I stared in the mirror, wanting to sob. I closed my eyes, my hands gripping the bathroom counter. I took a few deep breaths before standing up straight and fixing my black tie. I put on my gold cufflinks. They were a family heirloom, handed down from men to men to be worn on the day of their wedding.

I looked at my phone, seeing if there was anything from Gerard.

Nothing.

I put on my dress shoes and went downstairs.

"You're doing what's best for the business," my mom said as she put a hand on my shoulder.

I nodded, getting into the car. We drove to the church where everything was getting set up. My family was there, all congratulating me and patting me on the shoulders. It was a small wedding, only about fifty or so people there. Everything was going by in a blur, I just felt so sick the entire time. Jamia walked down the aisle in a long white dress. She came up to the altar, holding my hands. I couldn't concentrate, I just kept thinking back to Gerard. We said our I dos and everyone cheered as we walked down the aisle.

The reception was taking place at Jamia's house in the backyard. There were lights strung up and a band playing in the corner. My dad pulled me aside with Jamia's dad and my uncles. We sat towards the side around some chairs, smoking cigars.

"Congratulations," one of my uncles said.

"Finally a man," my dad said proudly, patting my shoulder.

I nodded, glancing at my phone.

"Put that thing away, stop glancing at your phone, what are you waiting for?" My dad asked.

I shook my head. "Nothing. It's nothing."

I smoked with them until Jamia pulled me aside. We took pictures together for the photographer before sitting at the table.

"You know, you're a pretty quiet person, Frank," her sister, Ashley, said. "But that's okay because in a few years your house will be nice and noisy once it's full of children."

Her baby started pulling on her earring while her toddler ran in circles around her. She walked off, leaving me and Jamia alone for the first time all day.

"I'm really happy, Frank," she said.

"I am too," I said. "Seriously, you're amazingly sweet, Jamia."

She smiled, resting her head on my shoulder. I liked Jamia, she was nice. Maybe I wouldn't fall in love with her but I could love her as a friend. I wrapped an arm around her waist, leaning my head on top of hers.

I stood up, holding out my hand when the song for the first dance started. We went to the middle of the dance floor and I held Jamia close. People cooed and took photos as she laid her head on my chest. We swayed together and I closed my eyes, pretending it was me and Gerard instead.

People clapped when we finished and her little brother Evan came over, wanting to dance with his big sister. I looked at him sadly. One day his life might end up like mine. Being forced to take over the business and marry a woman he wasn't in love with. Maybe it was a curse for all boys raised in mafia families. I wonder if my dad resented the business as well.

I sat back down, watching everyone dance happily. My dad came over and sat down beside me.

"You're putting the business before yourself, I'm proud of you, son," he said. "You can carry on the family name. Give me a couple grandsons, will ya?"

He left, going to dance with my mom. I went inside, feeling sick as I found the bathroom and threw up. I heard footsteps and looked up at my favorite cousin, Marco. I flushed the toilet and rinsed my mouth out, sitting on the bathroom floor.

"You okay, Paco?" He asked.

I shook my head as I cried softly.

"What's up?" He asked.

"It's complicated," I said.

"Aren't you happy?" He asked. "It's your wedding day. You're a married man now."

"I think I'm in love," I whispered.

"That's amazing, you get to marry the woman you love," he said.

I cried, burying my face in my hands.

"I can't do this," I whispered. "I can't do this right now. It's not fair for Jamia to be in here crying. It's her wedding day, it's supposed to be one of the happiest days of her life."

I got up and walked back out when Jamia smiled, holding my hand.

"I was looking for you, Frankie," she said. "It's time to cut the cake."

I smiled softly, going over to the table with the white tiered cake. We cut slices and I smiled as we fed each other. The party went on as it started getting late. People began to leave, giving us all hugs and congratulations.

"You do look really beautiful, Jamia," I said.

"Thank you," she said. "Are you ready to head back home?"

"You know what, you take the limo," I said. "I have a little errand to run."

"An errand?" She asked. "On our wedding night?"

"It's a little gift for you," I said.

