CHAPTER 38

 I sit on the bed, starring at the box I got from Rosabella's house earlier.

I walk towards it, opening the box delicately. I notice a picture frame that has a picture of my parents with a baby boy in my mother's arms. They genuinely look happy. 

Putting the photograph down, I look for other things inside the box. A newspaper catches my attention so I get it out of the box. It's the same newspaper Liz was teasing me about. I re-read it multiple times, hoping it will become easier to figure out the events that happened. But nothing comes to me. 

I read it for the last time and the name D.C Collins stands out. There is a contact number in brackets and I quickly save it in my phone. I put the newspaper on the floor and inspect the box. A worn out diary gets my attention. I get it out of the box and sit down on the bed, opening it. 

Dear Diary

09/04/91

I can't believe that I am finally a mother. I'm still adjusting to my new lifestyle. Kaiden has been into this world for five days and I can't imagine my life without him. Today, Dave changed the password of the safe to Kaiden's birthday, 04/04/91. The day my incredible journey of being a mother began. Kaiden is crying from his room and Dave isn't doing a great job of cheering him up so I should stop writing.

Until next time.

I take in this new piece of information and turn over the pages, counting how many times my mother had written in them. The answer is twelve. Before I can turn over to read the second entry, my phone begins ringing. Without looking at the caller ID, I press the green button. 

'Hello'

'Are you not coming?' Lily asks sounding annoyed. I look at the clock on the wall which reads half twelve. 

'I'm coming, I just didn't check the time.'

'How long until you get here?'

'I'll be there in five.' I end the call slipping my phone into my pocket and putting the diary under my pillow. I put the newspaper and the photo inside the box before walking downstairs. I see Dan sitting in the living room, watching TV. 'I'm going out.'

'Where are you going?' He asks curiously.

'I'm meeting a few friends.'

'Okay, if I'm not here when you get back then I've gone out and will be back later,' he informs me and I nod my head before walking outside the house.

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It takes me a few minutes to get to the park and it looks surprisingly empty as it is usually full of children. I notice Lily and Lucy sitting opposite Katie on a bench. I take a deep breath before walking over to them. 

I sit beside Katie, without saying anything. They stop talking as they notice my presence and Katie asks 'are you not even going to greet us?'

'No, not really,' I reply as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. She scoffs, shaking her head at my response. 'So, Lily, what did you want?'

'I wanted to sort this all out.'

'It’s a little bit late to be doing that Lily don't you think?' I ask sarcastically and she sighs.

 'I'm really sorry.'

'I've heard it all before,' I say as I roll my eyes. She puts her hands together on the table as she says 'I don't like arguing with you.'

'We're not arguing, I'm just ignoring you,' I clarify and she sighs again.

 'Well then I don’t like you ignoring me.'

'But you can ignore me whenever you want and expect me to be okay with it?' I question defensively.

 'No, I didn't mean it like that.'

'It doesn’t matter what you meant, that was what you were implying.' Lily sighs, putting her hands in hair and I roll my eyes at her reaction.

 'How did your appointment go?' Lily asks trying to alter the topic.

 'I don't think that's any of your business.'

'Kiera-'

'What Lily?' I ask annoyed, cutting her off.

 'I don't understand why you're being like this.'

'What did you expect? Did you expect us to back to how we were? Are you really that naive?' As soon as the words leave my mouth, Jaimie appears looking smug. He sits beside Lucy and wraps his arms around her shoulder as he greets Lily and Katie. 'Are you two?' I point my index finger at Lucy and Jaimie with a confused expression on my face.

 'Yes,' answers Jaimie and I scoff.

 'I was going to tell you-'

'It’s fine Lucy,' I say a little too quickly. 'I'm going to go,' I stand up and Katie stands up with me. 'Where are you going?' I ask out of curiously as I stare at her.

 'I'm walking with you.'

'Katie, you're going to make me feel like a third wheel,' Lily whines as she motions towards Lucy and Jaimie who are distracted by one another's presence.

 'It’s always about Lily Valentine,' I sarcastically reply.

 'Shut up Kiera,' she states before getting up to join us.

 'Wait, where are you all going?'

'For a walk,' Katie answers Lucy's question.

 'Why wasn't I invited then?'

'Because you already have company,' Lily replies, hinting at Jaimie.

 'Let's hope you don't spike her water bottle,' Katie says, glaring at Jaimie and I bite my lower lip, trying to hide my smirk.

 'What the hell Katie?' Asks Lucy with a horrified facial expression.

 'What?'

'Was that supposed to be a joke? Because if it was, it really wasn't funny,’ Lucy replies coldly and Jaimie puts his hand on Lucy's arm.

 'I was just voicing my opinion, can I not do that now?'

'Do you actually believe that? Jaimie wouldn't do that.' I mentally scoff at Lucy's reply.

 'Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.'

'You're supposed to be my best friend Katie,' Lucy states accusingly. Katie sighs as she looks at Lucy.

 'I know but Kiera is supposed to be our best friend too. And I know she's lied about a lot of things but don’t you think this is a little extreme?'

'All her lies are extreme.' I scoff loudly and ask 'What the hell is that supposed to mean?'

'It means that I don't know if I can trust you Kiera.'

'No, you know you can't trust me because you've already picked him.'

'Can you blame me?' 

'I can't be bothered to talk to you Lucy, I'm going to go,' she dramatically sighs and I turn around, walking away.

'Why are you walking so fast?' Katie asks as her and Lily try to keep up.

