I cried in my mom's lap as she ran her fingers through my hair.

"I know, baby, I know it hurts," she whispered.

"It's been over a month and he still won't answer my texts or calls," I said. "Is it time to move on?"

"I don't know, Paco," she mumbled.

"It hurts, Mama, my heart hurts," I sobbed.

I sniffled as I sat up. I tried taking deep breaths as I fixed my suit. Maybe it was time to move on. Gerard clearly didn't want to be part of the business. We went down for dinner, sitting around the table. My dad barely talked to me now.

"You can't keep doing this, I'm still your son," I said. "Who cares that I'm gay?"

"I don't care that you're gay, Paco, I don't care," he said.

I frowned. "Then why won't you talk to me anymore?"

"I'm embarrassed by you," he said.

"Cheech," my mom said.

"But not because I'm gay?" I asked.

"I don't care if you're gay, I just don't want you to be the woman in the relationship," he said.

"There is no woman, that's the whole point," I said.

"You're a man and you should be acting like a man," he said. "You should be taking charge, wearing the pants. Not getting tied up."

"I'm still a man," I said. "I've never liked control, over the business or anything."

"It's humiliating that everyone knows I raised such a sissy son," he said.

"Cheech," my mom said more sternly this time.

My eyes watered as I looked down.

"I was never going to be the son that you wanted," I said. "I don't like being a leader."

"And that's why life is such a fucking disappoint," he said.

He left and my mom rubbed my back.

"Sweetie, don't listen to him, you're perfect just the way you are," she said. "It's okay that you don't like taking charge, some people just prefer following over leading."

"I'm not hungry anymore," I said, pushing my plate away. "I do want to make him happy, Mama. How do I do that?"

"You don't have to worry about that," she said. "Just be yourself."

"What's the point of being myself?" I asked. "Gerard doesn't even want to be with me anymore. I might as well just put the business before anything now. I'm unhappy, mama, I have always been unhappy. I thought I could be happy with Gerard. He made me so happy, mama. I don't think I'll be able to find that same happiness anywhere else. Might as well just focus on the business now."

I went upstairs, grabbing the ring box from my dresser. I went down to my dad's office, setting the ring on the desk.

"I need permission to go out," I said.

"I'll drive you," he sighed.

I gave him the address and we were both silent in the car. We got to the house and I knocked on the front door when a man opened it.

"I would like to talk to Jamia, please," I said.

Jamia came down the stairs, frowning in confusion.

"Frank?" She asked.

I pulled the box from my pocket and dropped down to one knee.

"Jamia, will you marry me?" I asked.

She looked at her dad before looking back at me and nodding. I put the ring on her finger and stood up.

"That's my boy," my dad said, patting my shoulder.

"Why don't we come in and talk, make some plans," Mr. Nestor said.

We went in and sat around the table.

"We are so happy about all of this," my dad said. "So, this puts the wedding at about April if we take six months to plan."

"Why wait?" I asked. "Why don't we just have a wedding as soon as possible?"

"Well, we need to reserve the church and a reception hall and order a cake and dress and have a wedding guest list," Mr. Nestor listed.

"Just get married at a courthouse," I said.

"Why are you rushing this, Paco?" My dad asked.

My life was already going to suck without Gerard, why don't I just start the suckiness sooner so I can get used to it?

"What do you think, Jamia?" Mr. Nestor asked.

Jamia looked at all of us.

"Well, I don't really see a need to make a big fuss," she said. "I always wanted a small wedding. That just means the sooner we can get settled and start a family."

"Alright, if that's what you two want, it's your wedding," my dad said. "I suppose we can stray from tradition a bit for you two, if that's alright with you, John."

Mr. Nestor nodded. "Why don't you two go off and talk, we'll be down here getting everything situated."

Jamia held out her hand and I took it a little nervously before she led me up to her bedroom. We sat at the foot of her bed a little awkwardly.

"Why now?" Jamia asked. "I-I thought you didn't like me."

"It's best for both our families," I said. "And I don't dislike you, you're nice."

