Zayne

"Zayne, I have to talk to Adi..."

I closed my eyes. I didn't know what else I could do to be there for her. She knew I was on call for the next several days, that I had responsibilities that stretched far beyond our personal lives.

Even now, I had stepped out of a procedure to answer her call, and yet she was still crying, consumed by thoughts of him. It felt as if no matter what I did, I would never enough.

"Naina, just wait for me to finish a few of these cases," I said, unable to keep the note of frustration out of my voice. "I'll talk to you tonight. You should call Maya and talk to her, okay?"

I wasn't going to drop everything because she was missing that asshole. She needed to understand that my life couldn't always revolve around her and her obsession with her past.

I couldn't quite grasp why I was so angry. Maybe I was just tired after the long hours of work. Maybe it was simply one time too many—her reliance on me as a safety net while she pined for someone else. Or maybe it was because I had finally started expecting something more from her; I thought she had finally started to see me as more than just a shoulder to cry on.

"You have nothing to be afraid of. Adi is in my past. It's all over. Please... please don't do this... I need you..."

Would she ever want just me?

"Don't come here, Naina, please. If you care anything at all about me..." I swallowed hard. "Just stay. Talk to Maya. I have to... I have to go."

I forced myself to focus on work. I scrubbed my hands again, put on my gloves and mask, and entered the procedure room.

"Everything okay?" Dr. Menon asked, his eyes filled with concern. I nodded.

Two of the patients on whom we performed the angiogram had blockages in the blood vessels supplying the heart, so I placed stents. The third patient had something called a myocardial bridge. This was interesting and rare. Normally, the blood vessels traveled on top of the heart, but in some people, they passed through the heart muscle. In such situations, each time the heart muscle contracted, it reduced blood flow to the heart. I had only read about it in theory before this.

"Sister, can you ask Dr. Menon to come back? Can you tell him the patient may have a bridge?"

The nurse nodded and soon Dr. Menon joined me in the room.

"Yes, that is an LAD bridge," he explained. "But he only has a little bit of muscle over it, so he can get an ablation done, see?"

I had never performed or observed a myocardial ablation before. We had a traveling interventional cardiologist who came in on Fridays. I hoped that one day I would be able to train to be an Interventional Cardiologist.

"How symptomatic was he?" he asked me.

"Just stable angina. When he exercised more than usual or walked over a mile, he experienced chest pain," I replied.

"Okay, then he doesn't need a stent right now. We'll let him decide after waking up if he wants to try medications first before going for the ablation or stenting," Dr. Menon said, then turned to quiz me. "What medicine will you give him? And why do we prefer not to stent him?

"Either metoprolol or diltiazem," I answered immediately. "And we would defer stenting to avoid unnecessarily using dual antiplatelet ." If you put a stent in, you needed to give the patient blood thinning medicines for a whole year. Ao if they didn't need it, we avoided it. I was in my third year, performing procedures independently for the most part, but I was still in training. Cases like these humbled me and reminded me that I still had a lot to learn. I was excited at the thought of sharing this with Naina; she would love to hear about it.

We had a couple more routine cases after that, and I was physically exhausted by the end of it. It was 9 PM, and I hadn't eaten since my early lunch before the procedures had begun. I planned to go home to eat and to shower. I could either sleep at my house after that or come back to the hospital since I lived close enough.

I checked my phone and saw several messages from Naina.

Naina: Zayne, I'm here in Manipal. I'm waiting outside your apartment. Will you please come?

Naina: Why are you ignoring me?

Naina: Zayne, come home please.

Naina: I'm outside your door for the last two hours.

Naina: I'm going to go see Adi. I'll come home afterward.

Naina: He isn't home. I'm back at your place. The neighbors are asking me why I am waiting outside your door.

I did not have the bandwidth to deal with this right now. I had told her that I was going to be very busy over the next few days. I had specifically asked her not to come here during this time. I needed to wind down and rest. I wouldn't be able to function if I didn't. If I made mistakes, people would die. Just because she had a few days off didn't mean she could do this to me.

Zayne: Go home.

She tried to call, but I declined it. I didn't have the strength for this today and I didn't want to say something to her that would hurt her.

Naina: Please come and see me...

Zayne: If you love me, please go home. I'm not coming back.

She continued to message me, but I kept my phone on silent. I ate my food in the cafeteria, showered, and changed into my hospital scrubs. I would spend the night here. I was not going home to Naina.

I tossed and turned, forcing myself not to read her messages, forcing myself not to think of her. She loved me. She would go home. If she truly loved me, she would return to her own place. She would do this for me.

I had one consult overnight around two AM, but I managed to sleep the rest of the night.

In the morning, I woke up around 7:30, brushed my teeth, changed into another pair of hospital scrubs, and headed out for rounds.

I peeped at my screen.

Naina: Please let me in...

Naina: It's almost midnight. I guess you don't care about my safety.

Naina: The hotel is saying no bookings after midnight.

Naina: Zayne?

Naina: I'm at Adi's apartment. I'm going to stay here tonight.

I stopped in my tracks, feeling the world around me slow to a crawl as I read and reread the text. The first time I said no to her and she went to him? She spent the night with him? Was she still with him?

Half of me wanted to storm over there and drag her home with me, but the other half just felt hurt, betrayed. The thought of her with him was like a knife twisting in my gut, and I couldn't shake off the anger and sadness that threatened to engulf me.

"Sir?" I looked up from my phone. It was an intern.

"Are you okay?" he asked me tentatively. I drew a blank, struggling to recall his name.

"Sir, was there a complication?"

That's all this was—a complication. Naina and I could deal with it. We could fix it together.

"Yeah, something like that," I replied to the intern, my voice flat.

