it had only be refilled once. Once. 

The blond sighed, he knew what he was seeing. Ever since that sort of fight with Law, Luffy had been putting a brave front for everyone and now, it had run its course. Sanji realized his friend was down bad enough that he wasn’t even hungry anymore, and that was an emergency and a situation that called for an intervention.

"Just talk to your boyfriend." Sanji said exasperatedly but wanting to help all the same.

"But I messed up..." Luffy hung his head as his voice shook. Sanji swore that if Luffy started crying, he would be willing to use his darling kitchen knives to gut Law like a fish, North Blue brother or not.

Nami nodded at Sanji and hushed everyone out of the kitchen quietly, leaving the delicate matter to the cook who handled these types of situations very differently than all of the others, and effectively too.

"How about instead of getting sad over it, you both try to fix it?"

"I tried but T-torao said he will see me if he wants to..."

Goddamn Trafalgar. Sanji thought before pushing his cigarette in the ashtray. This needed all his attention.

"And you're just going to sit and obey him like a good boy?" The older pushed, using words that he knew could get a reaction out of his friend.

"But I did something bad...something that I knew upsets him-but at that moment I panicked and forgot and did that...he's probably hurting worse..." Luffy buried his head in his arms and choked on a sob.

"Luffy." Sanji called and when the said boy didn't raise his head, Sanji brought his own head down to peek under. "You just made a mistake. Go see him."

"But what if he doesn't wanna see me?" Sanji grit his teeth at how small and vulnerable Luffy sounded.

"When has that ever stopped you?" Luffy smiled despite himself and Sanji considered it a small victory. 

"But..."

"All your buts are starting to sound like excuses for not going." Sanji called out blatantly. "You know cooking for people, you get to know them and by the instances I have experienced by cooking for Law, I found out he's a complex person. He likes onigiri almost religiously but his frown at bread is something to ponder over, I mean yeah he is allergic to gluten but why hate bread if I can make it gluten-free? You know he prefers meals that are easy to consume and digest, wonder what that’s about but then his eyes display a range of emotions at even ice cream. Long story short, I can tell he's been through hell and worse by how he carries himself during mealtimes and what items he choose to consume."

"He has...but he doesn't talk about it." Luffy nodded, agreeing to everything the older had said.

"But you understand." Sanji pushed.

"Yeah... but he still said he wanted to be alone…"

"Luffy, people are complex, everyone is, but one thing I know, no matter how hardened someone has been by the cruelty of the world, nobody wants to go through pain alone."

Something clicked in Luffy by what Sanji said about people being difficult. Hadn’t Luffy promised Law that he would make him see that loving Law was not difficult, just required another sort of approach? And here he was moping at a mistake while Law was definitely hurting and going through the worst between the two.

"I'm so stupid!" Luffy said standing up. "Thanks Sanji! Imma take that as a lunchbox!" 

“You got it.” The cook quickly put all the food in lunchboxes and handed the bag to his friend, who looked like he had an epiphany. Once the food was in Luffy’s hands, he ran out without saying anything else. Sanji smiled to himself and lit himself a cigarette for a job well done.

~

Luffy took out his key to Law’s house and almost put it in the knob but stopped and rang the bell. There was of course, no answer. That didn’t deter the younger, he had been stupid for too long and he wasn’t going to let an unanswered ring of the bell get in his way. Before twisting the key in the knob, Luffy twisted the knob and clicked his tongue when the door gave way.

Why does Torao keep forgetting to lock his door when he’s like this… Luffy was sort of angry that the smart and intelligent man that he loved was more stupid than Luffy was when it came to locking doors and personal safety.

Shaking his head clear of thoughts of wanting to scold Law for being careless, Luffy went inside the house. The hair on the back of his neck stood up at how utterly quiet it was inside the house. Taking his shoes off, Luffy went to the living room and his jaw dropped at the sight in front of him. Broken windows, upturned furniture, broken glass and ceramics on the carpeted floor, it looked like Law had been attacked.

“Torao!” Luffy called and put the bag he was carrying safely on the kitchen counter, he walked there by carefully tiptoeing along the wall, with the indoor shoes on. The younger thought about calling Smoker and telling him that Law had been attacked and wasn’t answering but he heard a sniffle that stopped him from taking his phone out. Luffy followed the sound until he came to a… pile of pillows and sheets in one corner of the living room and ruffling them and pulling at them did the younger find the person he was looking for. 

