CHAPTER 55

I wake up extra early for my doctor’s appointment and I cringe as I realise I haven't been eating well. I take a deep breath trying to calm myself down, trying not to think of the fact that they'll weigh me. 

I check the time which reads 06:05. I have two hours and fifty five minutes until my appointment so I use this opportunity to eat and fill myself up with food.

As I've finished my food and now washing my plate, Lily walks into the kitchen 'hey, what are you doing up?'

'I have an appointment and then I have to meet up with my funeral director,' I reply, shrugging my shoulders.

'How are you feeling about it?'

'Honestly?' I ask and she nods, silently encouraging me to continue. 'I have been so busy that I have barely thought about it so I don't even know how I feel Lily.'

'You're going to be fine Kiera, you're the strongest person I know.'

'Lily that doesn’t man I'm going to be fine.' She chooses to ignore it as she says 'Do you want me to go with you?'

'No, if I wanted you to come along I would've asked.' I reply emotionlessly and she nods her head. 

I leave the kitchen and walk upstairs to my room as I fill my body up with water.

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As I'm going alone to my appointment, I have no choice but to drive myself. I feel nervous as I can't remember the last time I drove.

I grab my car keys and leave the house. I walk inside my car and start the engine, taking the familiar route towards the hospital.

The car ride takes ten minutes and before I know it, I'm sitting in the waiting room, waiting for my name to be called out. 

'Kiera Hayden,' Doctor Jonathan states after five minutes, causing me to sigh in relief as I stand up to follow him to his room. 'So Kiera, how have you been?' He asks curiously.

'Okay.'

'I heard about your father and we decided to not weigh you as it's expectable for you to have a loss of appetite.' I bite my tongue feeling sick, knowing everything I ate was useless.

'So what do you suggest we do today then?' I sarcastically ask.

'Well this is Alfie your therapist and I want you talk about your feelings with him. After this we'll schedule another appointment with you.'

'How many appointments am I supposed to have?'

'It depends, the appointments only stop when you are cured fully. In the meantime, you guys can use my room for the appointment and I'll go see to other patients.' I nod my head and he leaves the room. Alfie takes his seat and awkwardness fills the air.

'So Kiera, how are you feeling?'

'Empty,' I reply and he begins taking notes.

'Why are you feeling empty?'

'A lot of things have happened,' I response not wanting to go into depth on my first session.

'And how is your diet?'

'It is fine, I've been following the advice Rebecca gave me as well as the food plan.'

'Good, I suggest you keep doing that because that is the only way you will be cured,' he replies and I internally smirk at my lie. Silence fills the air and I ask 'Are we going to sit in silence for the remainder of time?'

'No, I want you to control this session and I've realised I've been leading it so I'm giving you the chance to ace over.'

'What am I supposed to say?' I question nervously, not looking forward to hearing his answer. 'Just say anything that comes into your mind,' he advises and I not my head and begin thinking.

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After a very long hour and a conversation about my dad, the session is finally brought to an end. 'I'll make you an appointment in three weeks Kiera, is that okay?' He questions quietly and I nod.

'Thanks,' I say as I stand up.

'You are welcome,' he replies and I leave the room.

I exit the hospital and get into my car. I start the engine, putting the radio on and drive to the church. 

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It takes me seven minutes to park my car outside the church. I unlock my phone and see a text message from Lucy.

You need to read this letter. -xoLuce.

I scrunch up my eyebrows in confusion as I try to figure out what could be so bad.

(To Lucy) Why? What does it say? ~K~

I sit in the car, waiting for Lucy's reply.

You need to see it for yourself, it’s not just something I can reveal to you over text. -xoLuce.

(To Lucy) Is it bad??? ~K~

I don't even think bad covers it, can you come over to my house? -xoLuce.

Before I can even reply, my phone vibrates signalling another text message. I open it and see a text message from Aunt Rachel.

