CHAPTER 21

'What's the deal with you and Max?' Lily asks curiously, as she stands in front of me waiting for an answer.

'Nothing Lily.' I reply instantly as she catches my attention.

'Are you sure?' She asks, raising her eyebrows curiously.

'I'm positive.'

'So why is he downstairs then?'

'What?' I shriek as I abandon the laptop and walk downstairs. I find Max in the hall way, patiently waiting.

'Hey,' he states and I ask 'What are you doing here?'

'I wanted to check up on you.'

'Now that you have you can go now.' I snap. He sighs and pulls me out of the house. He closes the door and he asks 'Kiera, what is going on? You look as thin as ever.'

'I don't, my weight is fine, a little fat but fine,' he gasps as he puts his hand over his mouth.

'Are you doing this because you think you're fat?' He asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

'What?'

'Kiera, you're not fat, what is wrong with you? You're practically the thinnest person I've ever met. Why would you want to lose more weight?'

'Max, I'm not trying to lose weight, I just don't have an appetite at the minute.' He scoffs, shaking his head.

'Okay, so why don't you tell that to everyone? Why are you lying about your eating habits? They have a right to know Kiera.'

'I know but they don't have to because I'll start eating.' He folds his arms and asks 'When?'

'I don't know Max, soon. Now please leave me alone.'

'Hey, is this a private conversation?' Lucy asks as Katie is beside her.

'No, why would you ask that?' I reply, turning to face them both.

'Maybe because you're practically whispering and you're outside?'

'It isn't a private conversation.' I reply instantly.

'Is he bothering you?' Katie asks as she looks at me followed by looking at Max.

'No, he isn't Katie.'

'Why don't you just leave her alone? You said enough to her yesterday.' Lucy says looking at Max.

'Lucy, its fine.'

It’s not fine, he shouldn't have spoken to you like he did yesterday and I don't care if he was upset.' I sigh as Lucy begins ranting.

'Luce, its fine, he has apologised.'

'Apologising seems to be enough for making her feel like rubbish is it?' She asks as she looks at Max.

'Well if she can forgive you after everything you put her through then I'm sure she can also forgive me.' I bite my lip and hope Lucy walks away silently but knowing her, that will definitely not happen. Lucy scoffs and says 'You're pathetic Max, why don't you get lost? Go back to James seen as he's the only who has an IQ as low as yours,' as she walks inside the house.

'You deserved that.' Katie says as she follows Lucy.

'I'm sorry.' I say turning towards Max.

'Kiera, its fine,’ he sighs in disappointment.

'No, seriously Max, I am so sorry, you don't understand how sorry I am. I shouldn't have lied,' he nods his head and says 'I'll text you, make you sure eat something Kiera or I don't think I can be able to keep it a secret.'

'Okay.' I reply nodding his head. He smiles as I walk into the house, closing the door.

'What was all that about?' I turn around to find Lucy, Lily and Katie all staring at me.

'Nothing Lily.' I reply.

'Are you sure?' Lucy asks.

'Yes.'

'I don't believe you.'

'I don't care Lucy and if you really want to know what all that was about, I was apologising for what you said to him. You always have to be the bigger person don't you?' Folding my arms, I tilt my head and wait for her to speak.

'Well, I'm sorry for trying to look out for you,' she replies sarcastically.

'It’s a little late to be doing that,’ I mutter.

'Why do you always hint at our relationship when we were younger? Have you not forgiven me yet or something?' She asks defensively as she picks up on my tone.

'I'm not sure.' I sarcastically reply and she rolls her eyes before going upstairs. Lily and Katie share a look before Katie follows Lucy.

'Why was he here? I want the truth Kiera, I know exactly when you're lying.' Lily says as she drags me into the living room.

'He saw me bin my food yesterday,' I sigh not having the energy to lie and she gasps loudly.

'Why the hell did you bin your food? You mean you haven't eaten properly since yesterday?'

'No, I did eat a bit of it, I just binned the tiny bit left.' She raises her eyebrows at me and I sigh. 'Okay, maybe it was half and not tiny but at least I ate some right?' She scoffs again, shaking her head at me.