Law glared at Luffy, his knees to his chest, arms around his knees and a blanket around his shoulders. The older rubbed at his eyes to clear them off any moisture that was there a few seconds ago, he couldn’t afford to look weak. Luffy, on the other hand, was shocked to see the older like that, he looked so small and definitely not as threatening as he wanted to appear. The younger thought Law looked more like a depressed sixteen year old than the strong and intelligent twenty five year old he had come to adore. Luffy sat down in front of Law and just looked at him, didn’t say a thing and just waited, he didn’t know what he was waiting for but he knew something would happen.

Law breathed through his nose and refused to let the young man in front of him know how much he was suffering. After Hina and Smoker had force fed him and sent him on his way, Law had that tiny window of mental clarity where he realized he had definitely ruined what he had with Luffy, pushed him away too and once that thought made its way inside Law’s head, it refused to leave, so looking at Luffy now, he couldn’t understand why the younger was… “Why are you here?”

There it was, the something that was supposed to happen.

Luffy tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Why? I was worried, silly, that’s why.” The younger refused to show how disturbed he felt at the cracks in Law’s voice, he instead focused on the fact that Law was talking, that was good.

“I told you I’d see you if I want to, you should have waited.” Law didn’t know why he said that, he was so grateful that Luffy was there in front of him.

“Well you can sort your thoughts out and think about things if you still want to, you can do it, but I’m staying here where I can look after you and make sure you’re eating and sleeping and not getting into anything dangerous.” Luffy shrugged. “And you can close your eyes if you don’t wanna see me.”

“Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Sorry it took me this long to realize I was being stupid by staying away- I mean you did tell me to stay away but I should have reached out sooner-“

When Luffy started rambling and being so honest, Law sighed out the fake anger he was carrying in himself, he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t even pretend to be angry at the life in front of him. “I told you to stay away so you wouldn’t get caught up in this.” Law gestured to all the broken things around him.

“I’m sorry Torao.”

“I’m sorry too.”

And just like that, things were ok. Both the boys berated themselves over their cowardice of not doing this days ago!

“So can I hug you now?” Luffy asked and the answer he received was a pair of arms around him and a head on his shoulder. “Guess that’s a yes.”

“So we aren’t breaking up?” Law asked and felt the arms around him tighten.

“Why would we be breaking up?”

“I hurt you…”

“I hurt you worse Torao.” Luffy whispered, feeling like this was something he couldn’t say louder than that. At that Law sighed, it sounded very weak and defeated, a combination Luffy was fully aware to the meaning of. “Did you eat anything today?” The younger let Law sit back and watched as the older’s head fell on his knees. Law shook his head. “Yesterday?” Law just flat out turned his head away so Luffy couldn’t see his face. “Torao when was the last time you ate?” The younger got up from in front of the older and sat in Law’s line of vision and sighed when the older closed his eyes. “Nothing since our… except for when Kemurin was looking after you?” Silence was Luffy’s answer. “’Sokay, I wasn’t eating all that well too. I always felt like I would throw up if I ate more than two servings.”

“Go eat then.” Law said and opened his eyes tiredly. Saying his apology and hugging Luffy, all the ill energy he had in his body had left him and it was too sudden to not feel tired from it.

“Come with me.” 

“I don’t- I feel disgusting- just leave me here.”

Luffy hummed in thought then stood up. “Nope. Let’s take a bath first, then eat, then we can sleep. Shower? Or tub?"

"I don't want to...too tired." Law said and he was too, lazy and tired. Luffy made a thinking face then went to Law's bathroom and filled the tub with warm water. There were times when Luffy could easily figure out if Law was saying something and meaning it or he was saying something to choose the easy way out, this was the older choosing not the easy way out, sure he was tired, he looked like he would fall, but Luffy knew he wanted to take that bath and eat and feel better, just didn’t want to trouble himself with it. So that’s when Luffy took the wheel, made careful decisions, took careful steps to help his boyfriend, do things in a manner that wouldn’t trigger the tired man even more.

"Come on." Luffy dragged Law up by his hands so he was standing up then carefully led him to the bedroom and pushed him in the bathroom. Luffy made sure there were at least towels around for later then stripped. "Get in Torao." Luffy said pushing at Law's shirt to bring it over his head.

