Chapter 53

Zayne

I had half a mind to go after her, but I didn't. How could I?

I changed into my boxers and a T-shirt and lay in bed. As I shifted restlessly, my eyes landed on the letter she had written, along with the necklace I had given her. It was a whole lot of fluff, but essentially just a goodbye and a wish for good luck. She wouldn't even try to fight for me.

So this was what it felt like to have your heart broken. What I had felt when I broke up with Preethi was nothing in comparison to this. My heart literally ached, a physical pain that radiated through my chest. I would probably develop Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, a condition where one goes into heart failure from grief. I could picture it vividly: Dr. Zayne Abdul Majid, Cardiology Fellow, dead at 29 from Takotsubo cardiomyopathy after his wife cheated on him with the asshole Spine Fellow.

I lay there, staring at the ceiling, feeling utterly lost in a storm of emotions.

I called the only woman in my life who had ever really loved me.

"Umma..." I said, my voice breaking.

"Mone, what happened?" she asked me in Malayalam, her voice filled with concern, and I felt like a little kid needing his mother again. Tears sprang to my eyes, threatening to spill over.

"Umma, I'm leaving Naina..." I confessed, my voice trembling. I didn't want to tell her the truth—that she had cheated. Even though I was ending our marriage, I couldn't bring myself to ruin her reputation.

"Naina, will you be my wife?"
"Don't be silly, Zayne, I already am."

"Zayne... I love you."

"I can't wait to see you!"

"You love me forever, right?"

Had any of it been real?

"Mone?" My mother called into the phone, her voice tinged with anxiety. I realized she had been saying something while I had been lost in my own thoughts.

"Yeah, Umma..." I responded, trying to shake off the heaviness in my chest.

"I knew that whore would cheat on you; she has no character," she said, using the Malayalam word for whore that was much more derogatory than its English counterpart. I flinched at her words, my heart aching. I still loved Naina, and no matter what she had done, she didn't deserve that label. But how did my mother know?

"Did Naina call you?" I asked, a knot tightening in my stomach.

"No, why else would you leave her? She must have run back to her boyfriend," she muttered, her tone sharp.

I stayed silent. Was I really just a fool to have loved her and to have expected that she loved me back?

"It's okay, it's a sad mistake, and we should have looked into things more before allowing you to marry her. But don't worry, we have found a nice girl for you..."

"What?!" I exclaimed, my voice rising in disbelief.

I had just given Naina my first Talaq a few hours ago. In Islamic law, three Talaqs were issued, each over a span of three months, which meant it could take an entire six to nine months before I was officially divorced. This process was designed to ensure that the wife was not pregnant. But in our situation, if Naina was pregnant, the baby would likely not be mine anyway.

"We have been keeping an eye out for you. There is this girl..."

"No," I interrupted, my heart racing.

I had seen how hard Naina had struggled to love me, when she had married me before having moved on from her previous relationship. I wasn't ready to jump into another relationship, and I certainly wasn't going to burden someone else with my emotional baggage.

I talked to my mother a bit longer before hanging up, only to find a message from Maya waiting for me.

Maya: I'm at the hotel. What is your room number?

The realization hit me hard—Naina was alone. Despite everything she had done, a part of me couldn't shake the worry I felt for her. I knew that she was hurting, too, and I didn't want her to be alone.

"I was just looking at it..." I removed my razor from her hands.

"I was practicing holding my breath and I remembered something about my past and... forgot to breathe."

"I felt sad, relieved and so guilty about feeling relieved. Just like I do now."

Me: I'm in room 408
Maya: omw!

I opened the door, and Maya enveloped me in a warm hug.

"Maya, you didn't have to come here," I said, closing the door behind her. Even though she felt like a sister to me, hugging her in my hotel room while wearing just a T-shirt and boxers felt wrong. I was still married after all. Moreover, the thought of her seeing me in such a vulnerable state made me uncomfortable.

"Just wanted to make sure you were okay," she replied, her voice soothing as she made herself comfortable on my bed.

