CHAPTER 19

The past few days have been nothing but restless nights.

I wake up after noon - as usual due to the lack of sleep I have been receiving. As well as the racing thoughts that have been running through my active mind.

I take a shower, attempting to drown my thoughts however that fails miserably.

Getting dressed in shorts and a top, I sit at the dining table with my bed hair in my hands. Can you believe that in a few more days I won't even have any hair? I scoff at my thoughts, day dreaming as I stare at my pink ends. If I knew I was going to have to shave my head, I would never have changed my look.

'Kiera, have you had anything to eat?' Lily asks as she sits beside me.

'I don't have an appetite.'

'Kiera, you have to eat, you know that.'

'Yes I know but how the hell am I supposed to eat if I don't even have an appetite? I'm not going to force feed myself Lily, I'm not a toddler.' Lily rolls her eyes and doesn't reply. Katie walks into the kitchen shortly after Lily, sitting down next to me.

'Arguing were we?' Katie smirks.

'Lily just doesn't understand the fact that I'm not hungry, please explain that to her.' I reply as I motion towards Lily and she scoffs.

'Kiera, I'm just trying to help you,' Lily replies making eye contact with me.

'I haven't asked you to and I certainly don't want you to either, you're not my mother Lily.' Katie rests her hand on top of mine, calming me down.

'What are you doing here?' I ask turning my attention to Katie.

'I decided to come over since I haven't seen you in a while.' She replies resting her head on my shoulder.

'Missing me?' I joke and she replies by saying 'I think that pretty much explains it,' and I chuckle.

'I missed you too Katie.' She smiles and gives me a small hug which I return.

'We should have a get together with everyone, don't you guys think?' Katie asks looking at us both as she sits up.

'I don't really want to go to it,' I reply instantly dismissing the idea.

'What? Why not?' Katie asks and it's obvious she's upset.

'Because I don't feel like hanging out with a dozen people.'

'It won't be a dozen, it'll be us three, Lucy, Liz, Rosabella, Kara and the boys,’ Katie replies trying to persuade me to come.

'I still feel like I don't want to go.' I fold my arms over my chest, slouching in my chair.

'What about you Lily?' Katie asks as she focuses on Lily.

'I'll go, where is this little meet-up?' Lily asks as she leans forward in her chair.

'I'm not sure, it might be at my house.'

'We could have it here, that way Kiera will be attending against her will,' Lily suggests and I clench my jaw.

'Shut up Lily,’ I snap feeling annoyed at Lily’s suggestion.

'That is a great idea,' Katie replies as she considers it.

'I'll just leave the house, it is that simple. I don't have to attend your meet up and you can't force me to,’ I reply.

'We're not forcing you, just merely helping,' Lily responds and I can't help but roll my eyes. Rosabella walks in, sitting beside Lily and I sigh. 'Did you get here now?'

'Yeah, I did.' Rosabella replies to Lily's question.

'What are you even doing here?' I ask but can't help the rude tone that I use.

'None of your business.' She replies in the same tone.

'You're pathetic,' I scoff, shaking my head.

'She just came to hang out with me,' Lily replies, answering my question and talking for Rosabella.

'You're always hanging out, its like you can't even live without one another for one day.' I think aloud.

'Shut up Kiera.' Lily replies instantly. Judging by her facial expression, it's clear that she is offended.

'No, I agree with her, that is actually true,' Katie agrees with me pointing her index finger at Lily and Rosabella who both roll their eyes.

'What do you even care? You spend all your time with Lucy or Kara.' Lily retorts clearly annoyed.

'We can live without one another for a few days unlike some people.' Katie responds and I smirk trying to hide it with my hand.

'What exactly are you implying?' Rosabella questions.

'Who said I was implying anything?' Katie retorts, leaning back in her chair.

'Whatever Katie.' Lily says in a bored tone. The smirk leaves my face as I realise the uncomfortable tension in the air.

'Lily, I don't want to argue with you,' Katie replies looking at Lily but barely acknowledges Rosabella's existence.

'I find that very hard to believe,' Katie scoffs at her reply.

'Why don't you leave Katie? Seen as all you're doing is arguing with us.' Rosabella says and Lily agrees, nodding her head. Katie raises her eyebrows before standing up.

'No, don't go Katie.' I whine as I grab hold of her hand. Lily rolls her eyes and says 'Kiera let her go.'

'Get lost Lily, why don't you two hang out somewhere else.' I say through gritted teeth, feeling irritated by her selfish behaviour.

'Kiera, this is my house.' Lily replies, not needing to say anymore because I understand what she is trying to say. Rosabella smirks at Lily but I don't find it amusing in any way.

'And I'm the guest so do what I'm telling you to.' Lily rolls her eyes before pulling Rosabella out of the kitchen as they head upstairs to Lily's bedroom.

'That was intense.' Katie breaks the silence.

'I really don't like this.' I mutter as I look at Katie.

'Like what?' She asks as she sits back down.

'The way you all argue with one another, you act like no-one else matters.' Katie sighs as she probably understands my point.

'Do you know how it all happened?' She asks curiously

'You and Lucy choosing Kara over Lily.' Katie sighs, looking down.

'We didn't choose, we just believed Kara.'