"I'll fall asleep in that thing and drown."

"I won't let that happen." 

"You'd be asleep before me." Law said rolling his eyes but complied because he really wanted to feel clean even if the prospect of a bath was uncomfortable as fuck.

"Come onnnnn." Law almost slipped at Luffy's pushing but the younger steadied him equally quickly. Law sat down in the tub and Luffy sat down between the older’s legs with his back to Law's chest, keeping steady pressure so Law wouldn't fall in.

"This is nice..." Law mumbled head falling back and eyes closing. Luffy hummed then started tracing Law's tattoos on his hands, using a loofa to lightly scrub at the skin that had soaked for long enough. The younger made disapproving faces at the small cuts around Law’s ankles and below his feet, he made sure not to accidentally apply too much pressure while cleaning it. “I wasn’t careful and walked all over the glass I had broken.” Law said, his eyes closed but he could feel the questions radiating off Luffy so he decided to address those. Law knew he was too tired to keep the verbal filter up for long so he fucked it all to hell and told Luffy how Cora-san had died and why he was so triggered by sounds of wood knocking. 

"You'll heal." Law wasn't sure if Luffy was talking about the wounds, or his heart or the trauma. “Can I call the guys to help with the clean-up?”

"There would be noise and I want to sleep for nine hundred days. Uninterrupted."

"Then food and sleep?"

"Hmm..." Law was starting to fall asleep so Luffy woke him up enough to tell him he would wash his hair and scrub him. Law was so so tired and really out of it so he just nodded and left it to Luffy. Luffy felt like he owed it to Law after hearing all the terrible things he heard, Luffy thought the universe owed it to Law to be nice to him after giving him so much pain and at such a young age too.

With his heart heavier than before, blaming himself worse than before, Luffy helped the older out of the bath and dried his hair and helped him into the comfortable Eevee onsie. Luffy then fed Law, made sure the older drank enough water, then it was off to bed with the both of them. Luffy took off his uncomfortable pants, sent a message of his whereabouts to his brothers, typed a DND to his friends and Torao’s friends, then cuddled the older, making the embrace as comfortable as possible so Law could sleep. Once the older had dozed off, Luffy sighed to himself, worried at how completely out of energy Law was and how he had looked so done with existing. In that moment, Luffy promised to Torao’s Cora-san, if he was listening, that Luffy would grow up and do his best to make sure that the life Cora-san saved, remained safe and happy.

~

Even though there had been reconciliation, the boyfriends took some time every few days away from each other to collect their thoughts and teach themselves to not lash out irresponsibly, especially Law, he spent more of his time inside his panic room than he did in the rest of the house. Luffy didn’t stay over for the night for entire two weeks and upon Law’s request, didn’t bombard him with questions of his whereabouts all the time either. Franky had wordlessly, and without complaint, cleaned up the house, fixed everything and added a few safety measure he realized the structure needed after witnessing the kind of destruction Law was capable of.

Since Luffy wasn’t asking Law of his location all the time, the older made stupid decisions, like walk out of the house in the middle of the night and find trouble and hit that trouble till it was sorry to be born. It was one such fight that Law was careless in, that got him a particularly bad punch in his face, splitting his lip bad. The older had went home and patched himself up but through the numbness of the post-fight brain, Law had forgotten some steps in his disinfection procedure, he had forgotten to actually disinfect his lip.

“Torao, Sanji sent onigiri!” Luffy announced stepping in the house and closing the door behind him. The younger had heard from Law about what he had done in the middle of the night and that he was too tired to want to go out like they had planned. Luffy wanted to scold Law for being stupid but kept it to himself and instead decided he would hang out with Torao inside the house.

"That looks bad." Luffy observed cringing, he put the food on the kitchen counter and looked at Law’s injured lip from different angles.

"Is too." Law said resisting the urge to touch the lip. Luffy however had other plans. "No." Law put his hand on Luffy's face to push him away from kissing him. The younger pouted. "It's infected, don't want you catching it."

"But I wanna kiss youuuuu." Luffy's pout increased.

"It hurts too." 

"Fine." Luffy huffed then kissed the corner of Law's mouth, as much on the lips as he could without touching the injury.

