A/n I am writing this exactly a month after that last update. I'm gonna be honest, my life got a little hectic having to go to doctors appointments (lol my heart hath migrated to the right side of my chest AND is now sinking abnormally low which is fun. Or in the words of my classmate "your heart is just orbiting your sternum").

My class is also in charge of putting on prom cause I'm a junior and that's just been a fine cup of tea that's too hot and burns your tongue aggressively which causes you to drop the cup and let it shatter on the floor, spilling the hot tea of disaster everywhere uncontrollably and causing an unreasonable amount of stress.

And I'm in a play ;-; because extracurriculars are important or something. And on that note I had music festival to prepare for and a concert which hasn't even happened yet.

Plus the SAT. Fun.

And now finals are approaching ever so slowly.

Look at me giving y'all so many excuses. Bet you didn't read half of that anyways. So without further adieu, I shall finally write the update of this fic.

Enjoy~

-Peter

"... can I tell you something?" Chat asked.

"If it's got anything to do with your identity, then no."

"It's important."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Fine then. Out with it."

"I... my life sucks." Chat Noir finally said after taking a moment to reign in his thoughts.

"Everyone's life sucks." Ladybug managed to chuckle.

"I've come to realize... my father is abusive." Chat said, unable to bring his eyes to her.

"... he... what? Does he hit you?" Ladybug said, taken aback.

"Erm- no. I mean, maybe once in a while when he's really upset or stressed out but he's never left a mark." Chat said.

"That doesn't justify it." Ladybug said sternly.

"I know. He's just a control freak, that's all. Every aspect of my life is planned out and controlled, I'm constantly being monitored, and... well that's why it's hard to just get away. That's why I often join you in battle later than you'd prefer. I just want you to know I care a lot. I want to help you, I want to save Paris. This city is the world to me. It's been my life, I've lived here for... well all my memory growing up has been of Paris." Chat said, relaxing a bit. "It hurts to see the destruction that's fallen down on it. I feel like it's my fault for letting things get so out of hand but I can't really... control anything. I control nothing."

"Chat..."

"And- well..." he cut her off, "When I'm out here as Chat Noir, it's the only time in my life where I can be free. I can finally be who I am. Chat Noir is like... my real self. This is the version of me where I'm actually me, with my real personality and right of thoughts." He said, starting to smile slightly.

"I understand that. It's a bit... different for me though."

"How so?"

"Ladybug and my civilian self are one in the same yet so... so different. As Ladybug I feel more confident in my actions, like I have control, as you said earlier. But Ladybug has... so many responsibilities. So being myself as a civilian was a relief from all this burden for a while until I became the guardian of the miracle box. Suddenly both as Ladybug and a civilian I'm in charge of protecting this box of secrets and power, and then... I screwed up. And now I'm a guardian of nothing. I failed."

"We'll... we'll fix that." Chat said. "But can you promise me something?"

"Depends on what it is."

"When we get the miraculous back—and we will, mark my word—promise me not to keep the burden to yourself. I'm your partner for a reason Ladybug. I may not be the guardian, but I can still help you if you'd just let me."

"I'll consider that... if we get them back."

"Right..."

"I don't know if you'd like my civilian form that much." Ladybug said abruptly.

"I think you'd be shocked by mine."

"And why's that?- don't tell me who you are."

"Hm.." Chat took a moment to think about his next response. "Well... do you remember... Cat Walker?"

"Yes. He only showed up once though. I can't replace you like that you know."

"Er- sure. Whatever. Well... that may or may not have been me."

"WHAT?!" Ladybug exclaimed.

"Plagg just brought the miraculous back to me and we figured out that by altering my personality as a hero I could change the way my suit looks." He explained. "So Cat Walker was me, with my civilian personality."

"Y-you- you what?!" Ladybug had a noticeable blush on her cheeks.

"That version of me as a civilian is entirely fake. Because if I behave any differently my father gets upset and I get punished. So I trained myself to behave in such a way that it's just second nature at this point." He continued. "I'm able to separate Chat Noir and my civilian self because of that. To me it's like... they're two completely different people. When I'm Chat Noir I'm Chat Noir. When I'm a civilian that's who I just am. They're not the same person to me. At the moment, I don't feel like Chat Noir has an identity under the mask because that face, that personality, it's not me."

"You're trans?!"

"I- what?! No! Where did you get that?!"

"I dunno! All the talk about acting a certain way to please your father and not feeling like you're who you really are when you're a civilian and all that stuff! It just sorta sounded like... you know..."

"I- no- I'm not."

"....... You're gay."

"Ladybug! No!"

"I WOULD BE ACCEPTING AND SUPPORTIVE OF YOU IF YOU WERE!"

"Good to know, but I'm not gay! Or trans! Thank you!" They both stared at each other for an awkward pause before bursting into laughter. This was the first time in likely a year or so that Chat Noir and Ladybug were actually being open and happy around each other.

For once they were getting along.

"Ah, sorry that was random of me." Ladybug said between her laughs and giggles.

"Uh huh, is there something you wanna tell me?"

"Like what?"

"Ladybug's a lesbian."

"I- NO!"

"Ahem," Chat Noir stood up upon the ledge of the tower, cupping his hands around his mouth and projecting his voice, "ATTENTION ALL OF PARIS! LADYBUG IS A LESB-"

Ladybug clapped a hand over his mouth and shoved him down.

"Shut up you dumb cat!" She snickered.

