Naina

"Talaq," he said, looking straight into my eyes. I felt like he had punched me in the chest. My knees felt weak, and I thought I couldn't stand. I was shaking. I couldn't go through this a second time.

"Leave, Naina. This is my first Talaq to you..." His eyes were filled with tears. I had hurt Zayne. I had hurt my husband—the only person who had ever accepted everything about me. The only person with whom I allowed myself to be just me, to make mistakes, to not strive for perfection.

"Zayne, don't leave me... I won't survive you leaving me..." I felt my throat constrict as the panic set in. The room was getting darker, and everything was spinning. But I was still here. The darkness wouldn't take me. I saw the tears streaking down his cheeks.

"I don't want you here with me. Please go home," his voice was steady, but I could see that he was hurting. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to ask him to forgive me, to take me back. He had told me he would love me forever. Couldn't we try to work through this?

"You said forever and always..." I looked at him, pleading with my eyes to let me fix this.

But his face suddenly became a mask of indifference. He walked to the door and opened it.

I had no self-respect. I had no ego. I had nothing if I lost Zayne. I wanted nothing if I lost Zayne.

I fell to my knees, clasping my hands together as I faced him. "Please..." I begged. This was the second time in a week that I had debased myself—first in front of Advik, and now in front of Zayne. But it didn't matter.

He turned away from me, leaving the door open, his expression as though I was the dirt stuck in his shoe. He walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I heard the shower turn on.

I didn't know if I should wait here or leave, but I knew Zayne didn't like it when I crowded him. He would need space. I drew in a deep breath, grabbed my bag, and paused.

I removed the chain from around my neck, the one with the pink heart pendant, and set it aside. I tore a piece of paper from the notepad on the table and began to write.

---

Dear Zayne,

I'm sorry for everything. You've been such a good husband to me—kind, understanding, generous.

I have nothing to offer you but my love. I love you, Zayne. I really love you.

But I also understand that what I did is unforgivable. I hate myself for what I did, and I wish with all my heart that I hadn't.

I would understand if you never wanted to see me again. But I hope with all my heart that you do.

I wish that it had always been just you and me, Zayne. I wish that when we first met in the hospital, I had been free to love you. I wish that when I watched movies with you in the call room, I had been yours. I wish that there never been anyone else. I wish I had never hurt you.

No matter what happens, I will never regret loving you or being loved by you.

Remember that you are amazing. There is a reason for everything. You are going to be okay.

Your wife, 
Naina.

---

My tears splashed onto the letter as I wrote. With trembling hands, I folded the letter and placed it on the table next to my heart pendant.

Suddenly, my phone buzzed, breaking my concentration. In my haste, I had forgotten to block Advik.

Advik: I'm sorry, Nia. I'm sorry that every time I touch your life, I hurt you.

I didn't even think to respond. Instead, I blocked him and deleted the chat thread, feeling a weight lift off my shoulders. I hadn't saved his new number, and I didn't care that I had lost it now.

Without my scooter, I asked the hotel to call me an auto-rickshaw. At least Maya would be home.

I rang the bell before opening my door. It was around 7 PM, and as I stepped inside, I found Maya on her phone, video chatting with someone she had met on Dil Mil. She was in the talking phase with him, and I didn't want to disturb her. I tried to slip past her quietly, but she looked up and frowned as she noticed me standing at the door.

"Imma leave. Roomie's here," she told the guy. I could see the concern etched on her face as she focused her attention on me.

"What happened?" she asked, walking toward me.

I shook my head, unable to find the words. Instead, tears spilled from my eyes again. How much longer would I cry before my tears finally dried up?

She pulled me into a hug, but I pulled away. I didn't deserve her sympathy. I walked into my room and climbed onto my bed.

Maya sat at the head of my bed, her legs crossed, and gently lifted my head onto her lap.

"Go back to Zayne, Naina," she advised softly. "Don't fight and walk away. Talk to Zayne. He's only here for the weekend. Go back, Naina..."

As she massaged my temples, I closed my eyes, trying to block out the world around me. I didn't want to see her reaction, but I knew I had to tell her the truth. "I cheated on Zayne, and he gave me Talaq."

Her fingers stilled on my head, and for a few seconds, the room was enveloped in silence. I could hear the distant caw of a crow, the honk of a car horn outside and the faint sound of our upstairs neighbor's toilet flushing.

Then, she gently lifted my head off her lap and stood up. "I have to go..." she said softly.

I didn't need to ask her where she was going; I already knew. She was going to check on Zayne. She was going to make sure he was okay.

A part of me felt a pang of jealousy, but I quickly pushed it aside. I didn't mind. He was hurt, and he needed someone—someone who wasn't me.

I forced myself not to cry. I didn't deserve to cry. I didn't deserve his love.

Taking a deep breath, I pulled out my phone and opened Wattpad, looking for distractions in the comments on my story, "I'm Right Here." I had started writing that when I imagined leaving Zayne, picturing what his life would be like had he married someone else—someone like Maya. How happy he would have been. But somewhere along the way, I had switched gears and began to weave in snippets from our life together, the moments that had made us "us."

As I scrolled through, my phone buzzed, pulling me from my thoughts. It was a message from Maya.

Maya: "Don't do anything impulsive. Watch the next episode of 'Four More Shots Please' and eat your dinner. I ordered Schezwan noodles. You can have it when it arrives. I'm going to be with Zayne. I'll see what I can do to help you both, but don't self-sabotage."

I was lucky to have Maya as a friend, but as I watched TV and ate my dinner, an unsettling restlessness began to grow within me.

I needed to talk to Zayne. I needed to make things okay.

