«don't. just don't do it»
that were your very first words to me.

i'd turned to you, because you were standing behind me, and i looked for the first time into these beautiful blue eyes remembering me of the endless mystery of the ocean.

do you want to know my first word to you?
i answered you with «why?»

and instead of staying serious you laughed.

«why? why? because life is hard. but life is beautiful as well. because we both know death can wait. we both know this can wait. you'll always have another chance to do this. but life? do you have another chance of life? if you run into something you have no idea of, do you know it will be better than this?»

you smiled and took my hand.

and i believed you. i didn't believed your words. i didn't believed them, because i couldn't imagine something worse than to have to live any longer. but i believed that you had a point. i believed that you were believing in your words.

and that was reason enough. that was reason enough, because i didn't want to destroy your believe. that and the fact that i didn't want to miss getting to know you.

you, the girl with the fancy clothes that were way to big and yet suited you perfect.
you, the girl who went to someone and laughed even though everyone else would have been fucking scared.
you, the girl that made me think of the song ocean eyes.
you with the most beautiful hair i've ever seen.
you were the first one ever who tried to save me and actually succeeded.

you are the one i miss more than i'd ever thought i could. a n d t h a t ' s n o t m y f a u l t. 
this time it isn't mine.