Jamia smiled, leaning over to give me a kiss on the cheek.

"You really want to start a family?" I asked.

"I've always wanted to be a mother, it's a little dream of mine," she said. "And now that we're engaged we can make that dream come true."

I nodded, sucking in a breath. I wasn't ready to be a dad. I wasn't ready to take over the company.

Jamia put a hand over mine. She slowly leaned in, pressing her lips against mine. I kissed back, tangling my hand into her hair. We pulled apart and she smiled but I felt a little sick inside.

"Is this a little weird for you, too?" She asked with a small chuckle.

"Yeah, it is," I said.

"What if we just rip the bandage off?" She asked.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

Jamia put a hand on my thigh and I stood up, scratching the back of my head.

"L-let's do it next time," I said. "We can do it right. We can go out to dinner first and then go back to my place. I'll light candles and stuff."

Jamia smiled. "That sounds really nice, actually. What a gentleman."

I looked around at the room decorated in purple.

"You look pale, are you okay?" Jamia asked.

"A-okay," I said, choking back tears. "D-do you have a bathroom?"

"Yeah, just through my closet," she said, pointing to a door.

I went to her bathroom and locked the door, breaking down on the floor. I pulled out my phone and called Gerard, but it went straight to voicemail.

"Gerard, please call me back. I-I just miss you so much. I'm sorry, I should have told you about the business before, it was really big and it's understandable that you don't want to be a part of it. I understand. The business isn't for everyone, not even for me. Just...I would like to be your friend, at least. Please. Just...please call me."

I hung up and sighed, taking a few deep breaths. I washed my face in the sink before sitting on the rim of the tub. I know Gerard didn't want to be part of the business. We were criminals, to put it simply. He shouldn't have to be forced to be part of this life.

I walked back out, forcing a smile at Jamia. She smiled, looking up from her phone.

"I was just looking at some wedding dresses," she said. "Always dreamed of buying a wedding dress."

"I bet you'll look beautiful in it," I said.

She smiled. "You're really nice, you know that?"

"Thank you," I said.

"Tell me more things about you," she said.

I sat down next to her. "Well, I'm a vegetarian, I love dogs, I like to play the guitar. Um, I'm an only child. Except I have a secret half-brother in France, that's a secret, though. Um, I don't really have any friends other than my mom so I'm not necessarily the best when it comes to social interaction and talking with other kids my own age. I'm a little bilingual. Speak some Italian but honestly not much, I can really only understand it. So I guess I'm not really bilingual. I don't know."

Jamia smiled, holding my hand.

"You ever dated someone before?" She asked.

"S-sort of," I said. "It was kind of a secret between us, my parents didn't know about it."

"Oh, why did you and her break up?" She asked.

"It was difficult with the business, I didn't want to bring her near it because she wasn't born into it like we were, she just didn't understand," I said.

"That's why I always wanted to marry a boy from one of the families," she said. "They would understand."

"Yeah, it makes it easier," I said.

Did I want easy, though? I would take it a million times harder if that meant I could be with Gerard.

We were called downstairs and sat at the table where our dads and her mom were.

"We can't do everything immediately so you two won't be able to get married today or anything," my dad said. "The wedding will take place in a weeks time."

I nodded, feeling like a hand was wrapping around my throat.

"Oh, I am so happy for you two," her mom said, coming over to give us a hug. "Oh, the newlyweds!"

"Almost newlyweds," Mr. Nestor said.

Jamia smiled, holding my hand. Is it normal to feel sick? I don't think it's normal to feel sick when you first get engaged.

"So, the wedding will be in a week at the local church," my dad said. "Jamia will then move in with us."

I nodded as my dad stood up.

"Let's go out and get you fitted for a new suit, Frank," he said. "We need to get you all cleaned up and nice for your wedding. Shave off this weird red and black mohawk thing you have. You're going to be a husband and soon be a father, you need to start acting like a mature adult."

I nodded, waving goodbye to everyone as I followed my father out, feeling like there were weights tied around my feet.