"For me?" She asked with a bright smile.

"I wanted to get you something special yesterday but there was that whole problem with the cake and I didn't end up having time," I said. "If you don't mind I would like to go out and get it now before we go back home for the night."

"Okay, I'll take the limo," she said. "I'll keep the bed warm."

I smiled, kissing her forehead. I found my dad and sighed.

"Can I have the car keys?" I asked. "I need to run an errand."

"What errand? Take the limo with Jamia," he said.

"She took it home, it's a gift for Jamia," I said.

"Okay, I'll send one of my guards with you," he said.

"I'm a married man now, I think I should be able to run a simple errand by myself," I said.

"You know what, you're right," he agreed. "You're a grown man, you can run an errand. You have your gun with you, correct?"

"No, I don't usually carry that with me," I said.

My dad sighed. "You need to start getting used to it, Paco, you'll be taking over the company in about a year."

I nodded and he handed his gun to me. I put it in the back waistband of my pants before heading to the car. I drove to Gerard's apartment and took a deep breath. I caught the door when someone was leaving, going up to his floor. I knocked softly, waiting for an answer.

"Gerard, you home?" I asked.

There was no reply but the light was on.

"Gerard, I'm sorry, I should have told you but I just wanted to keep you safe, I thought it would be better if you didn't know about the business," I said. "I made a mistake, okay? I didn't mean for you to get scared or hurt. It's my fault, I am so sorry."

No answer.

My lip quivered as I sat down, my back against the door.

"Baby, please," I cried. "I need you, I wanna be your bunny. I-I'm your little bunny."

I sobbed, turning as I knocked on the door again.

"At least just say goodbye, let me say goodbye," I said. "I can't part with hurting you and never hearing from you again."

"What are you doing?" Someone asked.

I looked over at the person coming up the stairs.

"Nothing," I mumbled.

"Gerard isn't home, his car isn't in the garage," he said before going into his own apartment.

I sniffled, looking at the door, my heart shattering. I slowly got up and went downstairs. Tears were rolling down my cheeks as I drove. I stopped in a parking lot, pulling out the gun. I stared down at it for a moment, seeing that it was loaded. I turned off the safety, sobbing as I pointed it at my head. I didn't want the business. I wanted out. I just wanted out already.

I set the gun down on my lap, sobbing heavily. I couldn't find the will to do it. I couldn't leave my mama like that. She would be so devastated, she could barely have kids, it was a miracle she had me. I don't know what would happen if she were to lose her only child.

And to make Jamia a widow on the day of her wedding? That wouldn't be fair to her. She is so happy to be married now and to start a family soon, how can I just take that away from her. The least I could do is give her a child before I take my own life.

I gained my composure before walking into the jewelry store, looking around.

"Can I help you?" The man behind the counter asked.

"I got married today and wanted to buy something for my new wife," I said.

"Congratulations," he said. "What did you have your eye on?"

"A necklace, diamond necklace," I said.

I picked one out and bought it before going back home. I made sure I looked like I hadn't been crying before walking inside up to my bedroom. Well, our bedroom now. Jamia was sitting on the couch in a white robe and I smiled, locking the door. I sat next to her and handed her the little box. She took the lid off and smiled.

"It's beautiful," she said. "Oh, Frankie, thank you, I love it."

I smiled as she gave me a kiss.

"And I have a little bit of a gift for you as well," she said.

She stood up and dropped her robe. She was dressed in white lingerie that made my throat go dry. Not really in a sexual way, just out of slight fear. We haven't done anything together yet, I was nervous to be with a woman for the first time.

She took my head and led me over to the bed as I dimmed the lights. We laid in bed together and I thought the worst part would be that I would have to have sex with a woman. I didn't realize the worst part would be that I would actually have to take control. We both looked at each other a little awkwardly as we laid next to each other.

"I-I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I-I just have this weird...thing. D-do you think you can take control?"

"Me?" She asked. "Isn't that the guy's job?"

"No, nevermind," I said.

I got up, crawling between Jamia's legs before turning off the lights completely.