"Dumb bug." He grinned.

"I'm not a lesbian so you don't need to go around saying that." She huffed.

"Mmm uh huh well the way you got so close to the holder of the bee miraculous you replaced Queen Bee with was surely suspicious."

"Was not!"

"You especially must have liked her American accent. Mmm how hot and... aggressive sounding it was. A very non German aggressive accent I'd say. So sexy."

"The accent is not sexy and I do not like girls because I am not a lesbian."

"The more you say that the more suspicious you sound."

"Oh please."

"Kidding!"

"Sit back down you stupid chaton!"

"Bread stick."

"Bread stick?"

"Instead of bugaboo, I'm going to call you bread stick." Chat Noir said and sat back down beside her.

"And why's that?"

"Bread sticks are straight, as you claim to be."

"Chat-"

"Ok ok I'm done now!"

"Stupid cat." She murmured.

"Dumb bug."

———

Peace was not kept for long, as Adrien would find out. Nightmares haunted his dreams, plundering his bliss of meek happiness only to submerge him in a lake of bad thoughts in which he'd drown within. Suffocate and die.

If only he could.

As Adrien lay in bed, slowly falling to sleep, had hope that things we're getting better. He and Ladybug were healing.

It was going to be ok.

If only...

There stood a pale boy who's face Adrien couldn't see. Even as he faced him, the boy's face was blurred and distorted so that his identity could not be seen by Adrien. His hair was a chalky white, his skin pale, and his clothes an off white or light grey.

He stood in a forest of trees, except, there were no trees. So really, this was no forest of trees, but rather a dead forest, a ghost of trees and a land barren and deforested.

There was also a girl. As the boy wandered around looking for the trees which must have disappeared, he found the girl. Her hair was jet black, and shoulder length. But it was ever changing. Sometimes it was blonde, sometimes auburn or brown, but most of the time, her hair remained black.

The lack of trees disturbed the boy enough to bring her away from the land. They wandered about the scenery, which was bland and deserted.

Now there were stumps sprouting up around them, the further they wandered. The boy held the girl's hand, guiding her through the forest of stumps. The white wood. The grass was grey, the stumps were white, the wood was white, the sky was pale, the clouds were grey, the land was dead.

The boy had a picnic basket in one hand which Adrien hadn't noticed yet before. It must have just appeared out of nothing. The further they ventured the more the stumps grew into trees. White trees, aspens.

Leaves above created a canopy which allowed a gentle glow of sun to seep through to the forest floor. They gamboled about, looking for a place to rest.

Suddenly the leaves began to fall, alighting upon the ground into dry husks, dead. They crunched beneath Adrien's feet, yet the boy and girl were yet to make a sound.

Adrien stood in the center of a grove. He seemed to have lost sight of the boy and girl, as he was left alone. Around him, flowers were dying, a cataclysmic wilt leading them to fall over and shrivel up. 

A feeling of hatred stirred in Adrien, though he could not tell if the hate was from him to the flowers or from the flowers towards him. Adrien wandered about, desperate to get away from the guilt of hate blooming from the crests of dead flowers. Rot.

Adrien wandered deeper into the white forest which had now become a darker shade, allowing less light to creep through. Adrien felt a sensation of terror and fear. The sounds of bears growling and other creatures within the wood filled his ears, and he was afraid.

And just like that, he was no longer in the wood. Instead he was surrounded by the flowers again, wilted and rotting. He couldn't escape them.

At his feet lay a mirror. He stood upon it, though looking down he could hardly recognize himself. His face was gone, he wasn't sure if what he saw was truly him or not.

All was quiet. He couldn't hear a single sound, not from the trees, the flowers, the wind, his breath... nothing. And not too far off from the mirror he stood upon was a shadow attached to nothing. The shadow looked at him, and reached out. The shadow of nobody there. Adrien leaned away.

That shadow, was a murderer.

Owls swooped above as now Adrien was back in the white forest. They cooed and made sounds of laughter at him. He could feel the eyes of the owls on him, cackling and flapping their wings in amusement.

A sound erupted from under his feet and he fell into a hole of thought. Shadow. The world rocked and flipped around, and he was back in the woods. But rather than trees with bark white as snow, all was dark. Black bark, the dark wood.

Before him walked the boy and girl from before. She seemed to be fawning over him, coveting about the woods together, exploring curiously, looking for trees. Or perhaps, he fawned over her. All was the same.

To Adrien's horror, the mirror was under his feet once again. He turned around to find another mirror standing behind him. And soon, the mirrors surrounded him so all he could see was the reflection that didn't belong to him. He didn't know who it was that stood in the mirror, but it was not him.

And next to the reflection was the shadow, again. This time, it was a white silhouette. He could still feel the presence of that shadow brought murder with it. That shadow, was a killer. And the shadow was afraid of itself.

Around him the mirrors shattered, revealing the trees were gone. The land was barren, and the boy and girl were no longer there.

Crows flew above, and wasps swarmed at his feet, keeping him frozen in place for feet of being stung.

The twilight moon glimmered in the night sky, yet the sun still hung above. It was dim and red, a dying star. Everything around him was dying.

All felt worthless.

He looked back to the mirrors shattered on the ground and found that the reflections had changed. They differed from shard to shard but he could now see who it was looking back at him.

It was Chat Noir.

A/n I wrote this at midnight, didn't finish, and wrote Adrien's fever dream whilst at school cause I don't like socializing.
-Peter