"That was sweet." Law smiled and caressed the younger's cheek.

"You wanna get ice cream? It'll help!" Luffy offered. "I'll go get some!" 

"Wait! I have the freezer full of it." Law called getting up from his seat on the kitchen counter stool.

"Why? How?"

"Been a while since you stayed..." Law reminded Luffy. 

"You didn't even eat ice cream?! Torao that's bad! Ice cream is a forever mood food! After meat of course!"

“I… I keep getting these intrusive thoughts.” Law confided. "I'm sorry for grabbing your collar and pushing you..." Law said, hands going in his hair and pulling at them until Luffy settled his hands in his own.

"What?"

"These things...they weigh on my mind later, a lot. Randomly. Right now I am remembering every little detail of what happened with that gang and after, very vividly and it's making me sick." The older explained.

"What can I do to help?" Luffy asked.

"I don’t know..."

"Torao?" 

Law buried his face in his arms and groaned. "I'm sorry...this, this was why I said we won't work. I keep remembering little things that I could have done differently and we would be somewhere else, maybe somewhere better and no matter how much I try shutting it all out and off, it just doesn't work."

"Is this why you don’t feel like eating too?" Luffy realized suddenly.

"I don't eat when I am sad or angry. More like, I can't eat Luffy. Basically self-care. These thoughts they...they make me want to hurt myself in repentance." Law finally said it. There was quiet. He didn't raise his head in fear of Luffy screaming at him or being angry at Law's self-harm thoughts put into words, his destructive tendencies.

"Have you?" Luffy asked softly. Law didn't raise his head but peeked from the side in question. "Have you hurt yourself?"

"It gets very close but not yet." 

"See! You're strong! You need to give yourself some credit Torao! You just talk to me ok? Whenever you feel like hurting yourself, or you feel cornered, talk to me. Even if we are at odds for some reason or another. I will be your strength in times you need to lay low. Everyone needs off days, so let me help you during yours." Luffy hugged the older close.

“Thank you.” Law broke the hug and walked to the cabinets to get bowls and spoons for ice cream, he was now in mood for some after feeling better because of Luffy being so understanding and kind.

"You're ok now though? Did the fight help blow off steam?" Luffy asked watching Law take out the ice cream tub from the freezer, it was dark chocolate fudge, a little bitter for Luffy’s tastes but he liked Torao, and the older and dark chocolate were the same brand of bitter to him.

"Sort of did. I still can't eat much though." Law admitted then stared at the bowls and sighed. "Who the fuck cares about decorum right now. Come on." Law said picking the entire ice cream tub and two spoons.

"Woohoo!" Luffy cheered and went with Law. They turned on the TV and decided on the Discovery Channel, and then Man VS Wild. Luffy was interested in the survival and adventure aspect and Law was commenting on the medical aspect of it. The boyfriends were on their second episode when Law felt like he was going to throw up.

"Oh no." Law said and ran to the kitchen to suck on some small sugar crystals that he kept especially for combating nausea. When he felt ok enough, he chewed it all and went back to Luffy.

"Better?" Luffy asked rubbing Law's back.

"Yeah." Law pulled the throw blanket over his shoulders and leaned into Luffy when he sat back. "If I fall asleep, you can continue watching this."

"Ok." Luffy said then he got an idea. "Torao if you want to blow off steam, why not just ask me to spar with you? Like you used to do with Kidd?"

Law sat up a little straighter at that. "Because I don’t want to put permanent injuries on you."

"Like you can." Law felt baited and by Luffy's grin, knew that was the case.

"You’ll just pull your punches and let me win to make me feel better.”

“Torao I got you drunk to win against you in the bar, I don’t pull my punches for anybody.” Luffy laughed. “Nami still hates me for punching Vivi that one time.”

“What was I thinking… of course you don’t go easy on anybody.” Law smiled to himself. “Fine, I will take you up on your offer.”

“Good.”

Law was too tired from all the beating he took the night before so with the warmth of his personal sun beside him, he fell asleep in the next five minutes, he was safe. Luffy lowered the volume of the TV when he found Law had dozed off then turned the television off altogether to move the older to the bedroom and stay with him to help him stay asleep and safe. Luffy felt a weight off his chest when Law moved closer to the younger in his sleep, they were going to be OK.

~