CHAPTER 30

I wake up in my familiar bed as I get up.

I pay a little trip to the bathroom and brush my teeth. I style my hair into a low ponytail before walking back into my room and getting dressed. I get dressed in black jeans and a black t-shirt. I open my bag and I come face to face with multiple needles. I stare at them deeply. Not knowing whether I should take them or not. I decide to not take them to be on the safe side and talk to Dan. 

I open my bedside table cupboard and get my chemotherapy pills out and take one along with water just like I was instructed to do. 

I check the time which reads 06:00. Anna and Lily are asleep and won't be getting up for another few hours so I jog out of the house, towards the alleyway that I met Dan in.

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Five minutes later, I find myself standing in the same spot the day I bumped into Dan. I don’t get my hopes up as I know that he might not even be here. I notice a black figure and I'm surprised when I see that he is there. I jog over to him and say 'Dan!'

'Kiera, what a pleasant surprise?' He turns around to face me. 'What can I do for you today?'

'You do know that its five past six in the morning right?' I ask just trying to make sure he is aware of the time. He pulls his sleeve up, showing me a Rolex watch on his right wrist.

 'Are you sure it shows that’s the correct time?' He pulls it in front of my face and it reads 06:07. 'Just checking.'

'Now that you have checked, what can I do for you?'

'Wait, why are you even here this early?' I ask.

 'You're a right little nosy parker aren’t you?'

'Answer my question.' I reply.

 'Well Miss Nosy Parker, I come just in case I get some customers and I was right to come this morning because you were obviously looking for me.'

'Whatever, I'm only here because I have a question to ask you.'

'Ask away,' he says putting his left hand in the air to emphasise his point.

 'What drug are you giving me?'

'A drug that makes you forget all about food, isn’t that what you want?' He asks, trying to circle his away around the question.

 'Dan, just tell me.'

'Seen as you want to know so badly, its heroin.’ I gasp loudly, realising that I have been injecting heroin into my body. I begin panicking because the doctors did a blood test on me yesterday. 'What?' He asks as he notices my pained expression.

 'I had a blood test done yesterday, do you think heroin will come up in my blood?'

'Were they testing for heroin?'

'What? No.'

'Then, no it won’t come up. They have to be specifically testing for heroin before it shows up so I guess you are in the clear. I'm going to warn you though, it can be detected in your urine up to 72 hours after you have last taken it.'

'Wow,' I sigh as I take in this new information.

 'Are you back for more? Between you and me, you're my favourite customer.'

'You can't sweet talk me into buying your drugs Dan,' I reply folding my arms, looking unimpressed by his words.

'It was worth a try,' he shrugs his shoulders and I scoff.

'If I ask you a question will you answer it honestly?' I ask.

 'It depends on the question.'

'I'm going to ask you anyway and pretend you didn't just say that.'

'Pretend and ask away Kiera.'

'What happens if you’re on procarbazine and you take heroin?' I ask waiting anxiously for his reply.

 'Procarbazine as in the chemotherapy drug?' He asks seriously.

 'Yes.'

'Luckily I don’t have to worry about that because you're not taking procarbazine,' he replies confidently. I don’t have a reply and I keep my mouth shut. I consider telling him the truth or pretending that it’s all just a misunderstanding. He notices my silence and he comes to realisation. 'You’re taking procarbazine aren't you?' I silently nod my head without making a sound. 'You have to stop taking heroin. Do you want to kill yourself?' He asks.

 'I don't want to eat either.'

'Kiera, are you being for real right now?'

'Yes, I am.'

'So tell me, are you going to keep taking heroin?' 

'I don't know yet,' I shrug my shoulders.

 'It could kill you, are you trying to deliberately harm your body here?'

'No of course not,' I reply offended that he'd even ask that.

 'Have you been taking procarbazine all this time?'

'No,' I reply instantly.

 'Are you lying to me?'

'No, I started taking it this morning.'

'Where did you get it from?' He asks. All of a sudden my left eye begins twinging a little. I feel tightness on my left side of my head, around the jaw hinge reaching on the side of neck and just below my temple. My muscles become extremely tender. It reaches around my neck to about an inch from my throat. It goes until about two inches above my ear and to the side of my left eyebrow. 'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine just a migraine.'