"Is Naina okay?" I asked, my concern creeping back in.

She gave me a searching look, her eyes lingering on me as if trying to gauge my emotional state. "Do they really make men like you?"

I couldn't help but laugh, despite the heaviness in my heart. "You mean fools like me?"

"You are not a fool, Zayne. Don't ever say that," she told me kindly, and I felt a little of my agitation ease. Maybe, just maybe, I did need her here. Her presence was a comforting distraction from the whirlwind of emotions that had been consuming me.

"I'm worried about Naina being alone right now," I admitted to Maya. Even though I was ending our marriage, it would take time for me to stop loving her, to stop caring about her, to stop putting her first.

"I'll head back in a bit," Maya said, pulling out her phone and typing something. After she was done, she looked at me, her expression softening. "Do you want to talk about what happened? It's a big deal giving her Talaq..."

The word hung in the air ominously, and a lump rose in my throat. It felt surreal.

"You won't leave me, right?"

"I love you, Zayne..."

"You love me forever, right?"

"Don't leave me Zayne, I won't survive it if you do."

"Did she tell you why?" I asked Maya, hoping that she would tell me something different, give me some hope. She nodded solemnly.

"She said she cheated on you..."

"I keep thinking if I had just let her in that night in Manipal, maybe she wouldn't have gone to him," I said softly, but then my voice rose. "But even then, how could she? Does she have no self-control? Or does she just not care enough about me? About our marriage?"

"Please, Adi, no, you agreed. No more sex before marriage. Please..." I heard her voice slip through the half wall that separated us.

"Aren't you mine?" Adi's voice was low, almost coaxing.

"I'm yours."

She was his. Always his, never mine. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes again. I needed to be alone. I needed space to breathe and to think.

"Zayne! If you still love her, you should try to make it work. Talk things out, go for couple's therapy..." Maya urged, her eyes full of concern.

I shook my head.

"Maya, I'm not ready to talk about this. I need some time alone..." I replied, my voice cracking slightly.

I knew she had come all the way here to support me, and I appreciated her efforts more than she would ever know. But right now, I couldn't face the rawness of my emotions in front of her.

I had opened up to Naina, had been vulnerable with her, and look where that had led me—broken and lost. I wasn't ready to risk that kind of exposure again.

Maya didn't push the issue any further. Instead, she placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Talk things out with her in the morning. It's a marriage... and sometimes things aren't as black and white as they seem..."

I nodded. I knew she was right; but for now, I just needed to gather my thoughts, to find some semblance of peace amidst the chaos swirling in my mind.

When she finally left, exhaustion settled on my eyelids. Yet, despite my fatigue, sleep eluded me. I tossed and turned, thoughts of Naina and the mess our lives had become replaying in my mind in a relentless loop.

Eventually, I drifted into a restless sleep, haunted by dreams that blurred the lines between love and betrayal.

I woke up the next day with my chest feeling heavy even before the memories of everything that had transpired came flooding back. I reached for my phone, hoping for some sign, a message from Naina, anything to alleviate the aching void inside me. But there was nothing—no message, no calls.

I had to check out by noon, but I decided I would leave as soon as I finished my breakfast and packed my things. Maybe I would eventually talk to her, but not today. Not when it felt like she didn't care at all. I saw no resolution in sight.

Just as I wrapped up my morning routine and was about to head for breakfast, a knock on my door startled me. I glanced through the peephole. It was Naina.

The sight of her made my heart ache, a familiar pang of longing mixed with the sting of betrayal. She wore a dark pink salwar kameez that my mother had bought for her.

I hesitated for a moment before opening the door to let her in.

"Zayne..." she breathed, and just that one word sent my heart racing wildly in my chest. She wasn't crying, but the sight of her made my eyes sting.

"What do you want, Naina?" I asked, my voice deliberately stern as I tried to keep my expression impassive. I didn't want to show her how much her presence affected me, how much I still cared despite the pain she had caused.

