Tw: explicit content, sexual trauma after ☠️ Summary at the bottom of the page

Naina

I was nervous. Zayne held my hand in a firm grip. He was talking to me, but the words were not registering.

The whole night had been surreal. It felt like a dream, a fantasy. It had to be. The helicopter ride. The re-creation of Paris.

I had visited Paris during a student exchange program in eighth standard and had spent a month there. It had always been my dream to come back with the person I loved. I remembered seeing the Eiffel Tower with my friends, observing so many happy couples around it. It might sound cliché, but I believed it was possibly the most romantic place to visit.

Adi and I had discussed Paris for our honeymoon, but when my father offered an all-expense paid trip to Bali, Indonesia, Paris had taken a back seat.

But that wasn't what was bothering me right now. It was the question Zayne had asked me.

"Naina, will you be my wife?"

That could only mean one thing, right? He wanted to consummate our marriage.

Tonight would have been my wedding night had I married Advik. If I had felt vengeful towards him, this would have been the most poetic revenge. Consummating my marriage to Zayne on the night that I would have become Advik's wife.

But I was not vengeful. And I was not ready.

I looked at Zayne. I had married him. I was his wife. I trusted him, and I did love the way he touched me. So, why was this a difficult line to cross?

"What do you think, Naina?"

"Hmm?" I asked.

Zayne had said something to me, but I hadn't heard him. I had been busy overthinking.

"I was saying that I would have a little bit more free time in the third year. We could look for a new apartment so that once you graduate in December, you could move in with me."

"I would love that, Zayne," I said genuinely. He was easy to be with. Besides, where else would I go anyway? Maya would be staying back for her year of trauma fellowship in Mangalore, but I couldn't live with her forever anyway.

I looked up at the sky. It was hard to see the stars in Bangalore. The moon was a perfect circle and looked beautiful.

"I was looking for a romantic line to say to you under the full moon," Zayne said, chuckling. "I found a few lines on my Google search."

I smiled, "let's hear it!"

"If you were the moon, I would be a star and would always be by your side."

I laughed. "But the stars are so far away from the moon!" I complained. "I can tell you a better one."

"Okay, give it your best shot," he challenged.

"If you were the earth, I'd be your moon, always by your side," I said immediately, spinning his pick-up line around.

"That is plagiarism. You literally just recycled my lines!"

"Okay, okay!" I conceded. I thought for a moment and then said, "If you're be earth, I'd be your moon, always by your side, and I will light up your darkest nights."

I was quite proud of myself for coming up with this, but when I looked at Zayne, his eyes searched mine. I could see his expression turn serious, and I wondered what he was looking for in me. I wondered what it was that he thought he loved in me.

He came closer and wiped away a tear that I hadn't known had escaped.

"Our story is written in the stars, Naina," he whispered. "Sometimes the moon seems so bright that you forget that it just steals it's light from the sun. You are the sun, Naina."

I swallowed. I knew exactly what he was trying to tell me, and it wasn't a pick-up line.

"Zayne..." I whispered as I felt his breath on my face. I closed my eyes.

It was a soft and tender kiss, like all of his kisses were. Like he was telling me that he was going nowhere. There was no rush. He would be right here with me, forever and always.

Zane pulled away and flashed a cocky grin. "I could give you the moon; I'd just want to see you smile."

"What?" I asked, flustered.

"I thought we were competing for the best moon-based one-liner," he replied, his smile widening.

My thoughts were a jumbled mess. "I thought I had already won," I frowned. Hadn't I delivered a line that had made him kiss me?

He looked at me for a moment, as if about to say something, then changed his mind.

The garden was enchanting, with pathways and flowers glowing under the moonlight.

I didn't know when his hand moved from mine to my waist, but when I noticed, my heart did somersaults.

I steeled myself. Tonight, I would give myself to Zayne; I would be his wife in every sense. It was time.

"Let's go back to the room, Zayne," I whispered.

His hand caressed my lower back, and I took a deep breath, suddenly aware of his every touch, his every movement.

"Are you sure, Naina?" he asked softly.

We walked in silence toward the room. My heart hammered in my chest, like an ominous drumbeat. I forced myself to be happy. This was a milestone—a moment sealing the deal. And it was time. I was ready to move on.

So much had happened since that fateful day in Hyderabad when everything had changed. There were memories that couldn't be erased. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't turn back time. If I returned to him, I wouldn't be starting from where we left off. Confusion clouded my feelings.

Zayne. I would break his heart. Why was I even thinking about this now? Wasn't I focused on moving forward?

Before I knew it, we had reached the door.

I remembered the first time I had met Zayne.

"Intern!" he banged his hands on my desk, startling me. I took my headphones off and frowned at him. His expression shifted from annoyance to something else, and I noticed his eyes darken. For a moment, it felt like time stood still. Had I felt something for him?

I forced myself to think of Zayne —just Zayne.

"Here, drink this." He passed me a glass of orange-colored liquid.

I sipped it, but it tasted horrible, and I spat it out.

"ORS?" I asked, just as he said, "ORS." We both chuckled.

"Your blood pressure is borderline. You're severely dehydrated. If you're not going to hydrate yourself orally, I'm going to have to take you to the hospital for IV fluids."

For the first time, I smiled at the memory without feeling the pain of having miscarried.

"What can I do, Naina?" Zayne asked as I curled up on his bed, holding a hot water bag against my abdomen.

"Can you hold me?" I asked. I had slept in his arms for the first time.

I had come all the way to Manipal to talk to Advik, but he hadn't been able to get time off to be with me. Maya had called Zayne, and he had taken me home, caring for me as though the baby had been his.