Lily told me you had an appointment and you definitely should have told me about it instead of going to the appointment alone. She also told me that you were going to talk to the funeral director afterwards. I'm pleased that you're taking responsibility and that you're trying to control this. But I didn't mean you should do it all alone Kiera. We really need to talk once you get back. -Aunt R.

I sigh loudly and dread the talk that Aunt Rachel is going to have with me when I return home. I don’t bother replying to it as I reply to Lucy's.

(To Lucy) I'm sorry, I can't come over today. I'll come over in the morning, I promise. x ~K~

I can't help but feel upset that I won't find out what the letter said until tomorrow. Lucky me (!)

Its fine Kiera, don't worry about it. You don't need this added to your list causing you discomfort. -xoLuce.

Before I can reply, I hear knock on my window door snapping me out my thoughts. I see Matthew and I clench my jaw, putting my phone in my pocket as I open the windows. 'Good morning.'

'Morning,' I reply and he smiles.

'Do you mind if we take your car?' He asks.

'No, hop in,' I reply and he smiles as he slides in the passenger seat. 'Where is it?'

'It’s near the shopping centre, do you know where that is?' He asks and I nod my head. I start the engine and I drive to where he instructed.

-----------

I park my car outside the shop and Matthew asks 'are you ready?'

'Ready as I'll ever be,' I mumble and we step outside the car. I lock my car before walking with him inside. 

We begin looking at all the aisles and I take in all the different coffins. I approach one and I notice one that catches my attention. I look at the price which is a thousand pounds. 'Do you want this one?'

'Yeah,' I reply.

'Well we’re getting it.'

'I can get it myself,' I reply.

'No, because you are only supposed to pay for one thousand five hundred all together, not one thousand eight hundred.’

 'Matthew I appreciate what you're doing for me but it is fine.'

'Kiera-'

'Please let me do this,' I reply and he nods. 

We walk to the check out and I show them the coffin that I want before playing from it. The cashier tells me it will be delivered to the church and I nod my head gratefully as we leave the store.

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The car drive back to the church is silent and he says 'here is my number,' as he gives me a card. 'If you need anything, anything at all Kiera then you know how to reach me.'

'Thanks.’ He smiles at me and says 'No problem,' before saying 'goodbye,' and walking inside the church.

I take a deep breath before driving back to house. I step out of my car, locking it and walk into the house. 'My mum wants to talk to you, she's in your room,' Kimberly says as she sees me and I nod my head walking up the stairs.

'I got your text message,' I say, getting her attention.

'Kiera, sit down.'

 'Why are you doing this all alone? I’m here to help you. Why didn’t you tell me about your appointment?'

'Because I wanted to go alone, it’s not a big deal,' I reply shrugging my shoulders. She puts her hand on top of mine and asks 'Have you been paying for funeral?' I nod my head slowly and she sighs, ‘Kiera that is my job.'

'It’s fine.'

'How much did you pay for it?' She asks ignoring me. I debate on telling her the truth but when she repeats her question I have no choice but to be honest so I tell her the truth. 'I'm giving you that money tomorrow.'

'Nom don't.' She sighs.

'It’s not up for discussion.'

'If you want to pay for something so desperately, you can just give me eight hundred pounds to pay for the cars as I haven't paid for that yet.'

'Kiera, I need to do more.' I roll my eyes.

 'It’s fine, please just do this for me.' She sighs before nodding and wrapping her arms around me, breaking down my walls.

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A day later, I wake up to the sound of voices coming from downstairs. I check the time on my watch and realise that it's half past eleven in the morning.

I walk to the bathroom and take a quick shower before getting dressed in grey leggings and a grey hoodie. I tie my hair into a messy bun and walk in to the kitchen where Lily and Kimberly are talking. 'Where have you been hiding these past few days?'

'I haven't been hiding anywhere Kimberly, I've just been busy with funeral arrangements.'

'Oh yeah, how is that coming along?' Kimberly asks showing an interest.

'It’s coming along fine and before I forget I've arranged some cars for us.'

'Who's us?' Kimberly questions.

