This was a whole new experience for me, one that I wasn't sure if I was ready for. It was weird, honestly. I didn't know how to act.

"Come on, Frankie, it's just walmart," Jamia said. "Why are you acting so weird?"

"I've never been to a walmart before," I said, adjusting my tie. "Will there be a lot of people in pajamas?"

Jamia smiled as I parked the car and we went inside. I walked around, not knowing what to get him.

"What do I buy Gerard?" I asked. "I've never dated anyone before, I don't know what a good gift is."

"Well, what kind of stuff does he like?" She asked.

"Art, music," I said. "Comics. Um, I-I don't know."

"Maybe you could buy him some supplies?" She asked.

"I feel like that's not that special," I said. "Maybe I can go over the twenty dollar limit?"

"Gerard won't like that, he's not a flashy person," she said. "Besides, you know Gerard doesn't have as much money and you don't want to make him feel embarrassed because he can't afford to get you anything nice."

I sighed as she grabbed a shopping cart.

"While you think, we are going to go to the baby section," she said.

I followed her around the store and watched her pick out some baby blankets. I bit my lip, watching her decide between diapers.

"Why are we buying this stuff already?" I asked. "You're, like, two months pregnant."

"It's good to prepare," she said.

I sighed, pushing the cart around.

"You're gonna be involved in the babies, right?" She asked.

"I'm your gay husband who is a mafia don, yes I'll try to take care of the kids," I said.

"Hey, you wanna say the mafia don part any louder?" Jamia asked. "I don't think the feds tailing us heard."

I smiled, shaking my head.

"What if I do an ironic gift?" I asked.

"Not for a holiday," she said. "Just maybe do a cute little gift basket, fill it with some of his favorite candies and movies and snacks."

"Oh, Mia, you are an absolute genius," I said.

I left her alone and went to collect the parts I needed for the gift. Jamia was obsessing over baby clothes when I made it back to her. She sighed, resting a hand on their stomach.

"Do you sometimes wonder if we were making a mistake rushing the wedding and the baby and everything?" She asked.

"I don't know, it seemed like the right decision at the time for the business," I said. "Maybe it was fast but you're my friend and I am glad to have met you and glad to help you achieve your dream of becoming a mother."

"And I will forever be indebted to you for that, for gracing me with not only a child to call my own, but for two little children," she said.

"It's okay, Jamia, don't worry about it," I said.

She picked out some little stuffed animals for the babies before we paid and left. I sighed, getting back into my lambo.

"Ugh, I think I've got a rash, the middle class gives me a rash," I said.

"Wow, rude," Jamia said.

"It's probably all germy and things from those snot nosed kids all running around," I said.

"You're gonna have your own snot nosed kids in about half a year," she said.

I drove us back home, carrying in the groceries. Jamia and I went up to my room, getting the gift basket sorted together. There were his favorite candies, some horror movies and flowers.

"When are you exchanging gifts?" She asked.

"Soon, he usually gets busy around the holiday times with family and stuff," I said.

I sat on the bed, looking at the ultrasound on the coffee table.

"I hope it's girls," Jamia said, noticing me eyeing the photo. "I have always wanted to raise little girls."

"Well, better hope at least one is a boy for the business," I said. "Because I'm sorry Jamia, no offense to you but I don't think I could have sex with you one more time. Boobs are just really not a turn on for me and neither is all that wetness. Ugh. I'm surprised I was able to give you just the children we have now."

"Wow, you really know how to make a girl feel special about herself," she said.

"You know what I mean, I'm gay," I said.

"Yeah, I know," she said, coming over to rub my shoulder.

"We should start looking into designing the nursery," she said. "You can definitely expect me to decorate the nursery to the nines. It will be amazing. I've already got some cribs picked out and I just need to order them."

"Use my credit card," I said.

"You don't want any input?" She asked.

"I didn't think you wanted input," I said. "Thought this was more of the woman's job."

She shrugged. "Still, it would be kind of nice to have some incorporation from the father, even if we aren't actually together."

"Okay, I'm sorry," I said. "I'm new to all of this and still kinda scared shitless to become a father. I'm not ready."

I placed my head in my hands, my brain racing a mile a minute.

"Frankie? You okay?" She asked.

"What am I doing?" I asked. "I can't be a dad. I can't be a fucking mafia don. I can't do this. It's too much. What am I doing? What am I doing?"

"Hey, hey, I think we should lay down," Jamia said. "Are you going into crisis mode again?"

I sobbed, pulling at my hair.

"Everything is just so messed up," I said. "I can't take it anymore. The only thing that makes me happy ever is Gerard. At what point does that even not be enough? At what point do I lose it and just blow my fucking brains out?"

"Okay, okay, let's lay down," she said.

She pulled me up and took off my suit, changing me into a comfy pair of pajamas. I flopped down into the bed as I cried. She laid beside me, wrapping an arm around my waist.

"It's just too much, Mia," I cried. "I don't think I can take it anymore. I-I can't do this."

"Frankie, you can," she whispered, running her fingers through my hair. "I know that it may seem hard but you are going to have two children soon and yeah, you may be in the closet still but you have a boyfriend who loves you more than anything. You even have a wife who loves you. And what about your mom?"

"My mom will have grandchildren to care for instead," I said. "I already gave you the children you want. Gerard will feel better dating someone from his own world, he hates the business and doesn't want anything to do with it, there's no way we could really have an actual relationship."

"Frankie, you can't keep thinking negatively," she said. "What do you need? You need some water or maybe some crackers?"

I shook my head, crying into her shoulder.

"I'm going to try and get your parents to set you up with a therapist," she said. "It's long overdue. You clearly have some problems going on and maybe you need some medication to help you."

I nodded, hugging her tight.

"I don't want to be here anymore," I cried. "I can't do this. I can't."

I tried taking deep breaths, closing my eyes. My eyes felt puffy and hot, my head was starting to hurt.

"It was better when I got Gerard again but I feel like it's all starting to go downhill again," I said. "I just don't know what I'm doing with my life, I feel so empty inside."

It all just felt like too much. Why couldn't I have been born a fish? I would have much rather been born a fish to swim around in an aquarium with an empty mind and no worries. Instead I got stuck as a stupid human.

"Frankie, just take deep breaths, try to calm down," Jamia said. "You want me to call Gerard for you?"

"No, I don't want to bother him with any of this, it'll just make him sad," I said. "I don't want to be a burden on him."

"You're not a burden on him, he's your boyfriend," she said.

"I don't want to call him, Mia," I said. "I just want to be alone right now."

"I'm sorry but given your past history, I'm not going to leave you alone right now," she said. "Do you need to go to the hospital? We can go to the hospital if you'd like."

"I can't go to the hospital, Iero men do not go to hospitals for fucking psychiatric treatment," I said. "I will handle my feelings like everyone else does in this family, by drowning them in drugs and alcohol."

"That isn't a good way to cope," she said. "It's okay to get some help from a professional, it's normal and completely okay."

"What am I even supposed to talk about?" I asked. "I can't talk about the business or anything because that shit is illegal. I don't know how to talk about my feelings and, quite frankly, I don't really want to. I just want to not have to deal with this shit anymore. I don't get why I have to be so goddamn unhappy?"

"Sometimes people are just born with chemical imbalances in their brain and that's okay," she said.

"I think I need help," I whispered.

I reached into my bedside table and pulled out a bottle of pills, popping one in my mouth. I cuddled with Jamia in bed as the pills helped me to fall asleep, whisking me away to dreamland. A land far, far away from all my troubles.