'What is wrong with you? I made you that toast.' Katie begins ranting as she walks in holding Lucy's hand.

'Did you trick me into talking?' I ask as I turn my attention back to Lily.

'What? No of course I didn't.' Lily replies.

'Are you sure because you two did share a look. Was it supposed to mean "I'll get Kiera to talk and you go and get Lucy?" You got me to talk so are you happy now?'

'Kiera, don't be ridiculous, we decided to come downstairs, there was no look.' Katie replies and I scoff muttering 'Sure.'

'Why would you even think there was a look?' Lily asks calmly.

'Because I don't even know you guys any more. Who knew one year could be such a long time?'

'You're deflating,' Lily states as Katie and Lucy sit in front of us.

'No, I'm not.'

'Yes, you are Kiera. What happened after you binned the "tiny bit" of food left?' Katie asks as she tilts her head, waiting for me to respond and I frown.

'There's no need to say it like that.' I mutter, replying to Katie before continuing, 'Max saw what I did and started harassing me with questions. He left to go to the living room and I followed him, then we started arguing. Then he turned up today and the rest is history.'

'Why haven't you been eating?' Katie asks quietly breaking the silence.

'I have been eating-‘

'Kiera.' Lily warns and I sigh loudly.

‘It’s not a big deal, I did eat the toast even if it was a little bit.'

'Which was yesterday Kiera, what is wrong with you? How can you do that to your own body? You're getting surgery in a couple of days for crying out loud.' Katie says, successfully making me feel guilty.

'Katie.' Lucy warns, silencing her.

'Can I ask you a question?' Katie asks and instantly, I know what question she is thinking of.

'No, Katie, I'm not anorexic,’ I reply toying with the ends of my hair.

'I was just going to ask because I genuinely think you could be,’ she replies sadly.

'I'm not so drop it.' I say in a defensive tone.

'Kiera, calm down, it's just a suggestion.' Lucy replies, making eye contact with me and I roll my eyes.

'I don't care, don't try and diagnose me of things I will never suffer from.'

'You never know what you'll suffer from,' Lily replies and I glare at her.

'I'm not anorexic Lily.' I reply feeling the need to repeat myself so my point is heard.

'Okay calm down, there's no need to be so defensive.' Lily replies as she tries to calm me down.

'I don't have time for this, I have to visit my dad-‘

'I thought he was Dave to you.' Lucy replies narrowing her eyes.

'Shut up.' I snap and she rolls her eyes.

'Why are you going to see him?' Lucy asks curiously as she folds her arms.

'Because I need to.' I stand up and Lucy asks 'Do they not know?'

'No.' I run my hands through my hair, taking a deep breath. Looking at all of them, I notice they’re all waiting for me to say something.

'Know what?' Katie asks curiously and Lucy looks at me, silently telling me to tell them.

'The missing Kaiden Hayden that Liz was mocking me with is in fact my brother.'

'What?' Lily asks with a horrified facial expression.

'Wait, what are you talking about?' Katie asks confused as she looks at all of us.

'Liz was reading a newspaper and it said that three month old Kiden Hayden was still missing and it turns out he's my brother.'

'Where the hell was I?' Katie asks as she gasps. 

'It was when Liz and Lucy came over but you hung out with Kara,' Lily replies and I make a noise with my teeth for emphasis but they give me unimpressed looks.

'I'm going to head out now,’ I quietly say wanting to leave.

'You haven't eaten anything.' Lily replies.

'What are you? My mum? Why are you always on my case?' I snap and she rolls her eyes dragging me into the kitchen, with Lucy and Katie standing beside her.

 'You're not leaving until you have some breakfast or I could inform my mum, maybe that would help?' Lily replies as she looks at me, silently telling me that she is serious.

'Why would you even do that to me? Are you that much of a selfish bitch? I mean, wasn't turning against me enough?' Lily scoffs loudly and says 'I'm not being a bitch, I'm doing this because I care. And why do you always bring this up?'