'Sixteen friends,' I reply and Lily scoffs.

'Are you being serious?'

'Yep, it’s all done,' I reply. 'They're going to be labelled with numbers one to four and we're riding in car number two.'

'That's it?' Lily questions curiously.

'And Rosabella and Katie,' I reply and Lily nods her head.

'Who's Rosabella?' Kimberly questions curiously.

'Jut a girl you'll meet soon enough,' I reply and she nods her head. 

I make myself some toast and sit beside them by the dining table.

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I check the time again and notice that an hour has passed. I look at my phone and see that I have two new text messages. One from Liz and one from Lucy.

Hey, can you come over? My mum and Lola want to see you, they've heard about your dad. ¬Liz

Are you still coming over? -xoLuce

I quickly type out a reply to both text messages.

(To Liz) Sure, I'll come over in a bit. ~K~

(To Lucy) Yeah, I am but a little later. Sorry. ~K~

I wash my plate and Lily says 'Kiera,' instantly catching my attention. I put my phone back in my pocket and say 'Yeah?'

'You're always on your phone, are you going out or something?' Lily asks curiously. I look at her and say 'Yeah, I'm going out.'

'Where?' Lily asks as she looks at me waiting for me to answer her question.

'Liz wants me to go to her place to talk to her mother and my dad's will is there anyway so I need to go.' They both nod their heads and I walk out of the house.

I decide to walk instead of driving my car as it doesn't really take that long. 

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I stand outside Liz’s doorstep but this time I ring the doorbell before I can back out of it. Liz opens the door and says 'hey.'

'Hi,' I reply and she pulls me inside.

'How are you feeling?' She asks and I shrug my shoulders as I'm sick and tired of hearing people ask me that question. No matter how many times I have been asked it, I still don't have an answer to provide.

'Where's your mum?'

'She's in the kitchen. You can talk to her and I'll be in my room afterwards.' I nod my head and walk into the kitchen.

'Hi.' I break the silence and she turns around to face me.

'Kiera, how are you?' She asks and I shrug again. 'Come and sit down,' she says motioning towards the dining table and she sits beside me. 'Kiera, I am so sorry about everything.'

'Its fine, the sooner people stop apologising for it, the better I'll feel,' I mumble and she smiles, nodding her head.

'When is the funeral?' She asks changing the subject and I say 'Monday.'

'Okay, the girls and I will definitely be there,' she replies and I smile.

'By the way, I hired cars to pick people up so a car that says number one on it will pick you, Liz and Lola up on Monday.'

'Kiera you do not have to do that,' she replies as she puts her hand on my shoulder.

'Its fine, it’s already done and no one else will be riding with you so you'll have your privacy.'

'Thank you Kiera,' she replies sincerely and I smile.

 'It’s no problem.' She nods her head and I remember the will.

'I have a question to ask you.'

'Go ahead and ask,' she replies motioning with her hands to emphasise her point.

'My dad said he left his will with you before he passed away and I was wondering if you still had it?'

'Yes I still have it, I will be two minutes,' she says standing up and leaves the kitchen. 

I sit in the kitchen in silence and Lola walks inside. 'Kiera,' she squeals once she notices my presence as she jumps on me.

'Hi Lola,' I reply wrapping my arms around her body.

'Kiera I have missed you so so so so much,' she says innocently causing me to smile.

'I have missed you too Lola,' I reply patting her head.

'Where have you been all this time?'

'I've been staying with a friend of mine.'

'Is it better than staying here?' She asks and I bite my tongue as I struggle for a reply.

'No of course not honey, it’s just it is easier for Kiera to stay with her friend rather than here,' Andrea says as she walks inside. I smile at her gratefully and she returns it.

'Kiera I heard your dad was dead. Are you say? I know I am sad and he wasn’t even my real dad.'

'Lola, it is okay to feel sad.' I stroke her hair and she smiles.

'Are you sad?' She asks as she searches my blue eyes for answers.

'I guess so,' I reply moments later.

'Can we be sad together then?' She asks and I chuckle.