Maya had once been attracted to Zayne, and now he was probably at his lowest. The thought of them alone together in his hotel room made me uneasy. I trusted him, and I trusted her, but that didn't quell the discomfort gnawing at my insides.

No wonder Zayne had been mad at me when I had returned from spending the night at Advik's apartment. If I could feel this anxious about him and Maya, I couldn't imagine how he must have felt, believing I had spent the night with Advik.

And how he must he be feeling now with his worst fears realized. I didn't know what to tell him because I couldn't even explain it to myself. If it had just been him kissing me, and I had stopped it, perhaps that would have been easier to digest. But my guilt ran deeper—it stemmed from the fact that, during that kiss, I had felt something. For at least a few seconds, I had wanted it to be me and Advik.

But I had stopped it, hadn't I? Had I stopped it soon enough?

"It's okay, Naina, we are going to be okay."

"I love you, Naina"

"Your butt looks better with the first outfit."

"You are everything I have ever I wanted in a partner, in a wife. It's like I dreamed you into existence."

"I'm giving you my heart, Naina.."

"I'm your husband. You're my wife. We both wanted this."

"You should title your new book Fifty Shades of Pink"

I would do whatever it took to make things right between Zayne and me. I would swallow my pride, I would beg, and I would pray.

Pray. The thought struck me like a bolt of lightning, and I suddenly sat up, searching for my prayer mat. I hadn't used it in a long while, and I usually kept it tucked under my bed, but it wasn't there.

I remembered throwing on the floor one day, along with my laptop, picture frames, and clothes, in a fit of anger and despair.

Maya had cleaned up the room after I had gone from angry to being frozen, incapable of moving.

I was surprised that, despite Zayne giving me his first Talaq, I was still functional. Maybe I was still in shock. Maybe I hadn't fully registered the gravity of what had happened.

I looked under Maya's bed and searched through the cupboards. Finally, I found my prayer mat in Maya's Pooja room, folded neatly.

I completed my namaz and then poured my heart out in prayer. I prayed for guidance, for strength, and for forgiveness—just as I used to before Advik and I had broken up, before I had even met him.

For the first time in a long time, I felt close to Allah, and for the first time ever, I prayed for Zayne. I prayed that he would be okay, that he would find strength, and that I hadn't broken him. I prayed to Allah to ensure that Zayne would get through this.

Hours passed, and I lay awake in bed, tossing and turning, when I heard my door creak open. I turned to see Maya's silhouette framed in the doorway.

"Is he okay?" I asked in a hushed tone.

She seemed startled by my sudden question, her hand instinctively flying to her chest. "I didn't know you were awake."

I sat up on my bed, crossing my legs beneath me. "You thought I'd be able to sleep?" I asked softly.

For a moment, she didn't answer. Her eyes bored into mine, searching them. "Do you think he'll be okay?" she finally asked, her voice steady but laced with anger.

She had never looked at me like that before. I had seen love, anger, pity, empathy, and mirth in her eyes, but never loathing, never what seemed like disgust. The room was dimly lit, and I could barely make out her features, maybe I was imagining it.

I looked down, ashamed. Of course, she would be mad at me. We were best friends, but she and Zayne were close too. Right now, she was clearly on his side, and I couldn't blame her. She should be.

"Is he really planning to divorce me, Maya?" I asked, my voice breaking as I struggled to hold back tears. I cleared my throat, trying to steady myself.

"Do you actually care?" she shot back.

I could see that she was trying to hold her anger in check.

"I love him. I want to be with him..." I said and I meant it, but somewhere deep down, it didn't fully register that this could be the end. I waited for that profound sadness to hit me, but it didn't come. Did that mean I didn't care either way?

I wanted Zayne; I needed Zayne. I wanted to share my life with him. Maybe I wouldn't be happy without him, but I knew I could exist. I would be able to carry on, and I was certain of that. And I was also certain that I wouldn't go back to Advik.

"I need to sleep. I have to attend Milli akka's engagement tomorrow," Maya reminded me, her tone softening as she shifted back to practicality. The engagement had been the reason she had returned early from her hometown of Chikmagalur.

I stared at the ceiling, lost in thought. It dawned on me that I wasn't just in shock; I was stronger than I had been when I first met Zayne.

While my relationship with Advik had drained me, making me lose myself and stripping me of my strength and energy, my marriage with Zayne had helped me find and accept myself through his love and acceptance of me.

While Advik had relentlessly pushed my boundaries and tested all my limits, Zayne had done the opposite—he had brought me home. Zayne's love had helped me become stronger, it had helped me heal.

My lack of devastation at the possibility of our relationship ending was not a marker of how weak our relationship was; rather, it was a reflection of how much he had helped me become whole. I was finally able to have hope rather than despair when faced with adversity.

I realized that Zayne had poured himself into me, and I had taken his love and patience for granted. I had expected him to keep catching me every time I fell, to keep steadying me every time I messed up. I had done that for Advik, and it had taken everything out of me, leaving me empty. I would not allow myself to drain Zayne the way Advik had drained me.

I would fight for Zayne. I wouldn't give up on us. Zayne deserved better, and I would be better. We were right for each other. He was everything I had ever wanted in a husband. And I was everything he wanted in a wife.

I would make this work. I would not give up on our marriage. I would not allow Zayne to regret marrying me. It wasn't a mistake; it was God's will.

I would like to acknowledge Divzvid  for Beta reading this chapter. Her assistance and support have been invaluable throughout my writing journey.

Also, a special thanks to SapphirianJ82 and Saramitra_ for reading and commenting. It means a lot when readers comment and it keeps me motivated to keep writing.

If you don't have time to comment, do vote for the chapters you like. It'll help get the story more visibility on wattpad.

Thank you for reading.

Remember that you are amazing, and there is a reason for everything. You are going to be okay.