'Kiera-'

'Its fine, it’s just the side effects kicking in and to answer your question, my doctor prescribed it to be after I had surgery to remove my brain tumour.'

'What? You had a brain tumour? You had a brain tumour and you used heroin? Kiera!'

'I didn’t know it was heroin at the time.'

'So if you did know, would you have stopped taking it?' He asks and I answer with silence. He scoffs as he realises my answer. 'Exactly,' he mutters.

 'Maybe if you didn't get me addicted to them in the first place then it would have been easy to stop taking them.'

'So this is my fault?' He asks, raising his voice slightly. His voice begins repeating in my head, making me feel dizzy. My surroundings become blurry and I feel like I have been turning around repeatedly. I hold my knees as I begin vomiting in a bush. I feel Dan's hand rubbing my back in a comforting manner. 'Are you okay?'

'Do I look okay?' I ask rudely. He sighs as he hands me some mints and a bottle of water. 'Thanks.'

'You're welcome, keep taking your pills and don’t take any heroin, give them to someone you can trust. Someone who won’t give them to you. Promise me?' I sigh before saying 'I promise.' He nods and says 'Come on I'm taking you home.' I roll my eyes and follow him to his car, sitting in the passenger seat. I give him the directions to Lily's house and he starts the engine.

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He parks in front of Lily's house in a matter of minutes and I smile gratefully at him. 'Thanks.'

'You’re welcome and remember what I said.'

'Okay,' I flash him a smile as I walk out of the car and into the Valentine household. 'Hey, where did you go?'

'I went to the cafe and got some toast, I didn’t have any energy to make it myself and I needed some fresh air.'

'Kiera, you should've just woke me up, I would've made it for you.'

'I know, I just didn’t want to wake you,' I reply. She smiles and gives me a hug as she continues making her breakfast.

 'It’s great that you're eating though, you were beginning to scare me before your surgery.' I fake a smile and agree with her. 

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A few hours later, I decide to head over to Lucy’s house to apologise what I said the other day. I stand on her doorstep and ring the doorbell. I gasp as her dad, Pete opens the door. 'Oh my God Pete, I haven't seen you in ages.'

'Come here Kiera,' he replies as he pulls me in for a tight hug. 'Come on in,' he says and I follow him into the kitchen as I sit by the kitchen bar. 'How are you? I heard you got the surgery done.'

'I feel tired and the side effects are really kicking in, it’s horrible.'

'Aw, come here,' he says as he opens his arms wide for me and I step into them.

 'I thought you'd be at work or something because you're never here.'

'I decided to spend time with Lucy but I guess she wants to spend time with her old man,' he replies sadly. I scrunch my face up in confusion and pull away to look at him.

 'What? You're her old man.'

'I'm not,' he replies and I gasp.

 'Yes, you are.'

'I thought you knew.'

'Knew what?' He shuts his mouth and I sigh. 'I don’t know anything, no one tells me anything.'

'Kiera, that's not true, you just have a lot on your mind that's all.'

'Are you going to tell me or now?' I ask impatiently. He sighs as he sits opposite me. 'Lucy wanted to bond with her dad and her sister.'

'I'm confused.'

'The man that moved into your old house is in fact Lucy's biological father, whereas I'm just a nobody. Her mother and he had an affair while we were together.' I gasp in shock.

 'I didn't know.'

'I know Kiera.'

'He is stealing my girl away from me,' he whispers and I try to calm down as I try to get my head around everything.

'You need to steal her back Pete.'

'How am I supposed to do that? She spends all her time with them.'

'Do something fun, show her that it’s you that has been there for her all these years and not him. He can get her whatever she wants but he'll never have the memories that you and Lucy share together.'

'You're so smart Kiera,' he smiles as he wraps his arms around me.

 'I'm just stating the obvious.'

'Don't be so hard on yourself,' he replies as he strokes my hair.

 'Do you want to wait for Lucy until she comes back?' He asks and I stand up.

 'No, I should get going, please don’t tell Lucy I came over.'

'Okay,' he replies nodding his head. I thank him, smiling as I walk out of the door.