'Just leave me alone.' I reply as I intend to walk out of the kitchen but their bodies stop me.

'Move!' I demand.

'Not until you have breakfast,' replies Katie.

'I hate every single one of you so freaking much. I'll eat later and visiting times are at specific times, I'm going to be late.'

'You should have thought about that before.' Lily replies.

'I despise you Lily.' I reply as I turn away and make myself some Weetabix seen as it's quick.

'Eat it.' Lily says as I finish making it. I look down at the food I created and I can feel my stomach squirming. I take a mouth full, followed by another until I have finished the bowl. I stand up and Lily says 'That wasn't so hard.' I ignore her and she sighs. I leave the house without saying another word.

I decide to walk to the prison only because I need to get rid of this feeling in my stomach. I can feel the bile arising from my throat. I stop in an alleyway as I throw up my stomach's content. Not deliberately. 'Are you okay?' A young man wearing a black hoodie who looks dodgy asks me.

'I'm fine.'

'You don't look it, do you think these can help you?' He has some needles in a small plastic bag in his right hand offering it to me. 'It’s free so you don't have to be worrying about money.' Before I can reply I feel more bile rising so I put my head down, and let all the Weetabix come out. He offers me some mint and water. I look at it before taking it.

'Thanks.'

'You're welcome. I'm Dan.'

'Kiera.' I reply and he nods.

'So do you want this? I'm guessing you're bulimic seen as you were vomiting?'

'What? I'm not bulimic,’ I reply defensively as my eyes widen.

'Then you're an anorexic who just ate some food,’ he concludes confidently.

'I'm not that either.' I reply frowning and he smiles.

'That's what they all say.'

'Shut up Dan.' I reply angrily, annoyed at this stranger.

'If you are an anorexic then this will give you energy, it will make you feel great, the people around you will not think anything of it. The only difference between this and food is that you will not gain any weight.'

'I'm not interested.' I say eyeing the drugs.

'Are you sure?' I bite my lips as I consider it. I take it from his stretched hand.

'I will not come back for more.'

'Whatever you say Kiera,' he smirks and I roll my eyes.

----------

I walk into the prison and the officer recognises me as she offers me a smile. She checks my pass port like she has been doing the two other times I visited and allows me inside. I sit in front of my dad who asks 'Are you okay?'

'Fine.'

'You don't look it.'

'That is because I just found out I have a brother called Kaiden Hayden who went missing six years before I was born.' I snap coldly. He sighs as he puts his hands in his face.

'I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.'

'That's the problem with you, you're always sorry. It's a little late for being sorry don't you think?' I ask rudely. He sighs and I ask 'Why did the police stop searching for him in 2004 and why did you take your anger out on me?'

'Kiera, I really am sorry for everything that has happened. I needed a way to release my anger and that seemed the only way to do it. I really am sorry.'

'Why did they stop searching for him?' I ask again, leaning back in my chair feeling a migraine coming on.

 'I don't know.'

'Don't lie to me.'

'Kiera, I don’t know.’ I narrow my eyes at him and stare at him, analysing his facial expression. He looks at me for a minute before breaking eye contact and I know for a fact that he is lying. I sigh loudly, how am I supposed to find out the truth?

 'Kiera.'

'What?'

‘You clearly want to know the truth but it’s too long for me to tell you. I think you have to start by going back to the old house and looking at the attic. In there, there is a bug cardboard box which contains all of your brother's belongings. In the cellar, there is another box, it is everything your mother kept. Things to do with your mother, letters and journals. I think you should read them because you need to know everything about your mother before you can find out what happened.'

'Do you know what mum wrote?' I ask curiously.

'No, I never checked, I respected her privacy so if you see something, just know that I had no idea and this it has nothing to do with me.' I nod and the officers take him away.

----------

I walk back home, slamming the door and walk upstairs to my room. I take the needles out and see that they're already pumped with fluids. I take a deep breath before rolling my left arm sleeve. I count to three before I stab the needle into my arm.