 'Of course we can.'

'Will I be seeing more of you Kiera? Because I haven't seen you in ages.' She asks and I hold her hand in mine.

'Of course you will Lola, you can't get rid me of that easily,' I reply playing with her hair and she smiles.

 'Lola, why don't you go to your room, I'm sure Kiera will visit soon.'

'Will you?' She asks looking at me and I nod my head. 'Can I give you your birthday present first? It’s from me and mum.'

'Sure.' I smile and she runs out of the kitchen.

Seconds later, she runs back downstairs with a wrapped present and a card. I read the card which says "Happy eighteenth birthday. I hope you have many more to come. Love Andrea and Lola x." I look at her and she says 'mum wrote it because I don't have nice handwriting and I told her what to write.'

'Thanks and you do have nice handwriting, you have the best handwriting,' I tell her and she becomes shy as she mutters 'Thanks.' She hands me the present and I open it to find Personalised Butterfly Trinket Box. She proudly says 'I chose it.'

'Well thank you, I love it,' she grins and Andrea says 'Kiera will come back to visit again Lola so why don't you go to your room now?' I give her one last hug before she walks to her room. I turn to Andrea and she hands me a plastic wallet and I'm guessing the will is in there.

'Thanks.'

'You are welcome,' she replies.

'I'm going to talk to Liz,' I say standing up before giving her a quick hug and walk upstairs. My phone vibrates and Ii stand on the top floor corridor with my phone in my hand. 

I don't want to sound pushy but are you going to come? Kara wants to hang out and I don't want to agree if you're coming over. -xoLuce.

(To Lucy) Yes Lucy I'm coming! And you sound really pushy. ~K~

I put my phone in my pocket and walk into Liz's room. 'Hey Liz, I have to go. Can I meet up with you tomorrow or something?'

'Sure,' she replies and I say 'By the way talk to your mum because I told her about the funeral and gave her information it.' She nods her head and says 'Will do.'

I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her neck and she returns the embrace. 'Before I forget, thanks for the present even though the pictures you used suck,' she laughs and we pull away.

'No they don't suck.'

'Whatever Liz,' I reply and she smirks.

'I'll see you tomorrow.' I nod before walking down stairs and leave the house.

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It takes me five minutes to reach Lucy's house. She opens the door, allowing me to come in and I follow her to her room. 

She sits down on her bed and I sit down beside her. She puts the letter in my hands and I open it up, reading it. 

Dear Lucy,

I hope you read this in good health Lucy.

I know you hate me for everything that I have done to you. But you have to believe me when I say that I'm sorry about everything I have put you through.

Lucy, you are like a shining star and you don't deserve everything that I have done to you. I have always loved you like a daughter. Lucy, I can't apologise enough for everything.

There are other things that you aren't aware of. I have taken multiple pictures of you. Some inappropriate ones and some appropriate. I have also been taking videos of you, paying attention to every little detail that you got up to. They are all downstairs in the cellar. I've had an unhealthy obsession with you and I'm sorry it has taken me this long to realise it. 

To prove that I changing for the better, I am including you in my will. Lucy, I have ruined your life and I can only apologise for that. 

I hope that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me.

Love Dave.

'Oh my God,' I say loudly breaking the silence. I look at Lucy and see that she has tears in her eyes. I put the letter down and wrap my arm around her. 'Luce it’s going to be fine.'

'He's been stalking me Kiera, he has inappropriate pictures of me. What the hell am I supposed to expect?'

'Hey calm down. Thinking about it isn’t going to help you Lucy,' I say stroking her cheeks and wiping her tears away with my thumb.

‘Will you go with me to check the cellar?' She asks and I answer with a question.

'Do you want me to?' She nods her head and I put my hands in her hair, massaging her scalp because it calms her down. 'Then I'll go with you' I reply and she smiles.

'Thanks.'

'You're welcome,' I reply and pull her into my chest, putting my chin on her head. 

I sigh as I have one more thing to worry about now.