CHAPTER 18

'Kiera!' Liz says catching my attention as I'm making myself coffee.

'Oh hey Liz, I had no idea you were here.' I reply not expecting to see her.

'Yeah I figured that. Why haven't I seen much of you recently? I don't really know why I'm moaning, I mean the boys haven't seen much of you either,' I sigh because I feel bad about not keeping in contact with everyone but I have had a lot on my mind.

'I'm sorry.' I apologise because it's the only thing I think of saying.

'Its okay, so what have you been up to recently?' She asks curiously.

'I don't really know,' I shrug my shoulders and I can tell she's concerned.

'Why are you drinking coffee? Why don't you have a glass of orange juice?' I look down at my mug and remember what I did when I got home after the visit yesterday.

I stand in the guest room directly in front of the mirror as I examine my body. My eyes widen as I notice how big my waist is. With my index finger and thumb, I pinch it as if pinching it will reduce the fat that has built up.

I take in my appearance searching for more fat that I have just been oblivious to but Anna calling my name prevents me. I roll down my t-shirt and take a deep breath. 

The only way to help myself is by reducing my calorie intake - that has to be healthy.

I look at Liz who waves her hand in front of my face and I push them away, snapping back into reality. I realise she asked me a question and she's waiting for me to answer so I defensively say 'my diet is fine Liz.'

'I never said that it wasn't,' she replies as she stands next to me.

'Why did you come over?' I ask changing the subject.

'Oh, do you want me to leave?' She asks in a mocking tone and I roll my eyes playfully.

'I'm just asking Liz, there is no need to get offended.’

'I came with Lucy because she wanted to come over,' she replies informatively.

'Lucy is here?' I ask raising my eyebrows at Liz who nods her head, answering my question. 'Are they talking yet?' I question referring to Lucy and Lily.

'I'm not really sure,' she replies honestly and I say 'back in two ticks,' as I walk out of the kitchen. 

I walk into the living room and see Lily and Lucy sitting opposite one another. Lucy has her back to me but it looks like they are both having a serious conversation. I walk over to them and wrap my arms around Lucy's neck as I sit behind her. She turns around and engulfs me in a hug when she realises that it's me. 'So have you two sorted your differences out?'

'I wouldn't really call it differences Kiera,' Lucy's replies.

'Shut up.' I mutter as I bury my face into her neck.

'Did you just wake up now?' Lily asks and I sit up, nodding my head. 'What time do you sleep at night?' Lily asks curiously.

'I don't know, it depends.' I reply shrugging my shoulders, not wanting to talk about my ridiculous sleeping pattern.

'On what?' Lily asks as she narrows her eyes at me and I feel uncomfortable.

'On the day I've had and I rarely get sleep sometimes,' I admit and as a result, she raises her eyebrows.

'What? Why?'

'I don't really know Lily,' I mumble.

'Would it help if you slept in my room with me?'

'No, not really seen as you're always with Rosabella,' she gasps and says 'that isn't true, I'm not with her now.' I roll my eyes at her response.

'What if you slept at my house?' Lucy suggests as she wraps her arm around my neck.

'That'd be great,' I reply with a smile on my face. The thought of not having to deal with Lily and Rosabella together makes my day brighter.

'Well then, I'm sure that can be arranged,' she smiles and I mirror her smile.

'So when are you staying with Lucy then?' Lily asks curiously.

'I can't be bothered to go tonight so in a few days, why? Do you have a problem?' I ask locking eyes with Lily and she sighs quietly.

'Kiera, its fine and it has nothing to do with me,' Lily replies.

'What were you guys talking about when I came in? Your conversation looked pretty intense.' I ask not bothering to comment on Lily's reply.

'We were just discussing how Lucy and I have managed to replace one another with Rosabella and Kara.' Lily replies shrugging her shoulders.

'I've noticed that,' I mutter under my breath.

'Everyone has,' Lily replies sadly and I nod agreeing with her.

'I'll leave you go back to your intense conversation because I'm going to go back to Liz.' I say standing up. They give me a smile and I leave the room.

'What did you do?' Liz asks curiously as I walk back into the kitchen.

'I just spoke to Lily and Lucy,' I reply and she narrows her eyes at me. 'Why do you always think I have done something?' I ask and she shrugs her shoulders. I scoff and pretend I didn’t see.

'How are you feeling about the surgery?'

'Honestly?' I ask, looking up to read her facial expression. She nods her head so I continue, 'I've been distracting myself with everything around me so I don't get to think about the surgery until it comes.'

'Kiera, you will be fine,' she puts her hand on my arm, trying to comfort me.

'You have no idea how much I hate it when people say that to me. My mother said that and my grandma said that to me as well. And do you know what happened to them?'

'Kiera-'

'They died Liz! So stop telling me everything will be fine because you know as well as I do that things are far from fine,' I reply angrily. Moments later, Lucy and Lily are standing by the doorway.

 'What happened?' Lily asks.

'Nothing.' I reply emotionlessly as I avoid making eye contact with any of them.

'Kiera, it obviously is something, I mean you were screaming,' Lily replies. I abandon my mug as I walk past Lily and Lucy. I walk upstairs in the guest bedroom and sit down putting my face in my hands. 'Hey.' Lily quietly says as she sits next to me.

'What do you want Lily?'

'What was all that about?' She asks quietly.

'Nothing.' I instantly reply, not wanting to talk about what just happened.

'Don't say that seriously Kiera.' Lily replies, waiting patiently for me to give her an answer.

'I just hate it when people tell me that everything will be fine, it isn't going to be fine and the sooner people stop saying that damn word, the sooner everything will hopefully be better.'