Initially, I found it hard to concentrate as the intern and the final year students presented the cases. After a few minutes, though, I managed to refocus, welcoming the distraction from my thoughts.

After the ward rounds, I attended the clinic until about 1:30 PM. I checked my phone—no new messages. I had the afternoon relatively free unless I was called in for consults or procedures. Additionally, I needed to see my post-procedure patients and discharge some of them. I texted my intern.

Me: Please check on post-cath patients.

I sent a picture with the list of patients and their room numbers.

Intern: Okay, sir.

Me: Get their discharge paperwork ready. Don't let anyone go until I see them and review the papers.

Intern: I'll let you know when I finish, and you can see the papers.

And then there was another text. It was from Naina.

Naina: I've been outside your door since morning ... I didn't want to disturb you. Your neighbor is asking me to wait in her house. I hope that's okay with you.

I sighed. I would go home and let her in. I was her husband; I should probably do this much. Yet, I had never felt so angry toward Naina as I did in that moment.

I finished my lunch and headed home, dragging my feet with each step feeling heavier than the last. I rang my neighbor's bell, and Lalitha aunty, an older woman in her early fifties, came out to greet me.

"Your poor wife was waiting for you yesterday evening and today, so I asked her to come inside. She hadn't eaten anything, so I gave her lunch, too."

I felt a flush of embarrassment. I didn't like other people getting involved in our conflict; it made everything feel even more complicated.

"Thank you so much, aunty. I was in the hospital," I replied, my voice strained.

"I can see that!" she said, looking me up and down, taking in my scrubs.

"She's lying down. You can go in and get her," Lalitha aunty added, her tone warm and understanding.

I ventured into her house for the first time, feeling slightly uncomfortable. She had always been friendly with me before, but she had never invited me in. The cozy living room smelled of spices and freshly brewed tea.

I saw Naina lying down on the diwan, her eyes closed and a blanket covering her. The sight of her stirred something deep within me, and all my anger melted away. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and hold her close.

"Naina..."

Her eyes fluttered open, and they found mine.

"Zayne..." she breathed. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. She then turned to Lalitha aunty. "Thank you for letting me rest here..."

I nodded at Lalitha aunty and turned toward the door. Naina picked up her backpack and followed me.

"Next time, make some extra keys and give her!" Lalitha aunty called out behind us, beaming.

"Yes aunty," I muttered.

I opened my door and let Naina in. I then sank down into the couch, my hands cradling my head. I was tired, feeling overwhelmed by the physical fatigue and the emotional pain.

"Zayne?" Naina said softly, sitting next to me.

"Do I need to know what happened last night?" I asked her, my voice strained. Silence screamed in the space between us. I looked up at her.

Tears glimmered in her eyes, but I didn't feel empathy or pity. I just felt numb.

"I'll... I'll tell you about it later... please..." she begged.

More silence stretched between us. I didn't want to talk. If I did, I would scream.

"Are you angry with me?" she finally asked, her voice trembling slightly.

Was I angry? Of course, I was. But I saw the hurt and worry etched on her face, and I didn't want to say anything that would cut her deeper. I remained quiet.

"I'm sorry..." she said, her voice thick with emotion.

"I need to catch up on some sleep," I told her after a few minutes, hoping to escape the inevitable confrontation.

She followed me to my room, and I went into the bathroom to change into boxers and a banyan. I lay down on the bed, feeling the exhaustion overpower me. I felt Naina climb in beside me.

"I need space, Naina. I need to rest for a bit," I said, not meaning to sound angry, but frustration crept into my voice regardless. Almost instantly, I drifted off to sleep.

My phone buzzed, pulling me from a deep slumber. I realized I had been asleep for an hour and a half; it had felt like just a few seconds. I checked my messages.

Intern: Sir, post ops are okay. Incision sites are all looking fine. Discharge papers are ready.

I stretched and glanced around, noticing that Naina was no longer on the bed with me. I walked to the hall and found her sitting on the couch, busy on her phone. When she saw me, she looked up, her expression hopeful.

"Shall I make some tea for you?" she asked with a sweet smile.

I shook my head. "I have to leave now."

Her face fell and her lips quivered.

"Shall I stay here tonight?" she asked tentatively.

Did it even matter if I said no? She would just badger her way in anyway. I shrugged, trying to mask my inner turmoil.

"Zayne, please don't be angry with me," she begged as I started to leave.

What else was I supposed to feel? Was she the only one allowed to have emotions? Wasn't I human too? How would she feel if I had spent the night with another woman? And if I were in love with that other woman, would she accept it?

I arrived at work and rounded on my post-op patients quickly. I checked the discharge paperwork completed by the intern, made some corrections, and approved the discharges.

I then sat down, contemplating my next move. Technically, I could go back home and return to the hospital if there were any admissions, but instead, I decided to check in with the general medicine resident and the casualty resident to see if they anticipated any cardiology consults.

It turned out that there was one potential consult in the next thirty minutes depending on what the troponin levels showed.

I decided to wait to see him and then head home. By the time I wrapped things up, it was almost six-thirty. I checked my phone, hoping for a message from Naina, but saw that she hadn't texted me at all.

The thought of her having spent the night with Advik made me feel nauseous. I didn't want to face her. In what twisted world would a husband be okay with that?

For the first time since our wedding, I questioned whether I had made a mistake in marrying Naina.

Thank you for reading.

Remember that you are amazing, and there is a reason for everything. You are going to be okay.

If you are commenting, please be kind. Naina and Zayne are human, they are imperfect. To err is human, to forgive is divine.

If you don't want to be kind in the comments, please be silent. I'm okay if you want to go and bash my other books, not this one, please.

❤️Faiza