Zayne. How could anyone be so selfless?

"Is Advik your first boyfriend, Naina?" Zayne asked. I sat across from him in the apartment he shared with Advik.

"Yes," I smiled at Zayne. I noticed that Zayne had started to ask me more questions about our relationship after he had moved in with Advik.

"Did you know what you wanted from a partner before you met him, Naina?" He asked frowning.

I laughed. "Yes I actually had a list. Muslim, intelligent, honest, played a sport, sang or played an instrument, tall, no substance abuse." I recited.

"I sing a little and I play cricket," Zayne told me as though vying for a place in my heart.

It had been obvious even then that he had checked every box.

I looked up at Zayne and noticed he was staring at me intensely. I didn't know how to do this. He wasn't making a move. Maybe I should take a shower first? But I had already showered. Wouldn't I need to shower again afterward?

I sat on the bed and waited for Zayne.

Zayne was my husband. Zayne loved me—his love was forever. He had asked me to be his wife, and I had promised I wouldn't back out now. This was what husbands and wives did.

My hands trembled. Zayne sat next to me, pushing my hair back, even though it hadn't fallen into my face. He kissed me again, and I leaned into the kiss, running my fingers through his hair, feeling his neck, his shoulders.

He licked my lips, and I opened my mouth, instantly welcoming his tongue. I sucked on it gently.

Goosebumps erupted on my skin, and I felt heat pooling between my legs. My body wanted him. All I needed to do was shut off my mind.

"I love you," he breathed, his lips brushing against mine.

I gently pushed him back and moved to the center of the bed.

I could see him hesitate. What was he waiting for? It wasn't like I was a virgin.

Then I remembered that this was his first time. Guilt washed over me for taking that away from him—the opportunity to be with someone who loved him.

Again, I forced myself to silence my thoughts; otherwise, this would never happen. I was never going to feel differently. I was never going to want this.

Zayne's eyes sparkled, glistening as though he had tears in them.

"Zayne?" I said but my voice was a hoarse whisper.

Finally, he came closer. Since he wasn't making a move to touch me, I reached out and tugged his shirt up, and he helped me remove it.

His eyes were locked on mine, as if trying to read my every thought, searching for my soul. I didn't want him to find it.

I leaned back on the bed and turned so I was lying on my stomach. "Help me with the zipper, Zayne." I didn't really need help, but Zayne seemed to have frozen.

Wasn't this what he wanted?

I could feel his hand shaking as he slipped my zipper down.

"If we do this, everything will change," Advik murmured.

I forced the thought of Advik out of my mind, but it kept creeping back.

"Let's stop here, princess. We have all the time in the world."

I hadn't listened. I had wanted to be his completely. Our parents had given us their blessing and I hadn't wanted to wait.

My tears trickled onto the pillow cover, soaking it just as Zayne began placing soft kisses along my back.

I bit my lip, confused. Zayne's kisses were gentle and breathy, waking up desire through my body—desire for Zayne. I took a deep breath. It was going to be okay. I felt his lips brush against my ear.

"Turn around, Naina," he whispered softly. I turned to look straight into his eyes before he captured my lips with his again.

"I love you so much. I love you, Naina," he mumbled against my skin, trailing kisses along my jaw, then my neck. I held him close, letting my body savor every touch.

Zayne was kissing me. My husband was kissing me. He pulled my dress down, taking my breath away. I moaned as he explored me, and I craved more. More of Zayne.

I forced my mind to go blank, desperately trying to drown out the chaos within that threatened to surface.

I focused on the sensation of him—his warmth, the hardness of his body pressed against mine, the softness of his kisses.

But somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I heard screaming. Memories and emotions blended together into a whirlwind of confusion.

"What if I am the obstacle in your love story?"

"You have feelings for him. I see the way you look at him."

"How the hell has he tagged you on Instagram? I thought I asked you to block him?"

"You texted him that you missed him after we fucked? What? Were you wishing it were him?"

☠️
I felt his hand tighten around my throat. I gasped for air, as I struggled to breathe. His fingers slid inside me, igniting a fire that clashed violently with the terror rising within. I clawed at him as he entered me, using all my strength to push him off. He released my neck momentarily, but then a searing pain slashed across my cheek.

"Mamma!" I gasped.

He shook me violently before shoving me to the floor. I felt a sharp jolt as my head collided with the nightstand, the lamp crashing down and striking my face with a blinding flash of pain.

But that didn't stop him. He seized my shoulders, slamming me down to the floor again with a force that left me gasping. I tried to open my eyes, but my eyelids felt heavy, stuck together in a crimson haze. Blood.

I couldn't hear his words until his rage began to ebb, replaced by a tremor of panic in his voice.

I didn't want to be alive. I closed my eyes, wishing for it all to end, for the darkness to swallow me whole.

Then, I felt him pull me against his chest, his body trembling as he wept. "Nia, I'm so sorry. Please, please wake up. I'm so sorry..."

I prayed like I never had before. I prayed that what had just happened wasn't real, that it was a nightmare from which I could awaken. I prayed that my Advik hadn't done this to me. If he had, I prayed for Allah to end my life. I did not want to wake up. I did not want to live in a world without Advik. In a world where he had hurt me.

"Zayne, I can't..." I breathed.

Summary: Zayne and Naina make out. Naina has flashbacks of Advik assaulting her physically and sexually. She tells Zayne that she can't proceed.

Thank you for reading.

Remember that you are amazing, and there is a reason for everything. You are going to be okay.

❤️Faiza