She swallowed hard, taking a deep breath as if steeling herself for what she was about to say.

"I'll never talk to him again, Zayne. I won't contact him, mention him... I just... I don't know what happened. He was kissing me, and I just..." Her voice broke, her face was full of regret. But I didn't want to hear it.

"Naina, there is no excuse in the world for cheating on your husband," I said coldly, the words falling like icicles in the tense air between us.

Her expression flickered, a flash of vulnerability crossing her face. She looked like she was on the verge of tears, but she quickly gathered herself, determination replacing her momentary weakness. "I know... but I'll do better. I'll be a good wife to you, Zayne. I'll do everything in my power to make you happy. I love you, Zayne!"

"Do you?" I challenged, my voice rising with anger. "Then how did you find it so easy to throw it all away?"

She stood there, steadfast. "Zayne, I'm really sorry... I just got lost in the moment... I forgot..."

"Forgot that you are married? That I loved you? That I gave you everything?" My voice cracked, I felt raw and exposed, my heart laid bare in front of her, and I was terrified of what she might do to it.

She threw herself at me, wrapping her arms around me in a fierce embrace that caught me off guard. I could hardly process what was happening before our lips met, and before I knew it, we were kissing. I didn't know who had initiated it, but instinct took over, and I kissed her like my life depended on it. She kissed me back with the same urgency.

I guided her to the bed. I took from her what I wanted, marking every inch of her that I could reach. My tears mingled with the sweat on her skin. She kissed me and caressed me with such warmth, as though she was trying to soothe my pain with every touch. I didn't intend to hurt her, but I wasn't gentle either.

When I finally reached my climax, I let out a guttural yell, as though releasing all the hurt and betrayal that had been pent up inside me. I collapsed beside her, breathless and overwhelmed, and I could see her struggling to catch her breath. Her skin glistened with a mixture of sweat and tears - hers and mine. Red splotches were beginning to appear all over her body where I had sucked on her flesh.

I looked into her wide eyes, searching for answers. How could she have betrayed me? How could she have let someone else touch her when she was mine, my wife?

"I love you, Zayne," she whispered, her voice soft and tentative, but it only fueled the hurt and anger consuming me. Did she even mean it? I wanted desperately to tell her that I loved her too—so much that the thought of letting her go felt like I was cutting off a part of myself. But I wouldn't give her that satisfaction. I couldn't hand her another piece of my heart to break.

"I was just using your body; don't read too much into it," I said, coldly, the words tasting bitter on my tongue.

Her face fell, stricken. She let out a strangled whimper, and my heart plummeted at the sound. I climbed off her, barely holding myself together. "I'm going to clean up," I said rather dryly.

After I finished, I returned to the room, but she was gone. Panic struck me as I realized I didn't want it to end, no matter what she had done. And I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want to destroy her. I wanted to work things out, to find a way back to each other.

I literally ran out of the room, down the hallway, and into the lobby. I burst through the main doors, my heart racing with urgency. Then I saw her—Naina, getting into an autorickshaw. Our eyes met, and in those fleeting seconds, we shared a thousand unspoken conversations.

"You promised me you would never hurt me..."

"But you cheated, Naina..."

"You said Forever and Always..."

"You said you were my wife... And you went back to your ex... Do you know what you did to me?"

"I made a mistake... I'm sorry... I'll do anything to fix it..."

The autorickshaw turned the curb. I picked up my bags, checked out of the hotel, and drove straight to Naina's building.

I wasted no time reaching her apartment. My fingers trembled as I rang the doorbell, and Maya immediately opened the door.

"Oh, thank god!" Maya exclaimed, ushering me inside. "She's in the bedroom..."

Without another word, I made my way to the bedroom, my heart racing with anticipation and dread. I knocked softly before pushing the door open, and my breath caught in my throat at the sight before me. Naina lay curled up in her bed, her body shaking with tears.

I strode to her, instinctively wrapping my arms around her.