'You chose to believe Kara over Lily, a girl you grew up with-'

'Shut up Kiera, I already feel guilty,' she snaps. I roll my eyes and say 'I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, I'm just trying to tell you that I don't like it and I feel like I'm stuck in the middle.'

'I'm sorry,' she replies but I bite my tongue as I don't want to say anything I'll regret. 'I'm going to make the meet up at my house, it'll be weird if it is still here,' Katie says standing up. 'Tell Lily I'm sorry and that we'd all love it she came, if both of you came.'

'I'll pass it on but no promises,' she smiles as she walks out of the house.

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As I'm lost in my thoughts, a knock on the door brings me back to reality. I open the door and see Anna and Elaine already together.

'Keira,' they both say together.

'Hey,' I reply. I open the door wider for them so they can come inside. 'Where did you guys go?'

'We went out to discuss some matters,' Anna replies. Her formality doesn't go unnoticed by me as I raise my eyebrows curiously.

'Did it have anything to do with me?'

'Yes, it did.' Elaine replies. I knew it.

'Come on,' Anna says as she walks into the living room. I look back at Elaine, hoping she'll explain things to me. She gently pushes me into the living room and says 'Kiera, don't look so worried.'

'Do I have anything to be worried about?' I ask curiously.

'No, of course you don't now come inside.' Anna says as she walks out of the living room to reply. I close my mouth as I follow her into the living room.

Anna and Elaine sit one side of the sofa and I sit opposite them. 'Kiera, we went to visit your dad in prison today,’ Anna informs me breaking the silence.

'I thought you went to discuss some matters,' I reply shocked that Anna accompanied Elaine.

'We did but we also did it with your dad.'

'What matters did you discuss?' I ask holding my hands together and putting them on my lap.

'We discussed a lot of things. Why didn't you tell me you and Lucy went to visit your dad?' She asks narrowing her eyes at me.

'I didn't get a chance to tell you.' I reply honestly.

'He really is sorry for everything he put you through and he's also sorry that he isn't here for you now, helping you get through this.'

'I don't need him.' I reply stubbornly, folding my arms.

'Kiera, he is your dad.' Anna replies as she tilts her head to the side.

'Thank you for telling me that wonderful piece of information.' I reply sarcastically. Anna looks at Elaine and they share a look. 'Can you please tell me what you have to say? Who is Kaiden Hayden?'

'Kaiden Hayden is your brother Kiera.' Elaine tells me.

'You're lying because I don't have a brother, I'm an only child.'

'Your brother went missing six years before you were born. He went missing missing in July 1991,' Anna explains to me. 05/07/91 is the date the boy in the newspaper went missing. That explains why it was the combination to my safe. Why am I only finding out now? Why didn't anyone have the decency to tell me? Why didn't my own parents tell me?

'Kiera.' Elaine says putting an end to my thoughts. 'Your parents had a rough time trying to come to terms with what had happened, so that is why they didn't tell you.' I look at Elaine, gobsmacked by the information that I'm receiving.

'The police stopped searching for him in 2004,' Anna says. That was when I was seven, that was when all the abuse started. It only occurs to me then that my so called parents took their anger out on me. That was the real reason for the abuse I received day after day.

'Why did the police stop searching for him?' I ask quietly.

'We don't know,' Elaine replies.

'You have to  know, you can't tell me this and then stop half way, there is obviously a reason for why they stopped searching.'

'Kiera, calm down.' Elaine replies as she tries to get my breathing under control.

'We're not saying there isn't a reason because there is one, we're just saying that we don't know what the reason is.' Anna replies. I search their facial expression, trying to detect any signs of lies seen as I'm the expert. But unfortunately for me, I don't find any. I sigh as I stand up and say 'I'm going upstairs.'

'Okay,' they reply and I head upstairs. I bump into Lily who asks ' Kiera what's wrong?'

'Nothing,' she pulls my chin up, inspecting my blue eyes.

'Kiera, I know you're lying to me.'

'I don't want to talk about it right now, I'll tell you in my own time.' I reply trying to wipe my tears. She wraps her arm around me and rubs my back trying to calm me down.

'Are you okay?' She asks as we pull apart.

'Don't ask me that.' I reply and she nods. 'By the way Katie said she was going to make the meet up at her house and she'd love it if we came.' I say remembering what Katie had said to me.

'Are you going to go?' She asks and I shrug my shoulders.

'Are you?' I return the question.

'I'm actually reconsidering, I really don't want to go now,' she replies quietly.

'Why don't you want to go?'

'Because I know we'll have an argument and they'll just bring Rosabella into it too.' She replies sadly. as she avoids making eye contact with me.

'It'll be fine, just ignore them if they say anything,' I reply trying to make her feel better.

'That's easier said than done,' she utters and I sigh.

'I'm coming with you.' I reply and she looks up at me.

'Kiera you're upset-'

'Lily, I'm coming with you and it isn’t up for discussion. I'll be right by your side the whole time, it's about time we spent some time together.'

'Thanks,' she replies as she gives me another hug and I return it.

'I think I'm going to have a nap, I probably won't wake up until the morning so I'll see you then.' She grins as I walk into my room.

I lay down on my bed and can't help but have numerous questions pop up in my head. Questions that I don't have any answers to.