 'Stop' Lily demands as she grabs my arm.

 'What?'

'Stop walking that fast, we get that your annoyed but stop it.' I roll my eyes as I begin to slow down. 'So how was your appointment?' Lily asks after we walk for a few minutes in silence.

 'I don't want to discuss that with you.'

'Okay,' she says, her voice barely above a whisper and I know she's upset.

 'You don't get to be upset Lily.'

'Well try being in my shoes.' I scoff loudly as I stop walking so I can face her 'Your shoes? Are you being serious? You have no idea what I'm going through because you don't care. If that's not selfish then I don't know what is.'

'I do care,' she replies defensively.

 'Whatever.'

'Arguing isn't going to help anyone here,' Katie says as she stands in between us, preventing us from arguing. 

----------

Fifteen minutes and a silent walk later, Katie demands to stop so she can buy water from a shop. 'Do you guys want anything?' She asks as she turns around to face Lily and me. We shake our heads and she walks inside the shop. 

An awkward silence falls upon us as we have no idea what to say. 'I'm sorry for all those stuff I said to you.'

'It’s fine.'

'It isn’t and you know it.' I sigh loudly and say 'I don’t want to talk about it.'

'That's the problem with you Kiera, you never want to talk about anything.' I can’t help but roll my eyes even though I know that her statement is true. 'You try and circle around your problems instead of actually solving them-'

'Okay, I get it, I'm basically a coward.'

'I didn't say that,' she replies as she stands in front of me.

 'You didn’t need to,' I reply as I avoid making eye contact with her. Before she can reply we notice Katie's presence but her eyes are glued on to her phone.

'What?' Lily asks curiously. Katie looks up at us, biting her lip and sits down on the bench outside the shop. Lily sits beside her and I have no choice but to follow. 

I feel like a third wheel and Katie's silence is making me think that she isn't saying anything because of me being present. 'I got in,' she says ad Lily gasps.

 'Oh my God, seriously?'

'Yes seriously,' Katie announces happily.

 'I told you, I knew you'd get in.' Lily wraps her arms around Katie and she returns the embrace. They pull away and I ask 'Are you talking about university?'

'Yeah,' replies Katie quietly.

 'What university did you apply to?' I ask as I cross my legs, studying Katie's facial expression. 'London, Manchester, Leeds, Sheffield and New Castle.'

'You applied to New Castle?' I ask, failing to hide the shock in my voice.

 'Yeah,' she looks down, looking slightly embarrassed.

 'Why did you even apply there?'

'Because I wanted to see you,' she says quietly.

 'Did you get in?' She nods her head and I bite my lower lip, feeling guilty. I cup my neck as I say 'I'm not going to the University of New Castle Katie.'

'Neither am I.'

'What? But you said-'

'I know. I got accepted into Leeds, Manchester, Sheffield and New Castle but they aren't the university I want to go to.' I release my lip as realisation hits me.

 'You want to go to the university here don’t you?'

'Yeah, I found out I just got into it.'

'Oh my Gosh, that's awesome,' I reply with a lot of enthusiasm. The share confused looks and I instantly lean back in my chair.

 'Am I missing something here?' Lily asks as she looks at me.

 'I also got into the University of London.'

'That is amazing, now there's eight of us,' Katie squeals. I title my head to my left side as I ask 'Eight?'

'Yeah. You, me, Lily, Lucy, James, Chris, Rosabella and Jaimie. Liz also got accepted but she's determined to go to Manchester.'

'Fantastic,' I sarcastically state.

 'Do you not want to go now?' Katie asks curiously.

'I don’t even know if I'm going to study here after everything that has happened.'

'I think you should,' Katie replies. I change the topic by asking 'What about everyone else?'

'Joe is second in command of his dad's company so he has started working there. Max and Liz are going to the University of Manchester. Tom and Kara are going to Edinburgh and Jess is taking a gap year. '

'Interesting.'

'I don't understand why you have to be so sarcastic about everything,' Lily sighs annoyed.

 'Who says I was being sarcastic?' I rhetorically ask and she scoffs, not bothering to reply.

 'Kiera, we are sorry for what we said, why can’t everything just go back to how it was before?' Katie asks as she puts her right hand in her hair.

 'I still can’t get my head around the fact that you would say something like that.'

'We're-'

'Yes, I know Lily. You’re "sorry" but I'm so sick and tired of hearing that phrase. You two are supposed to be my best friends and you think apologising for what you said to me will make it okay again?' They don’t reply vocally so I continue speaking. 'You both hurt me in ways I never thought was possible. Lily I lived with you and you just kicked me out of your house like it wasn’t a big deal. You’re the sister I've never had. I have practically grown up with you and yet you manage to betray me and hurt me more than everyone else. I guess it’s my fault for having such high expectations.'

'Kiera, I really don't know what to say and I know that "sorry" just isn't going to cover it but you have to believe that my intention wasn’t to hurt you.' She turns around to face me trying to emphasise that she means every word.

 'I'm not going to let you guys back in. I need my space. I'm not acting selfish but I let Lucy in and I'm not going to make that mistake again.'

'We understand,' Katie insists and Lily hums in agreement.

 'I'm going to go now,' I stand up and Lily says 'Wait where are you staying?'

'With a friend I met.'

'What friend?' She asks as she raises her eyebrows.

 'Does it matter?'

'Yes,’ she replies as it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

 'Just drop it Lily, it’s none of your business,' I state before walking away, not looking back.