"It's okay, I'm here," I whispered, feeling her body tremble as she hugged me tightly, shaking uncontrollably. She tried to speak, but all that escaped her lips were choked sobs. "I'm not going anywhere," I reassured her, and I realized I truly meant it. "I'm here, Naina," I repeated softly until her sobs gradually subsided and the storm within her began to calm.

She pulled back slightly, her tear-streaked face searching mine for understanding. "I promise I'll do better, Zayne. I'll never speak to him again." She shook her head, desperation lacing her words. "It's not worth it. I love you... I want just you..."

"Naina, I want to try to work things out with you, but how do I trust you again? How can I be sure that something won't trigger you again and that you won't run back to him?" I asked.

She looked down, her brows knitting together in thought, and I could see the turmoil in her eyes.

"Zayne, if I wanted him, I wouldn't have come back to you to work things out. I want you. I love you," she said earnestly. "I've never lied to you, Zayne. When I loved him, I told you that. When I thought I could never love you, I told you that. And when I fell in love with you, I told you. And when I kissed him, I told you that too. I have never kept anything from you, Zayne." Her gaze pierced straight into my soul as she spoke.

When she had kissed him? "Naina, when you said you cheated, what... what did you mean?"

"When he came home on Saturday, we were talking about... about his past, and he was upset," she explained, her voice trembling slightly. "I put my arm around him to comfort him, and then he kissed me. I kissed him back. He tried to go further, but I stopped him. It took me a few minutes to come to my senses, but I stopped it, Zayne. I stopped it as soon as I realized what I was doing... And I am really sorry..." Her expression was one of devastation.

I let out a laugh in disbelief. "So you didn't have sex with him?"

"What?" Naina blinked at me in confusion, her frown deepening. "No, of course not. Zayne! You thought I... I slept with him? How could you even think that I would do something like that?"

"What was I supposed to think? You spent the night with him in Manipal..." I began, but she quickly interrupted me.

"Zayne, I didn't! I couldn't get a room, and I went there because I thought I could talk to him. I thought he'd help me find a place to stay... he has friends who live off campus," she explained, her tone earnest but slightly defensive.

"But he wasn't there. So I slept in his room. I saw him in the morning. I asked him questions about that night. He had posted that he didn't remember what had happened that day, and I needed to know if he really didn't know what he had done and why he had never said anything to me about not remembering. But he didn't give me any answers that day," she finished, her eyes filled with frustration.

I absorbed her words, trying to piece everything together, and it struck me how all of this could have been avoided if we hadn't let our emotions cloud our judgment and if we had communicated better. It was as if we had been standing on the edge of a precipice, and instead of reaching out to each other, we had let ourselves fall.

"That's why I agreed to meet with him on Friday," she continued, her voice trembling with vulnerability. "Because I wanted... I don't know... some kind of closure. But not at the expense of our marriage, Zayne. I just didn't think losing you was even a possibility. I thought we were forever, and I took that for granted. I'm so, so, so sorry..." Her eyes were pleading.

"I'm sorry too, Naina," I said, the realization hitting me that we were both at fault. "I was busy, and I didn't want to deal with your emotions when I was exhausted. I should have let you in, though. I shouldn't have tried to force you to go back..."

"No, Zayne," she interrupted, shaking her head fervently. "You were busy, and I shouldn't have snooped around his Instagram. That's what triggered this whole thing. You shouldn't have to deal with this... but I promise, I'll be better..."

"I love you exactly as you are," I said, pressing my lips against hers in a soft, lingering kiss.

I knew we still had a long road ahead of us, we needed to work through the tangled mess of our emotions. We had to focus on our communication—my tendency to avoid confrontation and her willfulness. We needed to learn how to find a middle ground. But we had the rest of our lives to figure it out.

"I love you, Zayne," she said, pulling away just enough to look into my eyes, her gaze steady and sincere. "Forever and always."

Remember that you are amazing, and there is a reason for everything. You are going to be okay.

Faiza

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