'I'm guessing Liz told you everything would be fine then,' Lily states as her arm brushes against mine.

'Yeah, she did and I got mad because that was what my mum and grandma both said to me and they both ended up dying in the end.'

'Hey.' Lily replies as she wraps her arm around my shoulder and I lean into her.

'She's mad at me isn't she?' I quietly ask as I consider Liz's feelings. 

'No of course she isn't, she understands where you're coming from.' Lily replies as she leans her chin on my head

 'What if she doesn't? What if I apologise but she doesn't-'

'Kiera, stop thinking like that, she will forgive you, I mean who could be mad at you?' I can't help but grin at her comment. 'Do you want to go and apoloise to Liz?' Lily asks and I nod my head. Lily stands up holding her hand out for me to take which I gladly do. We walk down the stairs and stand in the doorway of the kitchen. I lean my head against the wall and listen to Lucy and Liz talking.

'Luce, she's so mad at me.' I hear Liz say and I share a look with Lily silently letting her know that I'm feeling guilty. She rubs my forearms and whispers 'it's going to be fine.' I look at her and manage to give her a small smile. We look back into the kitchen and Lucy replies to Liz's comment.

'Liz, she isn't, she's just upset,' she replies as she wraps her arms around Liz trying to calm her down.

'Hey,' I say as Lily and I walk into the kitchen. Lucy and Liz break apart as they turn to face us. 'Liz, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have reacted the way I did.'

'Its fine, I mean okay.' She quickly says as she avoids making eye contact with me.

'You can say the word Liz; just don't tell me everything will be fine.' I respond as a small smirk is displayed on my face.

'I'll bear that in mind,' she replies and I smile.

'We should watch a movie,' Lily suggests.

'I know just the one,' replies Liz as she drags Lily out of the kitchen and into the living room.

'So now that we're alone, what are you going to do?' Lucy asks breaking the small silence.

'Luce, what am I supposed to do?' She walks over to me and stops when she is in front of me.

'What do you want do?' She asks as she puts her hands on my shoulders.

'I need to find out who Kaiden Hayden is. Do you think it is the same person who was on the newspaper?'

'I'm not sure Kiera and you won't know for sure if you don't get any answers.' I nod my head as I agree.

'I'm going to ask Elaine; after all she was the one who told me to ask my dad.'

'Do whatever you want Kiera, I'll support it a hundred percent,' she smiles sincerely and I wrap my arms around her waist pulling her closer. She wraps her arms around my neck and I mutter 'thanks Luce.'

'No problem,' she replies as we pull away. 'I wanted to talk to you.' She says in a serious tone which successfully makes me cringe.

'About what?' I ask making eye contact with her.

'I noticed the way you were looking at your body when your dad called you fat and now you're just making coffee without breakfast-'

'Lucy-'

'No, you don't have to skip meals to lose weight. You don't even have any weight to lose but if you want to do it, at least do it the healthy way.' I sigh because I know she's right. She puts her hands on either side of my head, making me look at her. 'You're not fat Kiera; don't let his words get to you.'

'I won't.' I reply and she smiles.

The doorbell rings and we hear Lily open the door as she greets Elaine. Lily tells Elaine that her mum is out and Elaine says she'll come back later. Lucy nods her head motioning me for to talk to Elaine. 'Now?' I ask.

'Do you want to?'

'Isn't it too soon?'

'The sooner you get your answers, the better,' I nod at her reply and thank her as I walk out of the house, trying to find Elaine. I notice her red jumper as she walks away.

'Elaine!' I call as I jog towards her. She turns around to face me and says 'hello Kiera, how are you?'

'I've been better,' she nods as if she understands but she doesn't understand. No one does. She sits on a bench and nods for me to sit beside her. I consider it for a while before sitting down next to her. 'I went to visit my dad in prison yesterday.'

'Really? How did that go?' She asks curiously.

'I told him about the brain tumour and he acted as if he was sorry-'

'I think he really is sorry Kiera.'

'You never know, everything I thought was true was really a lie.' I reply referring to my childhood. She nods for me to continue as she asks 'what else happened?'

'I asked him about what he's hiding from me and he didn't tell me. When he was being taken out, he said "Kaiden Hayden." What did he mean by that?' She sighs loudly as she puts her hand in the air, acting as if she doesn’t know. 'Elaine, you told me yourself that if my dad didn't tell me then you would tell me yourself.'

'I know but I don't know what your father is thinking so we need to be on the same page before I can tell you Kiera, you have to understand.'

'I think you should tell me now, how long am I going to have to wait until I receive answers?' I ask irritated. She sighs, shrugging her shoulders and says 'soon Kiera but did your father say anything else?'

'You mean apart from that name? No he didn't say anything else.'

'Okay, I will talk to him,' she replies nodding her head.

'You're not keeping your promise, you promised to tell me.' I sigh, feeling disappointed.

'Kiera, I will tell you everything as soon as I talk to your dad-'

'How do I know if you're going to tell me the truth? What if you lie to me? How will I know then?' I ask curiously desperately craving some answers.

'Kiera, you will just know.'

'Elaine, you are being such a pain right now,' she laughs as she shakes her head, saying 'everyone says that to me and I'm doing this to stop hurting you Kiera. I will talk to you as soon as I visit your dad tomorrow.'

'Do you promise?'

'I promise,' she replies.

'Okay, I'm, going to go now, will I see you tomorrow?' I ask as I rise to my feet.

'Yes, I will come over tomorrow to talk to Anna and I will definitely come and find you Kiera,' she replies smiling.

'Okay then, I'll see you later.' I nod my head and wave before walking off towards the familiar steps of the Valentine household.

I can't wait until I finally get the answers I deserve.